Velvet & steel (7 page)

"Yes." Lynette held his gaze with hers. "But there is another thing you must take into consideration."

"Oh?"

"We will wed. I know that is an established fact. But what will you do when we are man and wife? Cerise is going to be part of my life, and so she will become part of yours with your will or not. I will not teach her to care for me and then shut her from my life as if she were less than human. It appears she will be under your feet much more than you had planned. Perhaps you should give this wedding more consideration. I am not averse to being the child's companion, but it would grieve me to bear a child and have it treated thus."

Lynette walked away from him, and felt his eyes following her as she did.

For the next two weeks, Lynette did exactly as Royce had ordered. She skillfully kept out of his way, and made a point of sharing her meals with Cerise in her own chambers.

At first Royce was satisfied. But he soon discovered he was looking at each open doorway as if he expected her to fill it at any moment. He could not banish the memory of that day at the creek when he had first heard her unrestrained laughter. He remembered also a pair of childish violet eyes, and with annoyance he remembered the fear in them.

The day's business went on smoothly, which annoyed him even more. A problem or two might have diverted his thoughts from Lynette and Cerise. He thought of his daughter's name, and realized he had not given it to her, that her mother must have named her before...

His thoughts were just as confused about Lynette. She had never denied him, and she would come to their marriage without force. The old fear struck. Would he have to watch another woman sacrifice her life to give birth to his babe? The very thought brought a trembling to his hands, and a sheen of sweat to his brow.

He had argued with himself a million times over. It was a woman's place to give birth, and she knew the chances she took and must trust God and fate to see her through. No, it was his own guilt that shook him. He had taken Sybella's life, for he had known, as she had known, that the danger for her was greater than for another woman of more robust health.

He thought of Lynette, who seemed to glow with vitality and life. He was so engrossed in his dilemma that he did not hear anyone approach.

"There is a messenger with word from William." Robert carried the packet in his hand, and handed it to Royce, closely scrutinizing his face. "You are well, Royce?"

"Aye, Robert, I am well. It is this enforced inactivity that sets me on edge."

"Of course," Robert agreed so readily that Royce gave him a sharp look.

"All goes well with the men?"

"They are content," Robert replied. "Your lady has seen to every problem and to every comfort. Why, Sir Alaine is smitten with her, and even that old fox Sir Ferragus dotes on her every move and would go off to do her bidding if she but said the word."

"All this has transpired, and I have seen no sign of the maid in the past days?"

"She but reminds us that it is your wish that the child not be seen, and since she is loath to leave the girl, she takes her meals in her chambers. But they are about every day, just..."

"Just not within my sight," Royce said in a strained voice.

"Aye. It is your command... not hers," Robert said smugly.

"Then if my every command is to be obeyed," Royce said sarcastically, "let the maid know that I wish her to be present at supper this night."

"Ah ... Royce I do not believe she will come."

"Oh?"

"You know that the child—"

"Cerise," Royce said with a frown.

"Cerise," Robert repeated. He could hardly keep his face in control. He wanted to smile. This was the first time Royce had said his daughter's name within his hearing. "Lady Lynette is careful of her feelings. She will not have the... Cerise... slighted."

"Slighted! She has never been slighted! I have seen that she has all the care any child should have. She is dressed well, fed well.... Robert, tell the wench to bring the child to supper too. This is her home as much as ours. Or will she not obey that order either?"

"It would be best if the order came from you. She knows well that we would have enjoyed her company long before this. I don't know if she will think it our will, and something that might anger you."

Royce cast Robert an exasperated look and turned from him. "Well enough, I will inform her."

"Aye."

"Robert, you are really an old fox."

"Aye." Robert smiled broadly.

Royce opened the message from William and read. His face gave no sign of the contents. He didn't seem too happy about the news, and Robert wasn't too sure whether he should ask about it or not. But Royce put an end to his doubts.

"For the wedding William bids me bring Lynette with me to London. It will be put off for another month."

"This should prove of interest to the lady."

"You will not mention it to her, or to anyone."

"Royce?"

"Leave be, Robert, I have my reasons. Word of this message is to remain between us for now."

"As you will," Robert replied, but he was puzzled.

"I have a task to perform. See to the armory. It has been brought to my attention that the arms are not in good enough condition, or in sufficient quantities to protect this manor in case of a revolt."

"I will see to it at once."

Robert watched Royce walk away from him with a frown.

I Royce climbed the steps to his chamber, and when he closed the door behind him, he was again struck by the emptiness and loneliness of it. He longed for activity to draw him away from the shadows.

He leaned against the door for a few minutes, then turned abruptly and left. He had no idea whether he would find Lynette in her own chamber or in Cerise's, so he checked the child's room first. It was empty. Leaving it, he walked resolutely toward Lynette's.

The door stood a little ajar, and soft voices floated through. He did not mean to listen, but Cerise's words brought him to a stop before he could push open the door.

"It does not matter if he does not like me. I know I am not pretty ... and I'm not a boy. I know everybody likes boys better than girls anyway."

"Cerise, who ever told you you were not pretty?"

"Lady Oriel told me that I was ugly and my papa would never want to see me. She said my mother wanted a boy, and so did my papa. They did not want an ugly little girl. That is why I had to stay in her chamber when Papa was at home. She said my mother was pretty. I wish ..."

"What, Cerise? What do you wish?"

"I wish that Papa would like me... just a little bit," the little girl said wistfully.

"You must not listen to Lady Oriel. You are very pretty, and when you grow up, you are going to be as beautiful as a princess. And didn't your papa bring you home the day we went sliding? And he held you before him on his horse, and he did speak to you. You must remember that your papa is a very important man to King William, and he has many weighty things on his mind."

"You asked him to carry me back," Cerise said promptly, "but it was fun, and his horse is so big. I'll bet only Papa can ride him. He is the strongest and most wonderful knight anywhere."

Royce felt the same deep twisting in his chest, and the breath caught in his throat. Ugly! Oriel had told Cerise she was ugly, and that he did not like to look at her. Self-hatred filled him, and did battle with his guilt. He could not find the courage to look into his daughter's eyes, for he was afraid he would see unselfish love there, and that would undo him.

How could she love him when he had done his best to ignore her?

Slowly he pushed the door wider so he could view the occupants without their being aware of him. Lynette sat on a small stool in front of the low-burning fire, and Cerise sat on the floor with her back to Lynette, who was brushing her hair. The sight of her lovely mink-colored hair tore at him.

Then his attention was drawn to Lynette, who was framed by the light of the fire. Her hair was like a golden halo, and the fire kissed her skin to a warm flush. Her slender body was a curved silhouette that stirred an unwelcome warmth within him. In a little more time she would be his wife. He had to resist a sudden flood of desire that struck him unexpectedly. He fought it into submission. Desire was something he would not take to the marriage bed.

It was then Lynette sensed a presence. She stopped the brush in midstroke, and this caused Cerise to turn to see what had distracted her. When she saw her father in the doorway, Lynette could feel her stiffen. She put a calming hand on Cerise's shoulder. "My lord?"

"It is my wish that you and... Cerise join us for supper this evening," he said, trying to make the request sound less cold and stiff than it did.

"Aye, my lord, if that is your wish." She spoke with a calmness that only annoyed him.

Royce had never been indecisive before in his life, and he could not believe that he felt a strong desire to join them on the floor and be part of their conversation ... at least long enough to convince Cerise that Oriel had lied to her.

"It is. There is word from the king I will share with you then."

"I will be prompt."

Royce was annoyed with her calm and detached attitude. It was as if she could not wait for him to leave. Worse, his daughter's eyes were on him, wide and still filled with shadowy fear. It was a look he could not bear.

"Good," he replied, then left, closing the door behind him.

Lynette gave a satisfied smile. After a few minutes she continued her brushing. Tonight she intended to make Cerise as pretty as it was possible for the child to be.

It was midafternoon, and Lynette had insisted that Cerise sleep for a while so that she would not be tired later. She meant for the child to be at her best.

She had left Cerise's chamber and started for her own when the sound of her name being called made her turn to see Robert walking toward her.

"Lady Lynette, can we finish that conversation we began?"

"Of course, Sir Robert."

"Can we go somewhere more.... private?"

"Are we by any chance conspiring?" She smiled as she spoke, and he smiled in return.

"I would not be a bit surprised, Lady, not a bit surprised at all."

Lynette led him to her chamber, where she closed the door, then turned to face him.

"And now about your conspiracy, Sir Robert?"

"Not exactly that, my lady. Rather, say I speak for the benefit of a man I would gladly call son."

"Royce?"

"Aye."

"Why? Why do you come to me? Our union has been decided by his king. Who am I do deny what William has decreed? I must marry and produce an heir. After that I'm sure Royce's interest in me shall wane, and he will find other places that need his attention."

"Do not be so angry with him, my lady." Robert's gray eyes softened. "He did not choose this. William and I are responsible. If he had his way, Royce would choose never to marry again."

"Sir Robert, was his wife disloyal to him? Is that the reason he does not trust or care for any woman?"

"No. Let me tell you the truth of it. A truth he cannot exorcise from his soul. It is killing him ... or rather leading him to do the deed himself."

Lynette's face went pale. "That is against the very heart of the church."

"Aye, and so he would wield his sword and let another do it for him."

"That is wrong!"

"Lady Lynette, will you listen?"

"Aye," Lynette said softly. She sagged onto a stool, and waited.

"I would tell you of a boy who never knew a father or mother, in fact, knew little of the gentleness of love. He was raised by a lord who felt a strong hand could train, and love was not necessary. He learned the ways of men, but not the gentle ways of women. Even the woman who was responsible for his care, the old lord's wife, was cold and ungiving.

Into this barren and hard existence came a lady... Sybella. She was sweet and sensitive and she loved him so completely, even he could not believe it. She was as delicate as a butterfly, and he gave her his heart and his soul.

"But she was as fragile as that same butterfly, and both of them were warned that she was not strong enough to bear a child. Though he longed for a son, he would not allow it. He knew that doctors or mid-wives could help her prevent conception, and he pleaded with her for caution. But, you see, her love for him was as complete as his for her. He wanted a son and she wanted to give one to him. And she knew his desire for a son was an unselfish one. He wanted a child on which to shower all the love he had locked inside during his own childhood."

Robert inhaled a deep breath. He was not used to having a loose tongue or revealing another's secrets. He prayed that if Royce found out, he would be able to forgive him one day.

He looked down into Lynette's sky blue eyes and saw compassion and deep interest. He continued slowly as he walked toward the window.

"She didn't tell him of her condition until he guessed it for himself. He was frightened, and this in itself was tragic for a man who had never tasted fear in his life. He would watch her, spend every possible hour with her, and even go to the chapel with her. I know he prayed more fervently for her life than for the babe she carried. Then she was brought to childbed. They tried to make him leave, but he refused. He suffered with her, and wept when the truth came. She died giving birth to Cerise, and he has been dying every day since. He gave her a part of himself he cannot seem to find again, and he is afraid to love ... it is too painful an emotion for him. As for the child ... it seems he blames himself—and the child for taking the light of his life and creating a darkness in which he has lived ever since."

There was a poignant silence when Robert's voice died away. He looked at Lynette, who was unashamedly weeping.

"How terrible for him and for Cerise," she said softly. "What a price love has exacted from him."

"So you see, Lady Lynette, why it was Royce's name I put before William? I have forced him into a situation he does not relish, because I know that not just his, but Cerise's future too is at stake."

"But I am not the one who can save him. He must accept his daughter's love, and see that her need for him far surpasses his need for forgiveness."

"You have much wisdom for one so young. I had hoped you could find a common ground between them, for they need each other."

"I will do everything in my power, Sir Robert. I wonder if Royce knows what a friend he has in you?"

"To speak truthfully, Lady Lynette, there are many days and nights that I have wished heartily that he had never known Sybella's love, for he may never find his way back from his loss."

"He is a strong man. Did you know he came to my chamber?"

"No."

"To ask both Cerise and me to join him for supper. I have never heard him speak to her, except a word or two the day he found us by the creek, but today he did. It was not all we would have wished, but it is a beginning."