Veiled Dreams (15 page)

The doctor was looking serious. Mr and Mrs Grant were holding hands. Paul stood with his arms folded across his chest.

‘It’s only the machines that are keeping her alive,’ said the doctor. ‘We’re afraid that the tests show that there is no brain activity. There is probably not even any motor activity going on independently. She is in what we call a consistent vegetative state. It is highly unlikely if we switch off the machines that she would continue to breathe on her own.’

‘We understand,’ said Mr Grant.

‘Of course, it has to be the family’s decision,’ said the doctor.

‘And Jan’s,’ said Paul. He was frowning and he sounded cross.

‘If that’s what you wish,’ said the young doctor.

‘We do,’ replied Mr Grant. ‘And the organ donation. That can go ahead?’

‘Yes, thank you,’ replied the doctor. ‘Well, I’ll leave you all to discuss it. You can press the buzzer when you’ve made up your minds or if you have any more questions.’

‘It’s what she would want,’ said Mrs Grant, after the doctor had gone.

Jan couldn’t speak. They couldn’t do this. She was there somewhere. He knew she was. They mustn’t give up on her. The doctors could be wrong, couldn’t they?

‘Do you really think we should?’ asked Paul He caught Jan’s eye.

Thank God
, thought Jan.
Someone else is on her side
.

‘We can take our time,’ said Mr Grant. ‘I don’t think they’re trying to push us out.’

‘Though I expect they could do with the bed,’ said Mrs Grant.

How can you think like that?
thought Jan.
Oh and they can have
her heart and her lungs, and her kidney and her liver. Pity they can’t do brain transplants. Hey, then I might get my Christina back. Probably put her brain in the body of some ancient crone. I could be her toy boy instead of being too old for her
.

Then he felt ashamed for thinking that way as he saw Mrs Grant sink into the chair and start sobbing.

‘She’s not there anymore,’ she managed to say between sobs. ‘My Christina is not there anymore.’

Mr Grant put his arm round his wife’s shoulders. No one spoke for a few minutes. Jan found himself constantly trying to swallow the lump in his throat and failing.

‘Well,’ said Mr Grant. ‘What do we think? Say our goodbyes to her. We’ll give you some time on your own with her, Jan. And then ask the doctors to come and do the deed and stay with her while they shut down the machines.’

Jan found himself nodding. It was true. Christina was somewhere, but not in that piece of meat lying in that hospital bed.

‘I’ll come back when you’ve done,’ said Jan.

He walked round the hospital grounds, not noticing where he was going. He was just thinking about her.

Where are you? Where are you?
he asked. He was convinced that she was somewhere, alive in a different sort of way. Nothing they could do to that corpse in there would bring her back, though. And yet he knew that that was the only connection with her that he had, wherever she was.

He felt slightly sick at the thought of what they were about to do. He took his time getting back to her room. The Grants were standing round the bed when he got there. They weren’t speaking anymore. Mr Grant signalled that he should go in.

‘We’ll leave you to it, son,’ he said. ‘We’ll be in the room up the corridor when you’re ready.’

Jan looked at her. She just seemed to be asleep. She was still breathing, though they said it was a machine that was doing all
the work now. He took her hand again. It was still warm and soft. It was still Christina’s hand.

‘I wish you could come back, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘But if you can’t, I hope you’re happy wherever you are. I just know you are somewhere.’

Her hand squeezed his.

Christina bit her nails as she watched her uncle and Imigriana’s mother. The General was talking excitedly to Queen Benelov and Philaderan’s father. She could not make out their words but she had a pretty good idea what they were discussing. They kept looking over to where she and Philaderan, Leonis and Imigriana had spread their meal out as a picnic on one of the palace patios.

‘Do you think he’s asked yet?’ said Maniella skipping around the others. ‘Oh I do hope your uncle will agree,’ she added looking straight at Christina. ‘Then we can be sisters.’

‘I hope the General agrees as well,’ said Philaderan, looking straight at Christina. He smiled. It was a look that said, ‘I can’t wait much longer.’

Christina felt as if she were melting. She blushed bright red. She was all the more crazy for him because he had behaved so very properly since they had come back from the desert. He hadn’t touched her at all. That was not the done thing. Well, it had just about been all right when he was rescuing her. But he shouldn’t even see her without her veil unless they were betrothed.

Funny old-fashioned word
, Christina thought. Then she had to remind herself to forget that other place. It was only a dream. Yes, the medics had confirmed that she’d had a hefty blow to her head, and that explained these strange thoughts she was having and how she was having to relearn all the ways of Ixeria.

‘Well, Her Majesty is pretty keen on the match, as far as I can tell,’ said Imigriana, stretching. ‘Now wouldn’t that be great, if we had a double wedding?’

Maniella started jumping up and down excitedly.

‘Yes, you can be chief bridesmaid,’ said Philaderan and
Imigriana at the same time. Imigriana looked at Christina and smiled.

Any problems that there had been between the two girls were now gone. Christina just wished the whole business of what might be between her and Philaderan could be settled once and for all.

Philaderan suddenly breathed in sharply.

‘Something’s happening,’ he said.

The General was signally to Christina that she should go over to him. Then he got up and walked towards her. She tried not to hurry. She attempted to remain a lady and walk slowly and gracefully, her veil firmly across her face and her eyes to the ground. But her heart was racing and she wanted to know what he had to say.

‘My dear,’ he said, as they met in the middle of the lawn. ‘Come walk with me a little around these splendid gardens.’

Christina slotted her arm into his. They walked slowly to edge of the formal garden and the General stopped by the balcony, which looked over towards the sea. It was one of Christina’s favourite views as well. They both stared into the distance at the waves gently tumbling on to the treacle coloured sand and the sky beyond the water, just a shade of blue paler.

‘Well,’ said the General at last. ‘What do you make of him, this young Philaderan?’

‘I think he is a kind, brave, handsome gentleman,’ said Christina.

‘Would you like him as a husband?’ asked the General.

‘I can think of nothing which would please me more, Uncle’ replied Christina, ‘if that choice meets with your approval.’

‘It most certainly does,’ replied the General,’ and what is more, the queen will be delighted as well. It will help to secure the peace between the territories of Ixeria. Philaderan’s father and I are completely in agreement.’

‘Thank you, Uncle,’ replied Christina. She bowed her head
and made a small curtsey.

‘Well, don’t just stand there,’ said the General, holding his hand out to her and helping her back on to her feet. ‘Go and put the young man out of his misery.’

All thoughts of being a lady were now lost. Christina rushed back towards her friends. Her veil was coming loose, but she didn’t care. She could see Imigriana and Maniella already on their feet and jumping up and down with excitement. Leonis was shaking Philaderan’s hand and patting his back.

Then she was standing in front of him, not knowing what to do next. Philaderan seemed rooted to the spot. Slowly, though, a smile spread across his face. His eyes shone. He pulled her towards him and then he began to kiss her.

It was a real kiss, and Christina found herself kissing him back, her lips parted slightly, wanting him inside her. Everything else was forgotten, except the taste and feel of Philaderan.

‘My love,’ he whispered. ‘I will not press you, but you know, now that we are betrothed, it is the custom…’ He paused to kiss her again.

Yes
, thought Christina,
it is indeed the custom
. She vaguely wondered whether Imigriana was already expecting a baby. It was always considered a good sign if the bride was already pregnant by the time the wedding ceremony took place. Their betrothal had been made official just before she was kidnapped. They’d had enough opportunities since they’d been back.

This is so much more sensible than in that world I made up
, she thought.
How could I have ever thought it was better for me to choose myself? And then after all that choosing, to have all those agonising thoughts about whether to sleep together or not?

He was pulling away from her now. As normal as it was for young people to sleep together in Ixeria, once betrothed, the first time should definitely be in private and not in front of your friends and all of your parents.

She could feel him trembling.

He’s overcome with passion
, she
thought
. She couldn’t help feeling pleased and realised that she too would like nothing better than to run with him into the woods and give herself totally to him. She pulled him back towards her for one last kiss before they talked again to the others.

Why hadn’t Jan ever kissed her like that? They’d both wanted it, hadn’t they? Jan? Why was she still thinking about Jan. This was better, wasn’t it? This was reality, wasn’t it? That other place was just a dream.

The light suddenly became very bright. Philaderan’s face turned into Jan’s. And then back again. Then he was frowning slightly. She began to feel light-headed and then she was in a white room. Philaderan and the others faded. Yes, she was in a white room, but it was a real room and not the one she went to when she had a seizure.

There was a strange bleeping noise. She was lying down in a bed with white sheets and blankets and the bleeps were coming from a machine next to her.

It was only the slightest of movements, a tiny pressure, but it had definitely been there. He squeezed her hand again. The slight movement happened again.

‘Christina,’ he whispered. ‘Christina, are you coming back to us?’

The bleeps from the machine, which measured her heart rate started going faster. She coughed. Her eyes opened for a split second and then closed again. She groaned softly.

Jan could not move. Was he dreaming? How could they have said her brain was dead?

Then suddenly his own heart was racing.

‘She’s waking up,’ he shouted. ‘She’s coming back to us.’

He ran out into the corridor.

‘Can somebody come quickly?’ he shouted.

There was absolutely nobody there. You would have thought there’d been a fire or an alien abduction. He ran back into the room and pressed the buzzer.

‘Help!’ he cried. ‘Will somebody come and help?’

She groaned again.

‘Christina, sweetheart,’ he said, rushing back to her, taking her hand in his and holding it to his cheek, and stroking her cheek with his other hand.

Suddenly there were footsteps running along the corridor. People were shouting. Someone pushed him out of the way. Doctors and nurses crowded round her bed. The doctor who had always been the kindest to him was giving the others orders.

‘Come on Christina, come on. Good girl,’ he heard one of them say.

‘That’s it. She’s coming back to us.’

He was invisible. Even the Grants, who had now come into the room, seemed to look right through him. They obviously couldn’t believe it either. Just as well they weren’t seeing him, they might have been embarrassed by the tears that were cascading down his cheeks.

Christina looked at the sea of faces staring at her. Why were they shouting? Why were they looking at her like that? Where were Imigriana, Leonis, and Maniella? Where were the General and Philaderan’s parents? Where were Queen Benelov and King Tutoralph? Who were these strange people in blue and white?

But there was Philaderan wasn’t he? No, there was no headdress, no desert robes.

She was in that strange world again. It was Jan, not Philaderan, long blond hair and a leather jacket. Were those tears running down his cheeks?

What had happened? Another blow to the head? Had she been out in the sun too much? Had it been too much of a shock, the betrothal, too much of a delight, that passionate kiss? Another seizure, perhaps. Oh please, no, not just as her betrothal was announced.

‘You’re back with us then?’ The girl in the blue and white uniform spoke softly and smiled kindly. The man, the woman, the boy without uniforms, the ones she had created Mr and Mrs Grant and Paul, they were there as well.

Why was she back in this world? How could she get back to Ixeria?

The machine next to her carried on bleeping. Its rhythm slowed a little, but it bleeped steadily on even so. The Mrs-Grant-woman-without-a-uniform was crying as well.

‘Hey, sis,’ said the boy suddenly. Paul, the toerag. She remembered now. But her little brother all the same. Actually, he didn’t look so little any more. He seemed to have grown up quite a bit.

‘Sweetie, it’s good to have you back,’ said the-Mr-Grant-older-man-without-a-uniform.
He waved Jan over to the bed. Jan wiped his eyes.

Christina was suddenly aware that her head was throbbing and her throat was so dry it hurt.

‘I’m thirsty,’ she managed to whisper. ‘My head hurts.’ Her voice came out so small, she wondered whether they could hear her.

Everyone smiled. Jan took her hand. He felt solid and real, more solid and real than Philaderan in Ixeria. She didn’t want him to go away, but her eyes were beginning to close. She felt exhausted. All this flitting about between worlds was really tiring.

A nurse handed her a beaker of water.

‘Only a sip,’ she said. ‘You can have more later.’

‘And then, you must rest,’ said one of the doctors.

She saw the Grants and Jan look at each other.

‘It’s all right,’ said the doctor. ‘She will only sleep normally now. She will not go back into a coma.’

‘Please stay,’ Christina managed to say, gripping Jan’s hand tighter. She didn’t have time to care whether they understood she just meant Jan, not all of them. She couldn’t keep her eyes open a second longer.