Various States of Undress (25 page)

Regina smiled.

“What I meant to say was—if I was someone else, just some normal person, would you even consider having me as a guest lecturer?”

Shaking her head, Regina turned her attention back to the laptop. “I’d get over those delusions of grandeur if I were you.”

“Delusions of grandeur! Me?”

“Kidding,” Regina said. “Now look. Your photos are good and you have experience speaking in front of groups, right?”

Carolina unfolded a bag of popcorn and laid it inside the microwave. “In front of eight year olds, yes.”

“If you can do that, you can do anything. And besides . . .” Regina’s face screwed up in an apologetic grimace. “I booked you for amateur night.”

“Oh.”

“You are an amateur.”

Carolina nodded and punched her finger at the microwave timer. “That’s true.” She turned around and walked toward Regina. “And I’ll be going back to school and enrolling in a photography program. But don’t even amateurs prepare for more than . . . what? Three days?”

“Good to know about school, but I gave you a week. What the heck have you been doing?”

Biting her lip, Carolina bent and reached into a lower cabinet for a big bowl. She’d been thinking about Jake non-stop. Where was he? What was he doing? Did he even miss her, or had he used his Secret Service super powers and steeled his mind against her?

Probably. She knew him, and avoidance was like second nature to him. But hadn’t she been trying to do the same thing? After all, she knew her nature photos paled in comparison to the ones she’d taken of Jake, and yet she was blundering forward, preparing for her debut showing with inferior photos. On purpose. It was so not
like
her—she always gave one hundred percent to everything she attempted.

She’d given her all when she’d poured her heart and soul into getting Jake to embrace the future. And she’d failed. But maybe her nature photos wouldn’t fail. They were good . . . not great, but good.

“Carolina Fulton. What have you been doing?” Regina repeated, but this time her voice was softer.

“I’ve been choosing photos. And I’m finished. That batch you’re looking at has the ones I’ll use. If you approve, then we can e-mail them to the printing company you use in Jackson.”

Regina frowned. “We’re not using a printer. I told you this was casual . . . we just do a slide show, you talk, and sometimes people ask questions. The end.”

“Oh.” Carolina’s shoulder’s dropped in relief.

“But,” Regina said, her frown deepening, “This isn’t your best work.”

No shit.

Carolina almost said it aloud, but caught herself just in time. She glanced over toward the sofa where Charlie appeared to be deep in thought. She knew better. He was listening to every word.

The microwave dinged and Carolina turned to pull out the popcorn. “Maybe you’d like to choose, Regina. If you open the folder marked
mountains
, all of the photos I took outside are there.” She walked over to the counter next to the sink, ripped open the bag and half the bag of popcorn fell into the dishwater. She stared at it.

Regina chuckled. “I’m not about to choose your photos. You’ll have to determine which ones are best on your own.”

Sighing, Carolina dumped what was left of the popcorn into the bowl and carried it to Regina. “Here. And give me my laptop, please. I’ll go over the photos again.”

“I told you I was going to be a hard-ass,” Regina commented as she raised a handful of popcorn to her mouth. “Go on back to the bedroom where you can be alone and concentrate. I’ll wait . . . Charlie can entertain me.”

Charlie’s head jerked up. “Ma’am?”

In spite of herself, Carolina smiled. “Get ready for the third degree, Charles.”

“Seriously?” His eyes widened slightly.

“Oh, yeah.” Carolina took the laptop and walked down the hall, her heart squeezing tighter with each step. She’d avoided spending any time in the bedroom except for sleeping, since she couldn’t even walk into the room without memories of Jake flooding through her, painfully sweet, agonizing, and unbearable.

If only she could see him just one more time. If only she could talk to him—because even if he decided to go his own way, she could get some closure. And if he didn’t choose to be lonely, if he actually chose
her
, then the first words out of her mouth would be “I love you.”

She took a deep breath and then let it out slowly.

Walking to the bed, she set the laptop down and climbed up, sitting cross-legged. She opened the lid and then opened her files. There were several folders of photos, all neatly labeled. She stared down at the folder labeled “Jake.” God, she so desperately wanted to see him. If she could just see his face, maybe she could begin to make sense of everything that had happened over the past two weeks.

But she didn’t want to look. She just sat there, gazing at little yellow icons.

From the living room, Charlie and Regina’s conversation was low and constant. Occasionally, Regina laughed, and Charlie chuckled uncomfortably. Kind of like how Jake had reacted to Regina’s interrogation. With respectful caution. He’d displayed caution at every turn, except when it came to her. With her, he’d been wide open. Funny, warm, and loving.

Carolina smiled wistfully.

Unconsciously, she rubbed her bottom lip with her fingertips, the memory of his kisses tingling sharp and clear. Her eyes closed, and his devastatingly green eyes appeared in her mind, making her smile widen. His wicked grin came next, followed by his shoulders, then his broad chest.
Heaven.

When she realized what she was doing, her eyes opened wide, and she snatched her hand away from her mouth. It hovered over the keyboard, and with only a moment’s hesitation, she clicked on the “Jake” folder, closing her eyes again just as the photos of him popped up.

Just look, you coward.

“No.” She set her mouth in a stubborn line. “I
may
be heartbroken, but I’m
not
a masochist. I’m not into
self-mutilation
.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she felt embarrassment crawl up her spine.

Ouch . . . melodramatic much?

She swallowed, about to open her eyes, when Courtney’s loud laugh sounded from the kitchen, followed by her equally loud voice.

“You should’ve seen him!” Courtney said.

Frowning, Carolina pushed the laptop away and slid off the bed to go shut the bedroom door, but then Regina let out a shrill “Shh!”

Courtney’s voice dropped several decibels. “Sorry. Where is she? Is she . . . okay today?”

Carolina shook her head in disgust.

I’m right back here, wounded bird that I am, and I’m going to make damn sure I hear every word you’re saying if you two are going to talk about me.

A few seconds later, footsteps echoed across the kitchen tile, and Carolina eased the door closed, waiting silently. The footsteps grew louder, paused outside the door, and then retreated. She opened the door a crack.

“Okay. So when I was outside your studio yesterday, I crossed the street to get an idea of sight lines,” Courtney said.

“Evans,” Charlie warned.

“Oh, loosen up, Charlie. It’s hardly classified information that the Secret Service stakes out places.”

Regina laughed. “So where was he?”

Where was who? What were they talking about?
Carolina frowned.

“Sitting in that coffee shop, right by the window. It takes a lot to shock this girl, but I have to say, when I saw Jake—not two feet away from me on the other side of that glass—I was well and truly shocked,” Courtney answered.

Jake
.

Slowly, Carolina’s hands went to her mouth.
Jake
. He was still
here
?

Oh, God. There was only one reason for that. He hadn’t given up. He hadn’t run. He hadn’t—

He hadn’t called. He hadn’t contacted her at all.

So what the hell was he doing?

“What the hell was he doing?” Regina asked.

“Sitting there. Drinking coffee. Moping.” Courtney sighed.

“Did you tell him about Saturday night?” There was a rustling noise as Regina’s slow footsteps resonated on the kitchen tile, coming closer.

Carolina drew back from the door, her hands still covering her mouth. Regina’s footsteps stopped. Slowly, Carolina dropped her hands and leaned forward again, straining to hear Courtney’s answer.

“Saturday night. I told him.”

“And?” Regina’s voice sounded closer.

“Don’t know,” Courtney muttered.

There was silence for a moment and finally Regina clucked her tongue.

“What a dumbass,” she said.

Courtney let out a cough. “I told him as much.”

Charlie gave a non-committal “Hmph.”

Nobody said anything else.

Heart galloping, Carolina finally drew in a long breath. This was good, right? Jake was nearby. Or was it bad—really, really, bad—because after coming so close, he might still walk away?

Regina’s sigh sounded in the hallway and startled, Carolina took a couple of steps back and sat on the bed. She grabbed the computer and slid it onto her lap, just as a knock sounded on the partially open door.

“Come in,” Carolina said calmly, and squinted down at the computer as if concentrating. Except there was no way she could actually concentrate—her mind was racing, her heart was sprinting and about thirty images of Jake were spread in front of her. She zeroed in on her favorite one—the one with the mysterious smile, and her fingers began to shake.

Regina walked in. “How’s it coming?” she asked.

“Great.” Carolina cradled the laptop so the screen couldn’t be seen. “I’ve almost decided.”

“You know what might help?”

Carolina looked up. “What’s that?”

“Give your presentation some focus. Think of a theme, the simpler the better. Try to narrow it down to one word.” Regina smiled.

Devotion.

The word popped into Carolina’s head immediately and she glanced back down at the photo of Jake’s beloved face. She nodded.

“I’ve got it.”

Regina’s eyebrows raised. “That was fast. But good, Carolina.
Good.
When you know, you know, right?”

Carolina smiled slowly. “Yes.”

With a wink, Regina walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Carolina did know, with complete certainty. The photos were of him, and the presentation would be for him. She’d fight for him, the best way she knew how.

So, now?

She just had to have faith that he would show up—she couldn’t allow herself to think the worst. She couldn’t allow herself to get scared. After all, getting up in front of a group of people, albeit a small group, who’d watched her on TV, seen her face on magazine covers, and who knew all about her crappy love life—getting up in front of them and wearing her heart on her sleeve?

She could do it.

For him . . . she would do it.

Chapter Sixteen

S
HE COULDN’T DO
it.

Carolina stared, her mouth hanging open, at the crowds of people on the sidewalks in downtown Jackson. There were barricades all over the place, police vehicles, a sheriff’s truck—lights whirling—and in front of Regina’s gallery, four Secret Service agents stood like statues, blocking the brightly lit entrance.

Swiveling sideways in the backseat of the SUV, she glared at Courtney, who sat beside her. “What happened?”

For once, Courtney looked contrite. “Ask your friend Regina. She gave me the guest list, and the editor of the paper was included.”

Carolina groaned. “When you did your background checks, didn’t that raise a red flag?”

“Yes. I asked Regina if she
really
wanted to invite the media, and she said—it’s a person, a friend—not the media.”

Carolina shook her head and continued to stare out the window at the crowd.

As the SUV turned the corner to head behind the gallery, she caught a glimpse of some people with signs. Squinting in the dusky light, she scanned them—a large one in particular—held by a grinning little boy.

“Welcome home, Fultons,” she read aloud. And then—“Welcome home,
Fultons
?”

Courtney grimaced. “Yeah . . . uh, your mom and sisters are here.”

“
What
? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t
they
tell me?”

“Blame Regina!” Courtney threw her hands up. “She arranged everything. We just make sure you’re safe. Isn’t that right, Chuck?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Charlie turned around from the front seat and grinned. When he saw the look on Carolina’s face, his grin fell away. “Sorry.”

Carolina sighed. “It’s not your fault. I’m not angry with you two. I’m just—this night was supposed to be about me choosing how to live my own life. The fact that I’ve been
handled
like this is kind of ironic, isn’t it?”

Nobody said anything for a minute, but Courtney nodded.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t like being handled, either. But you know what?”

“What?” Carolina tried to make her voice pleasant, but the word came out testy.

“You still get to choose your own life. The stakes are just a bit higher than they are for some people,” Courtney answered.

“Because he might not care enough to show up,” Carolina whispered, more to herself than anything.

Courtney gasped. “Excuse me for a second, but I’m going to be unprofessional.”

Carolina looked at her.

“Shut. Your. Pretty. Princess. Mouth.” Courtney nodded slowly. “That’s right—I said it.”

There was silence again.

Courtney looked at her warily, and Carolina couldn’t help it—she began to smile. And then laugh.

“I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

“I can’t either,” said Charlie. “That was awful.”

“Well, I did say it, so there.” Courtney sat up straight. “You can do this, Carolina.”

The car pulled up to the back of the gallery, idling, its lights trained at the back door. Two more Secret Service agents were stationed there and they motioned for the driver to park the SUV. A third agent stood in the shadows just to the left of the door, and Carolina’s stomach jumped. He looked like Jake.