Vanity (35 page)

‘Sir?' The air stewardess, a pretty Malaysian girl, was looking at him curiously. ‘Would you like a drink?'

Ben remembered to stay in character.

‘U-huh. Beer would be cool,' he drawled, as though every single word were a massive effort. The girl was looking at him more intently now and Ben started to wonder if he might be overacting a tad.

‘Do I know you from somewhere?' she asked.

Shit. He decided to take a chance.

‘Maybe we met in a previous life, my little lotus flower.' He put both his hands on both her arms, and stared up at her through his aviator shades.

It did the trick.

‘Oh, no, I think probably not, sir. Here is your beer.' And she moved onto the next passenger as swiftly as she could.

Ben downed his tiny beer in one, then pushed his chair back, smiling to himself. He was too excited to sleep, so again he ran over his plan of action. From Bangkok he had to take an internal flight to the island of Koh Samui, and from Koh Samui a boat to Koh Phangan. From the main village, Haad Rin, he then needed to take yet another boat to Bottle Beach, where he planned to sweep Natalia off her feet. The idea of the romantic reunion was thrilling. She would be so overjoyed to see him that she would agree to everything he said – of course it made sense to go to the police about being blackmailed. Then they would swim naked and make love under the stars, and everything would be perfect again. He couldn't wait.

Juho was lying in a hammock under a coconut palm outside Natalia's little hut, slightly worried that she hadn't attended the morning yoga practice. In the months that they had shared on Bottle Beach, Juho and Natalia had become the firmest of friends, and Natalia had blossomed, knowing that Juho was celibate, that he didn't want anything from her except friendship. They had swum together for hours every day, smoked joints, sitting on rocks, played cards late into the night, and talked. God, how they'd talked.

Juho had told Natalia all about the events that had led to his near-breakdown, back in Helsinki, an unoriginal combination of working hard and playing hard (cocaine, vodka and hookers). Natalia, in return, had opened up, telling Juho things she had never told anybody, not even Ben: about the bleakness of her childhood, the grinding poverty; the alcoholic father who had left Natalia and her mother to fend for themselves when she was three years old; her beloved
mamushka
's death from radiation poisoning after the Chernobyl disaster when Natalia was just 16; the absolute grief and despair that had led her into prostitution – pretty much the only career option open to a beautiful young girl in the lawlessness that engulfed the area at the time; her escape to Moscow, and the early nineties boom years, in which she had quickly thrived; her move to London, and brilliant investments during the property boom of the noughties; and finally, Georgiou's blackmail that had led her here, to Bottle Beach. The only thing she hadn't told him about was Ben.

Juho had experienced a lot of life, and considered himself pretty unshockable. He was, however, enormously impressed by the bravery, determination and resilience that had led Natalia to where she was now, and took every new revelation with his customary Zen-like calm.

So the friendship was solid. But there was a problem. Juho, after all his initial protestations of celibacy, had found himself falling deeply in love with Natalia. She was so sweet and unaffected now, talking about her past with disarming honesty and wry humour, giggling with absolute abandon as they jumped off rocks into the sea or down waterfalls into rippling pools in the island's jungly interior. And no man could be immune to that sensational face and body.

Juho wanted to be a decent man, and thought that he had finally banished his demons, just by living on this beautiful island, practising yoga under the trees, his only intoxicants a gentle smoke every night. He was ready to break his vow of celibacy now. And he hoped Natalia would be the woman with whom to break it.

He looked out to sea, relishing, as he always did, the incredibly calming view, and saw Natalia emerging from the water, looking like a goddess in her cheap string bikini, her long blonde hair dripping down her back. He felt the stirrings of lust that had become all too common this last couple of weeks. He had to tell her.

‘Hi, sweetie,' said Natalia as she approached her hut. ‘I am sorry I didn't make yoga, but I am having a bad day.' She bent over to kiss his cheek in the hammock, then sat down on the sand with her long arms wrapped around her long legs, gazing out at the ocean.

‘Do you want to tell me about it?' asked Juho, and Natalia's eyes filled with tears. She turned to face him, and soon the tears were falling silently down her face as she just looked at him, filling him with both sympathy and fear.

He jumped out of the hammock. ‘Oh, my God, what is it, what has happened?'

Natalia continued to stare at him mutely, shaking her head. Juho proffered his hand to her, and she got up, following him, barefoot through the white powdery sand, to the relative privacy of her hut.

‘Better in here, huh?' Juho smiled at her, which opened the floodgates. Natalia started sobbing and sobbing, her whole body shaking with the violence of her grief, as she sat on the edge of the ethnic throw that covered her thin mattress, her hands clasping the bed's frame until her knuckles were white. Tentatively, Juho sat down next to her and put his arms around her.

Eventually, Natalia's sobs subsided.

‘I thank you, Juho. You are a good man.' She looked at him with gratitude and, spontaneously, kissed him on the cheek again.

‘Can I trust you with a secret?' she said suddenly, as though just having come to a decision. ‘Of course I can.' She answered her own question. ‘You are my best friend, the brother I never had …'

Juho's heart sank slightly at this, but he smiled reassuringly and squeezed her hand.

‘Of course you can tell me. You can tell me anything.'

Natalia took a deep breath. ‘I am in love with a wonderful man, but he is famous actor, and Georgiou was threatening to expose him, for being with
me
. That was the final straw, the one that forced me to come here.'

‘I see.' Juho looked at her sadly, wincing at the word ‘forced'.

‘I ran away from my Ben. I left him a note. I was weak, but I knew I could not do it if I saw his beautiful face. I guess I panicked …' Juho squeezed her hand again. ‘Sometimes the pain of knowing I will never see him again is unbearable. That's why I was so sad this morning. I am sorry. I feel a little better now, just to have told somebody.'

‘Would a drink make you feel better?' asked Juho gently. ‘And then you can tell me all about him.'

‘A drink? Like a beer?'

‘No, a proper, strong drink. Vodka, or Sang Som.' Juho was smiling now. If he was ready to break his vow of celibacy, he could surely allow himself to get smashed for one day, if it would cheer Natalia up. Actually, he was hoping it might make him feel better too. The news that she was in love with another man was a crushing blow.

‘Yes, thank you, sweetie.' Natalia smiled at him. ‘I believe it would.'

Seven hours later, they were sitting in their special place, a tiny stretch of sand shielded from the rest of the bay by a couple of large rocks, the far end of the beach from where the longboats were moored. The sun had just set, and an enormous moon was starting to rise over the water. It was a full moon, so people were leaving the beach in droves for the monthly party at Haad Rin.

Natalia and Juho were well and truly sloshed. They'd bought a bottle of vodka, two bottles of Sang Som (the local Thai whiskey), and several cans of Coke, lemonade and Fanta from Bottle Beach's one liquor store. All day they'd been giggling as they created different disgusting cocktails from the various ingredients.

‘Thank you, Juho, for today,' said Natalia, raising her plastic cup at him. ‘You were right, this is just what I needed!'

‘It is just what I needed, too.' Juho raised his plastic cup back at her, almost toppling over from his lotus position in the sand as he did so.

‘But why?' Natalia's lovely brow was furrowed in concern, and she placed a gentle hand on his forearm. ‘What is the matter, sweetie? I didn't realize there was something wrong.'

‘Oh, but maybe it isn't wrong!' Juho banged his plastic cup down on the sand. The hard liquor to which he had recently become unaccustomed was making him feel reckless. ‘Maybe I am crazy, but …'

‘But?'

‘I think I am in love with you.'

Natalia let out a peal of throaty laughter at this, then stopped, horrified with herself.

‘Oh, my God. You mean it.'

‘Yes. I mean it.' Juho looked intently into her eyes. ‘Natalia, the last few weeks have been so special for me …'

‘Oh, for me too, me too.' Natalia smiled sadly in the moonlight. ‘But are you not celibate? I love you like a brother, I told you that. I am in love with my Ben, my movie star …'

‘Oh, I am sick and tired of hearing about this goddamn movie star!' Juho rarely got angry, but when he did, it was explosive. ‘He seems to me to care more about his career than he cares about you. Why hasn't he come to find you? Huh? You are living in a crazy dream-world, Natalia. I am here, and I love you. And I think you could love me too, if you could only forget about this man.'

Natalia looked at him, so handsome and passionate in the moonlight. He was such a good man, her one true friend, and she did find his lean, yoga-honed body extremely attractive. For a moment she was sorely tempted. But then she remembered that day at the Île du Levant, being with Ben on the speedboat, and she shook her head sadly.

‘I am sorry, Juho. But I can never forget about Ben.'

‘Then you will have to forget about me.' Juho got angrily to his feet, his hurt pride making him say things he didn't really mean.

‘Wh … where are you going?'

‘To the Full Moon Party. I want to have some fun. And I want to get laid.'

Natalia gazed at his departing body as he marched slightly unsteadily down the beach, and the tears started to trickle down her face again. Was she being ridiculous? If she could never have Ben, could she really never have any other man again? And what was she going to do about Georgiou? She could hardly spend the rest of her life hiding on this beach, beautiful though it was, giving vast sums of money to a thug who had once, briefly, been her pimp.

Her head swirling with vodka, Thai whiskey, unanswered questions and churning emotions, she rose unsteadily to her feet. Maybe a dip in the sea would make her feel better.

So she waded into the still-warm water, her long legs making light work of the shallows. As soon as it was deep enough, she started to swim out towards the full, shining moon.

As Ben stepped off the Thai longboat onto Bottle Beach, he realized why Poppy had recommended it to Natalia, and why Natalia had chosen it as her hideaway. Even in the moonlight he could see that it was utterly stunning, and incredibly peaceful. Now that most people had left the beach for the Full Moon Party, it was quieter than ever.

He did hope Natalia hadn't gone to the party. He couldn't imagine it was her scene really, but if she had, he'd just wait here for her to return in the morning. He'd travelled far enough to wait another night, and it wouldn't be easy to find her among the glow-stick-wielding, face-painted travellers raving in the sea at Haad Rin.

Most of the bars (nothing more than coconut shacks, really) he passed were empty, but at one of them he encountered two very young girls, both wearing denim shorts and bikini tops, drinking bottles of Singha beer on high wicker stools.

‘Hey,' he said to one of them, a chocolate-box, pretty freckly, curly haired brunette. ‘Great location, huh?'

‘Oh
,
God
,
yes, we can't believe how lucky we are,' she said
,
looking up at him from under her eyelashes. However effective Ben's stoner disguise, and however off-putting the matted dreads and ginger stubble, he was still an extraordinarily good-looking man. He noticed her friend give her a not-too-subtle nudge, and sighed internally, realizing what was to come. In the old days he'd have relished turning up on a beach like this, finding a couple of little cuties, and letting the evening take its inevitable course. Now, though, finding Natalia was the only thing on his mind.

Means to an end, though. He sat down on one of the tall, wicker bar stools and said,

‘What does a man have to do to get a beer around here?' There was nobody behind the bar; the barman had probably headed to the Full Moon Party, like everybody else.

‘S'OK, I can get you one,' said the brunette, walking behind the bar. ‘They all know me here.' She was trying to make herself look cool.

‘Thanks, babe. You're here for the season, right?'

It was the ultimate backpacker compliment, and he knew it. Being called a ‘tourist' was the ultimate insult.

‘Oh, yeah,' she said, in her pretty little posh English voice. ‘I didn't want to come here like some sort of, you know, tourist …' Bingo. ‘I wanted to see the real Thailand.'

Resisting the temptation to ask her what she was actually doing to see the ‘real' Thailand, Ben instead stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

‘Brad.'

‘Fliss,' the girl simpered.

‘Brad? Actually, you do look a bit like Brad Pitt,' said Fliss's plainer, plumper friend, and Ben cursed himself for not having come up with a better pseudonym. ‘I'm Bex, by the way …' She also held her hand out, shyly, and Ben shook it, limply.

‘So you two not goin' to the party?'

‘We'll head off in a bit,' said Fliss, trying to sound cool again. ‘No hurry – it goes on all night.'

‘Yeah, so I heard. Maybe I'll head over later myself.'