Vanish (8 page)
W
hy don’t you come back to the house? We can roast some root seeds and watch movies,” I suggest as Tamra and I walk back from the field. My body still tingles, awake and alive from our recent flight in a way that I haven’t felt since . . . I frown, forbidding the memory to intrude and ruin my new sense of peace.
“Sure,” she says.
I smile, thinking about all the late nights when Mom, Tamra, and I would squeeze onto the couch and watch movies—and then I remember how little I’ve seen Mom lately. She’s probably asleep, wiped out from her long shift. When I left her after dinner she mentioned she might go to bed after her shower.
“Maybe Mom can join us.”
“Yeah,” I hedge, “if she’s still awake.”
Tamra sends me a look. I know what she’s thinking: Mom always used to wait up for us if we were out doing anything. But that was before. Back when she felt she had some control over our world.
I open my mouth to explain the situation with Mom but stop . . . close my mouth and listen, peering into the waves of milky fog rolling around us, thicker than usual.
“Jacinda?”
“Something’s wrong,” I say quietly, holding up a hand.
Even though no alarm sounds on the air, something is off. The township is an eerie quiet. It’s still half an hour until curfew but no one is out walking except those of us returning from the flight field. They were having a jako tournament tonight at the rec center, but as we pass the center of town, the building is dark. The clink of gems used in the game can’t be heard. Nor can the usual shouts of defeat or victory when someone’s gem knocks another player’s gem off the board.
Then, through the mist, one of the elders appears. It’s almost comical to see his dignified figure running. “Tamra. You’re needed. Go at once to Nidia’s. Hurry.”
It doesn’t cross my mind to stay behind. We race through town, leaving the elder behind. Our steps thunder on the path. A small crowd stands gathered before Nidia’s house. Severin and another elder, two guards with their blue armbands, Nidia and Jabel.
It’s the combination of Nidia and Jabel that alerts me to the situation, jerks me to a halt. Someone has trespassed into the pride.
Tamra continues a few feet and then stops when she notices I’m not with her anymore. She looks back at me and then to the group, clearly uncertain. I can’t speak. Can say nothing. My body won’t move.
Nidia and Jabel only ever come together for one reason—when a trespasser enters the pride. Nidia may be more valued for her ability to shade the mind, but Jabel is useful, too. As a hypnos draki, she mesmerizes, planting lies in a human’s head to fill the vacant gaps Nidia leaves.
The beating of my heart takes on a desperate rhythm. Heat flares, a wild, fiery burn in the back of my throat.
I strain for a good glimpse of the trespasser. Most of his figure is blocked by the others and a thick fog of mist. I identify his back, the outline of broad shoulders. I swallow against the scald in my throat and take a step closer, my hands balled into fists so tightly that a nail breaks and splinters against the tender flesh of one palm.
Footsteps rush behind me and I look over my shoulder. Several others have followed us. Cassian, Corbin, Miram, and Az . . .
“Tamra!” Severin sees her then. He shouts at her like she’s an animal to be commanded, waves sharply with one hand. “Come!”
Tamra moves ahead into the group and blocks what little view I have. Frowning, I draw closer, my steps slow, stilling to a stop when Tamra whirls around. Her gaze collides with mine.
The blood surges in my veins.
Her face says it all.
No. No, no, no . . .
It can’t be him.
I start to shake my head, wanting to deny it, but most of all wanting Tamra to turn around and act natural so Severin and the others don’t become suspicious.
And then the crowd shifts and I see Will. My gaze devours him, eyes staring so hard they ache. The stubborn honey brown hair still falls over his brow. The hard-set jaw looks as implacable as ever. He’s here. Will kept his promise to me. And then I think, no. Will can’t have remembered that promise. It’s impossible. Tamra shaded him. Maybe he’s here accidentally. Maybe he got lost from his group and stumbled into our midst. . . .
My lips move, but say nothing. I dare not. Shaking my head, I wonder if I’ve imagined him, conjured him where he’s not likely to be.
For a moment, joy swells inside me, before the terror of seeing him here, in the township, mere feet from Severin, slams into me.
He turns to answer something Nidia asks him—probably the details of how exactly he got lost, alone, this far up on the mountain, away from any major road. I stare hard at him, make out the carved lines of his features in the deep shadow of evening, in the perpetual swirl of fog.
Then he sees me, and I know it’s not just simple recognition there. His hazel eyes gleam with such deep satisfaction that I know he remembers. Somehow. Someway. He remembers everything. He remembered his promise to me, and he’s keeping it.
He’s here for me.
Thankfully, my sister stops gawking at me before anyone notices and starts to wonder at her behavior. I give my head a swift shake, warning Will to take caution, to show no recognition. He shifts his head, the most imperceptible of nods, and I know he understands.
Every fiber of my being burns and pulses to cross the distance separating us. My hands open and close at my sides, yearning to touch, to feel him. To
feel
that it’s really him. Here. Now. For his voice to ripple through me as it used to do. That stroke of velvet revived me in Chaparral, got me through my time there, filling the stretch of my days then, and filling my dreams since.
Everything else slips away as I stare at him. Where we are. The danger that still threatens . . .
Deep down, I know Tamra won’t reveal Will’s identity, and not just because of her loyalty to me. My sister’s not a killer, and she knows one word from her would end his life. Right or wrong, she wouldn’t do that. It’s not in her.
But that hardly means he’s safe.
The air stirs as someone steps up next to me and I turn to see Cassian staring across the distance at Will. For a moment, I had actually forgotten there was someone else who could recognize Will. I follow his gaze, the air hard to breathe, too thick to drag inside my constricting lungs as I process that Cassian is staring at Will—
here on his turf
. The boy he nearly killed when they rolled off a cliff. Sick misery coils like a serpent in the pit of my stomach.
Nothing’s stopping Cassian from finishing that fight. He’s not like Tamra. It’s in him, down to his very essence, to kill. Onyx draki have been killing for thousands of years. That’s what they do best. Right now, in this moment, I’m caught in a living nightmare.
I look back at Will. Two armed sentries that I went to primary school with flank him like he’s a prisoner. If he’s lucky, they won’t see him for what he is . . . what he means to me. Nidia will simply shade him—useless as that seems to be—and send him on his way. As long as I stay calm. As long as Will gives nothing away. As long as Cassian doesn’t say or
do
anything.
I sneak a fearful glance at Cassian, silently willing him to say nothing—to hold silent and spare Will’s life.
His expression is tight, almost pained as he stares intently at me. “Please,” I mouth, all I dare risk as Miram steps up, her arms folded across her chest in a militant pose.
“Hiker?” she asks.
Still staring at me, Cassian answers, “Looks like it.”
“They gonna try Tamra out on him?” Corbin wonders aloud.
“Probably,” Miram says, stretching on her tiptoes in an attempt to peer into the group to see the
hiker
.
I resist moving closer, not about to look too curious and alert them that Will and I aren’t strangers.
“He’s young,” Miram muses. “Cute, too.”
Az snorts. “For a human, I guess.”
“For a human,” Miram agrees, sending me a sly glance. “What do you think, Jacinda? You’re the expert on cute humans. How does he compare?”
Heat tingles in my face, and I fight to look blasé, calm in the face of her jibes.
“That’s enough, Miram,” Cassian snaps.
“Look,” Corbin quickly says, “they’re taking him into the house.” He laughs low. “That guy won’t know what hit him.”
Will doesn’t look in my direction as he’s led inside the cottage, but I know he’s as aware of me as I am of him. My entire body hums in response to him. What was he thinking? He had to know how dangerous it would be to come anywhere near the pride. The truth is painful to face.
As much as I tried to forget him, he never forgot me.
Did that make him stronger than me? Or weaker?
Everyone goes inside except the two guards. They remain just outside the door. If all goes smoothly, Nidia will do what she does best, assisted by Jabel. Tamra, too, I suppose. Then the panicked thought hits me that Jabel’s talent
will
work on him. What if she succeeds and he comes out of there confused and bewildered, with a head full of lies, unable to discern reality from fiction?
I twist my fingers until they ache. There’s nothing I can do except wait. And hope he remembers again.
And what then? He knows where the pride is . . . where I am. He’s seen me. He’ll come back. If he’s caught again they’ll know he’s different—that shading won’t work on him.
“C’mon.” Cassian takes my arm. “I’ll walk you home.”
I resist only a moment. Of course I should go. The last thing I should do is linger here and give anyone cause to suspect that the trespasser means something to me.
Turning, I let Cassian lead me away. One thought pounds through my head in beat with my thundering heart: He kept his promise. He came for me.
Unable to help myself, I start to look over my shoulder, but Cassian’s voice stops me. “Don’t look back, Jacinda.”
I force my gaze forward. He’s right. The fact that Will remembers and came for me changes nothing. I can’t go with him. I won’t let my heart overrule logic. Nothing has changed. We’re a dangerous combination. Like fire and oil.
Cassian says nothing else until we reach my house. “Where’s your mother?” he asks.
I motion for him to wait as I go check on Mom. She’s asleep with the television on in her room, her features relaxed in a way I never see anymore. I quietly ease past the bed and turn off the TV. Closing her door, I return to where Cassian paces the living room.
His liquid-dark gaze cuts to me. “How did he find—”
“I’m sure it was simple luck. He got too close to the township and patrol picked him up,” I quickly insert, not wanting him to realize that Will might be resistant to shading.
He shoots me an exasperated look. “Jacinda, he’s no innocent hiker.”
“Yeah. I know.” I fold my arms across my chest. “He’s a hunter.” A heavy silence stretches as I stare at him. “So why didn’t you say anything?”
“How do you know I won’t?”
“Will you?”
He sets his jaw at a stubborn angle, like he wants to say yes, but then he blows out a deep breath and briefly looks away, and I can’t tell whether he’s angrier with me or himself.
“So you can hate me? So I can watch them kill him? I would get no satisfaction in that.”
I can only stare, no longer so surprised that Cassian might truly care for
me
. Me and not simply what I am. He’s not my enemy. I believe he wants to help me. Why else would he bother protecting a boy I shouldn’t even care about?
“You have to let him go, Jacinda.”
I nod, but the motion is painful, makes my temples throb. “I know.”
“But
he
needs to know that,” he says, his voice heavy with meaning.
I meet his gaze, understanding dawning slowly. “You want me to speak with him?”
“Once he’s a good distance from the pride, you need to confront him and explain to him that it’s over between the two of you. I know he might be confused after being shaded, but you need to get through to him.”
I can’t look at him just then, not with what I suspect—that Will
can’t
be shaded. Would Cassian be as willing to let him go if he thought that?
Cassian steps closer and turns my chin to look at him. “Tell him to convince his family that this area is dry. That there aren’t any draki here anymore. We’ve moved on. They’ll listen to him.” The implication hangs there unsaid.
They’ll listen to him because of the blood. Because he’s connected to us
. Cassian lowers his face so close I can feel his breath on my cheek, and the memory of our kiss intrudes. If that isn’t enough to make me recoil, then his next words are. “If I see him here again, I won’t hide the truth anymore—whether you hate me for it or not. I won’t protect him again. Understand?”
I nod, a lump clogging my throat.
“C’mon.” He opens the front door to the misty night.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“They’ll probably drop him in the usual spot. I want you waiting for him when he comes out.”
I
sip silent breaths from where I hide in a tree, the bark a rough scratch on my bare legs, needles poking me on all sides as I stare down at the spot where intruders who’ve been shaded are always dropped. It’s not far from the public road that carves deep into the mountain, the only official road this high. My heart still thunders in my ears from my mad dash to get here first.
The patrol moves quietly through the woods, but even so, I hear their slight rustling as they approach. Ludo breaks through the trees with Will slung over his shoulder, Remy right behind him. Wincing, I watch as Ludo drops Will unceremoniously to the hard ground. That had to hurt. If Will is faking unconsciousness and is actually awake, as I suspect, he did a good job masking any reaction to such rough treatment.
The two draki stare down at him for a moment. Remy nudges him sharply with his boot.
“C’mon,” Ludo says. “I’m hungry.”
I wait several moments after they leave, scanning the trees, making certain nothing moves and they are well and truly gone. Will lies on the ground very still, dead still, and I can’t wait any longer.
I climb down and rush toward him. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s not faking. Maybe he can be shaded.
I hover above him, holding out my hands in front of me, unsure where to touch. “Will.” His name escapes in a hush. As if I were afraid to say it aloud. As if giving voice to the name would make his being here untrue—make him vanish in a puff of smoke, into the mists that enclose us. As so much of me has vanished since returning here.
In the gloom, his eyes snap open. I jerk back, startled. He smiles those well-carved lips at me. Lips whose shape and texture are permanently imprinted on my memory.
I gasp, relieved, and say his name again, firmer this time. “Will.”
He stands in one easy move, with none of the lingering effects of someone shaded, confirming that I’m right. His draki blood has left him immune.
He moves toward me, and I meet him halfway—but then I recall myself and what I need to do. I quickly step back before we can come together. Holding up a hand to ward him off, I demand in a whisper, “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you.” The sound of his voice makes me tremble. The velvet rumble sends shivers along my skin and tells me everything I already know. He hasn’t forgotten me. He still wants me. I swallow down the thick lump in my throat.
It’s the same. The way it’s always been around him. The idea of forgetting him and putting him out of my life is easier when I’m not confronted with him.
“You shouldn’t have come. You risk too much.”
“Jacinda.” He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “It’s me.” He seizes my hand, tugs me forward.
And I can’t
not
have this. Wrong or right, selfish or not. I’ll take this. Steal a moment with him. If only that. I’ll make it last. Make it enough.
He hauls me into his arms and holds me so tightly I wonder if he might not crack a rib. I look up into the shadow of his face and crave to see more of him, more than what the muted moonlight reveals to me.
But I can’t. This will have to be enough.
I press a palm to his cheek, savor the scratch of bristle. My heart swells at the sensation of him, the simple touch of his flesh against my hand. Something I never thought to feel again.
“You remembered me,” I whisper, searching his glowing eyes in the dark. “You remembered that night—”
“When everyone woke up confused, I figured out what happened. I remembered you telling me about Nidia and figured that’s what Tamra became. So I pretended I was just as confused as everyone else.” He laughed once, the sound a rough scrape on the air. “My cousins still don’t know what the hell happened to them. All they can guess is that someone slipped them a roofie.”
“Only you can remember?” Relief slumps my shoulders as Will nods. “Yeah. That night is a complete blank to them.”
To them.
I stare at the shape of him in the deep gloom, at the gleam of his eyes as I let it sink in why only Will is so special.
The blood
.
“It’s because you’re like us,” I murmur.
“What?” He tenses against me and something vibrates in his voice that tells me he understands my meaning. More than he would like.
I suck in a breath, force it down my too-tight throat. “Well, you’re enough like us apparently. A shader’s talent doesn’t work on other draki. You must have been transfused with enough draki blood to form a resistance to being shaded. That would explain how you’re so connected to us . . . so good at tracking us. You’re like us.”
We say nothing for a long moment, and I wonder if he’s thinking what I am.
How else is he different?
How else is he not like humans? How else is he like me? Like a draki?
I shake my head. It’s too much to contemplate. And there’s no way to know. Not right now. I don’t know if it’s something we’ll ever know. But then it doesn’t matter, does it? Because we only have now. For us, there will be no tomorrow. No future.
“Does it disgust you?” he asks. “Do
I
?”
I know what he’s asking, but the answer isn’t simple. “I know you didn’t make any of it happen, and you’re alive as a result . . . but stolen blood flows through you. Draki were butchered . . . for you.”
“I know.” In the dark, his gleaming eyes don’t even blink. “I can’t deny anything that you’re saying. I didn’t know what my father was doing to me until it was over. You know that, right? You’ve got to believe that.”
“I do.”
His breath falls heavily. “Sometimes, at night, I
feel
them. In my dreams.”
I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment and have to give voice to that gnawing fear inside me. “Is my father one of—”
“No! It’s not possible. Don’t think it for a second. We only started hunting this area a little over a year ago.”
Relief ripples through me. “You could never disgust me, Will. I care about you too much.”
His hand moves along my spine and I shiver, recalling myself, and what I’ve come here to do.
“How’d you find me?” I ask, stalling, telling myself to pull away, to untangle myself from the wondrous feel of his arms around me. To disengage before it becomes too hard.
Too hard?
I almost laugh. It’s already too hard.
“This is the third time I’ve been out here looking for you,” he admits.
“By yourself?” I tense and glance into the thick shadows, almost as if I expect a hunter to appear there.
“I’m alone now,” he assures me. “I came last time with my family. I slipped away while they . . .”
“Hunted,” I supply, my voice hard.
I shiver at the thought of hunters in these woods. So near the township. Now they have faces. They’re no longer the hazy bogeymen of nightmares. I can see them. His father. His uncles. His cousins, Xander and Angus. They were here. Recently.
I shake my head, anger rising in me that he dared to come back. He risked so much. And not just himself. He put every life in my pride in jeopardy. “It’s too dangerous for you to be here. You shouldn’t have come. If they knew who you were tonight . . .”
I shake my head. Losing him because I can’t see him again is one thing, but losing him because he’s gone, killed by my brethren . . .
That, I couldn’t handle. It would destroy me.
“I just looked like some guy hiking the mountain.”
“Tamra and Cassian recognized you.”
“And they said nothing.”
I nod. “For me. They kept silent for me. I promised I would get you to persuade your family to stop hunting this area.” I inhale a deep breath. “And I promised I would make sure you never came back here again—”
“You promised
that
?” His voice lashes me. “To who? Cassian? I’m not surprised he wanted to make sure I never come near you again.”
I want to deny that, want to say that Cassian wants Will gone simply because it’s the right thing. The safe thing. It’s not about jealousy or possession.
Closing my eyes in an agonized blink, I say nothing. A short time ago, Cassian was holding me like Will holds me now. I let him hold me. Kiss me.
With a choked sound, I pull away from Will, feeling like a traitor. Even if it was the loneliness, my own vulnerability that drove me into Cassian’s arms . . . I
liked
it.
Will pulls me back. “What do
you
want? You want me to leave and never come back?”
I go unresisting into his arms. I’m too weak. I’ve missed him too much. I thought I could put him behind me, find a future within the pride and while that prospect killed a part of me, this, right now, might be worse. Holding him, smelling his familiar scent, having him for a short time and then saying good-bye all over again. It’s a dive right back into hell.
I peer through the dark, feast on what I can see of his face. The aching beauty of him. The deeply set eyes beneath dark brows. The hair that constantly rebels, falling over his forehead, begging for my hand to brush it back. His mouth, his lips.
I commit it all to memory, determined to imprint him on my soul for those quiet moments alone, in the dark, when I can reflect.
His fingers flex on my arms. “So you’re giving up on us, Jacinda?”
I search his face in the shadows. “It’s dangerous. Not just for us. For others, too. Countless lives.”
His hands slide up my arms to my face and it’s too much. His broad palms. His strong fingers so tender as they hold me. My eyes burn. I blink them fiercely in an attempt to dry them.
“Where’s your faith?” His thumbs gently press into my cheeks. “We can figure out a way.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know what it’s been like.”
“Did they hurt you?” His voice takes on an edge, and his hands tighten slightly. “When you came back, did they—”
“No,” I say quickly. “I’m fine. Not that I don’t deserve punishment. Will, I revealed myself to hunters.”
“Let’s make it just you and me then. No pride. No hunters. We don’t have to risk anyone else.”
“What are you saying?”
“Run away with me.”