Vampire Charming (21 page)

(Cutting
her off in surprise)

Hang on,
you’ve met Slade?

TEGAN

Well,
yeah.  He and his trusty squire were in here last week.  It was the same night
the knight gave you that sword, actually.  They left right before you arrived. 
They were really interested in finding the rebels.

Redrafted Film Script- “From Here to
Infinia”

“Oh
for gods’ sakes…  The Order of the Mages.”  Slade repeated in a less foreboding
tone.  “Their kind hunted Vampires for millennia, before my grandmother
defeated them at the Battle of Gothmoreia.”

“Your
grandmother the cat?”

“Yes! 
She is a powerful warrior and mystic.  I’ve repeatedly told you this”

“Uh-huh.”

Slade
wasn’t satisfied with her blank tone.  “Surely you’ve heard of Gothmoreia.”  He
prompted.  “It is the greatest battle, in the greatest war ever waged.”

“If
you say so.”

“I
do
say so. 
Everyone
says so.”  He shook his head.  “Your
education is sadly lacking in some areas, Jane Squire.”

“Feel
free to write a letter of complaint to the Chicago Public School System, if we
survive this.”  Jane muttered, her eyes on the huge fire crackling their way. 
“So these Mages are trying to barbeque us on Fang’s orders?”

“So
it would seem.  Of course, the fire is not our most pressing concern.”

“It’s
not?  Do I even want to ask what
is
our most pressing concern, then?”

“Mages
can control electricity.”

“Electricity?” 
That didn’t sound so dire.  “Oh.  Is that all?”

Slade
gave another dramatic sigh.  If Jane didn’t know better, she’d swear he was
disappointed that she wasn’t adequately impressed.  “Electricity isn’t as
common in most worlds, as it is in yours.”  He pointed to the charges igniting
the sky.  “The lightning is quite frightening to most people.  And Mages can
travel on the bolts.  Each strike allows them to move to a new position, searching
for their prey.”

Jane
made a face.  “I swear that’s ripping off some sci-fi movie, but I don’t
remember which one.”

“The
Mages are the stuff of legend, so they are no doubt the subjects of many of
your ‘movies.’”  He glanced down at her.  “Today,
we
are their prey.  They
will find us and attack.  Whatever you do, don’t touch them.  Their entire
bodies are electrified.  If you land a punch, you will die.”

“Yeah,
that part’s a little scarier.”  Jane allowed.  “Are you
sure
you can’t
fly us out of here?  Because, it would be
really
helpful if you could
fly us out of here.”

“We
cannot attempt it with a Mage nearby.  Flying is a delicate balance.  The storm
would knock me from the sky.”  He paused and then quickly tacked on.  “Also, I
cannot fly in Infinia, so the point is moot.”

“You’re
a terrible liar, but I don’t have time to kick your ass.”  Jane headed towards
Slade’s hut, shaking her head in annoyance.  “If you refuse to fly, we’ll have
to do this the hard way.  Be warned, when we die and become ghosts, I’ll
definitely
be haunting you throughout eternity.”

Slade
hurried after her.  “Where are you going?

“To
get that stupid movie script.  Since, I’m not about to fight Dynamo, we have to
find the Corpse Road.  It’s the only way out and the script might be able to tell
us where to find it.”

“You
wish to run?”  Slade looked outraged.

“Of
course I wish to run.  Why would we stick around to get cremated, if we can
just amscray?”

“I
am unfamiliar with whatever language you are speaking and thus unable to adequately
address that question.”

Jane
ignored that and stomped inside Slade’s hut without bothering to ask
permission.  Those useless rebels had given him the biggest and fanciest house
in the village.  It was still just made of sticks and straw, though, so any Big
Bad Werewolf was going to be able to blow the damn thing down.  Jane did not
plan to be around when that happened.

“Jane?” 
Slade persisted, ducking through the doorway after her.  He stood there, posed
like Captain America.  “Sooner or later, we must face Fang.  How else will we
win the kingdom?”

“I’m
kinda hoping for a game show.”  She absolutely didn’t notice that he took up
all the space in the room.  Just like she didn’t stare over at the bed for a
beat and imagine doing all kinds of things to him that would screw up this
movie’s PG-13 rating.  Because, Jane Squire didn’t long for what she couldn’t
have.

It
was part of being a pragmatist.

She
stalked over to the rickety dining table and grabbed the red manuscript lying
on the rough surface.  Sure enough,
From Here to Infinia
had changed
again.  Every edit just seemed to get worse, so that wasn’t exactly welcomed
news.  She began fanning through it, looking for some mention of the Corpse
Road.

“Good
news, there only seems to be one Mage.  Bad news, she’s some psycho named
Dallyn, who spends three pages monologuing with Fang about eradicating the evil
Vampire menace.”

“Dallyn?” 
Slade scowled.  “She still lives?”

“You
know her?”

“Yes. 
She is one of the most dedicated hunters.  She hates all Vampires, but most
especially me.”

Jane
made a face.  “Why does everyone have a vendetta against you, Slade?  I mean,
aside from the obvious reasons of your personality and behavior.”

“In
Dallyn’s case, I once resisted her dubious charms at particularly raucous
supernatural ball.  She has been holding a grudge for centuries.”

“Oh.” 
Jane instantly decided the bitch needed her batteries yanked.

From
the crappy dialogue, Dallyn seemed like the typical scantily-clad,
vaguely-foreign villainess who populated Hollywood films.  Jane refused to be
intimidated by some cheap refugee from
Underworld
.  She was escaping this
inescapable forest and she was taking Slade with her.

“Well,
we’re not going to stick around and let you two get reacquainted.”  Jane
scanned the script.  “Right here!”  She triumphantly pointed to the scene
heading on one of the new pages.  “Exterior: Entrance to the Corpse Road- Night. 
Fang stands
by the waterfall
and reads the note.  See?”  She slammed the
folder shut and arched a brow.  “That wasn’t so hard, now was it?  Grab your
sword.  We’re leaving.”

“I
do not wish to leave.  I wish to stay and fight.  I defeated Fang once and I
shall do it again.”

“Yeah,
well, you’re not ‘doing it again’ right now.”  Slade didn’t seem excited to
pack clothes or food, but he did pick-up the golf bag.  God knew why he kept
lugging the thing around, but whatever.  “We don’t have a plan, we’re armed
with sporting goods, and your not-so-brave troops have dashed-off into the
trees.”  She made a face.  “Actually, that’s probably for the best.  They’d
just get themselves hurt.”

“We’ve
been training!  They are much improved at battle tactics.”  He hesitated.  “I
should have stressed that fleeing was not the best strategy for annihilating
one’s enemy.  Perhaps they are confused.”

“Perhaps
they are dumbasses.”  Jane muttered.  “Not that it matters.  This whole world
might be actually happening, but it’s still running by movie rules.  I’m
betting it will stay that way until the finale, and I seriously doubt the
decisive showdown between you and Fang happens in the second act.  You don’t
even have Roland’s stupid sword, yet.  No way will either of you be
annihilating each other today.”

“Fang
shall not defeat me on
any
day.”  Vampiric gentleman that he was, Slade
held the door open as she passed, but he was still annoyed by her refusal to
stay and die.  “I am a
king
.”

“A
king?  Wow, you’re kidding.  If only you’d said something
before
.”

“Sarcasm
does not change the truth.”  Slade told her, sounding miffed.  “Besides, you
said yourself that the cinema script is changing.  The balance of power could
shift, if we are not vigilant.”

“That
would probably be a
good
thing for us, since we’re currently on the low
end of the power teeter-totter.  You know how I can tell?  Fang’s got Mages who
can control lightning and
your
fearless troops are hiding in the
underbrush.”

Slade
didn’t appreciate that recap.  “I have power from fate itself guiding me.  It is
my
destiny
to win this land.”

“And
it’s my destiny to
not die
helping you win it.”

Now
he looked pissed.  Not at the monsters attacking them, but at Jane.  “You
should have more faith in me.”  He informed her, as if she’d somehow hurt his
feelings.

Jane
sighed.  He was so touchy about all that fate crap.  “Look, I one hundred
percent believe that you’re going to kill Fang.  Okay?  Just not when he has us
on the defensive and the woods are on fire.  Can we please finish arguing about
this later and concentrate on evacuating the…?”

Slade
cut her off.  “No.  I do not mean you should have more faith in me as a king or
soldier.  I mean you should have more faith in me as a
man.
”

Jane
glanced at him in surprise.

Slade
regarded her seriously.  “I know it makes you uncomfortable to rely on me, but I
am a thousand years old and have fought in countless battles.  You can trust me
to know what I am doing.”  He shook his head.  “You will not die helping me,
Jane.  I’ll let Infinia fall before I risk you.  Trust me and I will not
disappoint you.”

She
tore her eyes away from his steady gaze and cleared her throat.  “It doesn’t
make me uncomfortable to rely on you,” she lied, “I’m just not used to it.”

“You
think I will fail in our quest.”

Jane
winced at the blunt phrasing.  “I know that you’ll win this war.”  She
reiterated.  “And I think you’re probably the most honorable person I’ve ever
met.  You’re a little insane, but in a very comic book-y way.  You’re stupidly brave
and stupidly honest.  You take stupid risks, because you think it’s the right
thing to do, and you always believe the best of people.  Even the stupid ones. 
I admire
that about you.  I do.”  She nodded, willing him to
understand.  “But, I’m
none
of that stuff.”

“Jane,
that is not true.”

“It
is
true.  I’m a pragmatic, cynical, suspicious loner.  I always have
been.  My feelings aren’t about
you
being untrustworthy.  I’ve just
never had a lot of faith in
anyone
.  It’s how I’m wired.”

Slade
stared down at her, the irritation on his face softening to compassion.  “Have
you always been alone, then?”

“I’m
not alone.  I’m
independent
.  There’s a difference.”  It was just hard
to remember that difference when she spent every holiday watching infomercials
on her couch.

Slade
seemed equally skeptical.  “You were trapped in your world, with no one to
shield you from the darkness.”  He deduced.  “It makes it hard for you to
trust.  I blamed myself.”

“I
blame you for a lot of things, but not for that.  Why is my rotten childhood
your fault?”

“
I
should have come for you, Jane.  I should have protected you.  You were
just born too far away for me to know of you.”  He blinked suddenly, as if
someone was shining a bright light in his eyes.  “You were born too far from me.” 
He repeated in a distant tone.  “
That’s
why I had to leave the Vampire
Isle.”  His lips parted in amazement.  “My gods…
You
are why I am on
this path.”

“Oh
no, this whole disaster is
your
fault, not mine.”  That part she could
absolutely blame him for.  “I was minding my own business, stocking shelves,
and you showed up to wreck my life.”

Slade
disregarded that.  His head tilted to one side, an odd expression passing over
his face.  “Saving Infinia isn’t my only chance for greatness.”  He murmured. 
“
You
are my only chance, Jane.  I’m supposed to save
you
.”

“I
don’t need saving.”  Jane paused as she passed Symon the scientist’s workshop,
her eyes narrowing.  “Hang on.”  She took a quick detour, ducking through his
doorway and looking around.  She hated it when fantasy movies stuck in
primitive versions of modern technology, but maybe the Gnome had created
something useful.

No
machine guns or tanks popped out at her.  Not even a fire extinguisher.  In
fact that whole hut was empty except for a large wooden lever in the middle of
a table.  It looked like a light switch, but she had no idea what it powered. 
Symon had painted one side red and one side green.  Off and on.  Jane
considered her options and then flipped it to green.  Sketchy inventions always
worked in fantasy movies, so she might as well take a chance.  At this point,
what did she have to lose?

“Jane?” 
Slade stuck his head in the door.  “Please.  You must listen to me.”