Vampire Academy: The Complete Collection: 1/6 (157 page)

“Yeah,” I agreed. Before he was a Strigoi, being with Dimitri had always felt natural and right. Being with Lissa also felt natural and right—though it was a different kind of rightness. In my grief over Dimitri, I’d nearly forgotten what I had with her. They were two sides of me.

In that uncanny way she had of guessing thoughts, Lissa said, “I meant what I said earlier. I’m sorry for what I said—about acting like I have some right to dictate your life. I don’t. If you decide to stay or guard me, you do that by your choice and your kindness. I want to make sure you live and choose your own life.”

“There’s nothing ‘kind’ about it. I’ve always wanted to protect you. I still do.” I sighed. “I just . . . I just had things to take care of. I had to get myself together—and I’m sorry I didn’t handle it with you very well.” There was a lot of apologizing going on, but I realized that was how it was with people you cared about. You forgave each other and moved on.

Lissa hesitated before asking her next question, but I’d known it was coming. “So . . . what happened? Did you . . . did you find him . . . ?”

At first, I didn’t think I wanted to talk about it, but then I realized that I
needed
to. And the thing was, a few different things had gone wrong with Lissa and me before. One had been that she’d taken me for granted. The other had been that I wouldn’t tell her the truth—and then I’d resent her for it later. If we were going to patch up this friendship and forgive each other, we had to make sure we didn’t repeat the past.

“I did find him,” I said at last.

And I launched into the story, telling her everything that had happened to me: my travels, the Belikovs, the Alchemists, Oksana and Mark, the unpromised, and of course, Dimitri. Just as Lissa had joked earlier, we talked for hours. I poured out my heart to her, and she listened without judgment. Her face was compassionate the whole time, and when I reached the end, I was sobbing, all the love and rage and anguish I’d been holding onto since that night on the bridge exploding out of me. I hadn’t told anyone else in Novosibirsk exactly where I’d been during my time with Dimitri. I hadn’t dared tell anyone I’d been a blood whore for a Strigoi. I had stayed vague, hoping if I didn’t talk about it, then maybe it wouldn’t be real.

Now, with Lissa, I had to accept the reality of everything and truly
feel
it: I had killed the man I loved.

A knock at the door jolted us out of a world that contained only her and me. I glanced at the clock and was startled to see it was almost curfew time. I wondered if I was being thrown out. But when Lissa opened the door—after I’d hastily dried my eyes—the waiting dorm worker had a message of a different sort.

“Alberta wants to see you,” the woman told me. “She thought you might be here.”

Lissa and I exchanged glances. “When? Now?” I asked.

The woman shrugged. “From the way she sounded? Yeah, I’d say now. Or sooner.” She shut the door. Alberta was the captain of the guardians on campus, and when she spoke, people acted.

“I wonder what this is about?” asked Lissa.

I stood up, hating to leave. “Any number of things, I imagine. I’ll go see her and then head back to guest housing. Not that I’ll sleep. I have no clue what time zone I’m in anymore.”

Lissa gave me a parting hug, one we both had a hard time letting go of. “Good luck.”

I started to turn the door’s handle and then thought of something. I slipped the silver ring off of my finger and handed it to Lissa.

“Is this the ring you—oh!” She wrapped her hand around it, her face growing enraptured.

“Can you feel the magic in it?” I asked.

“Yeah . . . it’s weak, but it’s in there.” She held the ring up to the light and stared at it. She probably wasn’t going to notice when I left because I had a feeling she’d be studying the ring all night. “It’s so strange. I can almost immediately feel how she did this.”

“Mark said we probably had a while to go before we could do the healing they do . . . but maybe you could figure out how to make charms while we wait?”

Her jade green eyes were still on the ring. “Yeah . . . I think I might.”

I smiled at her excitement and tried to leave again, but she caught my arm. “Hey . . . Rose . . . I know I’ll see you tomorrow, but . . .”

“But what?”

“I just wanted to say, after everything that’s happened . . . well, I don’t want us to ever have this kind of separation again. I mean, I know we can’t be together every single second—and that’s kind of creepy anyway—but we’re bonded for a reason. We’re meant to look out for each other and be there for each other.”

Her words sent a shiver through me, like we were wrapped in powers greater than ourselves. “We will be.”

“No, I mean . . . you’re always there for me. Every time, I’m in danger, and you come rushing in to save me. Not anymore.”

“You don’t want me to save you anymore?”

“That’s not what I meant! I want to be there for you too, Rose. If I can throw a punch, I can do anything. Even though that
really
hurt.” She exhaled in frustration. “God, I’m not making any sense. Look, the point is, if you ever have to go off alone, take me with you. Don’t leave me behind.”

“Liss—”

“I’m serious.” Her luminous beauty burned with determination and purpose. “Whatever obstacles you have to go against, I’m going to be there for you. Don’t go alone. Swear to me that if you ever decide to take off again, you’ll bring me. We’ll do it together.”

I started to protest as a million fears came to my mind. How could I risk her life? Yet looking at her, I knew she was right. For better or worse, we had a bond we couldn’t escape. Lissa was indeed tied to that piece of my soul, and we were stronger fighting together than apart.

“Okay,” I said, clasping her hand. “I swear it. The next time I go do something stupid that might get me killed, you can come along.”

A
LBERTA WAS WAITING FOR ME in the front office of the guardians’ administrative building. Alberta’s role as captain here was remarkable considering the lower numbers of women in our ranks. She was in her fifties and one of the toughest women I’d met. Her sandy hair was showing some gray, and years of working outdoors had weathered her skin.

“Welcome back, Rose,” she said, standing up at my approach. She certainly didn’t hug me, and her manner was businesslike, but the fact that she used my first name was a generous gesture for her. That, and I thought I saw a small spark of relief and happiness in her eyes. “Let’s go to my office.”

I’d never been there. Any disciplinary issues I had with the guardians were usually addressed in committee. Unsurprisingly, the office was spotless, everything arranged with military efficiency. We sat on opposite sides of her desk, and I braced myself for an interrogation.

“Rose,” she said, leaning toward me. “I’m going to be blunt with you. I’m not going to give you lectures or demand any explanations. Honestly, since you aren’t my student anymore, I don’t have the right to ask or tell you anything.”

It was like what Adrian had said. “You can lecture,” I told her. “I’ve always respected you and want to hear what you have to say.”

The ghost of a smile flashed on her face. “All right, here it is. You screwed up.”

“Wow. You weren’t kidding about bluntness.”

“The reasons don’t matter. You shouldn’t have left. You shouldn’t have dropped out. Your education and training are too valuable—no matter how much you think you know—and
you
are too talented to risk throwing away your future.”

I almost laughed. “To tell you the truth? I’m not sure what my future is anymore.”

“Which is why you need to graduate.”

“But I dropped out.”

She snorted. “Then drop back in!”

“I—what? How?”

“With paperwork. Just like everything else in the world.”

To be honest, I hadn’t known what I’d do once I got back here. My immediate concern was Lissa—to be with her and make sure she was okay. I knew I couldn’t officially be her guardian anymore, but I’d figured once we were together, no one could stop her from hanging out with a friend. I’d be her hired bodyguard, so to speak, kind of like what Abe had. And in the meantime, I’d bum around campus like Adrian.

But to enroll again?

“I . . . I missed a month. Maybe more.” My days were scattered. It was the first week of May, and I’d left near the end of March, on my birthday. What was that? Five weeks? Almost six?

“You missed two years and managed to catch up. I have faith in you. And even if you have trouble, graduating with low grades is better than not graduating at all.”

I tried to imagine myself back in this world. Had it really only been a little over a month? Classes . . . day-to-day intrigue . . . how could I just go back to that? How could I return to that life after seeing the way Dimitri’s family lived, after being with Dimitri and losing him—again.

“I don’t know what to say,” I told Alberta. “This is kind of a lot to take in.”

“Well, you should decide quickly. The sooner you’re back in class, the better.”

“They’ll really let me?” That was the part I found a little unbelievable.

“
I’ll
let you,” she said. “No way am I letting someone like you get away. And now that Lazar is gone . . . well, things are crazy around here. No one’s going to give me much trouble in filing the paperwork.” Her wry smile slipped a little. “And if they do give us any trouble . . . I’ve been made to understand that you have a benefactor who can pull a few favors to smooth everything over.”

“A benefactor,” I repeated flatly. “A benefactor who wears flashy scarves and gold jewelry?”

She shrugged. “No one I know. Don’t even know his name—only that he’ll threaten to withhold a considerable donation to the school if you aren’t let back in.
If
you want in.”

Yeah. Deals and blackmail. I was pretty sure I knew who my benefactor was. “Give me some time to think about it. I’ll decide soon—I promise.”

She frowned, thoughtful, and then gave a sharp nod. “All right.”

We both stood up, and she walked me toward the building’s entrance. I glanced over at her. “Hey, if I do graduate . . . do you think there’s ever any way I could be in line to be Lissa’s guardian officially again? I know they’ve already picked out people for her and that I’m in, ah, a bit of disgrace.”

We stopped by the outer doors, and Alberta rested a hand on her hip. “I don’t know. We can certainly try. The situation’s gotten a lot more complicated.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said sadly, recalling Tatiana’s high-handed actions.

“But, like I said, we’ll do what we can. What I said about graduating with low grades? You won’t. Well, maybe in math and science—but that’s out of my control. You’ll be the best among the novices, though. I’ll work with you myself.”

“Okay,” I said, realizing what a concession that was on her part. “Thank you.”

I had just stepped outside when she called my name. “Rose?”

I caught the door and glanced back. “Yeah?”

Alberta’s face was gentle . . . something I’d never seen before. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Sorry for everything that happened. And that none of us could do anything about it.”

I saw in her eyes then that she knew about Dimitri and me. I wasn’t sure how. Maybe she’d heard it after the battle; maybe she’d guessed beforehand. Regardless, there was no chastisement in her face, only sincere sorrow and empathy. I gave her a brief nod of acknowledgment and went outside.

 

I found Christian the next day, but our conversation was brief. He was on his way to meet with some of his trainees and was running late. But he hugged me and seemed genuinely happy to have me back. It showed how far we’d come, considering the antagonistic relationship we’d had when we first met.

“About time,” he said. “Lissa and Adrian get the market share on worrying about you, but they’re not the only ones. And someone needs to put Adrian in his place, you know. I can’t do it
all
the time.”

“Thanks. It kills me to say this, but I missed you too. No one’s sarcasm compares to yours in Russia.” My amusement faded. “But since you mentioned Lissa—”

“No, no.” He held up his hand by way of protest, face hardening. “I
knew
you were going to go there.”

“Christian! She loves you. You know that what happened wasn’t her fault—”

“I know that,” he interrupted. “But it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Rose, I know it’s in your nature to rush in and say what everyone else is afraid to, but please . . . not this time. I need time to figure things out.”

I had to bite back a lot of comments. Lissa had mentioned Christian in our talk yesterday. What had happened between them was one of her biggest regrets—probably the thing she hated Avery the most for. Lissa wanted to approach him and make up, but he’d kept his distance. And yes, he was right. It wasn’t my place to rush in—yet. But I did need them to fix this.

So I respected his wishes and simply nodded. “Okay. For now.”

My last words made his smile twist a little. “Thanks. Look, I’ve got to head off. If you ever want to show these kids how to kick ass the old-fashioned way, come by sometime. Jill would pass out if she saw you again.”

I told him I would and let him go on his way, seeing as I had places to be. No way was I finished with him, though.

I had a dinner date with Adrian and Lissa, up in one of the lounges in guest housing. Talking to Christian had made me late, and I hurried through the building’s lobby, barely taking note of my surroundings.

“Always in a rush,” a voice said. “It’s a wonder anyone can get you to stop moving.”

I came to a halt and turned, my eyes wide. “Mom . . .”

She stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed, with her cropped auburn hair as curly and messy as ever. Her face, weathered like Alberta’s from being out in the elements, was filled with relief and—love. There was no anger, no condemnation. I had never been so happy to see her in my life. I was in her arms in an instant, resting my head on her chest even though she was shorter than me.