Valentine's Rose (13 page)

Picking up the cans he could see, he slammed them on top of the crate and strode outside.

Rose stood over by the wagon. She couldn’t make it clearer that she was ready to leave. What did he expect, after he had abused her tender heart by saying her efforts to impress him weren’t worth it. He’d meant to say
he
wasn’t worth her efforts. Seeing the admiration in her eyes when she looked at him soothed his pride and filled his heart to bursting, but his conscience wouldn’t let him accept it.

Her heartbreaking story, how much she loved and missed her family, had stirred something deep inside. He longed to do more than offer her a shirt she could soak, except he’d never experienced the kind of love she’d described, and he didn’t know how to give. He knew only how to take. If she knew half the things he’d done, the selfishness that encrusted his heart, she wouldn’t waste her time on him.

That’s what he had to do. Abandoning her at the hotel would only make her believe he was rejecting her again. But if he told her about his sordid past, about why he had to leave, and what drove him to return, she wouldn’t want to remain with him. She’d be able to shed her infatuation and open her heart to someone more deserving.

His stomach twisted at the thought.

“Let me get the horse. I’ll take you back.” He would talk to her on the way to town. At least then he wouldn’t have to look her in the eye while he confessed his sins.

“No, I don’t think so.”

Her rebellious remark arrested his retreat.

She turned around, holding one of the large drill bits. As she picked away pieces of grass stuck to the blades, her brow pinched in a thoughtful frown. “You said before, we’re in this together. So I’ll be stayin’ here to help you. Don’t worry about me begging you to take me along. I won’t ask again. But I’ll not be shirking my duties in the meantime.”

He started back in her direction, determined. “You aren’t shirking your duties because you don’t owe me anything.”

She dropped the bit back into the wagon and crossed her arms over her chest in a gesture that bespoke defiance. “I made my vows. Even if they mean nothing to you, they mean something to me.”

Her remark had the effect of a slap. She couldn’t have insulted him more if she’d tried.

“This has nothing to do with our vows, which, by the way, I take very seriously. There’s nowhere out here for you to stay, only one bed, which I’d give to you, but you wouldn’t want to sleep in it. The place is infested with bugs.”

She marched over to the shack and picked up her satchel, which she’d left beside the door. “I’ve lived with bugs before. So big they could pick up a baby and carry it off. Bugs don’t scare me. But if they scare you, then you can sleep outside.”

“Scare me? I’m not scared of...” He clamped his jaw shut before he told a lie. She’d change her tune after she met that creepy crawly with a million legs. Maybe it would do her good to sleep one night in the shanty. She’d be more than ready to leave in the morning. He could put a blanket under the wagon. There were probably fewer bugs under there than in the house.

“Suit yourself.”

“Thank ye, I will.” She opened the door and vanished inside.

He walked to the door and was met with a titillating view of her backside as she crouched down on all fours and peered under his bed. “What are you doing?”

“Just seeing how big the bugs be...”

“They don’t come out until dark. Usually.”

She retrieved the missing can and he offered her a hand and helped her stand. “Do you have anything other than beans?”

“There’s jerky, canned milk, canned peaches...”

“Flour? Lard?”

What did she think she would find in here, a fully stocked kitchen?

“I don’t cook.”

She heaved a sigh of disappointment. “No, I don’t suppose you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Her shoulder lifted in a slight shrug. “You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. So I don’t suppose you would know how to do such things as cooking...” She took a meaningful look around the room. “Or cleaning.”

Val straightened as much as the low ceiling would allow. “In case you hadn’t noticed, the floor is dirt. You can’t
clean
dirt.”

She’d already turned away from him and went poking around behind crates.

“What are you looking for?”

“A broom.” She found what she sought in a corner. “In case you hadn’t noticed, you can sweep a hard-packed floor. That’ll get some of the bugs out.”

He stood aside as she whisked the small room, using the tip of the broom to get into the corners. She dislodged a few dead bugs, small ones, or did they just look smaller in the daylight? She swept them outside with a flourish. When she’d finished making her point, he took the broom. Bugs were the least of their problems.

“Walk with me down to the creek. We’ll need fresh water, and you might enjoy the view.” He’d prefer more pleasant surroundings when he confessed things that weren’t so pleasant.

Val leaned the broom against an outside wall and picked up a bucket he had forgotten to take when he went down earlier to wash off the dirt and sweat. He’d spent all day digging and drilling, and coming up with nothing. His impatience added to his frustration—two hallmarks of his life that remained constant even now.

Rose walked alongside him into the trees. Above their heads in the leafy canopy, birds sang; two squirrels chattered and chased one another, leaping from branch to branch. Around their feet, wild violets bloomed in surprising profusion. He heard the creek gurgling before it came into view. The peaceful surroundings eased some of the tension in his chest and shoulders.

Her arm brushed his and the tension returned, only this time centered in the nether regions. “I saw rocks and dirt in the wagon. Have you found coal yet?”

“No. But I still have another section to sample...” He tried not to sound discouraged. Based on the sympathetic look she gave him, he failed.

“You’re worried you won’t find any.”

“For your sake, I hope that’s not the case.”

“Why do you say, for my sake?”

“Because I want to leave you wealthy enough to live in comfort.”

Her expression turned reproachful. “I don’t need much to be comfortable. Being wealthy isn’t important to me.”

Given the grinding poverty in her past, it should be.

“It’s important to me that you have the resources to live without worry.”

She stood a few feet back while he squatted by a spot where the water flowed clear. “I’m not the one who’s worried. And as much as I appreciate you wanting to take care of my material needs, I don’t think this is about me. ”

Rose already saw through him to a degree, so he might as well conquer his cowardice and expose his true nature.

“You’re right. I am worried. I’m concerned I won’t make enough to take care of you and to replace what I’ve wasted.”

She remained quiet for a moment, and then, “You spent all your money?”

“And a fair amount of my father’s money. Gambling, betting on horses, drinking like a fish, entertainment, women...at one point, I convinced my younger brother to join me in my excesses and managed to ruin him as well. ”

Val kept his attention focused on the task of filling the bucket because he didn’t want to see the expression on Rose’s face. Her father had been murdered for two dollars. She’d be repulsed by his careless, wasteful life.

“Why would you do that?”

Leave it to Rose to boil it down to one simple question—one he didn’t want to answer.

“Because it was fun?” Val set the bucket aside, fighting to overcome his fear and self-loathing. He owed her more than a flippant reply. “I’m impetuous, selfish and destructive—at least that’s what I’ve been told for as long as I can remember. As it turns out, it appears they were right.”

“They?”

He stood but still couldn’t force himself to face her directly. “My parents, my governesses. I went through an astonishing number before I was sent off to school. The teachers tried their best to beat the devil out of me, but they had no luck. Neither did my older brother, or my former betrothed, although she employed kinder methods.”

“Sounds to me like you wanted to prove them right.”

“In part, but you see, that only confirms their perceptions. Otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. My misspent youth is the reason I’m here in America. The Baron purchased a one-way ticket and told me not to come back. But I’ve never minded him. Not once.”

Rose drew closer. He couldn’t see her as she was standing behind him but he knew she was there—her nearness always set off a thrumming energy that charged his nerves and heightened his senses. It didn’t feel the same as the forceful agitation that had caused him to break things and hurt people when he was younger. This powerful surge tugged at his very soul. He longed to embrace the source, though he was terrified of what might happen if he did.

Her fingers curled around his arm. She held onto him with both hands. Was she worried she might lose her way? If so, he was the very last person she should hold onto.

“Tell me why you must go back.”

Another question he’d been waiting for and dreading.

“To salvage my wretched pride.”

He knew now that wasn’t possible. Ironically, Rose had taught him that. Going home rich wouldn’t prove anything, and he would feel no better about himself afterwards. Everything he’d done since he’d arrived in America, including marrying Rose, only confirmed he was still impetuous and selfish, and he had destroyed too many lives. He’d nearly ruined hers, but she had such amazing resilience, she would bounce back. One day, after she found a good husband and had a house full of children to look after and love, he would be nothing more than a bad memory.

––––––––

R
ose stayed the night, as she’d vowed to do. She wouldn’t try to make herself into something she wasn’t just to please him, she wouldn’t walk away either. In the end, he might still leave, but retreating now would gain her nothing.

Val slept outside and gave her his bed, for all the good it did her. She didn’t sleep a wink, which had nothing to do with the spiders and centipedes—a minor annoyance. However, she tucked away the fact that her husband feared them, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

He hated showing weakness. He’d been mortified to have to make his confession to her and explain his penance.

Impetuous. Selfish. Destructive.

He didn’t see those were just words—words used against him. She’d heard the same words to describe her youngest brother, Willy. Her parents hadn’t called him those things, but just about everybody else did, and they said he ought to be punished. Instead of beating or berating him, her mother had done her best to keep Willy’s energy focused, so he wouldn’t get into trouble. Val’s parents hadn’t understood their son, even with all their learning. If they’d loved him, they hadn’t showed it. He believed—and became—the terrible person he’d been told he was, and now he punished himself for it. He didn’t need more punishment. He needed love, yet he wouldn’t accept it. The knotty problem had kept her up all night.

In the morning after Val left, Rose cleaned up and aired out the shanty. She unearthed a surprise behind the dwelling, the remains of a garden with carrots and potatoes. Using some canned milk, she made up a nice soup. As evening approached, she heated their meal.

Drawing her skirt away from the edge of the fire pit, she leaned over to add salt to the pot and stir the soup. The fragrant smell wafted upwards and she smiled with satisfaction. Her mother always said men were much easier to get along with when they were well fed.

“Rose!” The excitement in Val’s tone was evident even over the distance. The tall grass shook and parted as he drove the horse through it. No sooner had the wagon rolled to a stop than he leapt out and ran in her direction. His broad smile told her something good had happened while he’d been out drilling. Something wonderful.

Before she could form the question, he seized her by the waist and twirled her around twice before setting her on her feet and sweeping down for a kiss. She returned the unexpected gift in full measure, giving as well as she got, pouring everything in her heart into the kiss.

Her pulse sped up when he drew her closer, deepening the intimacy. His lips explored hers, his tongue doing things that made her tremble and his touch igniting the sweetest ache. When he ended the kiss, she gasped. She’d forgotten to breathe.

He stared down at her like he’d never seen her before. Or maybe he’d been as affected by that kiss as her. Her head still spun, and she couldn’t put two words together. Abruptly, he crushed her against him. “Rose,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ve found it... Coal.”

She regarded him with loving amusement. “Such sweet words, dear husband. You know how to flatter a girl.”

One corner of his mouth curled upward and she felt the pull on her heartstrings. “Oh, I’m not done flattering yet. Let me show you...”

He took her by the hand and led her over to the wagon. More dirt and rocks, but these rocks were black. Reaching into the bed, he withdrew one and offered it to her as a gentleman might offer flowers.

She turned the black, pitted gift over in her hands. “Looks like a black rock.”

Val bent over, his forehead nearly touching hers. “Oh, no, not just a rock do I offer you. That’s steam coal, my lady.”

He cupped her face in his palms and tipped her chin, dropping a kiss on her nose before he brushed her lips with a feather-light touch. Before she could respond, he drew back, his mouth and eyes conveying reluctant resignation. “Coal is a much better gift.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” She reached up and threaded her fingers through his hair, over his ear. “Did you lose your hat?”  Her hand moved down his neck to his shoulders, where black suspenders hugged a sweat-dampened shirt. “Befuddled man,” she murmured. “You left your coat somewhere as well. Your vest is safe, though. Its clean and folded up.”

Her heart ached for him to accept her, to let her show him how loveable he was, even when he forgot things or got distracted or impatient. He also put boots on a poor girl’s feet like they were fine slippers, and made her believe she could be beautiful and desirable. He fought for her and protected her and put his arms around her when she needed comfort. Was it any wonder she’d fallen head over heels in no time at all?