Use Somebody (44 page)

“You want casual…” he tested out the word, rolling it over in his mind. He sat back and took an even breath. “I can do casual.”

I brought my hands down to give him a full view of my incredulous look. “Oh really, Vance?” I challenged. “How are we supposed to do that? You’re already my best friend. You already know too much about me. You’re already seriously, um, invested. We’d be like starting out on date number one-hundred and eight! What’s casual about all that?”

He laughed quietly. “I can tone it down, if that’s what you need. We’ll live in the moment. We’ll go as slow as you like. Okay?”

Torn, my lower lip caught between my teeth. I hated it when he was reasonable. It made it that much harder to argue with him.

“And you’re sure this isn’t—I don’t know—unhealthy?”

Gentle knuckles brushed along my cheek. “No more unhealthy than trying to stay away from each other.”

Another good point. Now we were both fighting our urges and where’s the sense in that? When you put it that way… I was running out of excuses.

“You have to promise me something.” I looked him in the eyes. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering this. “You have to swear that if this gets too hard, or if you meet someone else, we will break this off. I don’t want to prevent you from having a real relationship.”

He rolled his eyes and smiled. “Fine.”

I knew immediately that he was only conceding to humor me. He had no intention of really keeping this casual.

“I’m serious. I waited nine months under the guise that Nathan would come around, and I ended up heartbroken. So I’m telling you right now that I may never come around. I may never be able to have a normal relationship. I know you, too, Vance. It will get difficult. And you don’t deserve to be tied down to something tenuous. You have to tell me when you can’t do this anymore. Not if,
when
. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”

“You want to know what went wrong with Nathan? Besides the fact that he’s an ass, you two didn’t communicate. I’m not under any false pretenses, Rosie, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

He wasn’t getting it. It was crucial that he understood where I was coming from so I didn’t lead him on again. So I took it a step further. “The same rule applies for me.”

That got his attention. The whites of his eyes expanded. “What?”

“If I meet someone else, I promise to tell you.”

“I’m not sharing you. That’s where I draw the line.” He frowned. “New rule. This is exclusive.”

My response was matter-of fact. “No. If this were exclusive, you wouldn’t be willing to meet other girls.”

“Why are you so anxious to throw me to other girls?”

My gaze dropped to my lap. “I just know someone out there will make you happy.”

He dipped his head to recapture my eyes.
“You
make me happy.”

“Really?” I asked, incredulous. “A half-assed secret relationship with boundaries and conditions? That’s what makes you happy?”

He shrugged, an unstoppable grin taking over his face. “For now.”

I bit my lip but didn’t cave. “Sorry. We can’t call it exclusive.” The rule was more for his benefit, anyway. I needed to set the precedent that we weren’t actually dating. The last thing he needed was to think long-term with someone like me. Besides, if we did call it exclusive, we might as well call it committed. And I wasn’t ready for that. It was an arbitrary line, but it was there.

“That’s the best I can do. Take it or leave it.”

He released a heavy sigh. “You’re going to drive me crazy, you know that?”

“I thought I made you happy,” I teased, which he ignored.

“Any other rules?”

“No one finds out.” I looked into his eyes to communicate my seriousness. “It’ll only complicate things.”

He nodded. “Alright. And no sex.”

I nodded, aware that he made that rule for my benefit. “Agreed.”

“Last rule,” he hesitated. “I want to take you out on actual dates.” When I didn’t immediately agree, he continued. “I don’t want you to think of this as just a booty call,” he rolled his eyes. “If you’re going to let me kiss you, you’re going to have to let me treat you right. Even if it’s just two friends spending quality time together.”

I was skeptical. This one really had potential to blur the line. But we were a little uneven in the rule department. It seemed that I was getting my way with all the points. If this was a true compromise, I had to give somewhere.

“Is this very important to you?”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s the one thing I ask.”

I supposed it wasn’t much different than our trips to Honey’s together. If he agreed to keep it low-key, I didn’t see the harm. “Okay… But nothing fancy or convoluted.
Casual.”

He nodded. “Deal. We’ll go out… five times a month.”

“Ha-ha… Once.”

“Four times.”

“Two.”

“Three times then?” he asked hopefully.

I sighed and nodded my agreement. “Fine.”

“Look at us, communicating and compromising like a real couple.”

I shook my head at his dreamy grin. “We are extremely weird. You know that, right?”

“I’ve always known that,” he shrugged. “So. This will be casual. Open but
honest
. It stays between us. Sex is off the table. Three dates a month. And our friendship comes first, no matter what. Are you happy with that?”

I thought about it for a minute, then nodded. Yes, I was very happy with that. It didn’t seem so intimidating now that we had established boundaries I could tolerate. And I liked being able to talk about it together and set expectations. The most important part was knowing that Vance was willing to listen to my concerns and make the transition as smooth as possible. The thought of this step no longer terrified me. I hadn’t actually thought it could work, but Vance found a way. He always seemed to find a way.

“Good. Now get over here so I can touch you.”

I smiled from mere inches away. “I can’t get much closer. We’re on the same couch cushion.”

I squealed when he grabbed my hips and pulled me forward into his lap, proving me wrong. A growl emanated from low in his chest. “Not close enough.”

And then his lips were on mine, and there was no more talking.

“Hola,” I greeted Vance and Gwen as I sauntered in through the back door at Mooshi.

It was the day after Vance and I had established our arrangement and spent the night “shaking on it.” I was anxious to see how he would react to me at work. Would his smile give it away like the day after our first kiss? Had he changed his mind since our conversation and realized that our rules weren’t in his favor? Would he be indifferent like Nathan had been when we were in a friends-with-benefits type relationship? For some reason I kept expecting him to wake up totally over it—over me. The thought shouldn’t have disappointed me as much as it did.

My veins buzzed with curiosity and nervousness while I awaited his reaction.

“Qué pasa?” Gwen replied automatically. She was seated against a wall and didn’t even bother to glance away from her magazine.

When I first looked at Vance, he appeared to be relaxed. Casual… Maybe a little too casual. I searched his face for some indication of his thoughts but it was void of anything obvious. He was taking inventory of the candy stock and barely even looked up from his clipboard when I came in, like he was totally unaffected by my presence.

My brows furrowed. Never thought I’d miss his enthusiastic greetings, when he acted as though us being in the same room made his day a thousand times brighter.

I swallowed, immediately assuming the worst. Maybe he was having second thoughts. I wasn’t sure he was going to smile or say anything at all. That wasn’t exactly what I had wanted.

Then, ever so subtly, he looked up at me and winked.

And all I could picture was the way he had shoved me up against a door last night and kissed the shit outta me.

I pursed my lips to try to contain the smile threatening to escape. Once I felt my cheeks begin to heat, I had to turn away completely before I released the stupid building giggle. Feigning a need to find the perfect compartment in my purse to store my keys, I walked past them both towards the register so I could clock in. But not before I caught a very satisfied look on Vance’s face.

Like always, I’d brought a book to read during the lulls in the evening. But after Gwen clocked out from her mid-shift and left, not even one paragraph got read. Every single second we were alone in the back of that shop, Vance’s lips were touching mine.

* * *

Our first official date began at a Barnes and Noble.

At first I was a little befuddled but I went along with it. Vance had promised to keep our dates simple and this definitely qualified as simple. After all, who didn’t love Barnes and Noble? This place was a ton of fun and a bit of a time warp, where hours disappeared in the blink of an eye.

I figured out where this was going when he told me to pick out anything I wanted.

“No gifts,” I declined with a shake of my head, and asked if we could add that rule to the list. From a young age, I was taught to take care of myself and to never mooch or accept undeserved handouts. Everything I owned was bought with my own hard-earned money. Thus, I’d never been the kind of girl who expected gifts, especially from boys.

Even though I didn’t think Vance had ulterior motives with me, it was drilled into my brain that guys had certain expectations when it came to gifts. Sort of like an exchange for services. Conversely, some girls became dependent, or like Evelyn, took advantage of their generosity. I never wanted to make Vance feel like history was repeating itself in that regard.

For his sake and mine, I couldn’t accept gifts.

So, like always, I’d made it complicated and awkward.

Vance requested an amendment. “No
expensive
gifts.” A book, he reasoned, was almost like buying me a drink or two. Then he assured me we weren’t even going out to dinner tonight, so it was still a relatively cheap date.

I thought about that, then gave my concession, mostly because the idea of men picking up women by offering to buy her a book instead of a drink made me smile.

Fine,
I thought.
I’ll just pick out a simple paperback to make him happy.

Once I started thumbing through a couple classics, I started to get excited. It was actually pretty sweet that Vance had considered my personal interests when he planned our date. No one had ever been this intentional about spending quality time with me.

We spent almost an hour in the store, mostly poking fun at the Harlequin romance section. Vance preceded to make up stories and dialogue about Wolfgang and Charlotte’s scandalous adventures based on the obnoxious covers and titles of each book. Where did the goober come up with this stuff?

Keeping my laughter quiet as possible was tough, but I tried my best. We got the evil eye from a couple women who apparently took their romance novels very seriously. So we finally made a purchase and left.

“Are we going back to your place now?” I asked, securing my safety buckle in his truck.

He grinned widely. “The date’s not over, though I appreciate your enthusiasm.”

“Where are we going then?” I inquired.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

I huffed dramatically, to which he laughed.

“Patience, Rosie!” And he drove to the next secret location, holding my hand the entire way.

Wherever we were headed, I was equipped with a new book. So what could there possibly be to worry about? I was already in such a good mood. Windows down, singing along to the blasting music, laughing at Vance for making up his own words. According to his iPod we were listening to a set called “Rosie’s Playlist,” a motley collection from various artists. He often played this one so I recognized most of the songs, but every now and then he added another.

Taking this step hadn’t changed that special part of our friendship like I feared it might. It only made it better.

I figured out the rest of his plan when he exited the freeway at Mountain Avenue.

“Are we going to the cabin?”

A smile was his only response.

We made it up the winding road and parked in front of his cabin—the very place where so many of our first intimate encounters took place. I inhaled the clean mountain air and was reminded of a night that I danced, and laughed, and shared a handful of secret moments with Vance Holloway.

I remembered the first time I came here, thinking that a girl could get swept off her feet in a place like this. I smiled at the irony. Turned out that girl was me all along.

That thought stopped me in my tracks. No. I wasn’t getting swept away. This was merely an arrangement with defined terms in which two parties were enjoying the physical perks of a relationship while maintaining emotional boundaries.

Yes. That’s all this was.

He pulled a few items out of the truck bed and led me by the hand through the trees. Winter weather was approaching early all the way up here. Ruling out the evergreens, there were few remaining leaves that hadn’t already withered and fallen to the ground.

We came to a stop in front of the lake. The golden sun glittered through the trees, reflecting off the ripples of the water and casting a buttery glow over everything. I looked to Vance and blushed when I found him smiling back.

He laid out a red-and-white checkered blanket on the ground, then placed a wicker basket in the center. We took seats on each side, and as he started to reach in the basket, I took in the full scene with soft eyes—Vance surrounded by his mountains. The date was a perfect moment in time. True to his word, it was simple, just the way I liked it. But it was also incredibly well thought out, representing a little piece of each of us.

I couldn’t give him what he wanted, but maybe this would suffice.

The last thing he pulled out of that basket was a narrow glass vase that held a single pink rose. It reminded me of the yellow rose he had left on my car after his first attempted kiss. So much had changed since then, and I understood the significance of the lovely newly-colored flower.

“I thought we’d do Italian,” he flashed me a saucy grin and handed me a Tupperware of antipasto. “Just like you.”

I thanked him and took a bite with a smile. “This is delicious,” I said after swallowing. “Did you make this?”

“What did you think? I lived on hotdogs and mac and cheese?”

“Don’t forget pancakes,” I giggled and took another bite.
Amazing.
“How do you know I’m Italian?”

“You told me the first time we ever met.
Ahem.
‘My surname is Rossi. RAW-SEE. It’s Italian.’” He punctuated his bitch voice with a dramatic flick of the wrist.

“Wow. That sounds like me, alright. That was perfect until you added in the hair flip at the end.”

“I’ll work on it.”

I shook my head. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

“Of course I remember. You leave quite an impression, you know.”

My gaze lowered. I’d been so cold to him that first day, not to mention all those times I rolled my eyes and told him off after that… What had he seen in me that was worth befriending? I never deserved his friendship, let alone his affection.

One hand reached out and cupped my face, his thumb releasing my lower lip from between my teeth. “You don’t have to feel bad.”

I blinked at his soft smile. “You’re sure you aren’t a mind reader?”

“I wish. But no, it’s this sexy little lip that gives you away.” His gaze lingered there as well.

I struggled to take a breath. “I’m sorry I was so awful to you.”

“Nah, more like bittersweet. I knew I’d wear you down. It was just a matter of time. But if you feel so inclined to make it up to me, I might have a few ideas…”

He presented his cheek to me, so I leaned forward to press my lips against it, then tickled his face by fluttering my eyelashes. He retaliated by nibbling my ear, and I laughed out loud.

Wear me down, he had.

* * *

We enjoyed dinner and brownies while watching the sun descend lower and lower and finally set over the inland valley. The wind had calmed and the lake was as smooth as a mirror, reflecting every rock, every leaf, every cloud in the sky glowing heavenly pinks and purples, long after the sun disappeared from sight.

He brought an extra sweater and a lantern so I could read my new book on the picnic blanket. But for once in my life, I was too enthralled with conversation to open the cover.

“So, two older brothers, huh?” I asked, cradled between his thighs, my back to his chest.

“That’s right,” he said, his arms wrapped around me, absently caressing me with his fingers.

“Are you like them?”

He paused. “Not really. My brothers are just like my dad. I take after my mom’s side, I guess.”

“How so?”

“They like the beach, I like the mountains. They played football, I joined Scouts with Cole. They party… I’m more of a relationship kinda guy.”

I nodded, realizing that I had a lot more in common with Vance than I realized. “Do they treat you well?”

Another pause. “Yes, Rosie. As well as can be expected for a baby brother.”

“Did they like your girlfriend?”

“Honestly?”

I felt his chuckle and turned to face him. “Yes?”

He grinned. “They couldn’t stand her.”

His smile was infectious. “That seems to be the consensus,” I deduced, and faced forward again, burrowing into him. “Was there anybody that actually liked you two together?”

He bit back a laugh. “You did.”

I rolled my eyes, thinking of how ridiculous I was for wanting him to stay with that girl who was so obviously wrong for him.

“How was I supposed to know? You seemed to really love her. Besides, I just missed the Vance that didn’t hit on me all the time.”

“Nah. It’s better this way. Don’t you think?”

I steeled myself. “Can I ask you a question?”

“So many questions tonight. Of course. Ask me everything. I’m always going to be real with you. What you see is what you get.”

It took me a few seconds to get the words out. “Do you ever regret it?”

“No, Rosie. I don’t ever regret my relationship with Evelyn. Or any other crummy thing I’ve done in my life.”

My eyes widened, though he couldn’t see. “No regrets? Like, at all?”

“None whatsoever.”

I shook my head. How could he not have any regrets? My past relationships were riddled with them. “You couldn’t have ever done anything that stupid if there’s nothing you wish to take back.”

One hand came up to play with my hair, sifting it through his fingers. “I don’t see it that way.”

“Of course you don’t. On a scale of Hitler to Mother Teresa, you’re like, Bono,” I said, which earned me a boisterous laugh.

“Even Bono is aware of his own shortcomings,” he said. “Sure, I could wish I hadn’t been so whipped with my first girlfriend. But then I never would’ve figured out what I do and don’t want in a relationship. Or learned how important it was to say enough’s enough. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of life. We learn, we move on, and hopefully we do it better next time around. All you can do is try your best.”