Untimely You (25 page)

“Now fuck me,” I demand.

He laughs—fucking laughs—and saunters over to the doorway. “We have work to do, beautiful. Once we get this shit organized, I’ll fuck you all night in my bed. Then we’ll go back to your place and cuddle.” He smirks as he says the last part. I flip him off but totally check out his butt as he leaves the room.

Apparently, I worried for no reason.

Everything will be just fine.

My back aches from sorting through boxes. But I don’t dare tell Adrian. His face has been serious as he tackles each box. Most are easy. Old clothes she was planning to give away. Stuff that belonged to Damien over the years that somehow got shoved into the spare bedroom. We’re starting to make it to the bottom of things when my stomach grumbles.

“I’ll run and grab us some dinner. Why don’t you take a nap or something?” he says as he stretches his arms over his head giving me a delicious view of a sliver of his toned stomach. I know he still works out obsessively when he comes here to “pack” but I don’t ever say anything. Besides, I’m pretty into licking between every line of his muscled chest and stomach each night. Quite frankly, the man looks good for his age. Really damn good. His workout obsession is the least of my worries.

“I miss Yvette,” I whine. And I do. The woman could cook some creole food like nobody’s business. But, New Orleans or N’awlins—the faster way to say it according to her—was calling her back home. She missed the “Gumbo Ya-Ya.” When I told her I’d miss her gumbo, she just laughed at me and said, “Bless yo poor heart, chile.”

“Yvette was ready to retire,” he grumbles as he leaves the room. “I’ll be back in twenty.”

I try not to pout about the fact he didn’t kiss me goodbye. But, we are sorting through his dead wife’s—a wife he had for twenty years—things and I don’t know that this makes for happy times. I’m exhausted, and the bed is covered in newly sealed and marked boxes, so I sit down on the floor and lie back. The dust tickles my nose, but I like the scent of memories. Soon, we’ll make some of our own.

My eyelids droop and I roll over onto my side to get comfortable. There’s more stuff under the bed and I groan. But between two shoeboxes is a notebook. Curiosity gets the better of me and I reach for it. When I pull it out, I realize it’s a journal.

Chrissy’s journal.

I chew on my bottom lip. I’m about to open someone’s private thoughts. Am I sure I want to do this? My heart thumps. What if there’s something in it that could make Adrian feel better? Against my better judgment, I flip it open.

The journal entries start out almost as a schedule.

June 14, 2003

7 am – Adrian leaves before Damien wakes up.

2 pm – He apologizes for forgetting to meet me for lunch via rushed phone message.

5 pm – Damien and I eat alone.

6 pm – Damien begs for me to call Daddy to come home.

8 pm – I put my sad boy to bed.

10 pm – Adrian shows up. And he smells like booze.

11 pm – After an hour of him fiddling on the computer, ignoring me, I go to bed.

1 am – He comes to bed. Pulls down my panties. Fucks me.

I clench my teeth and flip the page. My belly tightens with nerves.

June 18
th
, 2003

6 am – He works out.

6:45 am – He crawls into bed and fucks me.

6:55 am – Leaves for work.

8:15 am – Damien cries for his daddy.

8:27 am – Adrian and I get into a screaming match over the phone.

11:45 am – Adrian comes home and apologizes. We make love.

This is stupid.

Her entries don’t pick up again until September.

September 14
th
, 2003

Fuck you, Adrian. Fuck you.

Tears well in my eyes. I feel like I’m an outsider looking in on the dark parts of their marriage. I should close the notebook. But I don’t.

October 6
th
, 2003

I’ve done the unthinkable. I asked our neighbor Carson over to help me get some of the fall decorations from the attic. I’d asked Adrian multiple times, but he kept forgetting. Carson came over. He said he loved my new haircut. Adrian hadn’t even noticed and it’s been two weeks! Carson and I had coffee on the back porch. He patted my back while I cried. I think I just had a date with my neighbor. :(

And the entries become more frequent after that.

October 12
th
, 2003

Carson is deliberately trying to drive me crazy. Today he mowed his front yard in just a pair of basketball shorts knowing I was out front pulling weeds. He’s cute. His blond hair always sticks up in every which way and his black glasses are always perched on the end of his nose, making him look smarter than he actually is…ha! Following my shower after having worked out front all morning, I found my vibrator. I orgasmed three times before my muscles were spent and weak. Each time, I thought about Carson mowing. I’m a terrible person.

October 13
th
, 2003

Carson was in the middle of trying to bake some cookies for his son’s middle school bake sale. Ever since Judy died, he’s been being the mom and the dad. I told him that I know how he feels. I taught him how to bake. Men. He had no clue what the difference was between baking soda and baking powder. No wonder his cookies were so awful. Despite his terrible cookies, something had transpired between us. He swiped some flour off my cheek and we locked eyes. What am I doing? Tonight, I’m going to make things better with Adrian. I’ll dress sexy for him and we’ll figure this out.

October 14
th
, 2003

We will never figure this out. After he showed up at two in the morning last night blabbing about a deal they’d finally sealed, he rolled me over and fucked me. I came so hard. I was thinking of Carson.

October 17
th
, 2003

I invited Carson over for lunch. It’s nice having a friend who works from home. I’m not so lonely. When I told him about how I’d attempted to get Adrian to notice me and even wore sexy lingerie, but didn’t even get to show him since he decided to show up in the middle of the night, Carson seemed angry. For me! He told me Adrian was a lucky bastard who didn’t appreciate what he had. I’d waved him off and laughed but he was serious. Then, he kissed me. I’m so ashamed but I can’t stop thinking about it. He said if I were his, he’d tell me I was beautiful every day. This is bad.

I sob and my heart bleeds for Adrian. I feel like I know what’s going to happen in her little journal. Knowing he’s still gone, I flip to the next entry.

October 31
st
, 2013

Adrian had to work but Carson and I took the boys trick or treating. Carson dressed as a mad scientist and kept teasing me, saying he had nothing on under his lab coat. I dressed in my old cheerleader outfit from high school. It still fit but was sort of short. Carson said he was always the nerd in high school and never stood a chance with the cheerleaders. He said the football players of the world—like Adrian—always beat him to the punch. So I kissed him.

November 12
th
, 2013

I’ve avoided Carson because this isn’t right. I have spent some time trying to get Adrian to come back to me. But last night he told me I was a “fucking nag” and that he’s just trying to give me “all the shit to make my princess ass happy.” We’re done. Tomorrow I’m contacting an attorney. I can’t live like this anymore.

November 18
th
, 2013

Carson said he’d go with me. That nobody should have to do this alone. While at the attorney’s office, he broke my heart. Told me his Judy had all of these plans in place for when the cancer finally took her. He said I needed to think about Damien. That Adrian isn’t exactly the best-fit parent and if anything ever happened to me, I should have a backup plan. Then, after the meeting, Carson took me to a hotel. He undressed me and kissed me everywhere. I’ve never felt so ashamed and so wanted all at once. I was now the one to ignore my spouse’s texts and calls instead of the other way around. I was the one stepping out on our marriage while the other person had to sit by idly. Carson made love to me. It was different. And he wasn’t Adrian. But it was good. My heart started to beat again. I should have waited until the divorce papers were drawn up but I needed to feel wanted.

November 21
st
, 2013

Adrian suspects nothing. Carson is bold. He comes over at all hours of the day. Fucks me over our furniture. Makes me suck his cock with the windows open. Eats my pussy while I read to him. It’s hot and naughty and exciting. I think I love him.

December 10
th
, 2013

I had a pregnancy scare. Jesus! Who would the father have been? I’m sleeping with two men so we might have never known. Carson more so than Adrian, but still…

December 18
th
, 2013

Carson is kinky. Today, he tied me up in my bed. He whipped me with Adrian’s belt and took pictures of my red ass. I begged him not to but he said it’s a control thing. He wants me to squirm knowing he has them in his possession. When I cried and begged him to destroy them, he told me he loved me. That this is a real relationship—with trust. He wants me to move out already—with him! And then we had anal sex. It seems disgusting but I came so hard with his dick inside my ass. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Carson wants to marry me. And I think I want to marry him too.

December 22, 2013

Adrian is trying so hard. I won’t taint his last ditch effort to save our dead marriage. Plus, I won’t break Damien’s heart. He’s so thrilled to go see The Nutcracker. I’ll wait until after Christmas to give him the divorce papers. Carson was so pissed today when I told him I still hadn’t done it yet. He made me call Adrian while he was at work while he fucked me. I was panting and desperately trying not to moan. Adrian didn’t even notice. Blew me off and told me he’d see me later. The moment I hung up, Carson told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he couldn’t wait to have me all of the time. He bit me. He spanked me. He yanked my hair. He choked me. And it was beautiful. With tears welling in my eyes as I came, I agreed that I wanted him all of the time too. My marriage to Adrian died a long time ago.

A tear rolls out and smears the ink. He’ll be crushed if he sees this. I’m panicking about what to do when I hear the front door open.

“Honey, I’m home,” he calls out in a singsong voice.

My heart climbs into my throat as I rise to my feet. Rushing out of the room and into his bedroom, I stuff the notebook in my purse.

I’m just turning around after hiding it when I see him in the doorway. “Hi!” I squeak out, my cheeks burning with a mixture of anger at Chrissy and embarrassment at being caught.

He lifts an eyebrow in amusement and smiles. So beautiful. How dare she! Adrian is a good man.

“I’m starved,” I say with a little too much excitement and grab his hand. He remains still for a moment, as if he’s wondering what it is I’m hiding, before following me to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, he grabs my hips and pushes me against the counter. His narrowed eyes are searching my face for answers. With a smile, I slide my hands up his chest and kiss him.

My poor, sweet Adrian.

I swear I will destroy that horrible book. Your beautiful eyes will never have to see it.

“I love you, Crazy.”

Swallowing, I meet his gaze with a fierce one of my own. “I love you too.”