Until We Fly (The Beautifully Broken) (11 page)

He’s all I want. 

When he’s here, everything is okay. 

I wipe my mouth and fall back against him, perfectly aware that I’m naked, but not willing to try and use it to my advantage. 

Brand pulls me to my feet, and holds me up. 

“Was it something you ate?” he asks gently. 

Yeah.  A wrinkled penis that was shoved in my mouth months ago. 

I shake my head.  “I don’t know.  I’m just going to brush my teeth and go to bed early.”

“Okay.  Call if you need me,” Brand tells me again, concern in his husky voice.  I can’t bring myself to even look at him, because I’m afraid that if I do, he’ll see what I am.  He’ll know what I did.  He’ll know that I wasn’t strong enough to stop it.

“Okay.”

I listen to the creak of Brand’s crutches as he walks out, then I brush my teeth and wash my face. 

My fingers still shake.  The sick feeling lingers. 

I’m alone.  I’m so fucking alone. 

I know that Brand is in the other room, and I know that even if miracle of miracles, I manage to make him want me this summer, he’d never want me if he knew what I’ve done.  He’d never want me, and I could never take seeing the repulsion on his face if he ever found out. 

He can never find out. 

I wouldn’t be able to take the rejection. 

I reach for the bottle of sleeping pills sitting on my nightstand.  I haven’t been able to sleep without them for months, ever since
it
happened.  While I hesitate to put anything chemical in my body now, anything mind-altering, I know that if I don’t take these blessed little pills, I’ll never sleep again. 

I’ll never sleep again because I’m afraid of the shadows, and of what they might bring.  I have good reason. 

I gulp it down, and lean back, waiting for sweet oblivion.  It comes rather quickly and I fall asleep breathing in the sweet lavender smell of my pillow. 

Unfortunately, as sometimes happens, the pills also bring vivid dreams, or in this case, nightmares.

Memories.

The problem is, even though I know they’re nightmares, it’s hard to wake up.  It’s like I’m tied to the bed, like I once was, unable to move. 

My body writhes as I try to get away. 

Hands.

Hot breath.

Straps.

Slaps.

Pinches.

Sucks.

Bites.

Pain.

Skin rubbing mine. 

I’m too weak to move. 

I can’t move. 

I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

I wake up screaming. 

And as I sit up and open my eyes, I see the only thing that makes me feel safe. 

Brand.

Chapter Nine

Brand

Nora’s shrill screams had woken me from a dead slumber.   I’d leaped from bed and twisted my knee in the process, but it sounded like the hounds of hell were literally at her tail from the way she was screaming. 

But now, I see she was only dreaming. 

Her face is devoid of all color, so pale it almost looks silver as she sits in the light of the moon.  Her hands are twisted in the sheets so tightly that her knuckles are white.

She looks up and sees me, and relief floods her face.

“Brand,” she breathes. 

She’s limp and still and I fight the urge to cross the room and pull her to me.  She seems so helpless and alone.

“Is everything all right?” I say instead, remaining in the doorway. 

She nods.  “I’m sorry if I woke you.  I just…had a bad dream.”

I know all about bad dreams. 

I clear my throat, very aware that Nora is naked in her sheets.  She doesn’t seem to even notice, so I know that her fear right now is very real.

“Okay.  I just wanted to make sure.”

I turn to leave, but her voice stops me.

“Wait.”

I turn back and her face is pensive.

“Can you stay?”

She’s naked. 

“Uh.  I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Because she’s naked and this is not a smart thing. 

She hardly lets me finish before she interrupts. 

“Please.  I don’t want to be alone.”

The panic I see in her blue eyes does me in and I sigh.

“Okay.”

There’s no other place in this small bedroom to sit other than the bed.  So Nora slides over a bit, and I drop onto the other side of the bed.  I stay on top of the covers. 

“Thank you.”

Nora’s voice is small as she huddles back down into the bed.  I glance down and find that only her nose is sticking out, and a few tendrils of dark red hair.  Her fingers are still tightly wound around the sheets. 

I smile in the dark, then reach over and pry her fingers loose, straightening them out, forcing her to relax her grip. 

Her eyes open. 

“What are you afraid of?” I ask her quietly, staring into them. 

She blinks. 

“Everything,” she sighs, surprising me.

The dark almost seems suffocating, and against my better judgment, I close my hand over hers, holding her fingers. 

 “Don’t be,” I tell her.  “I’m here now.”

She sucks in her breath, I hear it. And I regret my words. I don’t want her to grow dependent on me.  We’re only here a short time.  I can’t get sucked in.  I won’t let it be another situation like the one with Jacey. 

Nora reaches for me, and I tense.  It’s visible. 

She stares at me through the dark, her eyes narrowing. 

“What are
you
afraid of?”

“Nothing,” I answer out of habit.  She narrows her eyes more. 

“Let me ask that again.  What are
you
afraid of?”

“This,” I finally answer. 

Nora sucks her breath in again.  “Why?”

I shake my head.  “Because nothing good can come of it.  We’re only here for a few weeks.”

Nora’s lips curve into a slow smile.  “Brand, trust me.  A whole lot of good can come from it.”

She reaches for me, her slender arms curving around my neck, pulling my face down to hers. 

And while I know I should push her away, I should get up and leave, I don’t. 

Her lips taste sweet as they press to mine.  I slide my hands up her warm back and pull her to me, crushing her against my bare chest.  Our combined warmth ignites and her tongue slides into my mouth. 

“I need you, Brand,” she breathes. “I need you.”

She slides her hand down my chest until she finds my hardness and I hear the rush of air as her breath rushes over her lips.

Her cool fingers grasp me, and I know that it’s over.  Logical thought escapes me and all I can focus on is the friction of her hand stroking my cock.

Smart or not, I’m burying myself in her tight little body tonight. 

The chips can fall where they may. 

***

Nora

Sweet Mary. 

He’s enormous. 

And hard. 

And it’s all for me. 

These are my thoughts as I slide my fingers up and down his shaft.  With each touch, he gets harder, if that’s even possible.  He’s as hard as steel. 

I can’t believe he’s giving in. 

His warmth is delicious.  His hard chest pressed against mine…gah. 

And then his fingers find me.  He slides them into my wetness and he groans into my ear. 

“Jesus, you’re so wet already.”

“I want you,” I tell him simply.  “I’ve always wanted you.”

He groans again, his fingers sliding in and out, faster, then slow, then fast. 

My fantasy is coming true tonight.

He lowers his head and pulls a sensitive nipple into his mouth, licking at first, then sucking.  I throw my head back, my fingers wrapped in his hair.  He sucks harder, then he pulls away. 

“Don’t stop,” I tell him.  “Please.”

He sucks the other nipple.  “I want them to match.”

I smile, but out of the blue, as Brand hovers above me, the old panicky feeling comes back and I see William’s face instead of Brand. 

I’m frozen for a minute, the breath caught in my throat, as I fight to get past it.

This is Brand. 

This is Brand.

He’ll never hurt you. 

Brand notices my tight arms and pulls away, even though his breathing is ragged.

“Are you ok?”

I nod, gulping air. 

I want this. 

Yes.

He’ll make me good for just a while.  I need this.

“I need you,” I tell him again, forcing myself to relax. 

He pulls me close, so close I can hear his heart against my ear.  With one strong hand splayed against my back, he reaches the other around and strokes me with it. 

Gah. 

He knows just what to do… just where to touch me to get my body to sing.  To make me forget the shame of William…just for a little while.  

I arch against him.

“I want you inside of me,” I pant.  “Now.”

I’ve waited years for this. 

“Patience,” Brand murmurs into my ear, his breath hot.  He lowers his head, sucking my breasts again, gently, then harder. He moves his hand in circles, fast, then faster.  He works me up, over the cresting waves, building, building, building. 

I can’t breathe now and I rock my hips against him.

He’s gentle, yet firm, strong, yet careful.  He’s a beautiful contradiction… and exactly what I need

I need him.

I need him. 

I can’t breathe. 

Then the world explodes in a bright shattering of whites and blues and reds. 

I ride the orgasm, rocking against the palm of Brand’s hand until the last waves of it have passed.  Then I fall limply against him, his strength absorbing my weakness.

He lifts my chin with his finger, then buries his tongue in my mouth.  Deep, deeper. 

Then all of a sudden, in one fluid motion, he buries his cock in me, sliding it deep within me.  

I groan and tilt my hips.

I want all of him. 

All.

Of.

Him. 

Make me good, Brand. 

I want to absorb him, to take his goodness and cover myself with it.  Nothing can hurt me when he’s with me.  When he’s inside of me, he takes away the shame.

 “God, you feel good,” Brand groans as he moves inside of me.  I cling to him, like a drowning person to a raft. 

Each time he slides into me, a wave of pleasure erupts… building, building, building.
Again.

I come again without warning, in a haze of moans and whimpers.  I throw my head back and let my body convulse with it, as Brand pauses and pulls my ribcage up to him, his lips finding my breasts once again.

Again.

Again. 

He worships them again, one by one, his tongue laving my nipples, sucking on the sensitive flesh. 

I want to die right here in his arms. 

It would be a good way to die. 

When I open my eyes, he’s waiting to stare into them, poised above me like the avenging angel that he is. 

His muscle flexes. 

“I’m going to come in you,” he tells me simply. 

I nod. “I’m on the pill. It’s okay.  I’ve been tested… it’s okay.”

Brand nods and buries himself in me once again and I want to scream with it, with the way he fills me up.  His hardness, my softness. It’s perfect.  

He’s perfect.

 “I want to feel you come,” I tell him urgently, pulling him back into me. 
Give me everything you have. I need to feel it. 

Brand rocks with me, holding me in his strong arms until he throws back his head and groans with his release.  I feel his cock quiver inside of me, contracting as he comes.  He comes and comes and comes. 

He relaxes against me, but doesn’t let me go. 

“What did we just do?” he finally whispers against my forehead, after minutes or hours have passed.  Everything is a blur around me, but I don’t care.   

He sounds slightly dismayed, but I don’t care about that, either. 

Because I’m ecstatic.  

“You just made my dreams come true,” I answer.  “The good ones,” I clarify.

Brand shakes his head and rolls to the side, keeping me in his arms.  “Was it everything you thought it would be?” he asks drily, with amusement. 

I nod.  “And more.”

Now that I’ve been with him, it’s not going to be enough.  I know that.  I’m always going to want him.  Everyone else will just pale in comparison. 

But as I burrow against his chest, a hard truth impales my heart. 

I can’t be with him long.  I can’t eclipse his good heart with my black one.  I won’t do it. 

This summer is all I have. 

No matter what. 

Even though it will kill me to leave him. 

Even though he’s all I want. 

I would never shackle him to someone like me.

Never
. 

I fall asleep listening to the steady cadence of his heart. 

When I wake, the sunshine is streaming through my windows, and Brand is gone. 

Chapter Ten

Brand

I stir the scrambled eggs in the pan, carefully balancing on my good foot as I twist around to pour a glass of orange juice, because I’d woken up guilty and unable to sleep.

So here I am making breakfast.

What did you do?

You’re such a fucking idiot.

I ignore my inner voice, but it’s a persistent asshole.

Nora isn’t the kind of girl that you fuck around with and leave.  And she’s not the kind of girl who will want you.  Not for real.

I’d like to punch my inner voice in the teeth.

I’m in a predicament now, because I listened to my cock last night instead of my head.  With a sigh, I hobble with my crutch under one arm and Nora’s breakfast in my other hand. 

I poke my head around the corner to find that she’s awake. 

“Good morning,” I tell her quietly.  I hobble in and set the plate on her bed.  “I thought you might be hungry.”