Untaming Lily Wilde (9 page)

“So you'd go? Seriously?” said Lily.

“Hell yeah!”

“I don't know.”

“Don't over-think it. Over-thinking is your diary’s worst enemy. Just follow your loins and use protection!”

Lily laughed and thumped Emma with a cushion, “You’re insatiable. You’ve been working in Thrills too long.”

When Emma put the kettle on for caffeine round number two, Lily opened the attachment. She told herself there was no harm in reading it - just for amusement. It's not like she'd ever
really
consider going.

Adored Friend,

You are invited to join us at 8pm, Saturday January 29th, for an intimate gathering. This is a private, no-pay, post-Bacchanal party. Please tantalize us with your presence and luxuriate in ours.

Much love x

RSVP to Pancheva/Harper

*All pre-party paperwork to be completed on site.

Lily’s curiosity was threatening to get the better of her.
Nah - not for me, she told herself - shame - in a way - but no.
Nuh-uh. Not happening.
She tapped the REPLY button.
Dear Grayson…

Then she stopped. Could she really pass up this chance to see Seb again. The sex was one thing - he certainly seemed to know how to get her motor running - but more than anything, hard as it was to admit, she just wanted to be around him some more.

Thanks for the invitation…

Sure, if Seb was there, something might happen. Something actively encouraged by Seb’s wife. Would that really be such a crime?

but…

And at any rate, Seb was trying something new, right? He was highly unlikely to even be there. Christ, Emma’s right, she thought, I do over-think things. Oh screw it. She deleted the
‘but’.

I’ll be there.

Lily x

Then she deleted the ‘x’. She read over her utterly emotionless email. Shook her head, and pressed SEND.

9

Mon, Jan 24th

Dear Diary,

Just got back home from my post-work trip to Harley Street - oh boy- how the other half lives!! I don’t know what I was expecting - but not that. All the flowers and luxury leather furniture in the waiting room; all seemed more like a hotel than a clinic. Dr Bellamy was pretty jovial and easy going- which helps a whole lot when you’re being tested for a million and one S.T.Ds. It felt more like a woman to woman chat than a standard GP consultation. She said - and yes this is pretty much word for word - “
Listen honey - I test everyone for HIV as a matter of course, but if anyone’s contracted it in past 90 days it won’t show. My advice would be to wear the rubber, no matter what anyone says - oral, vaginal, anal, whatever. And don’t let some joker go from someone else to you without putting on a new one - you understand me? There’s no fool-proof way to stay safe within this kind of set up. Grayson and Ana do their best to keep everyone healthy, but it’s an impossible job.” And my favourite bit - “And remember sweety - it doesn’t matter who’s paid for this test - your body’s your own - don’t feel like you owe anybody a thing, you hear me?!” I think I fell briefly in love with her when she said that.

I agreed to have my results made available all at to Hatherly as they need to have them on file. I’ll get the results the same time they do, so that’ll be a nice treat for me when I get there :-/

Texted Tom to ask how long he’d been sleeping with Celia. Just (JUST?!) a couple of months, he says. We’d had a major dry spell before he dumped me (and dumped on me), so hopefully I’m clean.

All in all, I’ve had better days.

All of which begs the question: WHAT ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH AM I DOING?!!!! Is Seb Harper really worth all this stress and humiliation?! Short answer… maybe.

Yours in need of pizza and a shower,

Lily x

Lily spent the following week in a mild state of panic. Could she really go through with sleeping with a married man? And what if he wasn’t there, she thought.
What if I end up all alone at this party, not knowing which way to look?!

Emma had come over on the Saturday, to help Lily prepare, and her presence had been like a tranquilizer. Each time Lily started hyperventilating over something or other, she’d had the answer right away. She’d even brought Lily a present - a lacy white bra and knickers set from Thrills - to help encourage her back onto the horse. If Lily hadn’t known better, she’d have thought Emma was in on the Hatherly secret. She’d brought a bunch of dresses over too, as all Lily’s seemed to have
Tom
memories attached. And although Lily was a little taller - and a lot less curvy - for the most part, Emma’s dresses were a decent fit.

Between them, after much agonizing, they finally settled on a red dress, with her black pumps. Emma had tried to push for the heels, but it wasn’t going to happen. Lily had enough to worry about without falling over in those babies again.

By 5.30pm, Lily was on her way to St Albans, from where she’d catch a cab straight to Hatherly. The journey was excruciating. She just couldn’t relax; popping breath fresheners; worrying over stray body hair; asking herself what in God’s name she thought she was doing.

The huge driveway running up to Hatherly twinkled with tiny electric lights. Well done Gav and Rob, she thought. She’d been oblivious to most of their hard work on Monday, but the effect was pretty magical. One of the house-keeping crew, a bespectacled gentleman in his early 70s, met her from the cab, and led her to a prim little office room. There, she was given a glass of water, and asked, politely, to wait for Mr Paige. It all felt very much like she were preparing for some kind of job interview. She almost wished she were.

Grayson marched in with a smile on his face, carrying an envelope. He grabbed a bunch of files from a high shelf, sat down opposite Lily and began rifling through them. Lily was surprised to see him wearing 21st century clothes; a regular hoodie and jeans. She realised she was staring a fraction too late.

"Don't worry, I'll be back in the toga before you know it," he laughed.

Oh
great. Good one, Lily. Start as you mean to go on.

"Here's your copy of the medical," he said, handing her the envelope. We've already seen our copy, and I'm delighted to inform you you're clean- as far as we can possibly tell. Same goes for everyone else you'll meet tonight.
But
- and I'm going to get you to sign this - just so's we have it on record that I've done the spiel - we strongly advise you not to take any risks.”

He passed her an official looking document.

“Bellamy told you about the 90 day thing right?! It basically renders the HIV test totally fallible- so unless you totally trust someone and you're damn sure you know where they've been, rubber them up. Sign please-"

Lily, mildy mortified, scribbled her name.

"Now the reality is, people take risks. Guys don't like to be blown wearing a John, so make your own choices - but my advice to you is clear, right?"

Oh Jesus.
"Right,” she said. “Sure.”

There was still time to turn back. Now, where had she put those running shoes… “Look, Grayson," she started.
Don't blush - oh perfect - thanks cheeks…
"I don't know if I'll want to do anything at all. That's OK, isn't it? Because if it's not, then maybe I should go. Maybe you got the wrong impression about me."

Grayson shook his head, "No honey, you do as little or as much as you feel like, OK? And I'm going to be looking out for you so you're as safe as houses."

"OK. Thanks. Good."

"That's if you make it as far as the party," he added. "Ana's pretty keen to get you and Seb alone together, so let’s just play it by ear shall we?"

By this point, Lily’s cheeks were so hot she thought they might actually be a fire hazard.

Moving on with the formalities, Grayson walked Lily through a document not a million miles away from the 32 pager she'd already signed, then explained a bit about pleasure party conduct. Guests were expected to shower, though not necessarily together. Condoms were obligatory, and internal toys were 'not to be shared', though Grayson assured Lily that there were more than enough to go round. Lily, in turn, assured him that this
really
wouldn't be an issue.

He then gave her a lily to wear in her hair - white flowers apparently being the non-verbal sign of pleasure party virginity - and told her to keep it visible. “Better to be upfront about these things,” he’d said.

Oh for pity’s sake
, she thought - at first - but on second thoughts, wondered if having visible L-Plates might not be such a bad idea.

When all was stamped and sealed, Grayson pulled Lily’s bag over his shoulder and led her through to the East Wing where, as promised, a bedroom had been prepared for her, together with en-suite bathroom.

“I’m gonna tell Ana you’re here, OK?” he said, “Just get settled in - relax - take a shower, and I’ll see you if and when you decide to join the party.”

Grayson kissed Lily on the cheek, and left her to her own befuddled devices. The room was not at all unlike the one she’d embarrassed herself in, the previous Monday, and she suspected there’d be plenty more embarrassment to come.

She decided to take Grayson’s advise and have a shower -
alone
- while she had the chance, figuring it might just help her unwind. Soon, Lily was wrapped up in fluffy towels, feeling fresh as a daisy. By the time she’d reapplied her make-up and restyled her hair, she had to admit she felt better. She wouldn’t have used the word ‘calm’ exactly, but she did feel a little less inclined to head for the hills. A definite improvement.

But the panic-lull wasn’t to last. She emerged from the en-suite to find Ana, waiting on the bed, holding what looked like a heap of cream satin and silk. Ana’s face was a picture of excitement. “You came! Oh - well done, Lily. You're very brave. Oh - I'm so excited for you! It's hard, I think, for someone like you to come to something like this. And yet here you are!”

“Someone like me?” Lily asked, though she was pretty sure she knew what Ana meant. Physically plain, mentally average, sexually unadventurous. Suffice to say, since the break-up, Lily's self-esteem had hit an all time low.

“Yes, someone like you,” said Ana. “Young, attractive, inexperienced. You must feel very vulnerable.”

"Well, I'm not that inexperienced. I've tried... stuff..."
Oh Christ, how ridiculous do I sound...

Ana smiled. "Well of course. And perhaps you'll choose to tell us about the
stuff
you've enjoyed... That could be fun. But in pleasure party terms you are very much a virgin.”

Oh there's that v-word again.

“Which means some party goers, those wanting easy gratification, may not give you much attention. Don't be surprised by that. Whereas, others will see you as a very attractive prospect.”

“O-
Kay
…”
Oh shit, what am I doing??

“But the most important thing to remember is you don't have to do anything. Just watching is fine. Some people love being watched. I'm not ashamed to tell you, I fall into that category. But you don't even have to watch if that's too uncomfortable. Alright?”

“OK. Good. I mean
really
, that's good to hear.”

Seeming satisfied that she’d done her best to reassure Lily, Ana got down to business. She insisted that Hatherly was still in semi-Bacchanal mode, holding up a whole
whore
drobe of skimpy cream-coloured garments, for Lily to choose from. Some were vaguely toga-ish, some less so, but all were appropriately inappropriate.

Lily was cornered. She didn’t want to offend Ana, but she didn’t want to wear any of these outfits. Then again, she didn’t want to stick out; a lone strawberry in a sea of cream. With a pang of guilt, she put aside Emma’s little red dress, and chose the most modest of Ana’s outfits; a too sheer halter-neck, which fell to her mid-thigh. She was, thankfully, able to remove the straps from the Thrills bra, so wore it under the dress. A small but much appreciated mercy.

“So beautiful!” Ana gushed, clapping her hands together dramatically. “Seb won’t be able to resist!”

Lily audibly gulped.

"Tell me, Lily. Am I being intolerably pushy?" Ana said, gathering the unwanted clothes, preparing to leave. "Shall I tell him you need some time to yourself?"

“What?! What do you mean?”

Ana looked puzzled, “Well - he wants to see you of course… but I can tell him it’s too soon?” She hovered in the doorway, waiting for an answer.

"No, don't say that. Or... maybe - yes - I don't know.”

“Lily, whatever’s the matter?”

Lily crossed her arms defensively and tried to maintain eye-contact.

“It’s just - you're so sweet to me, and then - well - you say this stuff like it's totally normal, but it’s
not.
Not
to me. I almost want to believe that you wouldn't mind. But I can't imagine how anyone could not mind."