Unsuitable (10 page)

Carrie ran to her friend and kissed her. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“You didn’t think so this morning,” Gloria observed, with perfect equanimity. They had been close too long for either one to pay much attention to moods.

Carrie went to the kitchen and retrieved the goodies, dumping the lot into a hollow plastic pumpkin she kept in the pantry for the purpose. She put it out on the front porch and turned the light on above it. She was a favored stop on the Halloween trail, since the kids went past her bungalow on the way to the main house. In the past, the pumpkin device had worked well when she had had papers to correct or lesson plans to do and couldn’t stop every five minutes to answer the door. She was delighted that the kids usually took only one treat apiece and went on their way rather than grabbing a greedy handful . It restored her faith in human nature.

“I guess the first group gave up,” she said to Gloria as she came back inside. “They were gone when I opened the door.”

Gloria raised her right leg to an impossible height and held it there. “I’m waiting,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

Carrie got two soft drinks from the refrigerator and handed one to her friend, who popped the top and drank thirstily. Carrie stretched full length on the couch and nudged her shoes onto the floor.

“Fire away,” she said, propping a throw pillow under her head.

Gloria, attired in a sweat stained blue leotard and candy pink leg warmers, assumed the lotus position on the rug. “From the beginning. How did you meet this guy?”

Carrie recounted the whole story, starting with her parent conference concerning Johnny and ending with Jason’s behavior that morning. By this time Gloria’s blue eyes were like saucers and her attention was riveted on Carrie’s face.

“I can’t believe this,” she exclaimed, when Carrie stopped talking. “You almost slept with the father of one of your students? Talk about an unsuitable relationship! When you decide to cross the line you really go for the gusto.”

“It’s not unsuitable. It’s not even a relationship. We haven’t
done
anything.”

“You don’t have tenure, Carrie. Fooling around with your student’s dad could prevent you from getting it. Don’t you see that?”

“I see that nothing has happened. That’s what I see.”

“Nothing has happened
yet
. Still, for you to even contemplate the next step is a walk on the wild side for cautious Carrie. I’m struck dumb, darling. Speechless.”

“Not for long, I bet,” Carrie said dryly.
 

“And you think he pulled away from you last night because he’s still obsessed with his dead wife.”

“If you could have seen him you would know I was right.” Carrie propped herself up on one elbow. “He saw that nightgown and it reminded him of her. That’s why he reacted the way he did.”

“Would you have gone through with it?” Gloria asked, alert to her response.

“Yes.”

Gloria whistled under her breath.

“I love him, Glo. I know the whole thing is a mess and probably hopeless but that doesn’t make me love him any less.”

“How old is he?” Gloria asked.

“Thirty-four or thirty-five, I guess.”

“What does he look like?”

Carrie indulged Gloria’s rapacious curiosity and gave her all the details. “He’s tall, slim, and blond, but not like you. His hair is several colors mixed, shaded brown and gold and russet. His eyes are sort of a hazel color, very changeable, sometimes green, sometimes gray. I think he’s beautiful.”

“Apparently. How bad is the scarring you described?”

“Pretty bad on his body but not visible at all on his face. I don’t know, Gloria, I don’t even see it anymore.”

“What are you going to do?”

Carrie rolled over and hugged the pillow. “I don’t know,” she said miserably.

“You haven’t told him he’d be the first?”

“How can I tell him that?” Carrie answered, exasperated. “It’s not the sort of thing you bring up in casual conversation.”

Gloria let that drop and began to twist her hair around her index finger, a bad sign. When they were children this gesture always presaged some diabolical plan sure to land Carrie in trouble.

“What are you thinking?” Carrie asked warily.

“What makes you so sure he’s still in love with the boy’s mother?” Carrie asked pensively.

“Oh, Gloria, you should see the pictures of her. She was just incredible.”

“So are you,” Gloria said loyally.

“Not like this. Not like her. She was tall and regal and cover girl perfect. Confidence just exudes from those photos of her. You can tell there wasn’t a thing in life she went after that she didn’t get.”

“Including the wonderful Jason, right?”

“His face changes as soon as somebody mentions her,” Carrie murmured. “The pain is so real you can almost touch it. How can I compete with a memory like that?”

“What about the boy?”

“I’m very fond of him and I think he likes me. No problem there. Unfortunately John can’t make his father fall in love with me.”

“But you can.”

“I’m trying,” Carrie whispered. “I’m trying so hard.”

“And you’re succeeding! Why do you think he made love to you last night?”

Carrie shook her head. “He was scared, Gloria. I’ve never seen anyone so terrified by a dream. I was handy; I was
there.
That’s all it was.”

“You never did give yourself much credit,” Gloria said sourly.

“It’s the truth,” Carrie insisted. “This morning he was entirely different: polite, distant, aloof.”

“He was embarrassed! You said so yourself.”

Carrie sat up and pressed her palms to her temples. “I have no experience dealing with things like this. I’m afraid I’m going to say or do the wrong thing.”

Gloria got up and went to her purse, which was sitting on the piano bench, and removed an envelope. She sat next to Carrie and tapped it against her thigh.

“Two tickets to my Hartford performance next week,” she said, dropping the packet in Carrie’s lap.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

Gloria assumed an air of injured innocence.

“Nothing at all. I just wanted you to have them in case you might need them, that’s all.”

“I’ll come by myself, Gloria.” She put the tickets on the coffee table.

“Won’t be much fun that way.”

“But considerably safer,” Carrie said, rising to replace her shoes and go into the kitchen. She filled the kettle and put it on the stove.

“How about some tea?” she called brightly to Gloria.

Gloria followed her and lounged indolently in the doorway. “You’re dodging the issue,” she said, singsong.

“I just don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Carrie said in a tired voice.

“I’ve never heard you say that you loved a man before,” Gloria observed quietly. “Never. Don’t you think some positive action is required?”

“I took action last night and wound up creating an impossible situation. I thought I was helping when I went into Jason’s room and now the man treats me like I’m a stranger. I couldn’t have made a bigger mistake if I had set out deliberately to ruin everything.”

“That wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known how he would react.”

“But that’s exactly my point! He isn’t like other men. The guidelines don’t help with him. Even if I knew the guidelines in the first place, which of course I don’t.”

Gloria was trying not to laugh but her smile was getting away from her. She had retrieved her envelope and was waving it in the air.

“This isn’t amusing,” Carrie said irritably. “How am I supposed to deal with a unique situation when I have no experience dealing with ordinary ones?”

“You should have gone out more after you broke up with Jerry,” Gloria observed.

“So you’ve said. One million times.”

“And I’ll say it again. You let your bad experience with him put you off socializing entirely. I’ll tell you this about Jason McClain: he must be very special to snare you so thoroughly. You had more defenses than a football team.”

“It happened before I realized it,” Carrie said softly.

“Sneak attack,” Gloria mused. “The worst kind.”

“An attack wasn’t necessary. I think I surrendered the first time I saw him.”

“Oh, boy,” Gloria said. “How are the mighty fallen. I’m going upstairs to take a shower.” She put the envelope on the kitchen counter. “Think about it,” she said, nodding toward the packet.

“Don’t you want some tea?”

“You drink it. You have a lot of planning to do.”

Carrie watched Gloria’s slender form ascend the stairs, reflecting that tea would not help her solve her problems.

* * * *

Gloria left the following day and Carrie missed her terribly. The apartment seemed empty without Gloria’s ebullient presence, and the solitude Carrie had once treasured became oppressive.

When Carrie went to tutor Johnny the following week Jason was not there. Rose answered the door, and when Carrie inquired casually about him Rose told her that he had gone into Hartford on business. That in itself was significant. Although Rose had sometimes let Carrie in on other occasions, Jason always showed up by the end of the lesson to talk to her.

That pattern changed abruptly. Jason was absent for three sessions running following the night of the storm. It was obvious that he was avoiding her and there was nothing Carrie could do about it. Johnny’s progress was good but unremarkable, and fabricating a reason to talk to Jason about the boy just wasn’t her style. Once she left him a note outlining a project John had to do, but it required no reply and she received none. If Rose were still around when she finished tutoring they would chat, but the housekeeper was often gone by then. Carrie would leave the silent house alone, locking the front door behind her as Rose requested.

She was, of course, despondent.

One afternoon about ten days after the night she had spent at Jason’s house, Carrie was sitting at her desk doing lesson plans. The children had left hours earlier and the halls were quiet. She wanted to get the work done before she left for the day. The principal had asked to see her plan book first thing the next morning. He made such checks occasionally and she always had a little catching up to do before she submitted the outlines of her lessons.

Lois Bonner paused in the doorway on her way to her room.

“I got a note in my mailbox, too,” she said, when she saw what Carrie was doing. “I’ve let everything go for the past few weeks. I’ll be here until seven.”

“This shouldn’t take me too long,” Carrie answered. “I’m pretty much caught up.”

“Aren’t you always?” Lois asked rhetorically. Then she froze as Jason McClain strode past her and stopped in front of Carrie’s desk.

“I have to talk to you,” he announced flatly, his eyes never leaving Carrie’s.

“I...think I’ll get back to work,” Lois said faintly, walking backward out of the room until she had reached the hall, bumping into the doorjamb on the way. As soon as she left Jason walked over to the door and closed it. Carrie watched in amazement as he blocked it with one of the children’s desks. Then he turned and faced her, arms folded.

“Jason, what are you doing here?” Carrie said, stalling for time. “I can’t talk now. I have work to do, and I have an engagement tonight. Perhaps we could make an appointment...”

“No appointments,” he said flatly. “What’s the engagement?”

“That’s none of your business,” Carrie replied, annoyed. How dare he avoid her like an unpleasant relative all this time and then show up demanding personal information?

“I’m making it my business,” he said. He reached her desk in three strides, snatched her plan book and tucked it under his arm.

Chapter 6

Give that back to me!” Carrie exclaimed, outraged. She stood as he held it above his head, well out of her reach.

“Not until we talk,” he repeated.
 

“Fine!” she fired at him. “Talk.”
 

“The annual autumn horse auction is next weekend,” he said. “Afterward there’s a formal at the Fairfield Country Club. I’d like you to go with me.”

Dumbfounded at this turnabout in his behavior, Carrie said the first thing that came into her head.

“I can’t. Dating you would be inappropriate, a conflict of interest. I can’t see a parent of one of my students socially. I’m sorry.”

He stared at her, unmoving. He was wearing brown cord jeans with a rust tweed V-necked sweater and leather boat shoes. He looked like an advertisement for men’s casual wear in some trendy magazine. Finally he placed her plan book carefully on the edge of her desk and stepped back.

“If you don’t want to go with me, just say so,” he said quietly. “Don’t use Johnny as an excuse.”

“It’s the truth,” Carrie protested. “You know it would be wrong.”

“You didn’t have these scruples last week when you were climbing into my bed,” he said cruelly, his eyes narrowing.