Unsevered (12 page)

We all sit at the dining table together by the bay window looking out at the ocean view. James says grace and we all begin to eat.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to discuss the forms first?” I ask Patrick as I wipe the butter sauce from my mouth with a napkin.

“No, it can wait.” He smiles. “I don’t have anywhere else to be.”

We finish dinner and move to the patio outside. The night is beautiful just before the sun sets. The breeze is calm from the ocean, so Patrick and I sit outside on the lower patio sipping iced tea while James plays in the sand a few feet from us.

“That was an amazing dinner, Jewel.” His smile is warm and his eyes are soft with a subtle glow inside, possibly a reflection from the moon.

“Thank you. We don’t usually have company join us. It was nice.” I smile back at him and feel the hairs on my body reach for the sky as he takes off his blazer and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. It occasionally sticks to his chest in the wind and I can see the slight formation of his abdominal muscles. I rub my arms at an unexpected gust of air and Patrick grabs his blazer from behind him and places it over me at a slow pace. Our eyes meet for a moment. The chemistry is intense and he clears his throat to break the flow.

“So you know my situation. What about you? Have you ever been married? Do you have any children?” I inquire as I glance at his left hand and notice he’s not wearing a wedding band.

“No, I’ve never been married … well, I guess that’s not entirely true.” My heart skips a beat as I await an explanation. “I suppose you could say I’m married to my job. I love teaching.”

I let out a sigh of relief, probably a little too loud because he smiles.

My eyes shift to the right for a minute to avoid the spellbinding stare we are exchanging now, and to catch my breath. I haven’t felt this kind of attraction to a man since Harley. Patrick floors me with what he says next.

“Jewel. I know this may sound forward since we just met, but I feel such an attraction to you. I felt it from the moment we first locked eyes. I’m aware that you’re still healing from the passing of your husband, and I would never try to disrespect his memory, but I would love to take you out sometime and get to know you better.”

I smile and my eyes shift from him to James for a moment. I haven’t thought about having another man in our lives before. I’ve gone on a few blind dates, to satisfy my mom and my girlfriends, but nothing ever went past the first date. Perhaps I wasn’t ready or the chemistry wasn’t right. Whatever the case, I’ve been happy with it being just James and I. But something about this man sitting beside me feels comfortable, and right.

“I don’t know, Patrick. I mean, I’m not still pining away for my husband. I realize he’s gone and I’ve made peace with his passing. I’ll never forget him, but I also know he’d want James and me to be happy. I guess I’m just so used to it being the two of us.” As I’m rambling, he pulls his stare away from me and his smile fades.

“I’m not saying no,” I assure him as I touch his arm.

His smile returns, but not as big as it was before.

“I just need to take it slow. I don’t even know anything about you. Plus, I worry about how this will affect James. I mean, you are his teacher. Is there some rule about dating a student’s parent?”

“There’s no rule, but if you want, we can just be friends for now and see how it goes until he moves on to first grade.”

“Wow, that’s almost a whole year away. I can’t promise I’ll even be ready by then,” I tell him, surprised that he’d even consider waiting that long.

“There’s no rush. I just want to get to know you, Jewel, in whatever capacity you’ll allow me into yours and James’ life.”

“Okay. Let’s just see where this takes us. I’m willing to try. I just worry about bringing a man into James’ life who may not be there forever, if things don’t work out between us.”

“I understand you wanting to protect James, and I respect that. You’re a good mom.” His face is so beautiful in the soft glow of the moonlight. The stars have begun to make their nightly appearance now and the gentle breeze from the ocean tosses his hair back and forth a bit. He smiles as he stands.               “I should go.”

“Wait, we haven’t even gone over the forms yet.” I don’t want him to go. I know nothing is going to happen between us tonight but right now I’m enjoying his presence.

“I’ll leave the packet here for you to look over. You can call me if you have any questions,” he says with a slight smile. “Thank you again for a wonderful dinner.”

James sees Patrick leaving and rushes over to us. Patrick ruffles his hair and tells him he’ll see him on Monday.

I send James up the stairs to collect his pajamas for his bath, as I walk Patrick to the door. I’m wanting him to kiss me, needing him to kiss me, but I know it’s not the right time.

I open the door and lean against it for a moment. He lingers and looks into my eyes. I feel his hot breath on my face as he moves in closer to me and we are just inches apart. My heart is racing with desire for this man as I take in his scent. His breath is in my hair now and I close my eyes as he plants a soft, smooth kiss upon my cheek, then bids me goodnight by saying, “You’re worth waiting for.”

I close the door behind him as I hear James yell, “Mommy, I’m ready for my bath!”

I attempt to gather my composure as I head up the stairs. I hold my hand to my cheek and still feel the warmth of Patrick’s kiss.

I think to myself with each step I take,
Yep, Buddy. I’ll give you a nice, warm bath then Mommy needs a long, cold shower.

CHAPTER TWELVE

P
atrick hasn’t made any more house calls since that night. We see each other at parent-teacher conferences and I volunteer in his classroom a few times a week. I organize class field trips, parties, and even book readings.

I’ve actually published a few children’s books this year. It’s amazing how even my writing has changed since James came into my life. My whole perspective on life has been permanently altered, in a good way.

During our days together, Patrick and I learn quite a bit about one another. He comes from a large family of four sisters and two brothers. I can’t imagine growing up in a full house like that.

His parents, Harold and Gloria, are still happily married after forty years. I wonder what kind of special love it takes to last that long with one person. At least he comes from good stock.

He went straight into college after graduating high school and earned his master’s degree in Education with a minor in English from Florida State University. He obtained a job at James’ school teaching third through fifth grade about five years ago, but found his niche two years ago as a Kindergarten teacher.

He volunteers as the physical education coach at the school as well.
That’s how he keeps those beautiful abs
.

James adores his teacher and enjoys having me at school with him. There are times, throughout the day, that Patrick and I end up standing so close to one another that our hands brush together or we bump in to one another and end up face-to-face. It’s electrifying. Even the kids have commented on it a few times, in their own childish way, something about ‘sitting in a tree.’

James is thriving in the gifted program. I’m so proud and I know Harley would be thrilled about it.

* * *       * * *      * * *

T
he school year has flown by and James is graduating from kindergarten today. He’s dressed in khaki pants and a white, button-down, long-sleeved shirt. He absolutely refused to wear the tie I chose for him. Oh well, I choose my battles with him these days.

My heart is overflowing with pride and tears escape my eyes so fast, I don’t have time to will them away.

“Okay, stand next to Pat … I mean, Mr. Johnson,” I say to him as I snap the hundredth photo of the day.

Then I hand the camera to a fellow parent and ask her to take a couple of James and I standing with his teacher. She gives me a knowing smile.

As the last child leaves the room to go home for the summer, I let James play with his friend Dustin in the classroom next door while Patrick and I finish cleaning the classroom and taking down the wall hangings from the year.

“The ceremony went well,” I say as I hand him some thumbtacks.

“Yes it did. It’s been a great year.” He pauses and stares into my eyes. I look away to avoid the intensity of it.

“I never would have pictured myself as a room mom,” I continue, trying to change the subject.

“You were a great help to me this year. I appreciate everything.” He moves closer and closer to me with every sentence he speaks.

“I would go back to school and get my degree in education but I don’t want to take any time away from James. Besides, this way I get all the perks of being in a classroom with the kids and still have time for my writing. I figure I can reach kids all over the world through my children’s books just as well.”

I’m rambling as he inches closer. My heart is racing and I lick my dry lips.

“I think you’re an incredibly talented writer. The kids enjoyed your books this year.”

“Thanks,” I say, blushing. “It keeps me sane.”

We reach the last billboard border together and we’re standing close enough to feel the heat from each other’s skin. Our eyes meet and hover over one another’s faces for a moment.

“So, it’s the end of the year. I’m no longer James’ teacher,” he says. His voice is low and sultry as he raises his eyebrows and runs a bent finger up and down my arm.

“That’s true. You’re definitely not his teacher anymore.” I smile, remembering our
deal
almost a year ago.I move closer to him, begging him in my mind to make the next move.

He pulls me closer and our lips are just millimeters apart. I close my eyes and prepare for the moment I’ve been waiting nine months for and pray that it’s as good as I’ve imagined it all this time.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to give you since the day I met you,” he says.

“What’s that?” I ask, with my eyes halfway closed.

He answers me with a kiss. It’s warm, wet, and sensual. Our tongues become tangled as we explore one another’s mouths. Both of his hands are in my hair and there isn’t an inch of space between our bodies. I feel that electricity surge through my veins again, just as it did the first day we met. My legs turn to jelly and droop toward the floor as I surrender to this feeling.

“I want you,” I tell him in between kisses. “I’ll drop James off with Emily and meet you at my house in one hour.”

I pull away from him and tease him with my eyes as I walk out of the room to get James. I see him smile and run his fingers through his hair with a strong force.

* * *       * * *      * * *

I
dash through the front door and head straight upstairs to prepare, throwing my purse and keys on the bed. I shower, shave as best I can from head to toe, smooth lotion on my skin, and spray a mist of perfume on. I make the bed and situate the pillows on it.

I light candles and turn the radio to the Soft Love Songs station, then freeze in place when the song
“I’ve Got You Babe’’
echoes throughout the room. The doors to the balcony fling open and I see Harley standing there. He’s surrounded by a beautiful, golden aura. His eyes are bluer than I remember and his smile is intoxicating. He looks like ... an angel.

“You did it, baby,” he says.

“Did what?” I don’t even want to look at him, worried that he knows what I’m about to do.

“You’ve moved on. You achieved your destiny. And now I can move on too. You finally let me go.”

A tear rolls down my cheek as I say, “I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep you with me forever. But I know that I have to, for James, and for you.”

“I agree. He needs a father figure too. You’re an amazing mom, but there are things he needs to learn that only a man can teach him. I think you’ve made an excellent choice in Patrick.”

My eyes lower.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. I’m happy for you and James, and I’m at peace. You deserve to be happy too. I want you to always be happy, even if it’s not with me.”

“I don’t ever want to forget you. You’ll always be the love of my life. You know that, right?”

“I know, baby. And I’ll always be with you, right here.” He walks over and places his hand on my heart. I clasp my hand over his and I can feel it, actually feel his hand on me this time. A warmth like none I’ve ever experienced spreads through my chest.

“We’ll always be together, forever. I love you, Jules.”

I close my eyes to let the tears roll. When I open them again, he’s gone. I know this is the last time I will see him, but I feel a peace about it that I never have before.

I dry my eyes and finish getting things ready for Patrick to arrive. Just a half-hour later, I’m interrupted by the sound of the door bell.

I open the door with a half-smile, wearing a lavender lace, spaghetti-strapped top with matching lace boy shorts. He looks pleased but he can tell something is wrong.

“Now that frown definitely doesn’t go with the sexy outfit. What happened to that beautiful smile I love so much?” he asks.

“I’m sorry, Patrick. I thought I could do this. But I can’t. Not today. Not like this.”

He nods his head. “I see.”

He takes my hand and walks me to the sofa. Then he places the crook of his finger under my chin and looks me in the eyes.

I stare back into his and feel a sense of belonging, understanding, and passion that I’ve been missing since Harley died. I know this is the man I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with and the man Harley sent to help me raise James and love both of us, but now I’m afraid I’ve messed it up.

He shocks me by saying, “Jewel, I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“You don’t? Wait, I thought …”

He smiles and says, “What I mean is. I don’t want
just
sex from you. I want it all. I want to marry you and raise James with you, and I want to have more babies with you. I want a life with you.” He sweeps a soft wave of my hair behind my ears.

He goes on, “I know you may not be ready to say this back to me yet, but I’ve known from the moment I first laid eyes on you that I’ve felt this way. I can’t deny it any more. I … I love you.” He pauses and his eyes adopt a seriousness that I’ve never seen in him. “No, more than that—I’m
in love
with you.”

“I … I don’t know what to say,” I stammer.

“Then let me say this. I know you think we don’t know each other very well, but I know you better than you think. I know you prefer drinking water over anything else. You wear your hair in a pony tail when it skips a washing. I know you tap your teeth when you’re nervous. I know you love your son with every fiber of your being and you’d do anything to make sure he never feels an ounce of sadness, pain, or loneliness.” He pauses. “I know this because it’s the same way feel about you.”

“Yes, but …” I start to speak, but he places a finger over my lips and continues.

“I know that when I look at you, I forget the name of any other woman I’ve ever even spoken to. I know that when I’m not with you, I feel like half of my soul is missing.” He takes both of my hands in his. “The only thing I don’t know is … do you feel the same way?”

I see the worry and questions in his eyes. I know he’s afraid he will never live up to Harley in my eyes, but he has already become the third-greatest love in my life without even trying, Harley being my first and James the second.

I answer his concern by covering his mouth with mine, enjoying the soft, moist flesh of his lips. He reciprocates with a virile strength I haven’t felt against my body in a long time.

I want him.

I need him.

I love him, though I haven’t told him that part yet.

My words to him are simple but filled with contentment, desire, and confidence. Without even asking, I’m certain he knows what I mean when I finally blurt out these two words:

“I’m ready.”

* * *       * * *      * * *

I
t’s the day of our wedding. The décor is simple and perfect, and less than twenty people are waiting in the audience to see Patrick and I profess our love to one another. My ceremony with Harley was elaborate and I have no desire for such extremes this time around. I also don’t have the butterflies I did with Harley. But it’s okay. I’ve grown up and changed a lot since becoming a mom. I’m more concerned with protecting James than myself now. Besides, I feel safe with Patrick.

Arms locked with my dad, I smile as I walk down the aisle, passing Mom and Dan on one side and Patrick’s parents on the other. I met Harold and Gloria shortly after Patrick and I began dating, if you could call it that. We got engaged pretty much the minute James finished Kindergarten. His parents have embraced James and I with open arms and we spend a great deal of time together since they live so close by. Most of his sisters live close by as well and they are just as loving and accepting as his parents. It’s a beautiful family and I now have more siblings than I ever imagined possible.

Mom and Dan bought a house a few miles away recently as well. They said they missed us and enjoyed the beach so much they wanted to retire here. I’ve always wanted my children to experience the love of a big family, and Harley would be happy to know that James does now. He is blessed with an abundance of involved, loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Not to mention, Gretchen and Chelsea being his godmother, as well as my bridesmaids, for the second time.

They are both waiting at the arch, across from Patrick. Gretchen’s two boys are sitting in the audience with her husband, Chad. He’s an awesome guy and makes her happy. Chelsea just found out she’s three months pregnant. Her husband, Derek is a workaholic just like her and they are perfectly suited for one another. She was not happy about wearing a bridesmaid dress today. I laughed when we were standing together before the ceremony and she said she wished she were further along because at least then people could tell she is pregnant and not fat.

I wink at the two of them as I approach my place beside Patrick. It turns out I was worried for nothing. I didn’t end up leaving my two besties behind. They just took a while to catch up to me.

The song, “
Love of a Lifetime,’’
by Firehouse
plays in the background. As my father lets go of my hand and places it in Patrick’s, I think about the past five-plus years of my life and how much I’ve changed. I’m not the starry-eyed girl I was when I first met Harley, or the weepy, self-loathing, broken woman I became when he died. I’m a strong, independent mom, a loyal and devoted wife, and a passionate children’s writer who reaches the hearts of children all over the world now.