UNSEEN (26 page)

The tires spun on the dirt as she pulled out.

"
Woah. Slow down speed racer. Those are police officers over there. You want me to drive?"

"
No. I've got it," she snapped.

"
Do you—wanna talk about it?"

She glared at him. "What do you think, Dan?"

"
I think you're upset and you need someone to lean on."

What she needed was something to numb her into oblivion, and for Dan to shut his big mouth. She stamped on the accelerator.

"
Uh oh!" said Dan, looking into his side mirror.

"
What?" her eyes checked the rear-view mirror.

"
Quick! Pull over!" he said.

What was he doing? There was nothing behind them.

"
You have to trust me. Pull over!"

She kicked the brake and pulled the car to the side of the road.

"
What? The police? What do you see?"

He reached over and twisted the keys out of the ignition. "I see a crazy person, that's what I see."

"
GIVE ME THOSE!"

He dodged her angry hands and got out of the car.

"
DAN! Give me my keys or I swear..." She opened her door and stumbled out.

"
No," he said. "You're going to get both of us killed, and that's not going to help anyone."

She slammed the door with all her strength. "I don't want to help anyone! Give me my keys! Or I’ll claw your eyes out!"

He backed away from the road as she came around the car. "Holly. Look at you. You're not this person. You're not angry. You're hurt, and that’s completely understandable."

"
You don't know anything about me!"

"
I know you love your son more than life itself, and that you would do anything to get him back."

His words drove into her ribs like an arrow, but she forced through it and took a swing toward his head. "Give me my keys!"

He squeezed them in his thick hand and held her back with the other. "I know you have doubts and fears, I know you don't think you're strong enough to get through this, but you don't have to be."

"
SHUT UP!"

"
You don't have to do this alone."

Again his words were like a weapon cutting into her flesh. She wanted to believe him, but she didn't know how. Her anger flared again. She hated herself for needing help, and she hated him for reminding her.

She leaped at him, struggling to get the keys from his hand. His body was like iron, but his grip was gentle. Though she dug into his flesh with her nails, he didn't fight back. He simply held his ground, allowing her to rail against him over and over with all her strength.

"
Give me my keys, Dan!"

"
You're not angry, Holly. You're wounded."

She gripped his bicep and tried to pull his hand with the keys toward her, but his arm was solid and unyielding.

"
Let me in, Holly. I can help."

"
I don't need your help!" She tried to pull on his arm again, but her strength was failing. She pushed off his chest, slipped on the muddy grass, and went crashing to the ground. Pain shot into her shoulder.

He reached down to help her.

"
GET AWAY FROM ME!" She swung her hand out and caught him across the cheek as she crumbled back to the ground.

She braced herself for a retaliation, but none came. Why would it come? Dan wasn't like that. He wasn't vindictive and petty like she was, or like the string of men she had shacked up with. He was different... stronger... kinder. He was reaching out to her still, even though she had bitten him like a frightened animal. How did he do it? She gave him nothing but hatred and contempt, yet he offered only mercy in return.

Something inside her broke, and the anger released like mist into the air, leaving only sadness and despair. She dug her nails into the ground and started to cry. She cried from the deepest part of her gut, unable to hide even the tiniest fraction of her sorrow and regret. Her son was gone. And this wasn't who she wanted to be, but she wasn't strong enough to be the woman she wanted to be. She was so terribly weak, and from the depths of her being she cried out for someone to show her how to be strong, for someone to show her how to rescue her son.

Dan said nothing, but sat next to her on the grass like a statue. No. Like a guardian angel keeping watch over her, protecting her while she lay bleeding her heart into the cold moist ground.

Chapter 38

Jake walked down the hallway to the nurses’ station and as he rounded the corner, stopped in his tracks. The large room was crawling with children. One boy was climbing a medical rack beside the nurses’ station. Another was racing cars along the floor. On the counter in front of him was a large boy pretending to sword fight. One fist waved through the air, the other was on his hip. "Haaaaaa!" he said, thrusting forward. "You are no match for my blade!"

On a bench to Jake's right was another child, a little Chinese girl, holding a baby doll in her arms. She rocked her baby and sang a sweet song. He listened. It was hauntingly familiar—someone had once sang that song to him. But who? His mother had never sang to him. Jake stood and listened a moment longer.

Finally he turned and looked at the room numbers, then followed them down to 814. The two nurses behind the desk paid no attention to him. Other visitors were milling around inside and outside of the hospital rooms, so Jake must have blended in.

The door to 814 was closed, and Aiyana was not sitting out front as he had hoped, so he sat down on a cushioned chair in the hallway, tucked behind a large metal push cart. He pulled out his phone. If he had to wait, he figured it would be good to check in with Jenna.

The phone rang a couple times before she picked up. "Hello?"

"
Hey, Jenna. How are things going at the theater house?"

"
Good..." Her voice had a subtle vibrato.

"
Are you okay?"

"
Yes. I'm great actually."

"
You don't sound great."

"
The job is mine," she said. Her voice cracked on the last word.

"
You got signed? That's incredible!"

He could hear her quietly regrouping on the other end of the phone.

"
This is great news, Jen!"

"
I haven't exactly taken it though. They offered it, but I'm just not sure."

"
Wh- what? What do you mean? Don't worry about how this is going to affect me. This is your big chance. Take it, take the job."

"
It's complicated."

"
No it’s not, it's easy. You’ve been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I'm behind you a hundred percent. Why would you want to throw that away?"

Jenna was quiet.

"
Jenna?”

"
Don't you ever think about the future, or having a family?"

The question opened a wound he hadn't had time to emotionally cauterize. What kind of family could they have with him unemployed? Jenna taking this job was his chance to have some breathing room. From what Jenna had told him, these production companies offered a considerable signing bonus, and paid all moving expenses.

"
Jenna,” he said gently, "you are my family. The rest can wait."

"
Don't you think about kids?"

"
More than you could possibly know," he said, looking over at one of the children sitting cross-legged beneath the nurses’ station removing his finger from his nose and placing it in his mouth. Really?! He turned his head in disgust.

"
More than I can possibly know? What's that supposed to mean?"

Her tone pulled him back to reality. "I don't know what it means. I guess with all that’s happening with Gabe, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a father." It was a half-truth, and for him a half-truth was easier to pull off than a whole lie.

"
Do you think about marriage?"

There it was, the mother of all bombs. Jenna knew his feelings on marriage. His childhood had been destroyed by divorce, and he didn't want that destruction in his life anymore. She knew marriage was a sacred institution to him, and when he decided he was ready, it would be forever. But he wasn't ready.

This pending job change was obviously rattling her cage for her to bring up the topic of marriage. She knew it was a touchy subject for him, a conversation that never ended well. What she wanted to know was, would he leave if things got tough? So he addressed her insecurities.

"
Jenna. You're the only one for me. If you need me to pick up and move, I'll move. If you need me to stay and wait, I'll wait. You don't have to worry about me."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"
I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"
I don't want you to tell me anything. Look," she said, "I have to go. I'll take the job."

"
Okay then," he said, happy to move on.

She took in a breath and let it out. "We have forever to talk about the future, right?"

"
That's right, and that's how long we're going to be together, okay? Forever."

"
Okay," she said, "I'll talk to you tonight and tell you how it goes."

"
Okay."

"
Bye, Jake."

"
Bye."

He wasn't sure, but he was fairly confident that the conversation couldn't have gone much worse. Why was she bombarding him with questions about marriage and children? She was sitting on an opportunity she had been dreaming about for years. Everything she wanted from life was now within her reach. Did she want to be a wife and mother more than pursing her dream job? Had her priorities changed? If so, the bigger question was, what did that mean for him? He was hardly in the position to support a family.

He got up and started walking back toward the nurses’ area. Most of the children had taken to running down the hall and back up again, screaming and laughing as they went. The noise bouncing off the confined walls of the hospital corridor hurt his ears, but what could he do? He couldn't exactly scream at them and tell them to be quiet.

"
Jake?" He looked down at a messy-haired girl who had reached up and clasped his pinky. Her tiny lips puckered, and her round innocent eyes gazes up at him. "You don’ have to be awfwaid, evwy-fing wiwl be awight."

Jake walked her back away from the nurses’ station and crouched down. "What will be all right? Gabe?"

"
He's awight," she said, over enunciating her words.

"
How do you know?"

"
I'm naw supoze to tewl. Is agenz da wah."

"
Okay. But where is he?"

She shrugged.

"
How do you know he's all right if you don't know where he is?"

"
Oh! Wook!" she said, pointing to a man walking down the corridor toward the nurses’ station.

He stopped and leaned over the counter. "Hi, I'm looking for my wife. She's in 814."