Unrequited (11 page)

Tonight, he felt a change in her, too. Her armor was gone and her light, that she so tried to hide away in Will’s presence, was finally shining on him.

***

Ashton felt like she was in a dream. Will was gazing into her eyes and, for the first time, she didn’t try to look away. Even if just for a night, she was going to embrace being with Will. Everything about him was beautiful. His face and his eyes were the perfect conveyors for the beauty inside. From the moment they met, Will had been kind and earnest and all good things. He'd understood the possibility of their relationship before she ever could, and now she was here in his arms. For the first time, time didn’t seem to exist. The world he was born in had collided with hers, and it all made perfect sense.

She had recognized her feelings for him on many occasions, but always ran away from them. She'd had a stubborn streak since the day she was born. When she was re-born into this new world, she had focused all of her stubborn pride at Will. So much of her life seemed out of control, but her relationship with Will was the one thing she could control, so she did.

The music stopped, and they quit dancing, but Will continued to hold Ashton in his arms. Her heart beat faster, and she wasn't sure what she hoped would happen next. Will had given her space, and in that space she had been able to cast away her defenses and look at her life and the people in it. The care and respect he had shown her, especially during the time they didn't speak, had shown her everything. He was a man to be loved. He was a man she could love. Nervously, she looked down.

“Look at me,” Will whispered, gently tilting her head up to face him. “I love you, Ashton,” he said quietly.

“I know,” she replied as he leaned forward and captured her lips in a gentle kiss.

The kiss stirred Ashton's conflicted heart. Was she truly falling in love with this man for who he was, or was she deciding to love him since he was the only other person in her new world? She knew accepting this kiss after Will's declaration of love was cruel and unfair, but she couldn’t resist letting it continue on. Once it ended, Will gently took Ashton’s hand in his.

***

Hand in hand the pair strolled around the edge of the pond. Will felt a joy he didn’t know was possible. In one kiss, he knew he'd found his soul mate. A year ago he had felt destined to wander eternity alone, and now he held the hand of the woman he was sure he would spend forever with. He couldn’t have known this morning that the day would end in such a happy way.

“There are so many things to discuss, and plans to make.” Will broke the silence that had started with the kiss. Ashton turned to Will. She couldn’t meet his gaze and kept her eyes cast toward the dark ground.

“I hope you know, this hasn't changed anything, Will. I'm still leaving,” Ashton said with a slight quiver in her voice.

“Leaving? But what about tonight? You can't pretend things haven't changed.” Will could hear the desperation in his own voice.

“I still have the same dreams I had an hour ago. I'm going to leave. I'm going to go to college and do college things. Please understand, this isn't about you, this is about me taking advantage of the years of normalcy I still have left.” Ashton's voice was trembling now.

“Why does that plan have to take place in a world separate from mine? Ashton, I don't understand. I told you I love you, doesn't that mean anything to you?” Will searched his mind for the words to make her stay.

“I know you love me, Will, and I think part of me loves you too. Part of me wants to just give in and accept the life you want to give me, but a bigger part wants to go and explore the world and see what's out there.” Ashton began to cry, “From almost the day we met, I've felt like it was assumed we were somehow destined to be together. I was so angry. I felt like all of my choices had been taken away. I've fought it until I realized I can't fight the inevitable. I do believe you and I could be together, someday, but that day can't be today.”

“So what are you saying? You want to run off and leave me here waiting for you, is that what you want?” Will was trying to control his voice.

“No, that's not what I want, that wouldn’t be fair. What I want is for you to let me go, let me finish what I need to do. Just like you let me have space to finish high school. College was always my plan, and I want to see it through. I want to figure out how I'm going to carve myself a place in the world, just like you did.” Ashton wiped the tears from her eyes.

Will slowly sat on the ground and put his head in his hands.

“Don't you see, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn’t have the courage to leave. You showed me that living forever doesn't have to be some kind of prison sentence. You showed me it's possible to make a happy and fulfilling life for myself. I owe you everything, and I promise you, I will come back and give us a chance to see if there really can be more.” Ashton knelt beside Will and cradled his head against her shoulder.

Ashton felt the weight of his sorrow, and she hated herself for making him feel this way. Still, she knew she had to go. Will had centuries to figure his life out, and she'd only had a year, and she was determined to take more time. In her heart, she believed it was very likely that Will was the man for her. She believed that, in a few years, he could very well become her husband. She just needed time to make sure.

After a long silence, Will finally spoke. “Can't we at least have the summer? We've barely spoken in the past few months. You can't leave now. Not now.”

Ashton moved away from Will and turned to face the water.

“I'm leaving next week. I was accepted into a summer program for early starters.” She could see his face fall, even in the darkness.

“Which program?”

She moved back to Will and laid her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her.

“I've decided to become a teacher, like you.”

Chapter Fourteen

Four Years Later

“It's so strange," Ashton said to her mother as they pulled the car in sight of Belle Ridge, “this place feels more like home than Mount Clara did.”

Elaine Wallace smiled at her daughter as they drove past the now-familiar houses and businesses of Belle Ridge.

Ashton had spent most of the past four years at a university in Alabama pursuing a teaching degree. There had been occasional visits home for holidays, but for the most part, she had stayed away. She tried to tell herself she was too busy to go home, but she knew it was a lie. She hadn't been able to face Will Leighton.

Even on her infrequent visits to Belle Ridge, she hadn't run into Will. He'd honored her request for time and space. There had been an occasional letter, his preferred method of communication, but for the most part he’d kept his distance. Ashton knew the ball had been in her court, and she didn’t blame Will for staying away. In the time they'd known each other, all she had ever done was push him away.

More than once, Ashton had been tempted to seek him out and talk to him. She wanted to try one more time to make him understand her feelings. But after reading his journal, she realized he understood her feelings quite well, and she was the one who lacked understanding. For so long, she kept trying to make him see her point of view but she had never really tried to see things from his perspective. Hindsight told her she had used Will's emotions without regard, and the shame of that weighed heavily on her heart.

She looked down at the journal sitting in her lap. It had been in her possession for over a year before she finally picked it up and started reading it. Once she did, a day didn’t go by that she didn’t read some part of it. Now, a few years later, she had re-read the journal more times than she could count.

At first the journal made Ashton feel guilty and ungrateful. Guilty for the way she'd treated him and ungrateful for everything he had given her. The pages showed a man who had been rejected by the people he loved, and forced to wander the country in search of a place to belong. He had been through war and poverty, but still had come out the other side a better and kinder person. The pages also showcased a life of unspeakable loneliness.

I saw a man on the street today. He was carrying flowers. I found myself wondering who they were for. A wife? A girlfriend? Maybe someone he admired from afar? I realized I was full of both rage and envy for this man. How many times have I passed a flower shop and wished I had someone to buy them for? How dare this man walk untroubled with flowers in his hand! For the first time, the thought of harming another person entered my mind. I wanted to take this man's choices away, just as mine had been taken away. As quickly as I had the thought, I dismissed it.

Am I becoming the monster I fear? Am I capable of subjecting someone else to the same fate I endure? Of course the answer is no. The only real answer to my dilemma does not exist, as much as I wish she did…

Placing her hand on the journal, she smiled as her mother pulled into the driveway of their house.

***

Will had known the moment Ashton was back in Belle Ridge. He'd had this feeling on a few occasions before, like when she had come home for Christmas and short visits during the summer. This time was different, this time she was back for good. He made a vow to himself that he would wait for her to make the first move. She had promised four years ago that she would come back to him, and give him a chance. He prayed she would keep the promise.

The Wallace’s had kept Will up to date on all of Ashton's activities. He knew she had excelled in her classes. She played intramural basketball and had even taken a part-time job waitressing. He never asked about her love life, and the Wallace’s never offered up any information on that topic. He assumed she had lots of offers. A girl as attractive as Ashton couldn’t go through college without notice from guys. Selfishly, he hoped she had kept her resolve to stay away from mortals.

He'd half-feared she would never return, but now she was back. Even better, she was taking a teaching position at Belle Ridge High this coming fall. It seemed like the world was full of possibility again. If only he could get Ashton to see the possibility in him.

Will walked to the desk in his study. An engraved box sat on top among a few other trinkets he'd collected over the years. Sitting down, he opened the box and pulled out the papers inside. There were dozens of letters. All of them addressed to Ashton. He'd foolishly thought of sending her one for every day she was gone, but thought better of it after talking to Elaine Wallace a few days after Ashton's departure for school.

“What do you have there?” Elaine asked as she entered Will's house.

“I was writing Ashton a letter, I thought it might make her feel good to have a message from home.” Will folded the paper and set it aside for later, “Calvin's just finishing up with the mowing out back. He should be in shortly.”

Will had hired Calvin to do odd jobs around the house. Not only was it a help during the busy school year, but Will had to admit he liked the company. There is nothing as entertaining as the questions from a twelve year old.

Elaine was looking at Will, an expression of concern on her face.

“Is something wrong?” Will had a feeling he wasn't going to like her response.

“Will, you know I think the world of you, and so does Frank. And Calvin, well, he's ready for you to move into our house. But where Ashton's concerned, I feel like you should tread lightly. I know something happened between you two at the graduation party. She came home, crying, and told me she was confused about her feelings.” Elaine had her hand on Will's arm in a gesture of comfort.

Will started to speak. He wanted to clear the air. That “something” at the party had been a good thing, hadn't it? He felt like promises had been made for an eventual future together. As far as Will was concerned, they had agreed that four years from now, he and Ashton would try to start a life together.

Elaine continued, cutting him off before he could say a word. “You have been like an answer to a prayer for Frank and I. In my heart, I truly believe you and Ashton belong together, and I think Ashton believes it too. She just needs to come to it in her own time. Four years may seem like a long time right now, but in the space of eternity, it's nothing but a moment. Let her have her moment. Let her come to you in her own way. I truly believe she will.”

After that day, he decided to keep his communications to a minimum. Initially he was going to refrain from writing or calling altogether, but he couldn’t resist sharing his thoughts and feelings in a few scattered letters. He never received any responses, at least not in letter form.

As he pulled the last of the letters out of the box, he grabbed four cards off the bottom of the stack. Each card had a cartoonish vampire on the front. Inside, in Ashton's handwriting, were always the words “Happy Halloween." There were no other statements, but there didn’t need to be, for he knew there was deeper meaning behind them. The cards were now among his most treasured items. As for the letters, one day he would give them to Ashton so she could know he had thought of her every day of the four years she was gone.

***

Ashton began unpacking in her bedroom. She hung up her clothes and placed an assortment of books and pictures on her shelves. She had accumulated loads of papers and notebooks from her classes that she wasn't ready to part with. Those items went into a box that fit in the bottom of her closet. Finally, she had put everything in order, except for one item. Will's journal was still on her bed. She walked to the bed and sat down, picking up the journal and leafing through it. As she did, a few pieces of paper fluttered to the ground.