Unquiet (39 page)

Loren thought back to that night, his heart starting to pound at the memory. “That was the day I brought him home from Desert Grove. He was on a lot of different meds, and when he fell asleep, I lay down next to him and fell asleep too.”

Kai stroked his thumb over Loren’s shoulder, and Loren continued, “I heard a thump, a weird thump, which woke me up. And all that went through my mind was Rebecca saying to me that one time, ‘It sounded exactly like what it was: a body hitting the floor.’

“So I raced into the bathroom and I saw—I saw—”

“You saw that he needed help, and you got it for him,” Kai said quietly. “You saved his life.”

“But I should have—”

“Stop it!” Kai ordered, his voice hard. “No more fucking ‘should have.’ You were there when it mattered, when he needed you the most. You. Saved. His. Life.”

Loren closed his eyes, and blew out a breath. “I knew how many sleeping pills were supposed to be in his bottle. I was able to tell the paramedics what he’d taken and how much.”

“Yes. Which enabled them, and the emergency room doctors, to move quickly and decisively.” Kai got up on his knees and knelt in the sand in front of Loren, looking at him, his face earnest. “He should have died that night, Loren, and he’s
alive
because of you.”

The sound of happy shouts drew Loren’s attention, and he couldn’t help but smile through his tears as Eliot waved exuberantly at him from the surf, beaming. Loren waved back, his smile growing wider as Eliot blew him a kiss.

Kai turned his head to follow Loren’s gaze, and when he looked back at him, Kai said, “I can’t pretend to understand everything you’ve gone through, babe. But you have to try and let some of this guilt go, for both your sakes.” He pushed to his feet then and brushed the sand from his knees, an affectionate gleam of laughter in his eyes, trying to ease the tension. “And I’ll send you my bill,” he joked. “I knew that psychology degree would come in handy someday.”

Loren reached up and caught his hand, pulling him back down before planting a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, Kai,” he whispered. “Talking to you always helps.”

“Then do it more often,” Kai whispered back. “You know where to find me.” He winked at Loren, and turned to stride over the sand to where Jeremy stood at the water’s edge, the waves lapping at his feet. As Kai approached, Jeremy reached out and drew him in close to his side, kissing Kai’s temple.

Loren watched as they murmured to each other for a minute, then waded into the water to join the fun. Almost losing the one you loved. That was a feeling Kai must know all too well, Loren thought with a wince, for while Eliot was in Desert Grove recovering from his overdose, Kai called one day in hysterics: Jeremy had been hit by a car while on one of his runs, and was in the ICU in critical condition.

Kai begged Loren to come be with him, his pain and fear reaching through the phone and shattering Loren’s heart into a million pieces.

“I can’t leave Eliot, Kai,” Loren said, anguished. “Please don’t ask me to.”

Kai took several shuddering breaths, then whispered, “Oh my God, Loren. Of course you can’t. I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever be sorry for needing me, Kai. Don’t
ever
be sorry for that.”

Cold water splashing down into his face brought Loren back to the present with a start, and he looked up at Eliot, who’d shaken his wet hair like a dog and sprayed Loren with ocean water.

“You’re gonna pay,” Loren growled, exploding up from his towel and grabbing Eliot around the waist, tickling him mercilessly until the feel of Eliot’s warm, slippery body writhing against his had the expected result.

“Whoa, there are children present,” Eliot said wickedly, sliding his hand in between them to stroke Loren’s erection. “Not like this sexy little suit is gonna hide anything.” Indeed the head of Loren’s excited cock had breached the waistband of the tiny black swimsuit he was wearing, and Loren groaned as Eliot massaged it with his thumb.

“You’re killing me,” Loren gasped, looking toward the others. Kai and Jeremy had gone into the water with their children, Jasmine and DeShawn, and weren’t paying the least bit of attention to them.

“Jase and Carey ran into Waikiki,” Eliot said archly, shoving his hand farther down into Loren’s suit, cupping and massaging his balls. “Nobody’s around.”

Breathing hard, Loren glanced once again toward the water to see Kai and Jeremy’s little family was well and truly occupied, so he grabbed Eliot around the waist and picked him up. Eliot wrapped his arms and legs around him, and Loren strode to the side of the beach house, out of sight of the beach, slamming Eliot’s back against it.

He pulled both their suits down far enough to release their dicks, bending his head and spitting, the trail of saliva oozing down and coating both of them. With one arm around Eliot’s waist and one palm pressed against the wall, Loren began a slow grind, circling his hips, both of them gasping as the heads of their cocks slipped and slid against each other.

“Loren,” Eliot groaned, gripping Loren’s shoulders with his hands. He wrapped his legs tighter around Loren’s waist, bracing his upper back against the house as he lifted his hips into the strokes as best he could. Loren buried his face in Eliot’s neck, smelling sweat and seawater, and he clutched him, reveling in the feeling of Eliot in his arms, so wonderfully, gloriously alive. He was
alive
, and he was here.

The emotion, along with the feeling of danger, the hotness of being half-naked outside in almost full view of anyone who might wander past, brought Loren’s climax rushing over him, and he moaned, his cock jerking against Eliot’s flexing abs as he came hard. Eliot was quick to follow, his semen jetting out to cover them both.

They clung together, laughing, panting, and then Loren set Eliot onto his feet.

“Let’s go wash off,” he said, pulling Eliot’s suit up to cover his spent dick, swiping ineffectually at the come covering his chest. They ambled toward the water arm in arm, submerging themselves, laughing when Jasmine swam up to them and splashed Eliot full in the face.

“You’re no match for me, Uncle El!” she cried, swimming away, and Eliot chased after her. Loren treaded water, watching them, his heart full.

“He’s doing well so far?”

Loren heard Jeremy’s deep tones next to him, and he turned to face him. “He’s doing incredibly well,” Loren replied. “Dr. Babcock said the three-hour time difference between Hawaii and Arizona shouldn’t be a problem, sleep-wise, as long as he goes to bed at the same time every night and gets at least seven hours. We have the name of a local psychiatrist programmed into our phones, and also the name of the nearest hospital with a psychiatric ward.”

“I know Jase was so glad you were able to come,” Jeremy said.

Jeremy’s high school friend Jase DeSantis was a Grammy-winning recording artist, and he and his husband Carey, a war veteran and amputee, had wanted to treat a small circle of their closest friends to an all-expenses-paid Hawaiian vacation to celebrate both their third wedding anniversary and Jase’s latest album going platinum.

More than anything, Loren wanted Eliot to have this experience, so they sat down with Dr. Babcock and planned it out to the smallest detail, leaving nothing to chance. She increased the dosage of his antianxiety med a tad to compensate for the stress of travel, and asked him to add back in a sleep aid to deal with the time change if needed. They’d been on Oahu for a week now, and everything was going wonderfully.

“I can never thank Jase enough for this,” Loren said, following Jeremy toward the shore and their towels. “Back in high school, Eliot and I used to dream about going to Hawaii, and seeing him actually here….” Loren choked up, feeling a little stupid and apologizing.

“You have to make your memories where you can, while you can, Loren,” Jeremy replied, his voice holding a wealth of understanding. “There’s so much I wished I’d done with Brent—” He broke off, his face wistful. Loren put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder for a moment, both of them acknowledging their shared grief: one for the husband he lost, the other for the man he came within a hair’s breadth of losing.

“These memories will last us a lifetime, Jeremy.”

Jeremy squeezed Loren’s bicep and then headed up toward the beach house, a huge six-bedroom affair Jase had rented for two weeks. It had private beach access, and also a sparkling infinity pool and Jacuzzi that looked out over the ocean. In deference to Eliot, there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in the house, and each night the three couples, plus the two children, toasted each other and the setting sun with sparkling apple cider in plastic champagne glasses while sitting in the Jacuzzi.

It was magical.

Loren stretched out on his towel again and dozed under the hot Hawaiian sun until a burst of laughter woke him. He opened his eyes lazily to see Jasmine and DeShawn, along with Eliot, jogging past and then up the stairs of the beach house. The outdoor shower came on as they all rinsed the sand off under the spray, and then the unmistakable sound of doors opening and slamming closed.

“Where are they all off to?” Loren asked Kai, his voice drowsy, as Kai flopped down next to him.

“DeShawn challenged them both to a rousing game of
Dance-Off
on the Xbox,” Kai replied, a thread of laughter in his voice.

“Oh my God. Eliot will clean their clocks. He can dance like nobody’s business.”

They chuckled together, then lay there in silence for a while. At last Kai said, “He’s so good with them, Loren. He really is.”

“They’re the closest thing we’ll ever have to our own children,” Loren whispered. “I can’t tell you how much it meant to him when they asked if they could call him Uncle Eliot.”

Jeremy and Kai finalized their adoption of Jasmine and DeShawn, a sister and brother they’d been fostering, almost six months ago. Loren and Eliot went to the court hearing and then spent a week visiting with the newly minted little family, everyone amused and touched when Eliot bonded with the two children right away.

“They’re great kids,” Loren added. “We’re honored to be their uncles.”

Just then DeShawn came racing down to where they lay, calling out in a frantic voice, “Daddy! Uncle Loren! Come up to the house! Something’s wrong!”

Eliot!
Loren leapt up and ran full speed toward the house, Kai right on his heels. Loren didn’t know what he expected to see when he got inside, but it wasn’t Eliot sitting calmly on the couch next to a weeping Jasmine. He had his arm around her and was patting her back with soothing motions.

“What’s the matter?” Loren demanded, and his tone made Jasmine cry harder as she buried her face against Eliot’s shoulder.

“She came out of the bathroom and she was crying,” DeShawn yelled. “Uncle El said to get you, so I did!”

“I didn’t tell you to scare the crap out of them, D,” Eliot said drily. “Kai, come here for a second.”

A bewildered look on his face, Kai sat down next to Eliot, and Eliot leaned in and whispered something in his ear. Loren watched in fascination as Kai’s face turned beet red. “Oh,” he breathed, stealing a look at his daughter. “Um, yeah.”

“What?” Loren asked impatiently, and Eliot waved his hand at him in a not-now gesture.

Kai stood up and went into the kitchen, bellowing for Jeremy. Loren followed, leaning against the counter, looking on with interest as Jeremy padded into the room, only to be confronted by an agitated Kai.

“It seems,” Kai hissed, “that our daughter just got her first period!”

It was Jeremy’s turn to flush red and stand there with his mouth flapping open and shut like a fish out of water.

Loren snorted. “You idiots have a twelve-year-old daughter, and the thought of this happening had never occurred to you before now?”

“I—I—” Kai stammered. “I guess I thought maybe Elise would handle it?” he said. He was referring to a close friend of his.

“Well, Elise isn’t here, dumbass,” Loren said, enjoying himself immensely. “Whatcha gonna do?”

“Go buy her some pads or something,” Kai entreated Jeremy, and Jeremy held his hands up in a wait-a-minute gesture.

“Whoa there,” he exclaimed. “I don’t have the first fucking clue what to get!”

“Get one of everything, then!” Kai said, his voice rising.

Kai seemed about to lose it when the door to the garage opened and Jase walked in, Carey on his heels. They stopped short, looking from man to man, taking in the tense scene.

“What’s going on?” Jase demanded. “Is Eliot okay?”

Loren was warmed by Jase’s concern, and he gave a reassuring nod.

“He’s fine,” he said, and then waited for Kai or Jeremy to say something. When they didn’t, he continued, “Apparently their daughter has just entered the ranks of womanhood, and they’re freaking out like fools.”

“Oh my God,” Jase drawled, throwing up his hands in an incredulous motion. “Is that all?” He strode toward the living room, his demeanor one of utter disgust as he headed to the rescue.

“‘Is that all?’ says the man with four sisters,” Carey said drily, setting down grocery bags from a gourmet market.

Soon Jase came back into the kitchen, followed by a subdued Jasmine.

“We are headed to the pharmacy for supplies,” he announced. “You two yahoos”—he pointed at Kai and Jeremy—“are coming too.”

He led the way back to the garage and his rented Land Rover, a chastened Kai and Jeremy following meekly behind.

The door barely closed behind them before Carey and Loren exploded into laughter, leaning against the counter and wiping their eyes.

“Oh God, my stomach hurts,” Loren gasped, almost doubled over with mirth.

“I’m just picturing Jeremy buying tampons every month for the next six or so years,” Carey chortled. “It’s so funny none of this seems to have occurred to them before.”

“Wait until they need to buy DeShawn condoms!” Loren choked, sending them into peals of more laughter until a thought occurred to them both at the same time, and they immediately sobered.

“Wait until they need to buy
Jasmine
condoms,” Carey whispered, and they winced, thinking of Kai and Jeremy dealing with their daughter’s future boyfriends.