Unmistakeable (10 page)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Alaska

I really messed this up.

When I saw him with Clementine, I just assumed the worst. Now I felt stupid. And I felt horrible for hurting Ash. We were so perfect but I ruined all of that. I wasn’t even sure if we were still together. It seemed like his final words were a goodbye. And I didn’t blame him for not wanting to be with me.

I mooped around the house for the next few days, wishing I could turn back time and undo everything. I wished I had just confronted him at the restaurant. I would have felt stupid anyway, but not quite as stupid as I feel now. And I wouldn’t have hurt Ash.

What do I do?

I didn’t see Ash for the next few days. He went to school at the same time every morning but I didn’t try to talk to him. The look of anger on his face made me stay away. He probably wanted his space, to get away from me.

I stayed home and tried not to leave my apartment. I didn’t feel like doing anything or seeing anyone. Every time I had the courage to talk to Ash, I chickened out.

Did he hate me
?

I went down to the laundry room and started a load. Then I sat down and placed my laptop on my knees, trying to get some work done while I waited for my clothes to finish.

The door opened and Ash walked inside. He noticed me against the wall but quickly averted his gaze, ignoring me. He moved to the washer and dumped his clothes inside. Then he started it.

Should I say something?

He moved to the other side of the room and pulled out his textbooks. Then he put his ear buds in and turned on his iPod.

Yeah…he didn’t want to talk to me.

I saw him again when I checked the mail. He came from behind me then opened his box. Like I didn’t exist, he pulled everything out and stuffed it under his arm. He didn’t sort it like he usually did, trying to get away from me as quickly as possible.

When he finally left the lobby, the tears welled up in my eyes then they cascaded over. Fortunately, I was alone so no one could listen to the sound of me crying, especially Ash.

By the next week, I was certain he hated me. He hadn’t tried talking to me and I knew he didn’t want me to talk to him. I loathed myself for ruining the best relationship I ever had. I loved him with my whole heart but I threw him away. It was a regret I’d have to live with for the rest of my life.

As much as I wanted to stay home and cry into my pillow all day and all night, I needed to make money to pay the bills. I had a maternity shoot I couldn’t miss that afternoon, so I grabbed all my equipment then headed to my truck. When I started the engine, it wouldn’t turn.

God fucking damn it.

This could not be happening to me.

I leaned back in the chair and sighed. It was always something new with this vehicle. I got out then popped the hood. I didn’t know anything about cars so I just stared at the engine blankly. I didn’t leave my lights on so the battery was fine. It must be the oil again. Ash changed it four months ago, so maybe it needed to be changed again.

Well…how did I get the oil?

Ash always came to my rescue but I knew he wouldn’t this time. I was going to be late but I was too depressed to care. I lost the only thing that actually mattered. My job and my truck didn’t mean shit to me.

I could call my sister and ask for her help but I didn’t even know what kind of oil it needed. I thought about asking Scotty, but since Livia was Ash’s sister, that was a conflict of interest. The only guy I knew who was educated about cars was Jace…but I couldn’t stoop that low. I’d rather get a tow truck.

“You seriously need to get a new car.”

I flinched when I recognized the hardness of Ash’s voice. I didn’t even realize he was behind me. “Yeah…”

He opened the oil cap then checked it. “I told you to get your oil changed every three-thousand miles.” The annoyance was evident.

“I know…I just forgot.” I didn’t look at him. It was too hard.

“Are you in a hurry?”

Yes
. “Ash, you don’t need to help me. I’m fine.”

“You’re fine?” he asked incredulously. “Then how do you plan on getting out of this situation?”

“I don’t know but I’ll figure it out. I’m not your problem anymore.” I didn’t want to look into his eyes because it would hurt too much.

“Not my problem anymore?” He shut the hood then stared me down. “Alaska, you’re always my problem.”

I still couldn’t look at him.

“I may be mad at you but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”

“You won’t talk to me…”

“Because I’m waiting for an apology.”

“I did apologize.”

“Look at me when you talk to me.” His anger seeped through.

I finally locked my eyes with his. And it hurt. “I said I was sorry…and I know you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. I’m just hurt you did that to me.”

“I wasn’t thinking…I was just upset.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can’t stand the way I hurt you and I hate myself for it. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I hate being without you. I think about you all the time and I miss you. I’m sorry and I’ll trust you from now on—really trust you.”

His eyes softened when he looked at me. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

I sniffed then blinked my eyes so I wouldn’t cry again.

Ash wrapped his arms around my waist then pulled me close to him.

His chest felt so good that it hurt. I released a deep breath, loving the moment. I dreamed of his touch all week, needing him. I didn’t think he wanted me anymore, only loathed me.

He rested his chin on my head and kept me close to him. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re back.”

“I never left, Alaska.”

“I assumed we broke up.”

“No. Never.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “So you weren’t with anyone?”

“You know the answer to that.”

I just wanted to go to bed and cuddle with him, to listen to him breathe beside me. I wanted his strong arms to cage me close to him. I didn’t want to be here, standing outside under the California sun. “Let’s go to bed.” I pulled away and grabbed his hand.

He steadied me. “Don’t you have to work?” The humor was in his voice.

“I don’t care.”

He pulled me back. “Take my car and I’ll change the oil of your truck.”

“But how will you get the oil?”

“I have extra. I assumed something like this would happen again.” He smiled when he looked down at me.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, darling.”

My nickname. I missed hearing him call me that. “Okay.”

He kissed my forehead. “Now go. I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He swatted my behind as I walked away.

I got into his car then started the engine. For the first time in a week, I smiled.

When I came home, I immediately went to his door. I’d been thinking about him all day. Every time I took a picture, I imagined he was there with me. I’d been apart from him all week and I didn’t want to be away from him any longer.

I knocked on his door, pounding my fist against it because I was so anxious.

He opened the door immediately. “What took you so long?” The playful look was in his eyes.

I stepped inside then pushed him against the wall, pressing my chest against his. Then I crushed my mouth against his, wanting to taste him.

He moaned then gripped my hips, pulling me as close to him as possible. He sucked my bottom lip then dug one hand into my hair, fisting it.

I missed the connection between us. I couldn’t believe I lasted a whole week without his hands on me, without his lips caressing mine.

He guided me to his bedroom then gently laid me on the bed. He moved on top of me, separating my knees with his. I wrapped my legs around his waist, squeezing him.

I was out of breath and desperate for more of him. I wanted every inch of him, to feel him in a way I never felt before. My lips pulled away from his, ending our embrace. Then I looked into his eyes. “I’m so sorry…”

“Forget about it. I have.” He planted his mouth against mine again.

I broke apart again. “Being without you was the worst pain in my life. It was worse than Jace, by a landslide.”

“Then don’t ever turn your back on me again.”

“I won’t.” I cupped his face, staring into the blue eyes I loved so much. “Because I love you.” I wasn’t thinking when I said it. It just came out. The emotion of losing him was enough to kill me. I didn’t care if he didn’t feel the same way. He had to know how I felt.

The desire suddenly faded from his eyes. He looked at me in a different way, his lips pressed tightly together and his breathing elevated. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Maybe he felt the same way. Maybe he didn’t. “I’ve loved you for so long. It’s nice to finally say it.”

My grandmother was right. “I had no idea…”

“It was obvious in everything I did and said. You were just blind to it.”

“Apparently…”

He brought his hand down to my cheek, caressing it with the pad of his thumb. “I never thought I would feel like this. I was so determined to feel nothing all my life, but I couldn’t do that with you. Since the beginning, I was hooked. When you didn’t want to sleep with me, it just made me want you more. Now I’m head-over-heels in love with you. This is hard for me, more difficult than I let on. Please don’t hurt me. If something horrible happened to you like it did my sister, I would die…”

“Nothing like that is ever going to happen.” I placed my hand over his. “You’ll protect me, Ash. And I’m a smart girl. I look after myself pretty well.”

He took a deep breath then released the air from his lungs. “Okay. That’s what I needed to hear.”

I moved my hands under his shirt, feeling the grooves and abs. He was tight and fit, strong and undeniable. My hands slid up higher than they ever had, reaching his chest, something I longed to touch.

He stared at me, eyeing the desire in my eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.” I reached his shoulders and felt the muscle underneath. His skin burned under my touch. He was like a personal heater. I moved my hands back down and grabbed the end of his shirt. Then I slowly lifted it, hoping he would let me.

He reached one hand back and yanked it off, exposing his naked torso to me. I hadn’t seen him shirtless since that night he kicked that girl out. Every inch of his skin was chiseled and defined. He was a heap of muscle on top of me, strong and unbreakable. My hands felt the grooves and lines, appraising him like a sculpture. He stared down at me, watching the look in my eyes. Then he grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up. I lifted my arms above my head and let him pull it the rest of the way.

He leaned down and kissed the skin of my stomach. His tongue tasted each hip then kissed the skin above my waistband. Then he moved up, his lips moving to the fabric of my bra.

I hadn’t anticipated this to happen today, so I wasn’t exactly prepared. My bra was old and my panties weren’t my best pair. I hoped Ash wouldn’t care.

He snaked his hand around my back then unclasped my bra within a second. It was obvious he done this a hundred times. He pulled down a strap then kissed the exposed skin. Then he did it to the other shoulder. Once my bra was off, he stared at my tits without any shame.

The first time I took off my clothes he refused to look at me. The second time, he covered me. Finally, he soaked me in with his eyes. His hand grabbed one and massaged it, feeling it in his big hand. Then he leaned down and sucked the nipple, making my lip quiver. I bit it because I didn’t know what else to do. Then he moved to the other nipple, sucking and tasting it.

My hands moved into his hair and I arched my back, stretching like a cat. He hit the right triggers on my body, making me writhe on the sheets.

He moved his tongue in the valley of my breasts then to the hollow of my throat. His kiss was delicious and precise, touching me in just the way I liked.

My hands moved to the top of his jeans and I unbuttoned him, eager to see all of him. It was difficult to yank them off with the way we were laying. Ash pulled away then leaned back, letting me get more room. Then I pushed him on his back then climbed on top of him, pulling them the rest of the way.

When he was in his boxers, I stared at his toned thighs and the muscle above the brim of his underwear. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ever been this turned on. I grabbed the end of this shorts then pulled them down. When his large length emerged, I bit my lip.

Ash stared at me. “I love it when you bite your lip like that.”

My breathing increased the longer I stared at him. He was substantially large, putting Jace to shame. He was the biggest one I’d ever seen. I just hoped he would fit.

He sat up then undid my jeans. My heart rate increased while he yanked them down. He kissed my lower stomach then gripped my ass while he got my pants off. When they were at my knees, he threw me on the bed then moved to edge, pulling them the rest of the way. Then he rested his knees on the bed and picked up my legs, pulling them against his chest.