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Authors: Charlotte Mills

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The following day we returned to the work site starting with
the removal of all the debris we had previously created requiring gauntlets to due
to the thorns. We spread out across the site cautiously grabbing clumps of
bramble taking great effort to keep them safely at arm’s length before dumping
them in the trailer. This we were informed was to prevent the nutrients from
the brambles being added to the soil, as they wanted poor soil to encourage
certain species. Returning to my work patch my stride faltered at the sound of
a loud ‘Ahhh’ followed by a number of profanities coming from rather chubby lad
I knew as Jordan. I thought he’d discovered some form of dead vermin or maybe
their fragrant deposits. Then I heard his follow up ‘There’s a fucking needle
in my leg you stupid cow’, a sickly feeling came over me. I became hyper
conscious of where I placed my feet and the surrounding area. Project leader
Owen, quickly tried to control the situation asking us to gather by the trailer
while he dealt with Jordan.

We were all shocked realising it could have been anyone of
us in Jordan’s situation, listening to the small talk among the group there was
little chance of returning to the task at hand. We watched as Owen made a
number of frantic phone calls before he came over to inform us of our early
finish. Most vamoosed before he even finished his sentence, but three of us
remained offering to collect the tools and return them to the van to make
leaving site a little easier as he now had to take Jordan to the hospital. The
seriousness of the event began to sink in as I collected discarded slashers and
gauntlets, any one of us could have been stuck, resulting in a number of
illnesses. Owen was grateful for our help as he began completing what I
suspected was the first of many forms and statements on his clipboard while
Jordan yelled down the phone to a family member.

Returning home I had my now obligatory long hot bath before
venturing out to my latest counselling session. I decided not to tell Nat about
my latest incident for fear that her head would spin out of control.

I later relayed the story to Mike during my counselling
session laying out my concerns he was equally alarmed, I had grown to like Mike
over the last few sessions. We seemed to come to the same conclusions over my
various poor decision making in the past, I was to my shock still feeling
pretty good about the counselling.

He even offered to talk to Caroline about working the rest
of my hours at the hostel in the evenings, looking after the reception and
providing cover in the common rooms. On the face of it this seemed like a great
deal to me, resulting in zero outside work on needle sticking sites.

 

Friday

Another call from Caroline, she had heard about the needle
incident and was calling all the parties concerned, making sure everyone was
okay and providing support if required. I was hoping Mike had spoken to her
about working at the hostel, unfortunately it was a call to set up another
payback session. This time at a two day job at a different park in the city,
painting benches and litter picking a much more sedate task for the start of
next week. Putting the phone down I picked up a big fat marker pen walking to
the wall calendar I placed a big 4 and 5 in the boxes for Monday and Tuesday,
circling them to finish the job. It felt good, but at this rate I’d be paying
back till Christmas 2020.

 

Monday

The frosty weather had broken leaving behind a rainy day
perfect for working outside, deciding to dress for the worst in waterproof
clothing I quickly made a packed lunch before heading off to the city park.
After parking up I walked to the workers hut where I was surprised to see
Tamika amongst a small group sporting a fetching all red waterproof onesie with
the now customary white and pink trainers, if a little muddied up now.

“Hey”. I said as touched Tamika on the arm.

She spun round. “Ay Alex”.

“You’re on the chain gang as well today?” I said grinning.

“Yeah....I hope it’s not that Murry bastard today....I don’t
see him yet”. She said looking around.

To our great relief it wasn’t the Murry mint, but a very
approachable leader by the name of Janice. A slightly portly motherly figure that
seemed to be softly spoken unless you decided to drop your cigarette butt in
her vicinity. We were duly dispersed around the park with paint and litter
pickers and set to work. Janice spent her time keeping track of us in our
scattered form around the park as we worked away painting and picking. The
following day the rain was kept at bay as we repeated our task giving the
benches a second coat, before setting about pruning the trees along the main
routes through the park.

Relaxing in a hot bath I mulled over the last two days at
the park, it wasn’t as eventful as the ground clearance but I found the work
rewarding I enjoyed the physical achievement of doing the task. With five days
now completed at least I had made a dent in the payback time only another
twenty six days to go, with that thought I ducked myself under the steaming
bubbly water.

 

Thursday

Arriving at the hostel for another counselling session with
Mike I was hoping for some good news about volunteering at the hostel. After
signing in I headed for the large room we were now using upstairs, the door was
open providing a view of the empty room except for Mike and several stacks of
chairs. He looked up at the sound of my feet echoing across the wooden floor.

“Hi Alex...so how’s it going?” He quickly took a seat
offering the one opposite me with a wave of his hand.

“Thanks....not bad not bad at all”.

“So...I spoke to Caroline...she is happy for you to spend
the rest of your community service time here in the hostel....I’ve also sent a
report for you counselling bringing it to a close”.

“That’s great thanks...I really appreciate your help”.

“No problem obviously we can assign more counselling hours
if they are required....and we can always use more help here.....now I’ve got a
CRB check form I need you to fill in...It’s policy as we have vulnerable people
here”. He looked more serious now.

I looked at the form he handed me. “CRB?”

“Criminal Records Bureau”.

I giggled. “It’s a bit late for that isn’t it?”

He smiled at me. “Well....yes but they’re checking for more
specific criminal backgrounds”.

“Oh right”. Now I felt stupid, looking at the form I
realised I’d need to take it home to get it completed as the detail required
was quite in depth.

“Is it okay if I drop it off tomorrow?...I need to get some
of the info from home”.

“Sure...no problem”.

I left form in hand, returning home hoping that payback time
at the hostel would be more successful than my previous attempts I decided to
return the form the following day to show willing.

 

Chapter 4

February

Tuesday

After a restless night largely due to the dread and not
knowing what lies in store at the homeless shelter, I exercised to the point of
exhaustion to encourage my body to relax a little. After eating a breakfast of
cereal and fruit I begin working on the computer constantly clock watching
counting down my hours of freedom left. At three in the afternoon I had to bite
the bullet eat, shower and change in that order.

I arrived at the car park behind the YMCA fifteen minutes
early and anxious, I could take some small solace in fact that I had met some
of the residents in passing or during counselling sessions. Entering the
building I went to the sign in desk to ask for Mike, a woman with the name
badge of ‘Jill’ greeted me with a warm smile she was a middle aged large lady
with greying bobbed hair, she pointed to his office off the main common room.

After knocking I heard movements towards the door, pulling
the door open he met my eyes with a warm smile. “Alex...come in”. Gesturing to
a chair opposite his desk.

“Hi Mike....thanks for sorting this out so quickly”.

“No Problem....we just need to fill in some paperwork before
I can set you to work”.

“Sure”. I said slightly pensive hoping it wouldn’t lead to
further delays to starting if I couldn’t fill them in now.

“Now then....”. He looked up as he flipped through his
paperwork. ”You realise I’ll be completing weekly reports for your Placement
Officer Caroline Richards? Keeping her informed of hours and progress she also
visits on occasion although I doubt you’ll see her with her workload”. He
looked up from his paperwork again levelling his gaze at me.

“Sure”. Was all I could reply.

“Let me give you a bit of background on what we do here in
the city...we provide support for 16-25yr olds. We’ve got eighty beds split
between emergency accommodation for rough sleepers...supported accommodation
for service users struggling with mental health issues...self-contained
accommodation for medium term workers and students we also provide move-on
accommodation to help with independence”.

I nod at his proud statement, god eighty people when was the
last time I was surrounded by eighty people. 

“We do have some rules you need to follow while you’re
here”.

I tried to smile. “Of course”.

“You’re going to come into contact with a mixture of people
some of which....who for want of a better word are damaged....some have mental
health or addiction issues that they are struggling with who want nothing more
than to be left alone to carry on with their existence, others will be more
accommodating in taking on board advice and guidance. I’ll pair you up with an
experienced counsellor to ease you into that side of things, but you’re also
here to monitor residents in common room areas and help deal with any minor
issues should they arise....on occasion there are bigger issues....”.

“Do you get many of those?” I ask nervously visualising a
prison riot I had seen on TV recently.

“Not very often...touch wood”. He griped the desk edge.

I wanted to do the same but felt I’d be tempting fate if I
did.

“Couple of rules then....never go into a residents room on
your own without another volunteer or worker present, don’t put yourself in
that position some residents are very vulnerable individuals that can’t always
read situations for what they are due to their mental health, or addiction
issues”. He spoke as if reading from a cue card, an all business expression on
his face, I wondered how many times he had to say this speech.

Holy shit what was I getting myself into, I nodded
nervously. “Okay....sure”.

“Although we do have some residents that have been with us
for some time in the dorms and apartments above that are very well adjusted
individuals considering their pasts....some of whom I’ll introduce you to
tonight if they’re around”.

“Great”. I said trying to sound upbeat while screaming
ESCAPE WHILE YOU CAN in my head, did I really want to be mixing with these
people.      

“First job is in the kitchen as were a man down....finishing
prep and serving okay.....you’ll get to see some of our other volunteers and
residents that help out with service.....then I’ll show you round to get you
acquainted with the place....depending on time that will probably be it for
today”.

Arriving in the canteen I was given a fetching plastic hair
net and set to work chopping salad by a large woman by the name of Julie, who
seemed to have a slight squint in her left eye or at least I hope that’s what
it was. As service got underway I was added to the line dishing out main meals.
The heat from the food trays was sucking the breath from my lungs, my shower
cap wasn’t helping I could feel the sweat trickling down my back, looking at
the clock it was almost over only another thirty minutes of service left. My
next customer walked up with her tray she looked at me smiling. “Nice
hat....I’ll have the Lasagne please”.

Returning her smile. “Sure no problem”.

“Don’t skimp me – I’m starving”.

I gave her a double helping, as I looked up at her I found
she was already staring at me, she smiled as I handed her the plate. “Thanks”.
She was an attractive young woman, a little taller than me with shoulder length
hair the colour of dark chocolate, creamy coloured skin with high cheekbones
giving her a refined look. Compared to her attire of red hoodie and ripped
jeans, I felt an immediate twinge of attraction to her, luckily due to the heat
my blush was hidden.

“Enjoy”. With that she was gone, moving on down the line to
puddings.

With the last of the customers fed, I began helping tidy up
the kitchens, filling the dish washer and preparing for breakfast. With all the
work done I gratefully removed my cap, wiping the sweat from my forehead to the
sleeve of my top.

“So.....you’re new?”

Came a voice from behind me, I turned round with a start,
the lasagne eater. “Uh..yes I am”.

“You’re not a resident......so you must be a volunteer?”

“Yes”. I guessed it was obvious, considering the jumpy
people I’d seen so far. 

“I’m Sam”. She offered her hand.

I took it. ”Alex” I replied shaking it gently but firmly,
letting go of her hand I had trouble breaking my stare. Her green eyes were
locked on mine, my gaydar was telling me we bat for the same team. Hearing
footsteps brought me back to reality, as Mike poked his head around the door.
“All done?.....Hi Sam”.

“I think so yeah”. I said looking round frowning as I
realised we were the only two people left, when did that happen?

“Right then I’ll take you on a tour so you can get to know
the place”.

“Great”. Just as we left the room, Mike’s phone rang with
the Jaws ringtone making me stifle a giggle.

He looked at the display. “Ah I’ve got to take
this....sorry”.

“I can do the tour if you like?...I think I know it well
enough by now”. Sam was eyeing me curiously.

Mike looked at me apologetically. “Sorry is that okay?”

What! I hope this one of the reliable residents he spoke
about? Slightly unsure I nodded my head in unison with Sam.

I watched him turn to Sam. “Can you drop Alex off at my
office at the end of the tour I’ll take it from there?”

 “Sure”. With that he was gone leaving us on the
stairwell.

“Right....let’s start at the top and work our way down shall
we?” We were off up the stairs heading towards what was signposted as
apartments.

“So how long have you lived here?” I asked realising too
late it might be a sensitive question.

“Umm about three months.....you don’t sound local are you
from Sheffield originally?”

A swift change of subject did I touch a nerve? “No....I
moved up here with my dad and sister when my parents got divorced....are you
local?”

“Sort of...I moved here to go to Uni”.

“Yeah...what did you study?”

“Law”.

“Really....I did a photography degree a few years ago”.

She turned smiling as we reached the top floor. “So how old
are you then?”

“Twenty-eight years young”. I replied feeling every bit my
age after climbing three flights of stairs.

Still smiling she opened the door entering the dimly lit
dark blue corridor with a number of equally blue doors leading off it each with
a metal number fixed to them.

“These are the self-contained apartments, they are a bit
like a stepping stone to getting your own place, with the help of Mike of
course....I’ve got my name down for the next one when it comes up”.

I smiled at her obvious affection for Mike. “So, you get on
well with Mike?”

“Yeah he’s great bit like a father figure...to me
anyway....not everyone gets on with him...but I really like him...he’s really
supportive”. She finished with a wide smile, which makes me smile.

We were off again along the corridor, down the other flight
of stairs on the other side of the building. Going through the double doors
labelled ‘YMCA HOSTEL DORMS’, this time the dark blue was replaced with
institutional pea green. 

“These are the hostel dorms, some are singles others are
shared....they’re quite small though compared to the apartments above”.

“How many people stay here?”

“In total there can be up to about eighty people staying
here at night, it depends on the time of year, more when it’s colder like
now.......it can get a little rowdy when it’s full.....I’ve had to invest in
some ear plugs to make sure I get some sleep”.

I smiled reminded of my niece Lucy and her teething sister.
As we continued our tour to the floor below there were more dorms on half of
the building with the kitchen and canteen area occupying the other half of the
floor. Returning to the stairs to access the floor below we both moved to open
the double doors opening on to a large parquet floored room with chairs in
stacks along one wall with large windows on the opposite side, the only light in
the room came from the city glow outside. I remembered the room from a few
group sessions I’d had at Mike’s recommendation, dreadful. “This is one of the
conference or group therapy rooms......so what made you volunteer here?”

I was suddenly uncomfortable, the reality was I wouldn’t be
here if I didn’t have to be, but that wasn’t the impression I wanted to give,
but I wasn’t sure I wanted to come clean either. I couldn’t make eye contact,
what would she think of someone convicted of assault and battery of two cars? I
looked up at her. “Oohhh...well its part of my....community service”. I said
with a slight wince on my face.

“Really?” With raised eyebrows she held my eyes, she looked
visibly shocked. “What did you do?”   

I felt my face throb it must have been ruby red even in the
dim light of the room. “Uh nothing just stupid stuff really”. I was truly
embarrassed, what was I thinking. 

“I’ll just have to get Mike to tell me later”. She smiled,
it was my turn to look shocked now.

Reading the shock on my face. “Whoa....sorry I shouldn’t
have said that...it was just a joke....he would never do that....he’s not like
that”.

The relief must have been visible on my face as I let out a
deep breath I had been holding. We continued on our journey, down the stairwell
to the ground floor. Entering a bright corridor there were a number of doors on
the right each with male, female and shower symbols on them, at the end of the
corridor were a set of double doors with windows in them.

“Here we have the overnight dorm......we can have a quick
look through the windows but can’t go in as its being used”.

I looked through the window the dimly lit room was filled
with metal army beds set out in regimental lines, several beds were occupied, I
felt I was like I was intruding and quickly looked away.

Sam saw my embarrassed expression. “Not streaking again are
they?” as she looked through the glass next to me.

“No....it’s just a bit voyeuristic and upsetting”.

Sam was frowning, almost angry. “They don’t want your pity”.
She sounded annoyed.

“I’m sorry...I’m just not used to seeing people like
that....I don’t really get out much”. I confessed, uncomfortable at my
admission, realising how sad I sounded.

Her face softened as she smiled. “Sorry I shouldn’t have
snapped....it’s not a sight many get to see I guess”.

We stood there looking at each other for several seconds
before she turned a headed away saying. “One last stop”. Over her shoulder.

As we retraced our route back to the stairwell I saw a sign
saying ‘GYM’ with an arrow pointing down the stairs to the basement. “Last stop
the gym”. We entered a large room covering what seemed like half the footprint
of the building with weights and various other exercise equipment along the
walls facing in to the middle of the room. Where there are a number of large
green rubber gym mats like we had in school. Just their smell took me right
back to the grotty sports hall with wooden ladders and thick ropes that hinged
out into the hall during gym sessions. Spotting a running machine I made a
mental note to ask Mike if I could use it sometime. The cold weather we were
having was making it difficult for me to keep to my new fitness routine, and I
had no desire to join a busy gym and surround myself with sweaty individuals.

“It looks well equipped...do you use it?” I enquired, taking
in her svelte figure.

“Yeah...they also run some fitness classes down here as
well....it’s pretty well used...I think Mike’s trying to get some more
equipment”.

“Right that’s about it you’ve already seen the common rooms
so I’d better drop you off at Mike’s office”. I followed her out the room to
the stairs, I was sorry the tour was over now even after my embarrassing
confession. Sam seemed so normal why was she in need of a hostel, she was
intelligent and attractive and most of all I was enjoying her company despite
our slight spat. As we went up the stairs, she seemed to stop suddenly, I
almost ran in to her, she turned around we were so close almost touching.

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