University Park Series Box Set: Books 1-3 (4 page)

The tears reappeared, but I didn’t
bother to wipe them away. Big drops fell as I pounded the keyboard, pouring my
heart and soul into it. Why was life so painful? Getting married was supposed
to be a joyous occasion, not heart wrenching. All the signs were there, I was
just avoiding them at all costs.

If Collin would only love me the way I
deserved to be loved.

“Lexi?” Delaney placed a hand on my
shoulder. “Are you okay?”

I stopped playing. Unable to look at
her, I buried my face in my hands and wept uncontrollably. She wrapped her arms
around me and hugged me tightly.

“What happened? Collin said you got mad
and left.”

“I can’t do this, Delaney,” I mumbled
through sobbing gasps.

“Do what? What are you talking about?”
She handed me a couple of tissues and I wiped my eyes and nose.

I tried to talk, but the tears wouldn’t
stop. Every emotion, every doubt, washed down my cheeks in an uncontrollable
stream.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders
and led me upstairs to the suite we shared. She sat me on my bed and handed me
a bottle of water. I took a few sips, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t breathe,
couldn’t gain control. These emotions had been tearing me apart on the inside
and I had held them back for too long. They wouldn’t be trapped any longer. Pulling
my hair to the side, she placed a cool washcloth on the back of my neck.

“Look at me, Lexi.”

I peeked from behind the wad of tissues.

“I want you to relax and take a few deep
breaths.” She mimicked the action, extending her hands out to the side. I
couldn’t help laughing. She must have learned it from her yoga class.

Laughing and crying, I was one hot mess.

“What? What’s so funny?” Confusion
tainted her question.

Shaking my head, I leaned against her.
“Things are so screwed up between Collin and me.”

She embraced my cheek with her right
hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Even though we were friends, I had never
shared details about our relationship, aside from telling her how wonderful he
was and how lucky I was to have him. The more I thought about it, the more I
realized that Collin and I were friends, nothing more. Not even friends with
benefits.

“Collin refuses to show me any
affection.”

With a raised brow, she said, “I’ve
noticed he’s not the affectionate type.”

“And it sucks because he won’t have sex
with me,” I mumbled.

Her head jerked. “What do you mean? Like
tonight or…”

“Ever. Until we’re married,” I
clarified.

She grabbed the water bottle from my
hand and took a huge gulp. “You mean to tell me y’all have never done it?”

My head fell to my chest. “Nope. We’re
virgins.”

“Seriously?”

I nodded, embarrassed to admit why I was
crying.

She took a deep breath. “I just thought
he was the private type. You know, preferring to keep things between you and
him. I figured you two were screwing at his place.”

“Gross.” I cringed and my body shivered.
“He lives with my brother and two other guys.”

“So.” She threw her hands up in the air,
like it was no big deal. “He has his own room, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, but my brother would probably
tell my parents.”

She threw herself back, hitting the bed.
“My God, you are a twenty-year-old woman who’s engaged to be married. Your
parents need to get over this, and so does Luke. This isn’t the nineteen-fifties
for crying out loud! You two need to test the waters before you say, ‘I do’.”

“Tell me about it,” I sighed.

“And how long have you two been
together?”

“Four years.”

“Damn, that’s a long time to wait.”
Leaning on her elbows, she said, “Please tell me you two have at least spent
the night together somewhere?”

“When was the last time you saw him stay
here with me?”

She tapped a finger to her lips. “Uh... come
to think of it, never. What about when I’m gone? Speaking of, I’m going to the
farm this weekend. It’s my dad’s birthday, so you’ll have the place to
yourself.”

Another tear escaped. “It won’t make a
difference if you’re gone or not. He refuses to lay next to me, touch me...”

Her mouth fell open for a quick second.
“Now that’s extreme. What’s wrong with that boy?”

I shook my head. “His parents are really
hardcore when it comes to their beliefs.”

“Their beliefs in what?”

Taking in a deep breath, I explained, “A
while back, when I was at their house, I saw this book lying on the kitchen
counter. It caught my attention, so I thumbed through it. It was about teaching
your kids to not have sex before marriage.”

“Okay.” She leaned in further, waiting
for me to tell her more.

“It also promoted homeschooling, keeping
your children safe from the outside world, preparing your daughters to be
homemakers, and instilling no dating, no kissing, no touching…”

“What the hell? No one can shelter their
kids to that extent, unless they are trying to raise a priest or something.”

I stared at the picture of me with my
family on my desk. “Well, that’s what my parents have tried to do to me and
Luke. That’s why I’m sick of this. I can’t live like this any longer.” It was
clear why they wanted me to be a teacher. They had my life completely planned
for me and I hated them for that.

“Shit. I just thought your parents were
really overprotective.”

“Yeah, me too. I kind of understand
where Collin’s coming from when he tells me he has to abide by his father’s
wishes and remain a virgin until marriage.”

“Oh, hell no,” she pulled the band out
of her hair, “that wouldn’t work for me.”

I sighed. “I know! It’s not working for
me either. I need that level of intimacy with him.”

“I don’t know how you’ve lasted this
long.” She worked the tangles out of her hair. “I have to take a test drive.
You know… make sure I can shift his gears and ensure he knows how to put the
pedal to the metal.”

“Laney, TMI!”

“Sorry, but if he can’t make me scream,
there’s no point.”

“Lalalala.” I placed my hands over my
ears. “I can’t hear you.”

She pulled my hands away. “Stop, you’re
acting like a child.”

“Well, I don’t want to know how you like
it. It was bad enough that I had to hear you the other night.”

“Oh my God, no you didn’t.” Her face
turned beet red.

“Yes, I did.”

“But my room’s on the other side of the
living room,” she reasoned, confusion spreading across her face.

“You’re quite loud and these walls are
paper thin,” I reminded her.

“Sorry.” Her voice lilted a plea of
forgiveness. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but what did you expect? Collin’s
a preacher’s son.” She quickly averted, focusing on my dilemma.

I lifted my feet to the bed, resting my
chin against my knees. “I know, but aren’t they supposed to be the worst ones?”

“Well, let me put it this way, the ones
I knew back home weren’t virgins. I can tell you from first-hand experience.”

“Oh, Laney, why couldn’t my life have been
more like yours?”

She sprung up. “Wait a minute — you have
no idea what you’re wishing for. My life was far from good.”

“Yeah, but it beats being kept under
lock and key and deprived of enjoying life.”

“Maybe, but…” She popped the band around
her wrist a few times. “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about my life right
now. This is about you.” Delaney always avoided sharing details about her
childhood. All I knew was that her parents had died when she was young. Her
pain and hurt was obvious, even after many years.

I let out another big sigh. “I’m just so
confused. I don’t know what to do.”

She raised a brow. “What’s your gut
telling you to do?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” My throat tightened,
refusing to speak the truth.

She continued popping the rubber band
and even though it agitated me, I figured it was a way for her to self soothe,
so I didn’t say anything. “Don’t stop, keep going. It’s good to get this out in
the open.”

“I-I don’t know if I should marry
Collin.”

“Whoa!” The rubber band snapped in half,
flying in two separate directions. “Are you sure about that?”

Thoughts ravaged my mind. I wasn’t sure
of anything at that point. “I don’t know, I just… ugh! I feel like I need
something,
anything
to prove to me that he loves me.”  

“Just because you two haven’t had sex
doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”

“I know that.” I roughly wiped another
stray tear. “But when I’m with him, I don’t feel anything… God, Laney, I feel
like we’re just friends. Like our relationship is strictly platonic.”

“Are you attracted to him?”

“Of course I am. He’s good looking and
has a damn hot body.”

If only I could see him naked.

“And tonight, I actually got brave and
tried to come on to him, but he pushed me away.”

“Why do you think he did that, aside
from not wanting to have sex?”

Delaney always asked the good questions;
too bad she never asked herself those questions before doing stuff she later
regretted.

“He claimed that French kissing wasn’t
honoring me and we shouldn’t be doing that in public.” I heaved a deep breath.
“Why won’t he make out with me? It’s not like the fires of Hell are going to
consume him.” I threw my hands up in the air as the frustration released. “I’m
his finance, damn it! That has to stand for something, right?”

Delaney nodded, allowing me to vent all
my frustrations. “It should. Y’all do that stuff in private, right?”

“No,” I whined.

“What?” The whites of her eyes bulged.
“You’re kidding right?”

“I’m telling you, we’ve only shared
sweet kisses and held hands. What if things don’t get better once we’re
married? What am I supposed to do then? Marriage is a huge step and I… I just
don’t know if I’m ready for that.” I squeezed my arms tighter around my body,
convincing myself that it was okay to admit the truth.

“Look,” she sighed, “I’m going to be
honest with you. Regardless of staying on home plate, you should both have a
strong attraction toward one another and be in love. Like, visibly in love.”

She stared at me, waiting for an answer.
I turned my head, averting her questioning gaze.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

Nodding, I said, “Well, yeah. I’ve been
with him forever.”

“Just because you two have been together
for four years doesn’t mean you should get married.”

“I know, but our parents, family, and
friends are expecting us to marry.”

“Lexi, that’s not why people get
married.” She latched on to both of my arms, forcing me to look at her. “People
agree to marry because they are in love and can’t live without each other.
Their feelings run deep and in essence have become one. They know that they
can’t live without the other. Do you and Collin have that type of love?”

I pressed my lips together. “Sweet pecks
and holding hands isn’t enough for me to know.”

“Then you need to ask yourself a very
important question.”

I hesitated for a moment, searching her
eyes for what she was trying to make me see. “Do we love each other enough to
get married?”

“Exactly.”

Σ

It took me the rest of the week to
pull myself together, but I still wasn’t sure how to solve my problem. Collin had
texted me that night, apologizing if he hurt my feelings. Eager to move
forward, I forgave him and told him I was sorry, too. Thankfully, Raven had canceled
our Thursday session so I didn’t have him to distract me. As an offering of
peace, Collin asked me out on a date and I chose a movie.

I took my time getting dressed,
making sure I had the perfect outfit, makeup and hair. My number one goal was
to look sexy for Collin. If we were getting married, I had to make sure he was
attracted to me. Like Delaney had said, we needed an unfailing love for one
another that warranted marriage. Not only did I owe it to myself, but to him.
We deserved to be with someone we loved wholeheartedly, not just someone we
cared about.

My phone chimed and I eagerly
picked it up.

Collin: I’m outside waiting for
you.

Me: I’m on my way.

“Delaney, I’m leaving,” I yelled
from across the suite.

She rushed into my dorm room. “Wow,
you look good,” she said, giving me a once over.

“I don’t look desperate, do I?” I
bent down, pushing the socks under my knee-high black boots.

“Well, you are? Aren’t you?”

I looked up, shocked at her
comment.

A smile formed across her face.
“Relax, I’m just kidding. You look cute and sexy.”

“Well, I wasn’t going for cute, but
I’ll take sexy.”

Rearranging my strands of curls,
she said, “If this ensemble doesn’t tempt Collin, then I’d have to say that he’s
gay.”

I burst out in laughter. “What?”

She shrugged. “Just saying.”

“No, I don’t think so. I mean…” I
paused for a moment, pondering her comment. What if she was right? Was he
marrying me to please his family and hide his sexual preference? “I hope not.”

“Me too, because that would be a
waste of a good piece of ass.”

“Laney!” I slapped her arm. “That’s
my fiancé you’re talking about.”

“Sorry.”

My phone chimed again. Giving it a
quick glance, I said, “I better go. He’s waiting for me.”

“Have a great time and do
everything I would do, okay?” she snickered.

“I’ll try.” I did one last check in
the mirror, grabbed my handbag and sweater, and headed out the door.

I walked through the campus commons
and toward the small drive where Collin stood outside his pick-up truck with
the door open. A gust of air swept between the buildings, kicking up my short,
ruffled mini skirt. My hand automatically went down to stop it, but I let go
for a quick second, giving Collin a sneak peak. His eyes widened with delight
and then he quickly made eye contact with me.

“Breezy tonight?” His voice
trembled and I knew that little unplanned event excited him.

“Sure is.” I leaned forward and
kissed him on the lips. He responded favorably, puckering his lips against
mine.

A shudder trickled up my spine,
reassuring me this would be a good night.

On the way to the theater, we
engaged in small talk. I wanted to discuss our relationship, but I needed more
time than the fifteen-minute drive. Collin displayed his perfect manners,
opening the doors for me and even holding my hand as we walked from the parking
lot to the theater.

“What movie do you want to see?”
Collin glanced at the screens as he removed his wallet from his pocket.

“Mortal Instruments,” I said,
unable to contain the excitement. The movie had been out for over a month but
due to schoolwork, I hadn’t had the chance to see it.

His brows knitted and a deep line
formed across his forehead. “What’s it about?”

“Relax, you’ll like it.” I rubbed
his arm.

He pinned me with a doubtful look.
“Is it based on a book?”

“Of course it is,” I smiled. “All
the good movies are based on books.”

“I guess.” He nodded with
indifference and handed the girl behind the counter his check card.

Entering the auditorium, I quickly
took the lead and chose two chairs in the back corner.

“You want to sit this far back?” He
scanned the room looking for a closer seat for us.

“Yes, this is fine.” I quickly sat
down, not giving him the opportunity to move to another aisle. I did want to
sit closer, but I hoped that sitting in the back would give us an opportunity
to make out.

We looked over the menu and made
our selections. Collin, being the gentleman he was, ordered my food and drink.
The second the lights dimmed, I removed my long sweater and draped it over my
legs. I grabbed his hand and he willingly held on to it. Slowly, I moved my
arm, bringing our hands to my lap. I waited patiently, praying he would make
the next move, but he didn’t. Trailers played for upcoming movies and he commented
on them. I nodded and agreed. It took a concentrated effort to keep my focus off
what I wanted him to do. Desire razzed my insides and I summoned the courage to
take the next step.

I shifted and resituated my sweater
so it covered our hands. He fidgeted and then leaned in closer toward me. Heat
from the palm of his hand warmed my thigh and I tensed as a pulsating sensation
shot up between my legs. I imagined his fingers touching me where I wanted him the
most. My legs relaxed and my heart pounded inside of my chest. Inch by inch, I
guided our hands up my leg, raising my skirt in the process. The roughness of
his hand scratched against my skin and I took a few deep silent breaths as the
movie began.

I kept my eyes focused on the
screen, worried that if I looked at him, he’d pull away. For a long five
minutes, I held this position, giving him the chance to act.

Surely, he knew what I wanted him
to do.

The words Raven spoke to that girl
on the phone repeated in my head and my pulse quickened. I squeezed my eyes
shut, trying to focus on only Collin. Shifting my hand from underneath his, I
pressed his hand firmly against my leg, splaying his fingers near my panties.
He jerked his hand away in a swift movement at the same time the waiter
appeared with our drinks. The only other time I’d seen him move that fast was
on the field. Collin’s hand collided with the tray the waiter held. Soda and
ice flew in the air, half of it landing on my lap. I gasped, the sudden
coldness extinguishing the sexual heat that flooded my veins.

“Oh, no! Are you okay?” Collin
fumbled with his napkin, trying to unfold it.

“Sorry, ma’am.” The waiter handed
me a towel from his apron. “Can I get you some more napkins?”

I wiped my hands and then stood up,
shaking off the ice cubes clinging to the lace on my skirt. “Yes, please.”

People turned around and I felt
horrible for interrupting the movie. How stupid was I to think that I could get
Collin to touch me? My cheeks flushed with heat and I saw the regret in
Collin’s eyes. Regardless of my idiotic idea, a hint of happiness filtered
through me because I couldn’t help but wonder if the waiter hadn’t appeared,
would Collin have responded willingly?

Thankfully, the bathrooms had
strong hand dryers so I was able to dry off without us having to leave. I hated
that I missed some of the movie, but since I knew what happened, it was worth
the short escapade. At that point, I was desperate and took what I could, just
so I could experience something intimate between us.

He sat still the rest of the movie,
keeping his hands to himself. I couldn’t tell if he was mad or frustrated.
After the movie, he maintained a safe distance from me as we walked to his
truck, immediately crushing that hopeful thought I had after the spill. The
ride back to the dorms was uncomfortable. I wanted to talk about what happened,
but I was too scared to say anything.

As we neared the university, the
lights from the football stadium shone brightly against the black sky. Was
Raven practicing for tomorrow’s big game? The more I tried not to think about
him, the harder it was. I played with my engagement ring, sliding it half way
off my finger and then pushing it back down. I did it repeatedly until my
finger burned.

 
If it would have been Raven
sitting next to me, I’m sure he would have given me an orgasm.

“Lexi?”

I jumped at the sound of Collin’s
voice. “Huh?”

Where the hell did that come from?

“I said I was sorry you missed some
of the movie.” Collin shifted the truck into park.

I stiffened at the sinful thought
that had popped in my head. What was wrong with me? I was getting married! I
shouldn’t have been thinking things like that, especially about Raven.

Reason number four: Raven’s
clouding my mind.

“It’s not your fault.” I took a
deep breath. In an effort to prove there was only one guy I should be lusting
over, I turned toward him. “Do you want to come up?”

“To your room?” The hesitation in his
voice squashed any optimistic thoughts of going further that night, but I
refused to give up.

“Yes, silly,” I laughed, trying to
ease the tension building in the truck.

He glanced at the clock on his
dash. “I better not. It’s almost midnight. I need a good night’s sleep so I can
study all day tomorrow. I have a paper due and a test next week, not to mention
practice on Wednesday.”

“Okay.” I heaved an audible sigh.
“How about we study together tomorrow? Delaney went to the farm so it will be quiet.”

He pressed his lips together and
then smiled. “Sure. I’ll be over around eleven.”

“Okay.” I inched closer to him,
waiting for his kiss, hoping that my teasing had enticed him enough to want to kiss
for a few minutes.

Instead, Collin opened his door and
got out of his truck. Walking around, he opened the door for me. “I hope you
liked the movie.” He held out his hand to help me exit. His voice sounded so
dry and distant that it made me question our relationship again.

“I’d walk you to your dorm, but I
can’t leave my truck here or they will tow it.”

I forced a smile. “I know.” I
tilted my cheek in his direction and he gave me the customary peck. “Goodnight,
Collin.”

“Goodnight, Lexi.”

***

The next morning, I ran around the
dorm, cleaning and organizing my room along with the living room Delaney and I
shared. I wanted everything to be perfect for today’s study date. Going over
the details in my head, I planned how I could seduce him in a way that he
wouldn’t be able to refuse me. Feeling the warning cramps of my monthly cycle,
I pleaded with my body to give me just one more day.

I connected my iPod to my computer
and quickly made a playlist of romantic songs. Then, I went to my closet and
picked out a casual, but flirty outfit. Leggings paired with an off the
shoulder, oversized shirt would be perfect. I chose a sexy black bra with
matching panties and headed to the shower. Taking my time, I shaved any
unwanted hair. I wanted my body to be silky-smooth for him.

After giving my hair a natural
tousled blow dry, I grabbed my phone.

Me: Good morning, sweetie.

I had never given Collin a pet
name, but I wanted to get to him. Make him tingle from his head to his toes.
Five minutes passed before I finally received his text.

Collin: Sorry, just got out of the shower.

Me: Mmm, I wish I were there to dry
you off.

That was the first time I had ever
flirted that hard with him but I figured I’d better step it up. After a long
wait, he finally responded.

Collin: I’m running a little late.
I’ll be there by noon. Would you like something to eat so we don’t have to
leave?

My heart sank. He didn’t even
acknowledge my playful suggestion. What would it take to get him to loosen up?

Me: Sure, whatever you want.

Collin: How about a turkey sandwich
and chips from the deli down the street?

Me: Perfect.

I thought about telling him that
all I wanted was him, naked in my bed, but that inner voice told me that might
not be smart. I hesitated to put on any make up. Staring at myself in the
mirror, I wondered if he would even notice. I shut the destructive thoughts out
of my mind and decided to go with a natural look, spreading a smoky color
across my eyelids and light blush on the apples of my cheeks. I finished with a
fruity and sparkly lip-gloss.

Thirty minutes later, my phone
dinged.

Collin: I’m downstairs
.

Butterflies swirled in my stomach.

Me: Okay, I’ll be right there.

I paced myself, walking instead of
running down the hall to the elevator. Tingles danced up my spine and I hummed
a familiar tune. I stepped out of the elevator and immediately caught a glimpse
of my drop-dead gorgeous fiancé. He sported a pair of jeans and a blue and
white striped sweater. My eyes traveled over his body. I couldn’t wait to touch
the muscles hiding underneath his layers of clothes.