Unhappenings (28 page)

here were several very comfortable chairs in the print collection reading room. That’s where she found me, sulking, first thing in the morning.

“Hooky again?”

“Something like that,” I said. After my confrontation with Athena, and her implication that my future self might be our common foe, I could not bear to continue to do his bidding. With no one else to turn to, and against many layers of my better judgment, I once again retreated to Helen’s sanctum. I chose to believe that my sour mood so well precluded any thoughts of romance I could not possibly pose any threat to her from my curse, at least not that day. But my determination to stay angry about my situation was severely threatened by the sight of Helen’s smile, confused though it was.

“How did you get in here?” she asked, looking at the time. It was a fair question. The building did not actually open for another fifteen minutes.

“It’s really better if you don’t know.”

Her confused smile morphed into confused concern.

“You’re not kidding.” She came over to my seat and crouched down to meet my eyes. “Are you okay?”

I had prepared myself for variations of Helen pursuing the question of my ingress, but not for concern about my well being. That was probably as good an indicator of my state of mind as anything. Clearly, I had gotten past multiple locked doors, and she didn’t care about any of that over taking care of me.

“I’m not sure,” I admitted.

“Is it work?” Helen knew I was not happy with my assignment, but had no way of knowing why. On more than one occasion she had offered to be my confidant, and I absolutely believed her that she would keep anything I shared with her between us. Unfortunately, she was probably the one person in the world who I least wanted to know the truth. If she knew I was a fraud, the trust I had built with her would mean nothing.

“Sort of,” I said. “I can’t go into details. I just need to get away from that project. Maybe for a long time.”

“Do you get vacation time?” she asked. “I have personal days. Maybe I could take one and we could go to a museum or a zoo or something. If you’re going to play hooky anyway, we should do it right.”

There was no mockery in her eyes. I was not used to seeing this side of her. Our interactions had been almost exclusively playful. Now she was being unabashedly nurturing, on a moment’s notice of my need for it. How could I possibly resist?

“How long in advance can you take one of those days?”

“I work in a department with one employee. If it needs to be today, just say the word.”

I had come here for an opportunity to vent, which I had planned to do, somehow, in code. This was quite a bit more than I hoped for or expected that morning.

“Yeah,” I said. “I think it needs to be today.”

e spent the day at the aquarium. It was the first time I had been there in years, and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. Helen had never been there before.

For a while, it really worked. There is something naturally soothing about watching fish. I managed to block out the convoluted nightmare my life was becoming, and take in their simple beauty.

When we got to the ray tank, the whole experience shifted. There were dozens of them, engaged in a random ballet of such extraordinary grace that it was nearly hypnotic. I could feel them drawing the stress out of my body, and even though I knew it was a temporary effect, I basked in it. And then I looked at Helen.

Her fingertips were resting on the glass. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes wide in what I could only describe as an expression of child-like awe. She had, until now, seemed so worldly to me. The idea this might be the first time she had seen these creatures up close felt incongruous. And yet, there it was. I wanted to say something to her, but I knew anything I had to offer would only shatter this communion.

“Wow,” she whispered. I doubt that was for my benefit, but that one syllable soothed my aching soul more than all the exotic fish in the ocean. Then she looked at me, and in a tone that gave me goose bumps, said, “I love these.”

From there, as we moved from tank to tank, floor to floor, I was only partly paying attention to the fauna. My true source of joy was her string of discoveries. We had come here, ostensibly, to ease my troubles, divert me from my unbearable dilemma. Any benefit she reaped from the day off was intended to be a side effect. But that side effect was now my main effect. I wanted to show her the world, just to watch her face seeing it.

And that’s when I realized my solution. Show her the world indeed! We could be together, and she could be safe.

I would make her a traveler.

hen I got home, I discovered I had a cat. At first I thought she was an intruder, but a quick check of bathroom and cupboard revealed litter box and cat food. She was an adult, and extremely affectionate, leading me to believe she had been mine for at least a year. I wondered what that year had been like for her.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” I asked her as she curled up on my lap and kneaded me with her claws.

“Prrrrrrrrrr,” she replied. Hardly an answer.

“All right then,” I said. “Penelope it is.”

As unhappenings went, this was agreeable enough. But the message was clear: I was getting too close to Helen, and the universe was letting me know it. Little did the universe know my master plan.

At work the next morning, I was greeted by Wendy, back on the job, and unusually happy to see me. We chatted for a minute, mostly to give me an opportunity to feel out where we stood. As soon as she brought up the topic of her boyfriend Matt, I was content.

Most of my lab equipment was not where I left it. No problem. Several weeks worth of data was missing from my tablet, replaced with ramblings about some experiment I never ran. No bother at all.

I felt energized and inspired. I had finally isolated a problem to solve, and nothing was going to hold me back, no matter how many times I had to start over. A new sense of independence took hold of me, and for the first time in years, I felt truly free of manipulation.

I really should have known better.