UnGuarded (19 page)

I cringed. “I know there are no excuses, but
I was an emotional wreck without you”—words flowing in a rush of
desperation. “I made a mistake. Please, Cole. Forget that his blood
is in me and be with me. There must be a way to flush him out. I’ll
do whatever it takes.”

His mouth quirked. “When a vampire marks
you, it’s forever. If you were human, traces of his blood would be
in you forever—and even add many years to your life.”

“But I’m not human. I can get rid of him! I
know I can.” But the truth was, I just didn’t know, but I’d do
anything, say anything to keep Cole with me.

“I don’t know,” came his flat reply. “I need
time. And I’m certain that other vampire will try to claim what is
his.”

“I’m not his!” I hissed.

His head sunk low. “In my world you
are.”

My fingernails punctured my palms, and I
just kept squeezing. I stared at Cole, empty of words, the
realization of what he’d just said threatening to suffocate me. Oh,
how I wished it would. Whether or not Luke had the right intention
for giving me his blood, he’d never said a word about what it
meant. And there was no way he didn’t know that he’d be marking me
as his if I took it. Sure, it might have helped heal my human body
quicker, but now I could feel the change his blood brought inside
me and I knew what Cole said was true. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled under
my breath, but I knew Cole could hear it as if I’d screamed it at
him.

His mouth compressed, but he said nothing
while he cupped my face and stared intently at me. A lone tear fled
from his eye—the lightest shade of pink.
Blood mixed with
water
, I thought, then placed my hands on top of his. They were
shaking.

Suddenly, Cole’s lips were on mine—a blast
of fire and ice. Then, as quickly as he’d kissed me, he was
standing across the room, wiping his lips as if trying to get
something off of them. “I can’t even kiss you without feeling him
in you,” he spat. “I’m sorry, Selene. I need to get out of here.
I’ll find you when I’m ready.”

“But what if…” I bit my bottom lip, staring
down at my palms where my nails had dug away the skin. Cole was
already gone, and I wondered if I’d ever see him again. I’d never
even had a chance to tell him about Rhea, or the fact that I’d
decided to give my life for Caitlyn if it came to that. Why hadn’t
Luke told me what it meant to take his blood? If he had just been
trying to help me, he could’ve at least explained that part of it.
Or maybe because we’d kissed, he felt empowered to make such a
move, hoping for exactly the outcome that just happened?
That
stupid kiss
, I scolded myself. Even if Cole did get over the
whole me-drinking-Luke’s-blood thing, I knew he’d never get over
the fact that I’d kissed another vampire. I started crying harder,
uncontrollably, and I screamed in agony, trying to release some of
the horrible pain. When nothing happened, I screamed again, and
again, slamming my clenched fist into the poker table. After that,
I shifted invisible and orbed away, before Huron or Annabel would
come looking for me.

I was high up on the side of a mountain,
sitting on a chunk of exposed granite. My bare feet dangled over
the ledge as I stared blankly out ahead of me, not really seeing
anything but the crowded thoughts inside my mind. It’d been nearly
a day since Cole left me, and I’d come to this place—somewhere near
the Garden of the Gods in Colorado—to think. I was numb and bitter,
angry and sad. But mostly, I was just lost because I knew there’d
be no real way to get Cole back. Unfortunately, I couldn’t put all
the blame on Luke, either. I’d participated, and it was pointless
to come up with lame excuses.

It felt like I was stuck in limbo, with no
real assurance of where to go or what to do next. There was no way
I could go to Caitlyn until I got what I needed from Rhea. And
hopefully, at that point, I’d have some good news—preferably for
both of us. Raphael was still giving me my space, thank God.
Staying far away from him and Europa was actually a great thing for
me right now. So I pondered my only two options: finding Luke and
probably getting into some kind of major confrontation, or just
going on to Rhea by myself. Selfishly, I still wanted Luke to come
with me. He’d proven himself a huge asset by having my back on
Charon. But I felt hostile toward him because of the deceitful way
he’d given me his blood, even though when I played devil’s advocate
on the matter, he could’ve only been trying to help me heal. So
after tossing around the idea of going on my own, I felt it had
more merit. I could stay in angel form, which had apparently become
my stronger suit, so to speak. And I wouldn’t have to worry about
bickering or arguing or any other relational-type problems. Cole
was gone. Venting on Luke wouldn’t get him back.

Once my overactive mind simmered, I was able
to get a good view of everything around me. Pine trees were spread
out along the slope. Smooth, speckled granite rocks of all shapes
and sizes protruded near clusters of trees and along a few steeper
drop-offs. Through a clearing, a herd of elk appeared like ants,
meandering near a small creek toward the base of the mountain. I
took a deep, crisp, and refreshing breath, looking up toward the
sky. Thick gray fluffy clouds hovered directly above, while off at
a short distance their color changed to a deep blue, then morphed
into blackness, the sun completely hidden behind them.

The sound of breaking twigs and snapping
branches pulled my attention away from the darkening sky. I closed
my eyes, sensing the auras of everything around me. My breath
caught as I jumped up in panic.
That’s not possible
, I
thought, staring down at my body, desperately making sure I was in
my angel form—which I was. I took a few steps away from the edge,
my torn and muddied white dress dragging along the ground; then
Luke appeared out of the shadows of some brush. I jumped, startled,
then reminded myself there was no way he could see me. That
reassurance didn’t last long.

“Angel! I hope you weren’t planning on going
to Rhea without me!” He moved closer, coming to a stop a couple
feet away.

“You can see me?” I said aloud, while also
wondering it to myself.

“See you? I could smell you all the way from
Virginia! I had no idea you were really
this
far away,
though.” He brushed his hands along his jeans. “Sorry I’m a bit
dirtier than when I set out.”

His clothes weren’t
that
messy. Maybe
his jeans had a few darker spots, but his solid-gray tee looked
fine. Maybe the dirt just blended into it. I glanced around,
feeling anger and confusion taking charge of my emotions. “It isn’t
possible for your kind to see me like this.”

He eyes slid from my feet to my brow. “You
look beautiful in that, uh…is that a wedding dress?”

“Wedding dress? Hardly!” I scoffed. “This is
my angel form, and you’re not supposed to be able to see me like
this!”

His head dipped to the side. “Well, I swear,
I
can
see you.” In a flash, he was directly in front of me,
a few inches away at most. “And you smell better than you have ever
smelled before.” Then his lips were on mine, cold, hard, and
sloppy. I gasped in disbelief, grabbing his chest, then pushing
with all my angelic strength. He should’ve flown somewhere far off
the side of the mountain, but he only budged a few feet.

“None of this is possible!” I exclaimed,
turning away, the first rumblings of thunder echoing around us.

He gripped my shoulder and swung me around.
“Then explain to me how it’s happening! This is real! I see you, I
can smell you.” His grasp tightened, fingers digging into my skin.
“I’m touching you.”

His eyes darkened—flaming black orbs. My
body shuddered and I hurriedly stared at the ground. “Don’t you
dare!”—my voice full of warning. “Please go. I don’t want you
here.”

“Angel, look at me, please.” His voice was
softer but still firm. “I promise you can trust me.”

I waved a hand, feeling my anger thicken.
“Trust you? You gave me your blood and never bothered to warn me of
the consequences.”

“I thought you were dying! I was only trying
to help you!”

I raised my head, briefly glimpsing the
clouds flicker as lightning danced behind them before settling my
hardened gaze on Luke. “So you
did
know what your blood
would do to me?”

Acknowledgment flashed across his face,
hardening his features. “Your condition wasn’t good. I offered my
blood on impulse, not thinking you’d really take it.” His voice was
rising, almost yelling, as he pressed on. “There wasn’t time to
explain the side effects of drinking my blood, nor did I have a
clue that any of that would happen with you! You’re a freaking
angel!”

And that’s when my body lit up like a beacon
at the same instant the thunder roared another reverberating
threat. Streaking white and yellow light, bursting from every pore
of my luminescent skin, radiating my anger, frustration, and most
of all, my broken-heartedness. But when I realized that Luke wasn’t
affected—he was standing tall and staring straight at me as if
nothing were happening—I gasped in astonishment, then dropped to
the ground as my light faded.

In a flash, Luke was on his knees beside me,
one arm wrapped around me in a comforting way. “Are you okay?”

A flush of anger surged though me and I
scowled. “Okay? Okay?” This was the edge most psychotics stood on,
right before jumping off. “Do I look okay to you?” I gripped his
shoulders and pushed back as hard as I could. He gasped in shock as
he tipped over, his back crunching against the ground. In a rush, I
was on top of him, swinging my fists at his face, the sides of his
head, and anywhere else I could hit him and cause pain. Both of his
arms shot over his face, blocking most of my blows. Then he reached
out with one hand, trying to grab me and hold me back—while keeping
one arm securely over his face for his own protection. Twice, my
captured wrist slid free, but the third time he was able to keep
his hold. His fingers dug in with victory, but I still had one free
hand to swing with.

My fist landed on his upper cheekbone with a
whaack
. His fangs burst out in an enraged growl. In a whir
of motion, he flipped me over, my back smashing against rocks and
twigs with the weight of his body straddled on top of me. He held
both my wrists over my head in just one of his hands. He ground
them into the uneven rocks, his deep obsidian eyes boring into
mine, spittle dripping from his fangs landed on my nose. His free
hand was on my chin, compressing and pinching. “What the hell is
wrong with you?”

“I hate you…” My breath caught in my throat.
I’d never said anything like that before. It wasn’t possible for me
to hate. Only dark ones could feel such an emotion. “Let me go,” I
begged, my words broken by a thunderous crackle, a bolt of
lightning flashing across the sky. “I won’t attack you again.”

Hesitantly, Luke got off me, but didn’t
retract his fangs. “Angel, I swear I didn’t mean for anything bad
to happen to you—or with your
boyfriend
.”

Anguish melted inside me and I buried my
face in my hands. “I just released all my light, and nothing
happened to you.” I sniffed. “And now I’m using words that should
never be in my head.”

He pulled me up and brushed some of the
debris off my back.

“Were you trying to hurt me?” he asked,
peeling my hands away from my face and lifting my chin.

Our eyes met, but this time I didn’t even
try to look away—since now they were a softer shade of grayish
blue—and I stared blankly into them, overcome with more pain than I
could bear. “I just want you to leave me alone.”

He stroked my chin. “Can’t you see that’s
not possible?” He paused a brief moment. “Even if I hadn’t given
you my blood, I’d still be here with you. Granted, now that you’ve
drunk from me, some feelings have grown stronger. But I swear, I
didn’t know! I had no idea what my blood would do to you. Your body
seems to be reacting to it the same way a human’s would.” His gaze
grew harder, penetrating; then he grinned wolfishly. “I’d be lying
if I said this was upsetting to me. I kinda like knowing where you
are, feeling your presence the way you can sense mine. Please don’t
pull away, let me help you.”

I shook my head, my whole body trembling.
“You took Cole away from me! I didn’t even have a choice. If I’d
known, I would’ve never taken your blood.”

“Bull crap!” he exclaimed, eyes narrowing.
“I didn’t force my blood in you! I asked, and you took it! And I
didn’t force you to kiss me either!”

My hands curled into fists and my breathing
grew shallow. As much as I hated to admit it, Luke was right.
Though that first time he gave me his blood was a bit questionable.
Still, I’d done all of this to myself. The earthly temptations had
proven too great. I should’ve listened to Raphael and never
transitioned into human form. He’d always warned me about the
consequences, but I’d ignored him. At some point I’d become
somewhat addicted to my human form, reveling in emotions I’d never
felt as an angel, experiencing things I’d never done, yet so many
of those things were forbidden. Still, if I’d stayed in my angel
form, none of this would’ve happened. Of course, I’d never have
loved Cole either, and the thought of that crushed me. Was it worth
it to experience love in such a way that words couldn’t even begin
to describe it? To be loved more than an angel had ever known and
also love someone with that same degree of emotion? And I didn’t
even know how to think or feel about Luke. The way he’d hurt me and
angered me and yet I still had a softness in my heart for him. How
could that be? Was it possible that I loved him too?

Heat flushed my cheeks, and I quickly shoved
those thoughts away. This just wasn’t the time for my messed-up
love life, which I wasn’t even supposed to have in the first place.
I took a step back, finding Luke’s eyes, and reluctantly admitted
he was right. “Even though you were blackmailing me,” I added with
a hard press of my lips.