UNFORGETTABLE (Able Series Book 3) (32 page)

“After seeing my sister’s heart break when Dominic died, I finally understood why you were afraid. I . . .” Jake clears his throat and stops for a moment. “I don’t think I could survive losing one of my kids. I suppose, God knew it, too. I’m sorry for judging you, B.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jake. It’s moments like this I actually, believe it or not, thank Him for allowing me to experience the hurt and the loss. Now, I know that I’m capable of loving someone who didn’t come from me and my wife. I suppose that’s a real test of love. It’s a given to love your own, but it causes one to question the trueness of that love when you’re called to love someone who didn’t come from you. Nick taught us to love in the purest sense, and the lesson behind it is indescribable. I’ll give and do anything for that child. I love him like my own simply because he loved us first. He loved my wife without question, and he loved me without hesitation. Nick made us move when moving was the hardest thing to do. He healed our hearts when the spark was taken away from us.”

Out of the blue, Jack speaks surprising us. “Nick has extinguished a feeling of desolation in you and Tami. And quite frankly, to every one of us. For me, he showed me the power of unconditional love. I thought I already knew it. In fact, I thought I’d shown you guys the meaning of it. But, seeing it in Nick’s eyes, it humbled me. He lost his mother, but when he saw my daughter and felt the sadness that enclosed her, he took it upon himself to touch her. He touched her . . . then awoken that part of her that had given up the fight. One touch and he gave me the greatest gift a father could ask for. He gave my daughter back to me.”

A moment of silence ensues. An understanding, maybe, of what we’ve lost and gained. The painful remembrance of losing Dominic, and the healing that Nick brings.

It’s true what Tami has been hammering all this time. That everything has a season—a moment in time where His will needs to happen, and its acceptance needs to be received. My sons, Dominic and Nick have shown me that. I don’t see it as death and life, or loss and gain. I see it as a season of loving and letting go. I have to
let go
to
love,
just as I have to
love
to
let go.

TAMI

IT’S BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE
my shower session with Brian as Roxy puts it. Does it hurt remembering Dominic, I can honestly say it doesn’t—not anymore. What I feel is longing instead of pain. Acceptance of what is, truly healed my heart; while it took me a very long time to achieve it, I’m glad I did.

Looking back, would I travel this road again? Definitely, because it’s on that road I lost a piece of my heart that filled me with despair, but it’s also on that road where I found a piece of my heart again. In this journey, I remember holding Dominic as everything around me looked dark—bleak. However, once I reached the end of the road, a rainbow greeted me with a little boy I had never met, who chose to love me and captured my heart in the process.

We’ve grown closer as the days go by, especially when Brian is at work. Carrie stating in her last will that Brian’s parents are Nick’s guardians made his adoption easier than most. It’s surreal how everything worked out. Who would have thought Carrie and I would love the same child? Looking back now, I understand why I’ve always felt a connection with her. Perhaps, it was designed this way; where our roads would somehow cross. . . . where hers ends and mine begins. How could I doubt His hands in this? I won’t—not ever.

While we wait to be called at the court house, I start to replay the times that have made our family the family I’ve always dreamed of, like a movie in my mind.

“Brian, are you sure he’s warming up to me? I think he’s scared of me.”

He chuckles then says, “Who said you scared him off? If my memory serves me right, he said, and I quote ‘when will she snap out of it.’ He got that from Neil by the way.” He leans to kiss me and says against my lips, “He loves you, Tami . . . just like I do.”

“Do you want more coffee?”

“Nah, I have to get going. Cody and I need to finish something ASAP; otherwise, Gunny will rip us a new one.”

I pull his arm when he tries to avoid looking at me. “Everything is okay, right? You’ve been staying late at the office.”

He smiles. I know to appease me, but just the same, my mind starts spinning and going in a direction I dare not visit anytime soon.

“It’s just the move, T. Closing down the L.A. office, and everything involved with that’s a major headache. Everything is okay. You know I’d tell you if something were up.”

He walks toward the door, but turns and says, “Don’t forget; Nick likes sunny side up and toast with jelly, no butter.”

I roll my eyes at him, upset that he knows more about Nick than I do. “You’ve only told me ten times since we woke up, honey. I know.”

Brian stalks toward me as I play coy with him, backing away until I hit the kitchen island, then he cages me with his arms, his body flush against mine. His emerald eyes boring into mine while my gray ones dare him to make use of the hardness I’m feeling against my belly.

“You being sassy with me?”

“I don’t know. That’s for me to know and you to find out, big guy.”

“You want me, now?”

“I always want you.”

He leans forward as I lean back avoiding his lips from making contact with mine, while my nether region is seriously wanting to be impaled by his very eager member.

“Playing hard to get?”

“No . . . not ever.”

“Daddy? Daddy!”

His forehead lands on my neck while I shake from trying to control my laughter.

“This is not happening. This is all a dream. I’m dreaming, right?”

“You’re needed, Daddy.”

“Three straight days, T! Three!”

He walks toward Nick’s room muttering to himself something about having Nick spend the night at his parents house. I turn to follow him, needing to see why Nick called for him. I lean against the wall to hide, not wanting Nick to stop once he sees me.

“Are you going to work?”

“Yeah, buddy. I told you last night. You forget?”

“Is Nonna coming over?”

“No, Ta—- I mean, Angel is home.”

I smile when Brian calls me angel, but Nick’s silence makes my heart stop beating as I wait to hear more.

“Okay.”

“You look sad, buddy. Why?”

Nick’s attempt at whispering fails since I can still hear him, “I want to kiss her.”

My husband chuckles then says, “I want to kiss her, too. You want to do it together?”

“Can we? I kiss her on the right, and Daddy, you kiss her on the left, okay?”

I can hear the smile in Brian’s voice. “What if I want to kiss her on the lips?”

“Oh. I think Daddy, wait.”

A smile spreads across my face knowing that he truly loves me. He chose to love me. He picked—me.

“Okay, I kiss her on the forehead.”

“Let’s go, then. We can’t waste time.”

I run toward the kitchen, still wearing the smile I want to be forever glued on my face after all the heartache we went through. I make a beeline to the refrigerator, pulling out the eggs and jelly when someone taps my shoulder and my butt. I’m guessing Nick tapped my butt; but when I turn around, Brian is carrying Nick, and my husband’s pointer finger is still on my ass.

“Good morning, Nick.”

“We would like to ask permission if we could kiss the lady of the house,” Brian attempts to ask with a straight face.

“Okay.”

Brain kisses me on my left cheek while Nick kisses my right, and my smile . . . well it’s still there. My husband winks at me and leans forward to kiss me on the lips. One peck . . . then two . . . three. . . . until . . .

Nick grabs my cheeks and kisses me on my forehead . . . one wet kiss . . . then two . . . then three, and my smile disappears, replaced by tears dancing in my eyes. They fall when . . .

“I love my mama. Say you love Nick.”

The world disappears, leaving only my husband and my son with three angels looking from above, witnessing the happiness that now exists in our hearts.

“I love you, Nick. Thank you for choosing me.”

Nick leans back his little fingers still holding my cheeks. “Say you love baby Dominic.”

I look at Brian wondering why . . . how . . . how my son knows my other one. He answers me with a smile then says, “I told you I won’t ever let you forget.”

Looking back at Nick, I say, “I love baby Dominic, too.”

The longing in my heart jump starts as I say those words. I reach for Nick and wrap my arms around him saying over and over again how much I love him. He never fails to answer back.

“Mama, how much longer?”

Nick wakes me from my daydreaming. “It won’t be long, Nick.”

He grabs my hand and sandwiches it with his little ones, and that alone triggers another memory. In fact, this one I hold close to my heart because it happened the day after the impromptu party at our house when I ran away from Nick.

I force myself to get out of bed to spend time with Nick, but my heart just isn’t into it. I’m trying. I am. But, something much heavier is clouding my heart today, and I don’t know why. The bedroom door creaks, and even with that noise, I manage not to turn and look. The bed dips, and I finally turn. Nick’s smiling face greets me, but my sadness is still there.

“Good morning.”

I smile, not having the energy to say anything back, but my eyes are trained on him. The same color eyes as mine are staring at me while wearing the small smile with only the tip of his lips tilted slightly upward . . . it reminds me of Dominic.

“You want to come out and play?”

I shake my head again without tearing my eyes away from him. I’m expecting he’ll eventually leave because he’s bored, but his words surprise me.

“I’ll stay. I’ll stay with you.”

Once again, tears well up in my eyes as I remember how everyone stayed with us during Dominic’s final moments. How can a child who doesn’t know anything about me . . . about what we’ve gone through know how to comfort me? I allow my tears to fall as he holds my hands and stays. He’s healing my heart piece by piece without asking for anything, but willing to give everything for me.

I’m pulled out of my trance when I hear Trevor saying ‘I love you, Mommy’ to Trish. Four simple words, but those four words served as the catalyst that thawed the pain that has encapsulated my heart. A memory now plays vividly in my mind.

“I love you, Mommy!” Nick cries out in his sleep.

I beat Brian to him, and I pull Nick’s trembling body onto my lap as I draw lazy circles on his back to calm him. He looks up at me, then nuzzles his face in my neck, just like Brian when he seeks comfort from me.

“You’re okay, Nick. I got you. Ma. . . . I’m here.” I catch myself because I don’t want him to be confused since he called out for his mommy.

“I want Mama. . . . I want Mama. . . .” He cries out again and again.

I look over my shoulder to seek help from Brian, but instead, he points at me mouthing ‘Mama is you’ before he walks out. Should I assume? Should I say I’m his mama? My heart has been waiting to be called that name, but is it the right time?

With my arms holding him as tightly as I can, I say the words I’ve been craving to hear, and my little boy has been wanting to say, “Mama’s here, baby. I’m right here.”

I rock us back and forth until he falls asleep, but his hold on me is just as tight as mine is on him. I don’t want to leave him alone, because in my sadness, he’s been there always watching, forever standing guard.

“Tami, we’re up.” Brian gets my attention as he fixes Nick’s tie.

I wipe my tears which gets me a confused look from both of the men in my life.

“Mama, why are you crying?”

“I’m just happy.”

“Oookay. I thought Daddy made you sad.”

Nick pulls my hand and whispers, “Don’t worry, Mama; Nonna said if Daddy makes you sad, he’ll be in time out. . . . ten billion minutes.”

Brian hears it all and laughs. He stops before he pushes the door and carries Nick.

“Nick, when you leave this room, you will be a Mancini. In my heart and Mama’s heart you already are, but we have to follow certain rules, that’s why we’re here. We . . . your mama and I, chose you to be ours. We thank God for bringing you into our lives. Even though you were sad when your mommy left and went to Heaven, I’m glad now . . . now you’re happy because . . .”

Nick chimes in, “I have my daddy and my mama. Papa God didn’t want me to be alone when He told my mommy she needs to come to Heaven, so he sent his angels to find you and Mama; and then . . . and then when Papa God told Dominic he needs to come to Heaven too, He sent his angels to find me, right Daddy?”

“Yes. That’s the story of us, Nick. Are you ready to do this?”