UNFORGETTABLE (Able Series Book 3) (25 page)

Roxy and I share a look, and together we roll our eyes as the boys follow the head caveman out.

Roxy mumbles, “Hurry up, T! The leader of the tribe has spoken. And you, my wonderful son, will be like the Pillsbury dough boy at the rate your grandfather wants you to eat!”

On the way to the hospital, a very sweet memory hits me making me cry and smile at the same time.

“He did good last night, Tami,” Nancy says as she hugs me.

Sighing deeply I answer, “Thank God. The beeping sound of these machines causes me nightmares.” I run my pinky over Dominic’s cheek.

“My boy, Dominic, is a trooper.” Sighing out loud as she drapes her arm around me she says, “His very first night here, your husband got scared of all the beeping noises. He thought no one heard him say ‘when is enough, enough,’ but I did. Through the years, I’ve heard parents ask, ‘Is my son in pain?,’ or ‘What’s going on?,’ or ‘Is he breathing?,’ or the typical ‘Call the doctor?,’ or the most common ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’; but never once have I heard someone ask that question.”

She turns me around, pushing me to walk toward the rocking chair next to Dominic’s bed. “It’s feeding time, Mama.” Then, Nancy turns to pick up Dominic, making sure all his wires are still attached and not crimped. “Here ya go. Feed your baby, then I’ll finish my story before big Brent wakes up,” she says looking Brent’s way who’s sleeping soundly. “Anyway, when I heard him say that, I let the question sink in my head. When is enough, really truly enough? Dominic’s tiny face just glowed with peace and in turn, my heart spoke to me. You know what my heart said?”

Nancy looks from Dominic to me with a smile so huge I can’t help but smile with her as tears roll down my face. “Your heart said, ‘when it’s done,’ right?” I answer through the lump in my throat.

She shakes her head as she kneels down. “No. That thought came soon after, though. My first thought was the day you lose the will to fight, it’s when enough is enough. And looking at Dominic, I knew then that he wouldn’t give up the fight. He, including all the kids here, inspire me every day to walk through those doors without fear. Once I set foot in here, my world becomes these kids . . . because just like Dominic, this small space becomes their world until it’s done.” Nancy lifts my chin with her finger as my eyes move from my son’s face to hers. “Your ‘done’ will happen soon. He’s thriving, living, and breathing. Yes, he’s small compared to other kids his age, but his heart is strong. If God intended for the size of our hearts to be the guide to measure our strength, He would’ve made all our hearts bigger than the rest of us. It’s the heart that makes us feel, hope, and love. And above all, it’s our heart that makes us move. Leave your worries behind that door, because in here, you are his world and he is yours.”

“I’ve been a weak mother, haven’t I?”

“No, you’ve been a
real
mother. As mothers, we worry about our children. But, what will worrying really do? Except make us sick. Take your cue from Dominic. He’s gaining weight, eating well.” She takes a peek of Dominic sucking gently. “I think he’s eating a lot!”

“I just want to take him home. But, however long it takes, I’ll wait. My heart can wait. My heart will wait for my Dominic.”

“Atta girl! You’re a silent fighter like your son and husband. When Brian stands next to Dominic, it’s like both of them are a force to be reckoned with, and then . . .” Nancy pauses with a smirk on her face. “ . . . you add Jack and the rest of the hooligans standing guard, the energy of protection around Dominic is like no other, and boy my knickers are in a twist!” She makes the sign of the cross and says, “My poor George, may he rest in peace.”

A smile spreads across my face as I look at my son quietly nursing. I continue to run my finger on his cheek, coaxing him to keep on eating. As I gaze at the glass window, I see Brian, his hand splayed across the glass looking directly at us with a look of complete awe on his face.

Nancy sighing out loud breaks the moment, but not our connection. “That right there is a man so in love with his wife and son. Others will pepper you with flowers and candies, or buy you things, but that guy.” She points at Brian and waves. “That guy just stands all the time, protecting what’s given to him by the good Lord. Bless his heart. It’s in his silence his love for you both is the loudest. Not a word spoken, but every action felt.”

“Is that what you mean by the heart makes you move?” I ask softly while still looking at my husband.

“Exactly. Brian’s heart moves him to stand there for you and Dominic. Dominic’s heart moves him to fight to live. But, your heart doesn’t only move, it serves like a glue binding Brian and Dominic’s hearts to yours. Allow it to move, Tami. I’ve seen babies born at twenty-eight weeks and leave the NICU after three and a half months. He’s almost there, Tami. . . . just make your heart
move
.”

BRIAN

JUST AS WHEN WE DROPPED
off Jake at City of Hope for his transplant, picking Dominic up is the same thing. We’re all in a caravan. Jake’s driving his Tahoe with the quads, Trish, and Laura. Cody’s behind him driving his truck with Roxy, Corey, and Anna. Jack, Patti, and my parents are riding with Jack while Tami and I head the convoy with Dominic’s car seat securely fastened in the back of our Mercedes.

On our way to the hospital, I remember the past three months. How they’ve changed not only our lives, but everyone around us. I work shorter shifts to be at the hospital by three to relieve Tami. To say it put a strain on our relationship is an understatement, but we worked through it. Then, I remember the first time I held my son.

I leave Tami in the parent’s lounge sleeping after spending the whole night and early part of this morning with Dominic. I walk down the same hallway for the billionth time today. It’s an exaggeration I know, but it feels like I’m a part of these damn walls. I put on the same garb, do the same ritual, robotically. The only time my emotions switch are when my eyes land on my son.

“Can I hold him?”

“Sure, Brian.” Nancy offers a smile much bigger than the other day. “Let me unhook his leads, okay?”

I wait patiently as every nerve in my body is shaking with damn excitement. This will be the first time I’ll feel my son’s skin against mine. It’s a feeling I can’t even describe . . . an emotion worse than longing, and an emotion that exceeds elations.

“Ready?”

“More than ready.” My unequivocal answer rocks my heart to the core.

My arms shake, my eyes water, my fingertips tremble, but my heart . . . damn . . . my heart bursts in happiness as soon as his skin makes contact with mine.

“Hey, son. Can you feel that? My heart against yours, buddy. You make my heart race with so much love and joy, I’m ready to say goodbye to life at any moment. Two of my dreams have finally come true. One happened when I married your mama, and the other is holding you in my arms. I love you and your mama so much. I pray day and night for a lifetime with you both. If there’s a time longer than forever, that’s what I want for us. I want our story to go on and on, where no one can take you away from us . . . where you’re free and not hooked up to all these machines, where heartaches don’t exists and fear doesn’t hold a candle to faith and love. Take all of my strength, Dominic . . . all . . . don’t leave anything, because at the end of all this, I want you to live. I want you to want it just as much if not more.”

Dominic moves a fraction, but it means a lot—a whole lot. It’s an affirmation that yes he’s fighting and yes he’s taking . . . taking everything I’m giving. I sense someone behind me, and turning my head slightly, I see my father-in-law standing guard like always. I know he’s going to tell me something, and to be honest, I can’t wait to hear it. I need replenishment in the pep talk department. The last time I had one was last night when my dad called me. With what Tami and I are going through, we need all the encouragement we can get.

His warm and solid hand lands on my shoulder, then he speaks, “There’s only four people in my circle that I know of, who knows what you’re going through. God, your dad, Jake, and me. When Jake got sick, I was beside myself. I kept it in because I knew I had to be strong. I knew it was out of my hands, but more than anything, I knew He was in control . . . not me. Surely, not me. All I could do was pray—on my knees, I begged day and night . . . night and day.” Clearing his throat, he continues on, “When Jake was at his worst, I finally told Him ‘it’s Your will, not mine. Help me to accept what I might lose and teach me to rejoice in what Heaven would gain.’ Let me tell you, it was hard for me to say those words, because as a father, I wanted him to outlive me. I wanted him to experience life—the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of it. And, there’s your dad. He told me when your mom was pregnant, he prepared himself for the worst, being that they had already lost three before you. I asked him what made them want to try for the fourth time. He simply said this, ‘love doesn’t count the times you’ve been hurt or how many bucketfuls of tears you’ve cried. Love just keeps on loving—giving.’”

He walks around and stands on the opposite side of Dominic’s bed, seeming to control his emotions while I’m trying to do the same. “When the quads were born, you know there were days we could’ve easily lost one or two, but Jake stood strong even through his fears because he was once in that crossroad. It’s scary . . . it’s tough, but He, whom we lean on is stronger than that—much stronger. And, you know what God has done. I don’t have to say it. I’m telling you this to let you know, you’re not alone. So, enjoy Dominic for however long you have him. Love him as deep as you can and as hard as you can. He can’t understand yet, but he’ll feel the depth of your love by your touch and your voice.”

The lump in my throat has grown in size and fighting to speak is difficult, but I have to say something before I lose it completely.

“Thank you, Dad.”

He nods a couple of times, taking a deep breath in and blowing it out slowly. He has his eyes closed, but his words resonate in my heart like a cymbal.

“No . . . Thank.You, Son.”

Before I know it, we’ve arrived, and Tami’s excitement sparks my own.

“Are you ready to take Dominic home?” She asks excitedly.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I run my thumb on her soft skin as I say, “
He
made it, angel.
We
made it.”

With tears threatening to fall and lips quivering, my beautiful wife wipes away any lingering fear in me. “It’s finally done.”

The ache in me finally disappears as her lips meet mine. It’s a slow, passionate kiss with each stroke brushing away our heartache, each swipe restores our strength, and each glide fires a need that’s been denied the past three months. I give her lips a few more pecks, not wanting to get carried away. Once again, my needs . . . our needs have to take the backseat because Dominic’s needs come first—always. We don’t see it as a burden, in fact, anything concerning Dominic is something we delight in. Simply because he’s our world.

Looking at each other we both say, “Let’s go get our son.”

After signing all the discharge papers, being shown how to use the apnea monitor, double and triple checking home care instructions, we’re ready to go. Finally. Dominic is snug and secure on his car seat with a warm blanket covering him. He’s sporting a little blue beanie that says ‘daddy’s little man.’

As I triple check the seat belt latch, I hear a little whimper and turn to face my son. When his eyes lock with mine, my heart is overwhelmed with so much happiness and peace. It’s a reprieve only Dominic can give.

I whisper, “I love you, Dominic. Thank you for fighting the fight.”

He lets out a sigh as if to say. . . . it’s done.

This is our family’s day—Dominic’s day. It’s a milestone he has achieved with a lot of help from nurses and doctors, a whole lot of prayer, and one huge determined heart—Dominic’s heart. He’s the reason why we’re still standing. His feeble body scared both Tami and me, but it didn’t deter Dominic’s spirit. There were a few close calls before we got to this point. A few that my heart almost couldn’t take, that has brought me to my knees, but time and time again, Dominic’s determination proved me wrong. I thought I knew everything there was to know about how to fight, but Dominic taught me how to fight in silence.

He taught me to believe.

More importantly, he showed me how to
move.

TAMI

Nursing Dominic is my newest favorite thing. If I could sing as beautifully as Cody, I’d probably serenade my son twenty-four seven, but since I can’t carry a tune, I’m just content looking at him as he peacefully nurses.

“It’s the most amazing feeling, isn’t it?”

Smiling, I answer without gazing away from my son’s angelic face, “Trish, it sure is. I . . .” I stop for a second before my emotions gets the better of me. “ . . . I thought I’d never get this chance, you know? The chance to hold him, feel him breathe, breathe him in. It makes the pain, the sacrifice, and sleepless nights all worthwhile.”