Unfinished Hero 03 Raid (36 page)

In the end, I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I thought
,
so Raid ended up out of bed to get a washcloth to clean the remnants of him away
me.

Then I fell asleep moments after I felt Raiden’s arm move, my eyes drifting open and
closed, watching his fingertips move over the skin of his neck then the skin of my
lips.

And the last thing I heard before I floated off was his muttered, “Love my wild one.”

* * * * *

The bed moved violently. My eyes flew open
,
then my body rolled over Raiden’s and I was flying through the air.

I landed on my back on the floor beside the bed with a pained cry as the jolt of landing
raced along my spine, radiated over my scalp and along the small of my back.

I blinked, trying to understand what was happening
,
at the same time concentrating on the thankfully receding pain
,
when suddenly Raid was kneeling beside me.

“Jesus, fuck, Hanna, fuck.
Fuck,
” he ended on a snarl as I pushed up to my elbows.

“I’m okay.”

“Move your legs for me,” he ordered.

I pushed up fully and bent my legs, repeating, “Honey, I’m okay.”

A moment of silence slid by before I was cradled in his arms. He picked me up,
turned, sat on the side of the bed and held me close, my behind in his lap, his face
in my neck.

“Goddamn it,” he muttered there.

“A dream?” I asked.

He didn’t answer
,
but it was then I noticed his big, strong body was shaking.

I closed my eyes, pressed close and wound my arms around him. “I’m okay. It’s okay.
Okay?” I asked stupidly.

“Coulda hurt you,” he said.

“You didn’t.”

“I could have.”

I held tight and stated firmly. “You didn’t.”

“Fuck,” he clipped and his arms went tight around me too.

He went silent and I just held on for a while
,
then I moved my hand and sifted my fingers through his thick, silky hair before curling
it around the back of his neck.

His body stopped shaking
,
but he didn’t let me go, so I returned the favor.

Then he lifted his head and I tipped mine back to look at him.

“Goin’ to the guest room, honey. I’ll sleep there until I get a lock on these dreams,”
he declared.

At his words, I automatically put a lock on him, one arm going tight, the other one
sliding into his hair and fisting.

“Sorry?” I asked.

“We fuck, we kiss, I’ll leave you safe in here, sleep in the other room ‘til I’m good,
know I got them under control, then I’ll come back,” he replied.

My back shot straight and my lips, rough and commanding, stated, “No. You. Will. Not.”

I felt his body jolt around me.

“Hanna
—
”

“They do not get to take you away from me,” I snapped
,
and at that I felt his frame string tight.

I didn’t care.

I moved my hands to either side of his head and brought my face close.

“They tore huge chunks of you away and they can have those. I can’t get those back
,
but they are not taking the you that’s mine away from me.”

“Babe
—
”

“No,” I bit off. “I waited for you for almost a lifetime. I’m not going to get you
and have any of the good parts torn away, like you sleeping somewhere else. I
like
sleeping with you. I feel safe with you beside me. I wake up happy. They don’t get
to take that from me
,
and further, they don’t get it
from you
.”

He gave me a light shake. “Babe, tonight, no clue what I was doin’, I threw you across
the room.”

“Throw me out the window, I don’t care. Just don’t make me sleep without you.”

His arms convulsed and his voice was hoarse when Raiden began, “Love that, baby, but
—
”

I cut him off. “Not to throw your words in your face but did your buddies die so you
can sleep without your woman?”

He went completely still.

I didn’t give up.

“Talk to one of the guys,” I ordered.

“Babe
—
”

I pressed my hands into his head. “Raid. Talk. To. One. Of. The. Guys.” I didn’t give
him a chance to respond. I took my hands from his head, slapped them on his chest
and cried, “God! Don’t you think the same thing is happening to them that’s happening
to you? So much testosterone, sucking it up and not wanting to appear weak. Don’t
you think that they’re waiting
for the strongest one of you to step up, get it out and give them that outlet so you
can all find ways to move the heck on?”

I stopped talking and braced for his reaction, which could be anything
,
but was stunned with what I got.

His head dropped forward so his forehead rested on my shoulder. He turned it, tipped
his chin
,
and, lips at my ear, whispered, “Hal was with me. Hal was… I’ll talk to Hal.”

I had no clue who Hal was. I just knew I was thanking God the unknown Hal existed
and my man trusted him enough to talk to him about this.

I also closed my eyes and clutched him to me.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

“And I’ll sleep here. With you.”

I clutched him closer and repeated my relieved, “Thank you.”

His head came up and he caught my eyes in the dark. “You got that, honey, but you
got it understanding right now. We make a deal that if that happens again, no matter
how it happens, I hurt you, I almost hurt you, we’re done and I move to the other
room until I get a lock on it.”

“Raid
—
”

“No, babe, that’s your compromise and as far as I’m willin’ to go. I love you’d take
the risk. I love you don’t want to lose me. But see it from my perspective. If I actually
hurt you, I’d have to live with that. Don’t make me.”

I got that
,
and while I didn’t like it, I got it
,
so I’d give it to him.

“Okay. I won’t make you.”

“Thank you.”

Even though I didn’t like giving him what I had to give him
,
I was glad I gave it to him
because his thank you was so darn sweet.

I pulled in a deep breath, let it go, moved into him and cuddled close.

Raiden held me for a good long while then he shifted us so we were in bed, him on
his back me tucked to his side.

His hand sifted through my hair then his arm stopped and curved round me.

It didn’t go slack.

He didn’t go to sleep.

Neither did I.

He was torturing himself because of what he did to me
,
and maybe scared of hurting me through another dream.

I was heartbroken he was sleepless for these reason.

Dawn touched the sky
,
and finally his arm went slack.

I finally allowed myself to drift to sleep.

Chapter Nineteen

Nothing Sweeter

Three weeks later, Labor Day…

I watched as I wandered across Grams’s lawn
. It was
filled with people and tables groaning with food that she helped prepare
,
but these days
the
existence
of the food
had more to do with me, KC, Eunice
,
and this
year Rachelle and Ruthie.

I folded myself in the chair next to Grams, feeling the sun beating on me
,
as well as a variety of other things.

Raiden was at the end of the yard, bent in, his hand curled around the red flag dangling
from the middle of a long length of rope.

Kids were on either side, hands to the rope, ready.

“On three!” I heard him shout and my heart started beating harder, my belly getting
warm, my skin tingling. “One!” He looked to his left. “Two!” He looked to his right.
“Three!” he yelled
.

He
let go of the rope, stepped back and the kids started straining.

Grams’s annual picnic.

Tug of war.

His eyes came right to me.

My breath caught.

Then Raiden Ulysses Miller smiled at me.

The sun was warm and bright
,
but the heat that engulfed me had nothing to do with it.

I smiled back.

Grams’s hand curled around mine.

“Proud of you,
chère,
” I heard her say
,
but I didn’t take my eyes off Raid as he monitored the game.

I turned my hand and curved my fingers around hers.

“Battled the blaze,” she went on.

“It’s still burning.”

“Yes, I see. But I believe in you, precious girl. You’ll get it so it’s warm and cozy.”

I hoped she was right.

I didn’t share that. I just tightened my hand around hers as much as I dared.

“How’s it feel?” she asked.

“Nothing sweeter nor will there ever be,” I answered.

“Your old biddy of a Grams is right,” she murmured.

“Always.”

She held onto my hand.

I didn’t let go.

* * * * *

One month later…

I rode up to my house on my bike and saw Raiden sitting on the porch in one of my
wicker chairs, hand curled around a beer.

He’d never done that
,
so I didn’t know if it was a good thing.

I rode up to the steps, pushed my kickstand down and dismounted. I walked up to the
porch
,
appreciating his fall action man gear. This consisted of everything being the same
,
but instead of a tee, he was wearing a skintight thermal.

Indian summer long gone, a nip in the mountain air, I was wearing jeans, a cute pink
sweater and low heeled boots.

I approached and his eyes moved over me before they shifted to my bike then back at
me.

When he said, “Gonna have to put her up for the winter soon, babe,” I decided not
to move into him and give him a kiss
,
and instead headed to the swing.

Shifting onto it with practiced ease, I lifted my legs and crossed them under me,
looking back at him to see, through my  movements, I had never lost those beautiful,
unusual green eyes I hoped he gave our babies.

“I know,” I agreed.

“You keep ridin’ it, need to get a clip for your jeans or you’re gonna catch them
in the chain.”

He was right
,
so I nodded.

Raiden looked away and took a tug off his beer, his attention going to the front yard.

I gave him some time then asked, “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

To which, straight out, he answered, “Talked to Hal today.”

I knew what he meant. I was surprised he told me. I was also surprised he took this
much time to do it. He hadn’t had any dreams since he threw me off the bed. I thought
he’d already done it and things were good. But I hadn’t asked because I felt it was
his to tell.

He must have felt my surprise because his eyes cut to me.

“Last night, I dreamed.”

My lips parted, his eyes watched then they came back to mine.

“Just woke up, knew right where I was, you didn’t wake. Thought it’s been so long
they were gone. Thought the last scene was so intense it worked them outta me. I was
wrong.”

“Okay,” I said when he stopped talking and didn’t start again.

He took another drag off his beer and looked back at the yard. “You were right. Brought
it up to Hal, he told me he’s havin’ issues too.”

“Dreams?” I asked.

Raid looked back at me and shook his head. “Goes out, picks a fight, beats the shit
outta somebody. Next morning, feels like an asshole, knows exactly why he’s doin’
it, can’t seem to stop.”

Oh God.

Raiden looked away and took another pull of his beer.

He said nothing.

I didn’t either.

Then I had to ask, “Did it, uh… help do you think?”