Unfinished Business (31 page)

upper-middle-class boys
Sean F. Reardon, “The Widening Academic Achievement Gap Between the Rich and the Poor: New Evidence and Possible Explanations,” in Greg J. Duncan and Richard J. Murnane, eds.,
Whither Opportunity? Rising Inequality, Schools, and Children's Life Chances
(New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2011).

The real crisis in the United States
Sharon Lewis, Michael Casserly, Candace Simon, et al., “A Call for Change: Providing Solutions for Black Male Achievement,” Council of the Great City Schools, December
2012,
cgcs.org/​cms/​lib/​DC00001581/​Centricity/​Domain/4/A%20Call%20For%20​Change_FinaleBook.pdf
.

“only 12 percent of Black fourth-grade boys”
Ibid.

psychologist Wayne Martino
Wayne Martino, “Gendered Learning Practices: Exploring the Costs of Hegemonic Masculinity for Girls and Boys in Schools,” in
Gender Equity: A Framework for Australian Schools
(Canberra, Australia: Ministerial Council for Employment, Education, Training, and Youth Affairs, 1997).

“It's not cool”
Kimmel, “Solving the ‘Boy Crisis' in Schools.”

Particularly for working-class boys
DiPrete and Buchmann,
The Rise of Women
, chapter 6.

“To begin,” Jim writes
Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, February 19, 2013.

the “resentment towards my wife”
Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, May 21, 2014.

in early human groupings
Sarah Blaffer Hrdy,
Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding
(Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2009), p. 134.

In the book
Sex at Dawn
Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá,
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality
(New York: Harper Perennial, 2011), eBook, p. 132.

“women's sexual psychology”
Paul Seabright,
The War of the Sexes
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2012), p. 16.

She found plenty of husbands
Bebe Moore Campbell,
Successful Women, Angry Men
(New York: Random House, 1987), p. 68.

“Men's breadwinning”
Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica, and Jessica Pan, “Gender Identity and Relative Income Within Households,” National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper, May 2013,
faculty.chicagobooth.edu/​emir.kamenica/​documents/​identity.pdf
; Liana C. Sayer, Paula England, Paul Allison, and Nicole Kangas, “She Left, He Left: How Employment and Satisfaction Affect Men's and Women's Decisions to Leave Marriages,”
American Journal of Sociology
116, no. 6 (May 2011): 1982–2018,
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/​pmc/​articles/​PMC3347912
;
Wendy Wang, Kim Parker, and Paul Taylor, “Breadwinner Moms,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, May 29, 2013,
pewsocialtrends.org/​2013/05/29/​breadwinner-moms
.

Sara Blakely
“Spanx Speaks: Founder Sara Blakely,” 2013 Women in the World Summit, April 2013,
livestream.com/​womenintheworld/​womenintheworld/​videos/15577625
; Ralph Gardner, Jr., “Alpha Women, Beta Men,”
New York
, 2003,
nymag.com/​nymetro/​news/​features/n_9495
.

“During my time as a stay-at-home dad”
Park, “What Ruth Bader Ginsburg Taught Me.”

more than half of American stay-at-home dads
Gretchen Livingston, “Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids; Chapter 2: Why Are Dads Staying Home?,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, June 5, 2014,
pewsocialtrends.org/2014/06/05/​chapter-2-why-​are-dads-staying-home
.

“to experience with my daughter”
Mohamed El-Erian, “Father and Daughter Reunion,”
Worth
, May/June 2014,
worth.com/​index.php/​component/​content/​article/4-live/​6722-father-and-daughter-reunion
.

“I recognize”
Max Schireson, “Why I Am Leaving the Best Job I Ever Had,” Max Schireson's blog, August 5, 2014,
maxschireson.com/2014/​08/05/1137
.

These men are in rarefied positions
Jeremy Adam Smith,
The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family
(Boston: Beacon Press, 2009).

“The happiest day of my life”
Shirley Leung, “A Welcome Role Reversal,”
Boston Globe
, June 13, 2014,
bostonglobe.com/​business/2014/06/12/​number-stay-home-dads-rising/​OnmubpLSz ZgC5XLzaO93uM/​story.html
.

Bronnie Ware, an Australian blogger
Bronnie Ware,
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying
(New York: Hay House, 2012).

“I wish I'd had the courage”
Bronnie Ware, “Top 5 Regrets of the Dying,”
Huffington Post
, January 21, 2012,
huffingtonpost.com/​bronnie-ware/​top-5-regrets-of-​the-dyin_b_1220965.html
.

The second was
Ibid.

“My deepest fear”
Park, “What Ruth Bader Ginsburg Taught Me.”

“Everything else is unfulfilled”
Barack Obama, “Remarks by the President at Morehouse College Commencement Ceremony,” May 19, 2013,
whitehouse.gov/​the-press-office/2013/05/19/​remarks-president-​morehouse-college-commencement-ceremony
.

“So many women want to control”
Lisa Miller, “The Retro Wife,”
New York
, March 17, 2013,
nymag.com/​news/​features/​retro-wife-2013-3
.

“who claim to be overworked”
Aaron Gouveia, “It's Time to Stop Treating Dads Like Idiots,”
Huffington Post
, May 20, 2013,
huffingtonpost.com/​aaron-gouveia/​its-time-to-stop-treating-dads-​like-idiots_b_3179351.html
.

stereotypes can be both cultural and situational
Claude Steele,
Whistling Vivaldi: How Stereotypes Affect Us and What We Can Do
(New York: W. W. Norton, 2010), eBook, pp. 131–32.

“If a man is told repeatedly”
Email to Anne-Marie Slaughter, September 8, 2012.

“even the most senior male chief executive”
Jack O'Sullivan, “The Masculinity Debate,”
Guardian
, May 21, 2013,
theguardian.com/​commentisfree/2013/​may/21/​masculinity-debate-men-​fear-ridicule-matriarchy
.

Women produce big doses
Navneet Magon and Sanjay Kalra, “The Orgasmic History of Oxytocin: Love, Lust, and Labor,”
Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism
, 15, suppl. 13 (September 2011): 5156–61,
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/​pmc/​articles/​PMC3183515
.

only 5 percent of male mammals
T. H. Clutton-Brock,
The Evolution of Parental Care
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1991), p. 132.

motherhood makes rats smarter
Craig Howard Kinsley and Kelly G. Lambert, “The Maternal Brain,”
Scientific American
, January 2006,
www2.sunysuffolk.edu/​benharm/​Articles/​the​%20maternal%20brain%20-%20kinsley.pdf
.

similar changes
Kelly G. Lambert, “The Parental Brain: Transformations and Adaptations,”
Physiology & Behavior
, 107 (2012), 792–800,
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/​pubmed/22480732
.

Endocrine systems and neural circuitry
Benedetta Leuner, Erica R. Glasper, and Elizabeth Gould, “Parenting and Plasticity,”
Trends in Neurosciences
, 33, no. 10 (October 2010): 465–73,
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/​pubmed/20832872
.

More recent neuroimaging research
Pilyoung Kim, Paola Rigo, Linda C. Mayes, et al., “Neural Plasticity in Fathers of Human Infants,”
Social Neuroscience
9, no. 5 (2014): 522–35,
tandfonline.com/​doi/​abs/10.1080/​17470919.2014.933713
.

“When you become a dad”
Christian Jarrett, “How Becoming a Father Changes Your Brain,”
Wired
, July 17, 2014,
wired.com/2014/07/​how-becoming-a-father-​changes-your-brain
.

“If nature teaches anything”
Brigid Schulte, “With Exposure to Babies, Rodent Dads' Brains, Like Moms', Become Wired for Nurture,”
Washington Post
, June 15, 2013,
washingtonpost.com/​local/​with-exposure-to-babies-rodent-​dads-brains-like-moms-become-​wired-for-nurture/2013/06/15/​8f0758ea-d3e6-11e2-a73e-826d299ff459_story.html
.

we've beaten that subject to death
Jennifer Senior,
All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting
(New York: HarperCollins, 2014).

From 1970 to 2006
T. J. Mathews and Brady E. Hamilton, “Delayed Childbearing: More Women Are Having Their First Child Later in Life,” NCHS Data Brief No. 21, August 2009,
cdc.gov/​nchs/​data/​databriefs/​db21.pdf
.

“Because so many of us”
Senior,
All Joy and No Fun
, p. 7.

“We ourselves want to be needed”
Milton Mayeroff,
On Caring
(New York: Harper & Row, 1971), p. xv, quoting Andras Angyal.

On her trips back home
Katrin Bennhold, “When Dad Becomes the Lead Parent,”
New York Times
, July 9, 2013,
nytimes.com/2013/07/10/​world/​europe/​When-Dad-Becomes-​the-Lead-Parent.html
.

In 2010, when Pew Research
Paul Taylor, ed., “The Decline
of Marriage and Rise of New Families,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, November 18, 2010, pewsocial
trends.org/​files/2010/11/​pew-social-​trends-2010-families.pdf
.

“Yeah, he haunts me”
Hanna Rosin,
The End of Men
(New York: Riverhead Books, 2012), p. 15.

“Even in the most open-minded communities”
Guy Raz, “An NPR Host's Other Job: Stay-At-Home Dad,”
Atlantic
, March 17, 2011,
theatlantic.com/​national/​archive/2011/03/​an-npr-hosts-​other-job-stay-at-home-dad/​72588
.

more than 2 million people have bought
Lean In
Gianna Palmer, “What Impact Has ‘Lean In' Had on Women?,” BBC News, March 5, 2015,
bbc.com/​news/​business-31727796
.

more than 100 million readers
Mary-Ann Russon, “50 Shades of Grey Joins Top 10 Bestselling Books: How Many Have You Read?,”
International Business Times
, February 27, 2014,
ibtimes.co.uk/50-shades-grey-joins-top-​10-bestselling-books-​how-many-have-you-read-1438234
.

women who outearn their husbands
Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica, and Jessica Pan, “Gender Identity and Relative Income Within Households,” National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper Series, May 2013,
nber.org/​papers/​w19023
.

“are striving to be superwomen”
Betsy Polk and Maggie Ellis Chotas,
Power Through Partnership: How Women Lead Better Together
(San Francisco: Berett-Koehler, 2014), p. 14.

She says, forthrightly
Debora L. Spar,
Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection
(New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013), p. 234.

“We took the struggles and victories”
Ibid.

“force field of highly unrealistic expectations”
Ibid., p. 233.

She may be completely exhausted
Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness,”
American Economic Journal: Economic Policy
1, no. 2 (2009): 190–225.

As she tells the story
Gro Harlem Brundtland,
Madam Prime Minister: A Life in Power and Politics
(New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2002), p. 57.

A HOUSE MUST BE CLEAN ENOUGH
Nancy Gibbs, “Norway's Radical Daughter,”
Time
, June 24, 2001,
content.time.com/​time/​magazine/​article/0,9171,​152609,00.html
.

“Among my friends”
Miller, “The Retro Wife.”

Your spouse might
Senior,
All Joy and No Fun
, p. 79.

an immediate emotional response
Ibid., p. 87.

While single fathers
Gretchen Livingston, “The Rise of Single Fathers: A Ninefold Increase Since 1960,” Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends, June 2013,
pewsocialtrends.org/​files/2013/07/​single-fathers-07-2013.pdf
; Kelly Musick and Ann Meier, “Are Both Parents Always Better than One? Parental Conflict and Young Adult Well-being,”
Social Science Research
39, no. 5 (2010): 814–30.

Interracial marriage
“Loving v. Virginia: The Case Over Interracial Marriage,” ACLU,
aclu.org/​racial-justice/​loving-v-virginia-case-over-interracial-marriage
.

“traditional idealized family”
Mary Francis Berry, “The Mother of All Debates; The Father's Hour,”
New York Times
, February 10, 1993,
nytimes.com/1993/02/10/​opinion/​the-mother-of-all-debates-​the-father-s-hour.html
.