Authors: Meg Jolie
14
When Tristan first suggested we go sledding, I will admit I was skeptical. Of course it had been one of my favorite things to do when we were younger. But…we were
younger
. We were kids. Our parents would bundle us up, pack us up in the car and drive us to a huge sledding hill on the edge of town. It had been years since I’d been sledding.
But with not a lot else to do on a
snowy Sunday afternoon, I’d decided to humor him. Turned out, I had an absolute blast.
The hill was filled with little kids. Who would’ve guessed that being older would make sledding even more enjoyable? Because with our longer legs, we could trek back up the hill twice as fast. Obviously that meant we could go down twice as many times.
I had forgotten how exhausting it could be. All that traipsing up the hill in full snow gear. I had boots on and the pink ski pants I’d borrowed from my mom. Once fresh air was added in, I was wiped out by the time we’d decided we’d had our fill.
We’d spent
hours
there. My face was frozen and my legs ached from exertion by the time we decided to call it a day. I was also starving and so was Tristan.
When we got back to my house, M
om was gone. She’d left a note on the countertop saying she’d be home later that evening. Later as in, go ahead and eat dinner without her. So Tristan and I had raided the fridge.
I was busy making homemade hot cocoa, just like Mom used to do after one of our sledding afternoons.
Tristan was making us ham sandwiches as I stirred the milk, round and round. I didn’t dare to step away from the stove because I had a nasty habit of scorching it.
Mom had a radio installed under one of the cabinets.
Tristan had turned it to a classic rock station. The same one he always had on in his car. The same one he turned to in my car—and I’d just left it there. I had to admit, it was growing on me. I loved to hear him sing along. I would swear he knew every single song ever recorded. He wasn’t singing today, though.
I noticed he looked lost in thought. I just waited for him to be ready to say what was on his mind. I knew Tristan well enough to know that’s how he was. Unlike me, who blurt
ed things out unnecessarily and then found myself wishing I could take them back. Tristan was the opposite and I often wished I could be more like him. He thought things through and then said what he needed to say.
“You know,”
he started. But then he trailed off as he carefully layered some more meat over the cheese. I had a feeling he was hesitant to tell me what was on his mind. Finally, he spoke again. He looked so serious when he said, “I’m going to miss you next year.”
I was standing sideways at the stove.
I’d just measured out the cocoa and I was stirring it in. I had been patiently waiting for him to speak, sneaking glances at him. He was wearing a long sleeved, black Metallica t-shirt. It stretched nicely across his chest. Every now and then I was still caught off guard when I realized how much he’d changed over the past year.
I was also caught off guard by his sudden admission.
“I know. I’ll miss you, too. It’s a long way off, though.” I said the words but suddenly, it didn’t seem true. It was about half a year away. But the first half of senior year had flown by. Somehow I was sure the second half of the year would fly by even faster. I mean, that was typically the case. And summer? That was
always
the case.
“Yeah, I guess,” he answered noncommittally.
I sighed. “It’s really not that far away, is it?”
He shook his head but gave me a small smile. “No. Not really. I was already not looking forward to it. I mean,
it’s been on my mind for a while. I’ve known you forever. It’s going to seem so weird when you’re gone.”
Tristan had planned on attending Florida too, because that was where his dad had gone. But obviously, he wouldn’t be there for another year.
I nodded. “Maybe you can come visit?”
His smile widened. “Yeah, I’d planned on it. Well, I mean, I’d planned on visiting my grandparents and you know…if you happened to be around...
Anyhow, there are a few beaches in particular I’d love to take you to. I mean, if you even want to go see them with me.”
“When the time comes, I’ll be around.” I assured him.
Then neither of us said anything because the implications of it all seemed to be screaming at us. The fact was, in six months I was moving away. To the opposite end of the country. It was hard to say if Tristan and I would be together then or not. But somehow? I thought maybe we would be. I mean, I was well aware of how long he’d had a crush on me. So conceited or not, I couldn’t see him ending our relationship anytime soon. And considering how I felt, I couldn’t see myself ending it, either.
I had been with
Corey for nine months. I could easily see myself with Tristan that long. I wasn’t one of those girls—like Krista for example—that jumped from one crush to another. Going through guys faster than Willow went through yarn. Not to mention, Tristan and I had a history. I knew that was the only reason I’d moved on so quickly from Corey. I hadn’t been ready to jump into a relationship with just anyone, but Tristan had been different. He wasn’t just anyone. He was
Tristan
.
So even though we’d only been dating a month
, it felt a lot more serious than it maybe should have.
So what would happen then?
I’d thought about it. Some. But it was kind of upsetting so a lot of the time, I’d shove the idea right out of my head. A friendly break-up was my guess.
“What are you thinking about?” he wondered. “You look kind of serious.”
I glanced up to see that he was watching me. He’d finished the sandwiches and was leaning forward on his elbows.
“Nothing,” I said with a sigh. I gave the cocoa one final swirl and then moved it to a cool burner.
I stepped over to the cupboard near the sink, where the mugs were at. When I turned back around, Tristan was standing next to me. I set the two over-sized mugs down as I slipped right into his arms and rested my head against his chest.
I took just a few moments. Just loving the way it felt to be that close to him. He rested his head on top of mine as he squeezed me into his hug.
Just like always, he smelled so good. I was still chilled from sledding and he felt so warm. Being with him always just felt so perfect and in that moment, it was no different.
“Okay,” I
finally admitted. “That’s a lie. I was thinking about what happens next fall. When I leave. I mean…if you and I…”
“Are still together?” he
hesitantly asked. “I was wondering that too. But I didn’t want to bring it up. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. I mean, in some ways it’s a long way off, like you said. And in other ways, it really isn’t. I was wondering if you just figured we’d…I don’t know...fizzle out sooner rather than later? Or if you just
planned
on us maybe ending then?”
“Like a set expiration date?” I asked. I was unsure of what I thought about that.
Logically, it may have even made sense. But emotionally? I didn’t like it one bit.
“I guess,” he said.
“But then I thought maybe it wasn’t an issue. Maybe you haven’t even thought about it because you don’t think we’ll last that long anyway.”
“Tristan,” I said. My tone was full of mock-frustration. I gave his chest a small nudge. “When are you going to get it? I feel the same way you do!”
He laughed at that. “I’m not so sure that you do. You do realize I’ve had a crush on you since grade school right?”
I smiled as I nodded. “I know. So I guess that just means that when the time comes, we’ll have an amicable break-up. And go our separate ways.” I sounded glum. It made Tristan smile.
“Or,” he suggested,
“we don’t worry about it now. And we decide what works best for us when the time comes.”
“You mean something other than breaking up?”
“Maybe?”
“Like what?” I asked. “Like a long-distance relationship?”
“It could be done. Since Jamie will be down there, I’m sure my family will be going down more than we do now. I mean, we already go twice a year to visit my grandparents. If Jamie’s down there, we’ll go at least that much. Maybe more. If we’re together, I’d
definitely
find a way to get down there a few times. And you’ll be coming home for holidays and breaks, I would guess.” I nodded and he let out a breath as he continued. “I know it wouldn’t be ideal but it could work.”
I thought that over.
He was right. It wasn’t ideal. But the alternative? Breaking up? That sounded even worse. Granted, I was getting ahead of myself. I knew that. But right then, I didn’t like the idea of Tristan and me ending. Besides, we were just speculating. Nothing would be set in stone.
“It would just be for
a year. Well, not even,” I pointed out. “It would be for the school year. Just nine months. I plan on coming home for the summer. That doesn’t sound...terrible.”
“It doesn’t sound great
, either,” he admitted. “Besides, who knows where we’ll be by then.”
I nodded. He was right. An awful lot could happen in the next six months. He could decide that he’s been under a false illusion of me all this time. He could decid
e that I’m really not all that interesting or even remotely loveable. I could decide that he’s completely not my type after all.
Or, things could just continue the way they were headed now
. And I would be so far in over my head that I wouldn’t be able to climb out when it was time to go.
“No matter what happens, promise me we’ll at least always stay friends, though. Okay?” he asked.
“Yes, definitely,” I agreed. I couldn’t imagine my life without Tristan in it.
He was watching me with an indecipherable look on his face. It made me feel…squirmy.
“Now what are you thinking about?” I demanded.
A smirk worked its way onto his face. “Can you keep a secret from my sister?”
His tone sounded teasing. So I decide to tease him back. “Not likely.”
His face seemed to cloud over a bit. Instead of responding, he leaned in for a kiss. For a moment I found myself wondering if he was kissing me because he wanted to kiss me…Or if he was kissing me to keep me from questioning him.
After a few seconds, I didn’t care. I felt his hands slide to my hips as he hoisted me onto the countertop. It took a whole lot less effort than it had for him to haul me into the house that first night. I thought to myself it must’ve been the bulkiness of our jackets. And then I wasn’t thinking much of anything as I closed my eyes and let Tristan’s kiss completely overtake me. I managed to forget about my inevitable move to Florida as I ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his head. He had his arms around me. His fingers danced across the skin on my back, right above the waist of my jeans.
He broke away for just a moment to kiss my neck and then his mouth was back on mine.
I fleetingly thought of the cocoa and was glad I’d moved it to a cool burner.
Other than that, I didn’t think of anything other than how I never tired of kissing Tristan.
And somehow, the melody of a classic rock song playing in the background, one that Tristan had sung to me before, seemed entirely appropriate for the moment.
I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me. When his lips moved to my neck once again, I let out a moan.
“
Oh
!”
The startled half shriek nearly caused
me
to shriek as I jerked away from Tristan. His eyes met mine and he looked so guilty I almost laughed. He stood facing me for a second, as if regaining his composure. Then he turned around.
“Mom!” I said as Tristan stepped aside. He was
still cringing and my cheeks were burning. “I didn’t think you were coming home so early!”
“Obviously,” she dryly stated. “We went out for Mexican
and I’m feeling a bit…
off
.”
“You don’t even like Mexican.” I wanted to ask her what kind of guy she was dating. How could he not know that about her?
They’d been together for months.
“I was craving it
,” she said with a shrug. “Actually, I do like it. It just doesn’t always like me. I got an upset stomach. I decided to come home to lie down.” She had her hands on her hips. Her eyes were darting between Tristan and me.
My knees were still weak from all of that amazing kissing. I was afraid to hop off the counter, just in case they gave out on me. So I just sat there, feeling a bit ridiculous and not quite sure what to do about it.