Undone, Volume 3 (15 page)

Gently, he eased me out
of the water, kissing every inch of me that emerged. I’d grown hot,
from the water and his loving, and now the chill of the winter air
felt welcome. He kissed along my belly, brought his hands to my ass
and there was that scratch of stubble, right where I’d wanted it.
Damn, did it feel good, adding just the right amount of rough along
with his long, slow, hot licks straight up my slit. The man was a
freaking genius with his tongue.

I clenched his hair in
my fingers and he really began to feast on me, digging his fingers
into my ass cheeks and fucking me with his tongue. Up he’d swirl
over my clit, grazing it with his teeth, just enough to make me gasp,
then he’d suck me in full with his gorgeous lips and start
tongue-fucking me again until I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ash!” I cried out,
bucking my hips into his face. “Ash, I’m going to come!”

He growled into my
pussy, licking and lapping and then bit down right onto my tender
clit.

“Ah!” I screamed as
the orgasm hit me, hot wave after wave washing through my body as he
sucked and licked and drank me in.

“You taste so fucking
good,” he groaned as he finally lifted his head, licking his lips.

“Oh God, Ash.” I
wrapped my hands around his neck and slid down his body, his hands
traveling up my back. I positioned myself right at his groin, right
where I could feel his huge, swollen shaft. I brought my hand down to
his cock and wrapped my palm around it, savoring the feel, velvet and
steel.

“You’re so big,
Ash,” I moaned, feeling him grow under my stroking. His muscles
gleamed in the water, the lights and steam showing them off. I wanted
to lick him everywhere. I sank my mouth down to his chest and kissed
and licked.

“Fuck me, Ash,” I
groaned, pressing my sex down against his cock. “I need you inside
me.”

“I can’t go easy,
Ana,” he warned me, lifting me to the top step in the tub. “I
can’t do it.”

“Don’t go easy,
Ash,” I begged him as he began positioning my legs, throwing one up
over his shoulder, then the other. “Fuck me hard,” I pleaded.

“Yes,” he cried out
as he positioned his tip and then sank into me deep. With my legs
thrown over his shoulders like that, he got so deep inside of me. My
mouth flew open and I gripped the base of the step to brace myself.

“Keep your legs like
that and hold on,” he growled as he wrapped his hands around my ass
and started to fuck me good. Driving into me so deep, he kept hitting
me exactly in the spot that made my eyes roll back in my head.

“Fuck! Ash!” I
screamed, almost not able to take it yet wanting more, wanting him to
split me in two, wanting him to fuck me harder than he ever had. He
drove into me again and again, relentless, seeming to get even bigger
as he took me.

“I can’t wait to
come in you, Ana.” His voice, so rough and deep, the way he held me
and took me. I’d never felt so cared for, so possessed. “Are you
going to take my come, baby?”

“Please,” I begged
him, knowing how good it would feel. That hot shot of thick come from
his cock, feeling it deep inside of me. I was so close and once I
felt him shoot it into me, I knew I’d come, too.

“You want it?” he
asked, breathless and rough, pounding into me like a jackhammer.

“Yes,” I moaned,
holding onto the step as best I could for purchase, my legs up over
his shoulders.

“You need my come?”

“Yes, yes, Ash!” I
screamed, crazy for him. “I need your come. Please, give me your
come!”

With a great roar, he
exploded into me like a fucking firehose, coming deep inside me,
shooting it out of his huge, thick cock. Screaming, clawing at his
shoulders, I threw my head back and came, bucking against him, my
quivering pussy clenching in orgasm around his shaft. Groaning,
grasping, we shuddered and rode the waves together, coming and coming
into each other under the sky full of stars.

He held me close and we
drifted there together in the warm, bubbling water. I breathed him
in, his scent, his rough stubble, his heart beating. I looked up at
the sky and I knew. I didn’t know exactly when it had happened. But
I knew that it had. Somewhere along the way in the last few weeks,
I’d fallen completely, hopelessly, impossibly in love with rock god
Ash Black. Heaven help me.

Ash

Ana. I’d seen a lot
of beautiful women in my life. Hell, I’d been surrounded by them.
Models, actresses, debutantes. But Ana in that hot tub underneath the
stars? She blew them all away.

I almost didn’t know
what to say to her. Everything that came to mind sounded so clichéd,
especially coming out of my mouth. I’d told her I thought she was
amazing, gorgeous, all that. But this was a woman who worked with
books for a living. She’d quoted Shakespeare to me just yesterday.
Anyone could see that she was much smarter than me. If I had to rely
on my powers of verbal persuasion with Ana, I didn’t have a shot.

So, I did what I knew
how to do. I gathered her in my arms. Inside, we rinsed off and I
toweled her dry. I loved how relaxed she grew with me, so pink and
dreamy. The smile on her face looked so light and sweet, almost the
smile of someone asleep and in the middle of the most enchanting
dream. I wanted to make every day like that for her. She deserved it.

But first she needed
some sleep. I loved how much I tired her out. The last few days we
hadn’t done much more than have sex, make music, and sleep. Plus
occasionally eat. And I’d managed to keep her out of clothes the
entire time. Perfection.

Together, we settled
into bed, her head on my chest, my arm around her waist. Her
breathing drew deep almost instantly and I thought she’d fallen
asleep. But then she murmured,

“They don’t know
you like I do.”

“What’s that?” I
leaned down to catch her quiet voice.

“All those people
around you. They all know your image. But they don’t know you.”

I nodded. That was
absolutely true. And I wasn’t the first celebrity to feel that way.
When you as an individual became a brand with large dollar signs
attached to your image, you got catapulted into this strange other
world. I know, play me a tiny violin of sympathy. But I wasn’t
trying to complain about it. It was just a fact. In my bubble, the
more people knew your name, the less people knew the real you. It got
so I barely felt like I knew myself.

“What about you? Do
you feel like you know me?” The second I asked her, I almost wished
that I hadn’t. I felt like so much hung on her answer and I held my
breath wondering what she’d say. For some reason, I felt like it
would just about kill me if she said no.

“I know you.” She
rested her palm over my heart, beating steadily for her. “And
you’re amazing.”

I was grateful she fell
asleep soon after. I knew I was literally naked, but her answer
stripped me bare on a whole new level. I had nothing left to hide.
And if she’d looked up in my eyes at that moment, I knew what would
have tumbled out of my mouth.

I would have told her
that I loved her.

That thought woke me
right up. As Ana sank into a deep slumber, my body began buzzing with
nervous energy. Pale moonlight glimmered in through the windows,
casting Ana in a near-unearthly glow. She looked like a woodland
fairy, with her hair in a tumble cast across the pillows. Her
berry-red lips, full and gorgeous in sleep. Her long eyelashes, her
heart-shaped face. I’d never seen anyone more beautiful.

Or more terrifying.
What was going on here? It was like I was bewitched. I was the guy
who usually kicked out girls before we got anywhere near the sleep
portion of the program. And now, here I was, gazing down at my love
while she slept. I loved being around her. I loved having sex with
her. I loved making music with her. I loved eating meals with her and
learning more about her past and her future hopes and dreams. And,
apparently, I loved watching her sleep.

I loved Ana.

I felt it, like a nail
driving into my chest. She’s the one.

Was that supposed to
make me panic? Was that realization supposed to make my pulse race
and my throat constrict and my hands reach to see if I left a glass
of water on the bedside table? Because suddenly I really felt like I
could use a drink. Maybe something stronger than water.

Using my well-honed
skills of slinking out of bed undetected, I shifted my weight over,
over and away without waking up Ana. I sat there, head in hands,
grappling with my middle-of-the-night realization.

Unexpected.
Complicated. Completely out of my fucking league.

For a strange moment, I
wanted to reach for the phone. I could really use a friend to call
and have one of those conversations you saw in bromance movies. The
guys would dish everything and then hug it out with an “I love you,
man!”

I knew I could call
Connor. He’d be up, I was pretty sure of that. When the sun was
down, Connor was almost always up. He also made occasional daytime
appearances, but those were rare. But how would that conversation go?

“Hey, dude, could you
take a second away from snorting coke off of that chick’s boob to
have a heart-to-heart with me about grown-up emotions?”

Not going to happen. It
wasn’t Connor’s fault. Nothing like this had ever crossed his
radar. Frankly, it hadn’t crossed mine, either. A month ago if he’d
called me with the same problem I probably would have told him I had
an incoming call and would love to talk to him but sorry had to go!

Swiftly, I pulled on a
pair of sweatpants and headed into the kitchen to fix myself a drink.
No fire in the fireplace, no storm raging outside, it was quiet. Too
quiet. I flipped on the TV, surfing from one channel to the next. Why
was it always hundreds of channels but nothing on? I knew it took a
lot to hold my attention, but come on, all I found were sequels and
reruns and boring porn even a raging beast like me didn’t feel like
watching.

You know what held my
attention? Ana.

Standing up, I headed
over to the windows and started to pace. Walking back and forth like
a tiger at the zoo.

What the fuck was going
on here? I tried to tell myself that this was no big deal. So I liked
a girl? BFD.

But it felt like a Big
Fucking Deal. And I knew why. If I were honest about it, if I took a
good, long look at myself in the proverbial mirror, I’d have to
admit I was nothing more than a big, overgrown kid. I’d been riding
out the longest adolescence in history. I’d been 17 for a good,
long time now, 17 over and over again, not giving a fuck, holding up
my middle fingers. Partying and breaking shit and screwing around
with girls who passed in and out of my life like ships in a harbor.

So this big boy, mature
moment? It was hitting me like a growing pain. I remembered those
happening to me, when I was around 10 or maybe 12 years old. I used
to wake up in the middle of the night with my legs hurting like hell.
Of course that had coincided nicely with my parents divorcing and my
mother sinking into a deep muck of depression. She hadn’t exactly
bounded to my bedside to ask what was the matter.

But that was beside the
point. The point was, I was having an emotional growing pain. How
pathetic.

I took a sip of my
drink. And thought about Justin Bieber.

I remembered a few
years back the Biebs had been caught smuggling a monkey into Germany.
He’d brought the monkey along with him from the U.S. and figured he
could just land in a foreign country with it, no problem, no
paperwork. He was Justin Frickin’ Bieber. That didn’t go over so
well with the German officials. No monkey, even for JB.

The gossip sites had
been all over it, calling him everything from a diva to insane.
They’d compared him to Michael Jackson with his chimp Bubbles and
wondered how anyone could get so detached from reality.

Me? I understood
completely. When everyone told you yes you got to forgetting that
anyone could ever tell you no. I’d had a nice, long stretch of yes.
Seven years of it. I got comfortable with yes. It surrounded me like
a thick down comforter, numbing my perceptions, drowning out anything
but that constant, thick drone of praise. I started forgetting what
anything else ever felt like. No became a thing of the past, a
foreign concept. And who liked hearing no, anyway? No one, that’s
who.

But now, here I stood
in my mountain cabin in the middle of the night with that down
comforter stripped right off of me. Bare-chested and freaking out, my
heart racing, sweat forming on my brow, I stood neck-deep in reality.
The thing was, I knew I might be facing a no.

If I put myself on the
line, let Ana know everything I was feeling, what I thought of her
and how she made me want to take chances and be a better man and see
if I could be the one for her, it was a huge risk. I might pour my
heart out, leave it right there on the coffee table. And there was a
chance that she would listen to it all and then say no.

Bloody hell. I’d only
lived in England a couple of years, but I felt it gave me the license
to use some of their better swears. Bollocks, bugger, cock-up, I’d
pull them all out when necessary. Now was the time.

Pulling at my hair, I
felt that urge again to pick up the phone and talk to someone about
all this. But who would I call? And why hadn’t it ever occurred to
me before that I had no one to talk to? I guessed I’d always been
so surrounded by superficial fluff I’d never noticed the lack of
substance.

It would be nice to be
able to pick up the phone and call a parent. But even if my father
hadn’t passed away this past summer, I couldn’t have called him.
He’d thought I was a grade-A fuckup until the day he died. The more
famous I got, the more it just made him shake his head and wonder
what the world was coming to. Sometimes I had to agree.