Under the Lights (20 page)

“The parade's at ten tomorrow,” he said, “which kind of kills it as a travel day. Maybe Monday morning.”

But if the parade started at ten and everything was over by noon, maybe he'd head out then. He could drive until he got tired and then find a cheap motel somewhere to spend the night. If he stayed, he might try to see Kelly, and he wasn't sure that was a good idea.

Maybe things were best left the way they were. They'd had fun. He'd made it awkward, and now it felt as if there was a distance between them. It seemed like a natural segue to the very real and substantial distance about to be between them.

He'd do the parade, say his good-byes and then hit the road. And, no matter how much he might want to, he wouldn't look back.

—

K
elly stared at her ceiling, feeling the lack of Chase beside her in an almost physical way. It had been a long day and, though she couldn't say she was in the mood for sex, she wouldn't mind nodding off wrapped in his arms.

Her mom had called her shortly after she got home, wanting to thank her again for all the work she'd put into Eagles Fest on Coach's behalf. During the conversation, she'd
casually mentioned that Chase had gone out with the guys to celebrate their parts in the successful fund-raising, so Kelly didn't bother reaching out to him. And she didn't hear from him.

Now, unable to sleep and with nothing better to do, Kelly replayed the night over and over in her mind, wishing she'd handled it differently. He'd been hurt by the way she'd laughed off their relationship. She could see that now, but she wasn't sure exactly what it meant.

The possibility that his emotions had gotten tangled up in their fling like hers had was terrifying. Her putting on a fake smile and waving good-bye to him was one thing. If he offered her more, it would be so hard to walk away. But not walking away would be messy and hard, and she wasn't sure she was strong enough for that. The thoughts ran like circles through her mind, frustrating her and not bringing any clear answers.

Only when the annoying tone of her alarm clock woke her did Kelly realize she'd finally slept. Not long or well, judging by how groggy she felt, but she got out of bed and walked across the room to flip the switch on the clock. It was the only way she kept from hitting the snooze button multiple times every morning.

Parade day meant all hands on deck for the police department, which was all three of them. The chief always led the parade in the marked SUV Kelly usually drove, signaling the start with a blast of the sirens. Dylan would walk back and forth along the parade route, ensuring nobody got out of hand or strayed too far off the sidewalk. She was on traffic duty this year, which was her least favorite.

Because the Stewart Mills parade route included the
short stretch of the state road that ran through town, it had to be closed off for the duration of the parade. She'd park Dylan's sedan across one end with a sign explaining the brief closure, and then she'd stand at the other end with wooden barricades and another sign. Then she'd spend the entire parade listening to horns honk and people yell about how they had to be somewhere important.

Kelly showered and put on her uniform before braiding her hair, and then looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like crap. Her skin was pale and there were shadows under her eyes. And besides looking tired, she looked really unhappy.

Why was she doing this to herself? She was making herself miserable trying to fend off the possibility that she could end up miserable.

She was in love with Chase Sanders. That was the bottom line. It wasn't an emotional tangle. It wasn't slightly messy. It was the L-word. She loved him.

Bracing her hands on the cool vanity top, she closed her eyes and tried to get her head on straight. Chase liked her. He liked spending time with her and making her laugh. He'd been hurt when she carelessly laughed off whatever was between them as a fling.

If there was a possibility he loved her, she had to take the chance. So what if it was messy and hard while they sorted out how to make a future together? If they were meant to be, they'd get through it.

And if he didn't feel the same way, that would hurt. But either way, letting Chase go was going to hurt. At least if he knew what he was walking away from, she'd never have to ask herself
what if?

Her mind made up, Kelly opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She even managed to smile at her reflection. After the parade was over and things had died down a little, she'd manage to find a quiet place to talk to Chase, and she'd tell him things had changed. She knew he had to go, at least for a little while, but she wanted him to come back to
her.

C
hase could only describe the parade's staging area in the school parking lot as utter pandemonium. He wasn't sure who would be watching the parade since it looked like most of the town's population was actually
in
it. All of the band members seemed to be tuning their instruments with no rhyme or reason. There were antique tractors jockeying for position, and a horse that really didn't seem to like people very much.

He could barely think straight, and he couldn't imagine how the chaos was going to exit the parking lot in an orderly line in exactly fourteen minutes, according to the person running around yelling a countdown like it was a nuclear launch.

When he spotted Deck in the crowd, he made his way over. “Is it always like this?”

“Sometimes it's worse. Trust me.”

“Where are we supposed to be?”

“Toward the back, on the big float. The kids will be in pickups behind us. Cheryl's going to drive the wrecker up front so I can have my moment of glory, as she put it.”

“Who's got the trophy?”

“Gretchen has it in her truck. Once we're all on board and it's time to take off, she'll hand it up so we can wave it around. Don't forget to smile.”

“Yeah.” Because smiling was just what he wanted to do today, when he'd be leaving Stewart Mills—and Kelly—in a few hours.

He'd already put his bags in his truck, telling the McDonnells he wanted to be home early the next day to help his sister out with something. He was pretty sure they both saw through the excuse, but neither called him on it. He'd find them after the parade and say a proper good-bye, though, because he couldn't just disappear on them after they'd opened their home to him.

“Hey!” Jen ran up to them, looking frazzled. “You guys need to be on the float. We have to make sure the chairs all fit without any being too close to the edges.”

Chase did as he was told and made his way to the float. He stopped short when he saw it, and then smiled. Their championship banner had been taken down from the gym and was strung on what looked like clothesline above the chairs. Blue, white and gold balloons and streamers were attached to every possible surface of the trailer, as well as tied to the mirrors and antenna of Gretchen's truck.

“That must be our ride,” Sam said, stepping up beside
him. “Jesus, there can't be a streamer left anywhere in the county.”

“They certainly know how to make a float.” He looked sideways at his old friend. “Does this feel as weird to you as it does to me?”

“Being celebrated as a hero by a town I've barely thought about in fourteen years because I came back, ate spaghetti and played a half-assed game of football?” Sam nodded. “It's a little weird.”

As he watched the boys climb into the beds of the lined-up trucks—and waved to Cody, who'd spotted them—Chase knew they'd done more than that. They cared. And Sam, maybe more than any of them, should know that mattered. At first they'd come for Coach's sake, maybe with a sense of obligation, but he knew they'd all come to care about the kids.

Gretchen stuck her head out the truck window. “I didn't go through all this trouble to haul an empty trailer through town. Quit screwing around and get on the float.”

Once they'd all been seated—which required multiple adjustments to ensure everybody could see, be seen and wouldn't fall off—Jen grabbed the trophy from Gretchen and handed it up to Sam. “Don't drop it.”

The last person to climb onto the float was Coach McDonnell, and he gave them all a smile. “Fine day for a parade, boys.”

Chase hadn't expected to see him again before he said good-bye but, now that he thought about it, it made sense that Coach would ride with them. They had chairs and a cooler stocked with sodas and water. The boys no doubt had
coolers, too, but they were stuck standing on hard metal truck beds.

Coach didn't make eye contact with him, and Chase busied himself looking around at the last-minute preparations going on around them. Maybe with a little distance, Coach would come around to the idea that Chase was doing the right thing, but right now all he could see was his misconception that he'd disrespected the man's daughter. Since Chase wasn't going to clarify the situation, all he could do was accept Coach's silent disapproval.

Far up ahead in what was beginning to look something like a line, they heard the chief's siren sound and knew the parade was starting. Because they were toward the end, though, it seemed like forever before Gretchen's truck started rolling and the trailer lurched.

“Smile, everybody!” Jen was on the ground, timing departures, and she waved as they went by. “Enjoy yourselves.”

They all did as they were told, smiling and waving as the parade made its way from the school, into town and around the square. They passed the trophy around, taking turns holding it high and making the crowd cheer. The boys were tossing candy from their helmets behind them, and the cheerleaders walked alongside the float and trucks, leading Eagles chants.

Throughout the entire route, Chase did his part, but he couldn't help looking for Kelly. While he wasn't ready to talk to her, he was surprised he hadn't seen her from a distance. He knew the parade meant she was probably on duty but, even if she hadn't been, she wouldn't miss it.

It wasn't until they turned onto the state road toward the
end of the route that he saw her. She was manning a barricade erected to stop traffic, which gave her an excellent vantage point of the parade as it passed by.

As if she sensed him watching her, she turned her head and their eyes met. Her expression changed, the friendly and open smile fading, and her gaze skittered away. Deflated, he turned back to the people lined up on the sidewalk and forced himself to wave.

When their float reached the corner, she once again went out of her way to avoid eye contact with him, even though he was the alumni player waving the trophy around at the time, and he felt the dismissal like a fist to his gut.

Kelly didn't want to see him.

Whatever had been between them was over and she was already putting it, and him, behind her. As she'd said, once he was gone, everybody would forget all about what had happened between Chase Sanders and Kelly McDonnell during Eagles Fest.

He gritted his teeth and suffered through the rest of the parade with a smile. But once they pulled back into the school parking lot and began to disband, he faced the other alumni players before they could escape the float and told them he was leaving.

“Something came up at home and I'm going to head out.”

One by one he shook their hands, and he realized he was going to miss these guys. They'd all exchanged contact info as they arrived in order to reach each other about activities, and now they promised to keep in touch. He wasn't sure how long it would last, but for now they all seemed sincere about it.

When he got to Coach, he extended his hand. “Thank
you for taking me in, Coach. And for everything. I hope your team kicks ass this year.”

“So you're really leaving?”

Chase wasn't even sure how to respond to that. The night before, this man basically told him to get out of town, and don't let the door hit him in the ass on the way out, and now he looked disappointed Chase was going.

“I have to go,” was all he said, because the explanation was too long and too personal, and Kelly's dad would probably be the last person who'd want to hear it.

“I'm sorry to hear that.” Coach took his hand and then pulled him in for a hug. “No matter what, my door's always open to you, son. Always.”

Chase choked up then, and all he could do was nod and climb down off the float before his vision blurred up. Then he almost ran smack into Gretchen.

“Did I hear you say you're leaving?” she asked.

“Yup. I need to get back.”

She looked at him for a long time, and then gave him an obviously forced smile. “We all appreciate you coming back to Stewart Mills, Chase. I hope everything works out for you at home, and Kelly was heading toward the station to put the barricades away if you want to say good-bye.”

He thanked her, and then made a beeline for the last place he'd seen Mrs. McDonnell. That good-bye was even harder, because she got emotional and wouldn't let go of his neck.

“Promise me you'll keep in touch,” she said when he'd finally untangled himself from her arms. “Even if it's just an email. I want to know how you're doing.”

“I will,” he said, wondering if he really would. Eventually, maybe. It would be a while before he'd be able to handle
hearing about Kelly without remembering how much this was hurting.

Once he'd said good-bye to almost everybody, he walked away from the milling crowd. When he reached a junction in the sidewalk, he stopped. His truck was one way, and the police station was in the other.

He didn't want to say good-bye to her. He was afraid she'd see the truth of his feelings on his face and reject them. She hadn't even wanted to look at him earlier, so he wasn't going to get the response he desperately wanted from her.

He walked to his truck and jammed the key into the ignition. When he'd been driving for a little while and stopped for coffee and gas, he'd send her a text. Nothing heavy or serious. He'd give her the kind of good-bye that ended meaningless flings.

After firing up the engine, Chase pointed the truck out of Stewart Mills and, after coming to a complete stop at the sign, hit the gas.

—

C
hase was gone.

Kelly stared at her phone, reading the text for what felt like the hundredth time.
Had to hit the road. Thanks for a great time, and I'll never forget the frozen pizza.

He'd never forget the frozen pizza? She knew on a logical level he was trying to be funny but, on an emotional level, she wished she could reach through the phone, grab him by the throat and shake the hell out of him.

She was going to tell him she loved him.

When she'd seen him on the float, she'd been so afraid the intensity of her emotions would show and scare him off,
she'd avoided looking directly at him. There would be time after the parade to talk. To really talk seriously about what was between them because, the more she thought about it, the more sure she was he felt the same for her.

Then she'd run into Hunter and Cody, who told her he'd said good-bye to them and that they were pretty sure they saw his truck leaving town.

She hadn't wanted to believe it. She'd continued looking for him, sure that even if he was in the process of leaving, he was taking a long time to say good-bye and just hadn't gotten to her yet. Then she'd crossed paths with her dad.

“Have you seen Chase?”

He'd given her that fatherly look that said he wanted to wrap her in a quilt and keep her safe from what was about to come. “He said he had to go. He said his good-byes before we even got off the float.”

“Oh.” She refused to believe it. “He must be looking for me. For a small town, it can be awfully hard to cross paths with a person at times.”

“Let him go, honey.” His face was somber, but she could see the love he had for her in his eyes. That didn't mean she wanted to hear what he had to say. “That boy's not capable of giving you what you deserve.”

“I don't know about
deserve
, but he's capable of giving me what I
want
. Which is him.” She held up her hand to fend off whatever parental platitude he had lined up. “I'm going to take a walk around the square again.”

Ten minutes later, her phone had chimed.

Anger was the emotion that rose to the top. That's what their relationship was worth to him? Not even a good-bye in person? Hell, it wasn't even a decent text message. He'd
basically cracked a bad joke while showing her that he had no respect at all for her or what they'd shared.

She tried to cling to the anger, to armor herself with it, but the tears kept rising up, and they were getting harder to blink back. She made her way to the covered bridge, which was blessedly empty as people were still milling around the parade route and the school, chatting and picking up stray candy off the ground.

Without thinking, she went to her spot and sat on the support beam as tears began streaming down her face. She'd give herself a few minutes, to release the pressure of this first wave of tears, and then she'd go back to the station. If she couldn't pull herself together there, she'd tell the chief she was sick and go home to bed.

Reaching down behind her, she traced the outline of his initials and the heart she'd carved into the wood so many years before. If only she'd known that someday Chase Sanders would actually look her way and truly see her. And then he'd break her heart.

A tissue appeared in front of her face, and she looked up to see her mom. She had an entire travel packet of tissues in her hand, which was good because as soon as Kelly saw her face, the crying began in earnest. Her mom sat beside her and put her arm around her shoulders as they shook.

“He left,” she managed to say between sobs.

“I know, honey. He didn't say good-bye?”

Kelly hit the screen on her phone and held it up to show her mom. After a few seconds of silence, her mom swore, which she almost never did.

“That little bastard. I never should have invited him to stay with us.”

The need to defend him rose up in Kelly, taking her by surprise. What happened was as much her fault as it was his, and it wasn't fair to let people believe he'd callously broken her heart. He hadn't known he
had
her heart to break.

But then she thought of the text, and the words died before she could speak them. Screw him. He didn't even have the balls to look her in the face and say good-bye.

The anger returned, which helped dry up the tears. The last thing she wanted was for anybody to see her crying on the covered bridge right after Chase left town. The sideways glances of speculation and pity would be too much to take.