Under His Command (Six-Alarm Sexy) (4 page)

“You bet they did, sweet pea,” Dani said with a grin. She touched her finger to the tip of Chloe’s nose then kissed her cheek. “Sleep well.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

Erica stepped forward and tucked the blankets around Chloe’s small body, careful not to jostle her leg. “You know Dani’s busy at work with Daddy.”

Chloe scrunched up her face. “But she tells good stories. I want to hear more.”

Dani laughed. “I’ll do my best. Okay, Chloe?”

Chloe smiled, but her eyes were already drooping. “Okay.”

“Chloe…” Erica prodded.

“Oh, yeah. Thank you, Dani.” Reaching up, Chloe curled her fingers around Erica’s ears and kissed her nose, then her chin, each cheek, and ended with her forehead. When she was done, Erica did the same to her. It was their special goodnight ritual and Erica cherished it.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

Dani stepped into the hall and Erica followed her, closing the door behind them. “Want some tea?”

“Got any coffee?” Dani asked, stifling a yawn. “This work schedule’s killing me.”

“Of course.” Erica led the way to the kitchen and started a fresh pot while Dani took a seat at the table. “Have you had any time off since the earthquake?”

“I’m off tonight and Jamie made us all take a full day last week, even though he only took one night off himself. How are you holding up? You’ve had a lot to deal with on your own.”

Pulling out a chair, Erica sat across from Dani and considered her answer. The night of the earthquake, Dani had probably learned far more about their marriage than she’d ever wanted to know. But the woman had been nothing but kind since then. She’d dropped in almost every day to tell Chloe a story and ask Erica if she needed anything.

Two weeks ago, Erica had mistakenly thought of Dani as the other woman. Now she thought of her as a friend. Something she badly needed. Sure, she had friends. But none of them had husbands whose work was as dangerous as Jamie’s. Being a woman and a firefighter herself, Dani had special insight, and it was thanks to her that Jamie had moved back home. And that was a debt Erica could never fully repay.

“I’m okay,” she said, projecting a joviality she didn’t feel. “Chloe’s doing much better. The doctor said she could start walking around on crutches in a few days.”

“Do they make crutches that small?” Dani asked. “Seems like only yesterday she was crawling. Rug rats sure grow fast, don’t they?”

“Tell me about it. Good thing she’s light. If needed, we’ll keep carrying her around until she gets a walking cast.” The coffee maker buzzed, letting her know it had finished brewing. She got up and poured two cups before setting them on a tray along with cream and sugar.

When she placed the tray on the table, Dani picked up one of the pink Limoges cups with both hands. “Aren’t you afraid to break these? They look like antiques.”

Erica finished adding cream to her coffee with a chuckle. “Antiques or not, they’re meant to be used. Stop worrying.”

Still sporting a dubious expression, Dani blew on the hot liquid and took a sip. “This is good. Very good. Thanks.” She took another sip then met Erica’s gaze dead on. “I saw Jamie at work last night. He didn’t look so hot.”

Could she talk to Dani about this? She really wanted to. Erica averted her gaze, trying to hide her distress.

Dani covered Erica’s hand and gave her a small smile. “I’m a good listener.”

As though a faucet had been turned on, Erica’s eyes filled with tears and all her pent-up fears spilled out. “I thought things would be different now. But they aren’t. We’re barely talking. We certainly aren’t communicating. I really want our relationship to get better, but I don’t even know where to start.”

“Jamie wants this too. He was devastated when you asked for a divorce.”

“Not because he loves me.”

Dani frowned. “What other reason could there be?”

“He feels guilty.”

“About what?” Dani asked. Then her lip curled and she grabbed Erica’s arm. “Jamie didn’t… he didn’t… if he did, I’ll kill him for you.”

It took a moment for the implications of Dani’s disjointed, unarticulated question to make sense. She gasped. “God no. Jamie would never hurt me.”
Even when I want him to
.

Dani dropped her hand and sat back, visibly relieved. “Okay. Good. They say you never know a man until you live with him. So I had to be sure, you know, in case.” She brought the cup to her lips and sucked down a big gulp.

Great. Some hostess she was. Now even the unflappable Dani was embarrassed. “We shouldn’t talk about this.”

“No. I’m sorry. I would have sided with you no matter how much I respect Jamie at work. Some lines can’t be crossed.”

Erica knew what Dani meant, but she wondered what the woman would think if she knew about
that
night, that night she’d been reliving in her dreams for five years.

“So what’s this about Jamie feeling guilty? What did he do?” Dani asked.

It was time Dani knew the truth. Assuming Jamie hadn’t already told her. “Did Jamie ever explain how we met?” When Dani shook her head, Erica continued. “Jamie only married me because he knocked me up. We knew nothing about each other beyond our names. Our first names, that is.”

Eyes widening, Dani grinned. “Hot damn. You and LJ had a one-night stand.”

“You don’t have to look so shocked,” Erica said.

“It’s nothing against you, hon. It’s just that you’ve always seemed so… proper.” She waved her hand up and down, indicating Erica’s outfit: beige silk blouse with navy slacks, three-inch pumps.

Okay, so she wasn’t Lady Gaga. “Point taken,” she said. “But in this case, the truth lies below the surface. As they say, you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.”

“Trailer park? Really? I can’t imagine it.”

“I did live in one. And it rubbed off on me. Look how I ended up: twenty-one and pregnant.”

“Oh, come on, Erica. It was a mistake. You were just a kid. Jamie’s what, six years older than you? If anyone is to blame, it’s him.”

“Which is why he feels guilty. He did his duty and made a respectable woman out of me. Unfortunately, we never had the happily-ever-after. Heck, we never even had the happy-right-now.”

Dani pushed her cup to the corner of her placemat. “Let’s back up a bit. You and Jamie met, had a night of fun”—she tapped her index finger on the table, punctuating each point—“and you ended up pregnant.” She sat back and opened her arms. “Big deal. A lot of marriages start with an oopsie. And I know Jamie loves being a dad.”

Regret made her stomach cramp. Chloe had always been a priority for Jamie. Until Erica had started pushing him out of their lives. No matter how much she wanted to, she could never give them back the time she’d stolen from both of them. “He’s a wonderful father.”

Dani threw her a sharp look. “You’re not planning to kick him out again, are you?”

Erica shook her head. Even if Jamie didn’t return her feelings, she’d never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with their daughter. “I won’t do that to him—to them—again.”

Dani shifted in her chair and supported her chin with her fists, her expression thoughtful. “Erica, what’s going on? You both seemed so happy after the quake. I know Jamie’s been working a lot, but we’ll be going back to our regular shifts soon. Maybe you just need some time to get used to living together again.”

A tear rolled down Erica’s cheek and she hurried to wipe it away. She had no right to cry about this. Women would kill to share Jamie’s bed, including that fire bunny bitch, Belinda.

“Oh, hon.” Dani leaned over and hugged Erica, smoothing her hair like she always did to Chloe when she was crying. “What’s got you so upset?”

“If I tell you this, you need to swear never to repeat it.”

“What, like a blood oath? Better be juicy.”

“Oh, it is.”

Dani held up her right hand. “Cross my heart, hope to die. If I lie, stick a needle in my eye.” She dropped her hand and smiled at Erica. “Is that good enough?”

Twisting her hands in her lap, Erica kept her eyes down. “When Jamie had the night off, we made love, and…” Her breath hitched and she couldn’t continue.

“I promise. This is just between you and me.”

The sympathy in Dani’s voice only made Erica feel worse. But she knew Dani was right. Mountains always seemed more scalable with help. “It was our first time since we got back together. I was so happy, so hopeful. I wore something sexy and greeted Jamie at the door when he got home. And it was great at first. Better than great, even.”

“Sounds awesome so far.”

She probably shouldn’t be talking about this with Dani since the woman did report to Jamie. But she really needed another woman’s advice. She wanted her marriage to work. She took a deep breath and steeled herself to tell Dani the worst of it. “It was wonderful. Until he
apologized
.”

“Apologized? For not being around?”

Erica threw her hands up. “See, you’re as confused as I was. He apologized for the sex. For being in a hurry. For ‘nailing me against the wall’ as he put it.”

“Oh my.” Dani tried to hide her laughter with her hands, but she couldn’t keep the twinkle out of her eyes. “What did you say?”

“What could I say?” Frustration made Erica’s voice sharp. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wanted to punch him, to scream, to leave. Anything so I wouldn’t have to see his face and that damn contrite expression.”

“Maybe he thought you didn’t… uh… how can I put this?
Enjoy
it?”

Erica waved that away. “Oh, I know he didn’t even realize when I uh… enjoyed it. He was so far out of his mind, we could have had another earthquake and he wouldn’t have noticed.” And that’s what she’d liked so much about their encounter. Jamie had been hovering on the brink of his self-control, and she’d done that to him. She’d brought him to his knees. Not by making him do what she’d wanted, but by letting him do what he’d wanted.

“So why didn’t you just tell him you’d had fun too?”

Erica traced the delicate hand-painted flower on her cup. “It’s complicated.”

“You lost me, hon. Complicated how?”

“You know how Jamie is a real take-charge guy at work?”

“Uh-huh. It’s what makes him such a great lieutenant,” Dani said.

Erica nodded as she continued to focus on the cup. “The night we met, he was like that… with me, if you know what I mean. And I liked it. No. I
loved
it.” She snuck a glance at Dani in time to see the woman’s brows rise to her hairline. Erica laughed. “Stop staring at me like that. It’s not like I’ve shown you photos of the mayor’s wife stripping at a peep show.”

Dani’s cheeks colored, but then she grinned. “So, Mrs. Caldwell has a naughty side, does she? Good for you, girl!”

Erica’s own cheeks heated. It felt good to admit the truth, but she could never tell Jamie she’d told Dani about that night. He wouldn’t understand. He might even be angry, though Dani seemed surprisingly okay with her revelation. It made her wonder what her new friend was into. Poor William didn’t stand a chance once Dani had set her sights on him. The thought made her smile. “So you don’t think I’m a mental case, then?”

“Do you?”

“I like things a little wild. That doesn’t change who I am outside the bedroom.”

“Jamie likes to boss you around, and you like to be bossed around. I don’t see the problem with a little consensual kink.”

Kink
. Was Dani right? Was she kinky? She let out a sigh. “He might have a problem with it… now.”

“Why? Most guys would kill for a wife who’d let them be dominant during sex.”

“Even if that wife shut him down every time he tried?”

“Did you do that?

Erica took a sip of her tepid tea and grimaced. “Things were really awkward when we first got together. We didn’t know each other at all. So, we decided not to be intimate again until after we were married.” She waved her hand. “Between preparations for the wedding, construction of our home, and my all-day morning sickness, neither of us had any energy for sex anyway.”

“But after the wedding?”

“He seemed determined to treat me with kid gloves because of the pregnancy. After Chloe was born, we were both too tired to be adventurous. And then, I don’t know, things changed.”

“Changed how?”

“A few times, Jamie got a little excited, things got a little crazy, and I got… scared.”

Dani frowned. “Scared? Why?”

“I don’t know how much Jamie has told you about my past, but it wasn’t pretty. After my father died, my mother had a string of boyfriends. Most were okay, but a few of them were mean bastards. Things always started out nice, but soon, they’d start ordering her around. Within weeks, they’d be smacking her if she didn’t get them their beer fast enough. And the noises from the bedroom—” Her body shuddering, she cut herself off from the memories.

“You told me Jamie would never hurt you.”

“I know that intellectually. But in the heat of the moment? I mean, what’s to stop things from going too far?”

Reaching out, Dani patted her hand. “Erica, you have to trust your judgment. Not all men are like your mother’s boyfriends.”

Erica sniffed as a wave of regret submerged her. “The worst part is I miss him. I miss the man Jamie let me see that night. The man he tried to bring back before I pushed him away. I rejected him so often that now
he’s
afraid to let himself go. And I don’t just mean in the bedroom. He never argues. Never insists on anything.” Her eyes filled with tears and a sob shook her shoulders. “I have no idea what Jamie sees in me.”

Dani grabbed the box of tissues off countertop and placed it on the table. “So what do you think happened the other night? Obviously, you didn’t shut him down that time.”

“God, no.” Erica took a tissue and patted under her eyes. “I thought that finally, finally, we had a chance to get things right, to have the relationship that we could have had. The relationship we
should
have had.”

“And you think he apologized because he let go?”

“I’ve probably managed to convince him that I hate it.” Her voice cracked. “God, I’m such a mess. I shouldn’t be dumping all this on you.”