Under a Falling Star (14 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

A
lbert paced across the small room of his apartment, the room closing in on him. He wasn’t doing a very good job of entertaining Nate. The boy sat at the window with his chin in his palm as if this were some kind of prison. He hadn’t said a word for the past ten minutes.

It was twenty past six. Susanna wasn’t coming. Surely the people of Logan Meadows were peppering her with questions she didn’t have the answers to. He was about to suggest they go out when footsteps on the back stairs brought him around and Nate to his feet.

Albert crossed the room and pulled open the door. Charlie Axelrose stood on the upper landing with a large traveling trunk in his arms, a sheen of sweat glistening his brow. Chase Logan waited below with the remaining two trunks Nate had spoken about. He held something in his hands. Albert stepped back, allowing Charlie to enter. “Thanks, Charlie, I’ll get the rest.”

Charlie glanced across the room to Nate. “I can bring ’em up.”

Albert bristled at the censure he heard in Charlie’s voice. He ignored his comment and descended the steps, hoisting the second trunk into his arms.

“Food from the women.” Chase lifted the plate in reply to Albert’s curious look. “They thought you might be hungry.”

“That was nice of ’em,” Albert said, then started up the stairs. When he came through the door, Charlie was showing Nate something, Ivan standing at his side. It was the first time Albert had seen his son smile, and a prick of jealousy, mixed with sadness, jabbed him in his side. He wanted to be the one to relieve Nate’s sorrow.

“What’s that?” he asked, unable to stop himself.

“Pocketknife,” Charlie responded. “Every boy I know likes looking at ’em. Your boy’s no exception.” He smiled down at the top of Nate’s head.

Albert harrumphed, and headed for the door. He skimmed down the stairs, a million thoughts prickling his mind, and hoisted the last trunk up onto his shoulder, thinking that would be a little easier than lugging the cumbersome item out in front of him.

Chase gave a smile. “Thanks. We’ve been delivering these all over town. I’m just taking a breather.”

And here Albert had thought—

On his trip down for the food, he found Susanna in conversation with Chase.

He pulled up short, his heart painfully striking his ribs. He’d always believed a pounding heart was an old wives’ tale; now he knew better.

He went to remove his hat before he remembered he wasn’t wearing one. He dropped his hand feeling like a fool. “Susanna.”

She smiled and her eyelids lowered briefly. They hadn’t been so shy around each other in ages.

“Albert, if this isn’t a good time, I can stop by tomorrow.”

He put out a hand. “No, it’s fine. Chase and Charlie were just delivering Nate’s traveling trunks, but they’re leaving.” Charlie, Nate, and Ivan descended the stairs.

Susanna’s gaze went straight to the boy. How would they have this important conversation with Nate in the middle of it?

Chase nonchalantly pointed with his hat toward the hotel. “I’m just on my way over to the restaurant. Jessie and a few of the other ladies are delivering foodstuffs that Hannah has prepared to some of the homes.” He lifted the plate. “Sarah and Shane are there too. Why don’t I take your boy with me for an hour or so now that Charlie and I are finished with the trunks?” He looked from face to face. “I’m sure he’d like to meet some children his own age.”

Not a bad idea, Albert thought. Sarah, the cutie pie that she was, was sure to befriend Nate and make him feel at home.

“When I dropped Jessie off, Markus was there as well. He’s another one Nate would like to meet. They look to be about the same age.”

He’d like more time to be acquainted with his son, but right now he had to square things away with Susanna, as best as he could. Maybe his transition to a new town would be easier for Nate once he had a few friends.

Albert crouched down. “Would you like that, Nate? To meet some other boys and girls your age? I think Mr. and Mrs. Logan could use your help. It’ll only be for a while.”

Nate nodded, his face still a stony mask. He was probably getting used to being passed off like an unwanted chore. Albert promised himself that he’d make it up to his son, if Nate would give him the chance. When Nate put his hand out to Chase, Albert’s heart about broke in two.

Chase gave a smile after lifting his gaze off the boy. “Fine then. We’ll be back here around eight o’clock tonight.”

Seemed everyone knew their need to talk. Albert couldn’t bring himself to meet anyone’s eyes. “Thank you. Please thank the ladies for thinking of us,” he said, gesturing to the food he now held.

He and Susanna watched them walk off. Ivan split off and trotted down the alleyway. Nerves had Albert feeling as if he were seventeen and this was his first talk with a girl. “I guess the only place that affords a little privacy would be my office.”

“What about Thom?”

“He’s on guard until nine when I take over. Let me run this plate upstairs.”

She nodded. When he returned, they started off down the alley. The sun had disappeared behind the far hills. Albert paused to look across the saloon porch to the bank to check on Thom sitting peacefully in a chair with Ivan at his feet.

Albert opened the door to the still-warm jailhouse, envying Thom’s peace of mind when his own world was all but falling apart. He didn’t bother lighting any lamps, even in the darkening town. He gestured to a chair in back by the stove. “Would you like to sit?”

She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Please, Susanna. We can’t talk with you looking like a wooden soldier.”

Relenting, she crossed the room and took a chair, then arranged her skirt and shawl. The hurt in her eyes was evident.

He took the chair beside her, feeling anything but relaxed. These next few minutes could determine the direction of his life.

“How’s Nate taking things?”

“He’s confused and scared, even if he’s not saying so directly. He hasn’t accepted that his mother is gone. Keeps saying she’s trapped inside the train and wants us to go get her out.”

Her face fell. “That’s horrible. I didn’t know.”

Albert nodded. “I think I have to take things slow and easy.”

“I understand.”

Did she? Her tone was one he’d never heard before—strong, resolute. He’d better be prepared for the worst. She sounded as if she’d come to a decision. They stared at each other. He wanted in the worst way to spell out this whole horrible mess for her, point by point. But now that Floria was dead and lying in that coffin, that just didn’t feel right. Speaking ill of the dead went against the grain. Albert refused to vilify his son’s mother to anyone. Even Susanna. He never wanted anything to get back to Nate, and the best way to be sure that didn’t happen was to keep quiet about the things she’d done. The boy would have enough challenges coming to grips with losing her and gaining a father he’d never met. As far as Albert was concerned, Floria’s past had died when she did, and was now buried in the pinewood box in the cemetery.

If Susanna loved him the way he hoped, they’d be able to get past this. “Susanna, I’m not exactly sure how to begin. Where to start. I know I was in the wrong by not telling you sooner, but I was in an incredibly tight spot.”

She crooked her brow.

“I’m still in an incredibly tight spot?”

She nodded.

What did he expect of her? Susanna wondered, working to temper her agitation. They’d never had a formal understanding, but that hadn’t stopped the entire town from thinking of them as a couple. She felt for the awkward position in which he found himself, but wasn’t it a bed of his own making? He should have been honest with her from the start. This was a betrayal of the worst kind.

Her mother’s warning rumbled through her.
Mark my words or else you’ll end up exactly like me, penniless and alone, alone, alone . . .

“What do you expect me to do, Albert? Pretend nothing has happened? Nothing has changed? Pretend this day is like the many that have gone before? Because if that’s what you’re hoping, I can’t—and I won’t. I’ve been searching my heart since leaving you today. Honesty is important to me. Without it, trust can’t survive. Without trust, love is impossible.”

A burst of raucous laughter sounded from somewhere outside. Probably the saloon. In that instant, Susanna was transported back to the old days in Breckenridge where she’d been looked down upon, mocked, and made fun of—not by everyone, but enough of the young women her own age that made doing anything in town a risk of being teased. Were her friends here laughing behind her back tonight? Was Albert? She’d trusted him, and had been starting to think her mother was just a bitter old woman who’d made a mess of her life.

Albert dragged his chair around to face her. “Please, Susanna. I hope you’ll believe I never meant to hurt you.”

Could he see her trembling heart? “You never promised me anything either, Albert.”

“Don’t say that! I enjoyed your company—and let you know I did. That
was
wrong. I admit that. I looked forward to our time together, lunches, walks, spending time with friends. I married Floria when I was twenty-four years old. She was nineteen. We had our differences and went our separate ways.”

Susanna struggled to put the pieces of what he was saying into perspective.

“Some things just couldn’t be said. It wouldn’t be right. I wasn’t a free man to court you.”

Stunned at what he’d implied, she gaped at him. “Are you saying that up until today”—she poked one finger into the palm of her other hand—“you were still a married man?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Yes.”

For some reason, since they were living so far apart, she’d assumed they were no longer married. That they had obtained a legal dissolution.

Albert wiped his hand across his drawn face. “That actually felt good. I’m so thankful it’s finally out in the open. I didn’t know anything about Nate until this afternoon. It’s still hard for me to believe I have a son. That’s one thing I’m not ashamed to admit.”

Yes, anyone could see he was happy about Nate. She tried to stand, but he took her wrist and tugged her back down.

She pulled away and gripped the arms of the chair. “You never thought your marital status might be a problem for me? You never suspected I might have strong feelings about it?” She looked away. What a fool she’d been! “But then how can I be upset. We’ve never spoken our intentions for each other. Never shared words of love.”

“Of course I knew it would matter to you! I’ve been trying for years to get a divorce. I wanted to have it in my hands before I broached the subject. I was scared. I can’t ask you to understand, but I can say that when I came to Logan Meadows, and before you arrived, I was hurting in the worst way. I just wanted to be left alone to sort out my life. That said, I truly believed my past wasn’t anybody’s business but my own. I wanted to start fresh, build something new and good. I never intended to ever fall in love again. Then you showed up. But by that time, everyone already believed I was single by default. I didn’t have a wife, and never spoke of anyone. I just never corrected their unspoken assumptions. If that’s wrong, then I’m guilty as hell.”

His earnest brown eyes searched hers, forcing her to look away.

“You and I became friends,” he continued, his tone not quite so hopeful. “I’ve wanted to tell you a thousand times, and as a matter of fact I’ve tried, but you never wanted to listen. After the accident I realized how fast things could change. I was bound and determined to get the ugly mess off my chest, and let the cards fall where they may—trusting enough in our feelings—our love—that you would somehow understand. But you shut me down before I could even get started, like you have many times before.”

A spark of anger flashed inside her. He must have seen it, for he hurried on. “I’m not, in
any
way, saying you’re at fault for not listening. I just want you to know I had good intentions. I wanted to tell you. I didn’t like misleading you.”

Susanna’s heart jerked painfully in her chest. She’d thought she was ready to hear this, but she’d been wrong. All those times she’d believed he was about to profess his love, he really just wanted to clear the air.