Undeniably Yours (9 page)

He couldn’t stop himself from reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “I prefer
friends
having a baby. And I’m sorry I didn’t consider you’d take it as anything other than a gift.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I had just had a really rough day and you didn’t deserve to be my whipping boy.”

Now was not even the time to crack a joke about her, a whip and his backside, so he used his free hand to shove a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth and chewed until the urge passed. “You need to understand that I think of you as family now. All the Kowalskis do, actually. If Lisa needed a new dryer, we’d make sure she got one. If Terry’s car broke down, we’d chauffeur her around until it was fixed. And if you need a cellphone, we buy you one. No strings. Definitely no leash.”

When the waitress returned with the coffee pot, he squeezed Beth’s fingers before letting go of her hand. He would have preferred to keep holding it, coffee and breakfast be damned, but it was pretty obvious at this point he had to tread very, very lightly around Beth. If he got pushy, she’d shut him down totally.

“I’ll try,” she said when they were alone again. “To do better at understanding where you’re coming from, I mean. Your family’s so…devoted and generous, and I need to learn how to appreciate that.”

“Good.” Then a very, very horrible thought popped into his head. “But, umm…when I say we think of you as family, I don’t mean you’re like my sister or anything.”

“That would be pretty weird, considering the whole baby thing.”

“The baby thing, sure, but also the fact I’m still thinking about that second date.”

“Oh.” He loved the way she blushed. “I haven’t changed my mind about having that kind of relationship with you. Since I’m pregnant, it’s not a good idea.”

“I haven’t changed my mind, either.” He grinned at her over the top of his coffee cup. “And I’m a pretty patient guy.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, but deep inside, he didn’t find it quite as funny as she did. If she really didn’t want to be involved with him while she was pregnant, it was going to be a long wait.

Eight months. Eight months of cold showers, tossing and turning, and walking slightly bowlegged. Oh, and then another two months, at least, before she’d even think about feeling sexy again, based on what Mikey and Evan had said about their wives.

Holy shit, that was a long time. If thinking about box scores was a good way to keep your mind off sex, he was going to be the freaking Rainman of baseball statistics before the ten months—almost a whole damn year—was over.

Then she smiled at him—a real smile that made her dark eyes crinkle—across the table and every ERA and RBI stat he’d ever known flew out of his head.

If she didn’t change her mind about letting him back in her bed, there was a damn good chance the kid she was carrying would be his only one because his balls were going to explode.

Kevin waited until the bar traffic slowed before telling Paulie he was taking a break and heading upstairs. He knocked on Beth’s door and had to quickly stifle a grin when she pulled it open. Sweats, crazy hair and chocolate smears in the corners of her mouth only six weeks in? Between his sister and his sister-in-law, he’d witnessed five pregnancies and he knew it only went downhill from there.

“I wasn’t really expecting company,” she said, but she stepped back and let him in. “I would have brushed my hair, at least.”

“Isn’t that tousled bedhead thing the style these days?”

“Only if you do it on purpose.”

The chocolate was killing him. He wanted to kiss her. Run his tongue over her lip and lick the chocolate away. “I…uh…oh, I came to invite you over for Thanksgiving.”

“You can roast a turkey?”

“No. But my mom cooks a mean Thanksgiving dinner, which is why we all go there every year.”

She didn’t look exactly thrilled with the invitation. “I told you we’re not seeing each other anymore. There’s no relationship, which means no taking me home for the holidays.”

He wasn’t about to give up that easily. “The baby wants to come home with me for Thanksgiving.”

“She does, does she?”

“Yes, he does.” She rolled her eyes, but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, so he kept going. “Ma makes this stuff with yams and marshmallows. It’s delicious and I’m pretty sure the baby wants to try some.”

“Yams and marshmallows?”

“Yeah. Oh, and a green-bean casserole thing with soup and these French-fried onions things on top. Wicked good.”

She pressed a hand over her stomach. “Yams, marshmallows, green beans, French-fried onions…and you think the baby will like that?”

Good point. So far so good in the morning-sickness department, but marshmallows and French-fried onions might be pushing it. “You don’t have to try anything you don’t want. Just come and eat what you do like and hang out with the family.”

“I’m not sure I’m up to that.”

“Eating?”

“Very funny.” But she didn’t even smile this time. “I’m not sure I’m up to pretending I’m a part of your big happy family.”

Apparently it was going to take a pneumatic sledge hammer to drive the fact she
was
family, whether she liked it or not, into her head. “It’s not that big a deal. We’ll eat turkey and marshmallow yam stuff and pie. That’s about it.”

“I don’t know, Kevin.”

“What else are you going to do? Sit here alone all day?”

She shrugged. “I’m used to being alone, and the truth is your family intimidates me. There are so many of you and you’re pretty loud, you know.”

“Just one of our many charms. And, speaking of the truth, you and my family are going to be entwined forever. You’re going to be the mother of my child for the rest of your life. The mother of my parents’ grandchild. The mother of my sister and brothers’ nephew—”

“Niece.”

“—forever. So I think some bonding over sticky yams and green-bean casserole is just the thing to jump-start a long and loud entwining.”

“We’re not supposed to be entwining.” She poked a finger at his chest. “Remember?”

“I remember you said you and I couldn’t do anymore personal entwining between the sheets.” Which was tragic. “But you’re already entwined with the Kowalskis.”

“Forever,” she muttered. “So you said.”

“You told me you were going to try to do better at doing the whole family thing.”

“I remember.”

“So you’ll come?”

“I don’t know, Kevin.”

Time to bring out the big guns—aka, his mother. “If my mother finds out you’re spending Thanksgiving alone, she’ll whack me upside the head so hard with that wooden spoon of hers, when I wake up my clothes will be out of style. Then she’ll pack up all the food in those Tupperware things she’s got a closet of and drag the whole family over here. You don’t want that.”

She blew out a breath and shook her head. “Fine! I give up. I’ll bring the baby to your mom’s for Thanksgiving.”

He wisely limited his victory dance to a mental celebration and walked to the door. Paulie needed a break before it got busy again. “Great. We can ride over together, about eight-thirty.”

“In the morning?”

“Sure. Ma does a breakfast buffet and then we watch the parade. After that it’s football and more food. We have the first round of pies midafternoon. Come early evening Ma lets us pick at the leftovers and make turkey sandwiches. Then there’s more football in the den or
It’s a Wonderful Life
in the living room and we get more pie.”

Beth looked shell-shocked. “That’s not Thanksgiving dinner. That’s a marathon.”

“Yeah, but we don’t do it often. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and the Fourth of July, usually. That’s not too much to take. Although, once that little guy pops out, you’ll have a Kowalski twenty-four seven.”

He was still laughing when she shoved him out into the hall and slammed the door in his face.

***

Paulie was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and when she checked herself into the mental hospital she was putting the words
Sam
and
Logan
in the “why” box of the intake form.

He’d made a steady habit out of dropping in for at least a drink, if not dinner, after his work day was over. Unfortunately, his being there watching her made her jittery, so his presence and her reaction to it weren’t going unnoticed by her coworkers. Hard to fly under the radar when she turned into a totally self-conscious klutz whenever he was in the bar. She’d broken more glasses in the last few weeks than she had in the last five years.

He hadn’t asked her out on—or blackmailed her into—another date since their last one, but she knew he wasn’t done toying with her. He was just dragging it out, hoping to build the anticipation, and it was working, dammit. She was hyperaware of his staring at her ass while she walked and…his just staring in general. It made her aware of her movements and body language in a way that kept her in a constant state of sexual tension.

Even now he was watching her as she tried to work the bar with Kevin—who, judging by the looks he kept giving her and Sam—was more aware of what was going on than she would have liked. Not surprising, though. Her boss had seen her tired and cranky and pissed off and upbeat and happy, but he’d never seen her flustered by a man’s interest.

When Sam winked at her and she turned away too quickly, knocking an empty shot glass off the edge of the bar, she knew the jig was up. Kevin signaled for Randy to clean up the broken glass, took her by the elbow and very firmly guided her into his office. She sighed and sank into a chair while he closed the door and went to sit behind his desk.

“What’s the deal with Sam Logan?”

She knew her boss and best friend pretty well and she knew she didn’t have a chance in hell of putting him off this time, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try. “Old business. My business.”

“And now it’s my business.”

“Yeah, I broke a few glasses. Dock my pay.”

“Cut the shit, Paulie.”

Defeat slumped her shoulders and she let it out with a shuddering sigh. “Five years ago I changed my name—legally and for reasons that aren’t illegal. My real name is Paulette Atherton.”

His expression didn’t change. “So?”

“My father is Richard Atherton.”

She watched understanding dawn in his eyes. “The gazillionaire from Boston Richard Atherton?”

“Yup.”

“No shit.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “No offense, doll, but what the hell are you doing tending bar?”

“Being myself. Being happy.”

She waited for him to accuse her of slumming for kicks. For taking a job from a person who actually needed the money. She waited for him to look at her differently. Any or all of the reactions she’d imagined over the weeks. But he didn’t.

“How does Sam Logan figure into this?”

“We were supposed to get married—be the darling power couple of the country club set. Wedding of the decade…until I got halfway up the aisle and bolted like a spooked horse.”

“No shit,” he said again. “I remember hearing something about that. Don’t usually read the society pages, but Terry and Lisa talked about it. You must have looked different.”

“I did. My hair was dyed because my natural red is unseemly, and always straightened because wild curls are unseemly. I was a lot more seemly then than I am now. Probably why nobody ever made the connection.”

“So you left him at the altar? Bet that didn’t go over well.”

“I don’t know. I went home long enough to grab some clothes, cash and the few things I cared about but, by the time my parents got home, I was on a bus out of Boston. Threw my cellphone in the lobby trashcan.”

“So you left with nothing?”

It was tempting to let him believe that, but now that she was confessing, she’d cough it all up. “I didn’t have a lot of cash when I left, but I have trust funds set up in such a way my father couldn’t cut them off. I choose to live week to week on my paychecks, but I have access to millions.”

“Damn.” He didn’t say anything for at least a minute and she started to sweat. “Paulie, you’re shaking.”

She was and she couldn’t seem to stop. But this man was her best friend in the world and she’d just told him everything he believed about her was a lie. She didn’t want to lose him or Jasper’s or the life she’d been living quite happily for five years. “I’m sorry.”

He looked perplexed. “Sorry about what?”

“I haven’t been honest with you. Not that I’ve really lied, but I’m not who you thought I was and I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit.” He sat forward in his chair again. “I thought you were a hot redheaded bartender with a sassy mouth who not only manages my bar like a pro, but is one of the best friends I’ve ever had. Isn’t that who you are?”

“It is. It really is.”

His grin was such a relief to see, she couldn’t help but smile back. “Okay then.”

“Okay.”

“So this Logan guy, is he giving you a hard time about the wedding?”

“He’s blackmailing me.”

Kevin jumped to his feet so fast, she sat back in her chair. “He’s a dead man. I’m going to kick his ass so bad he won’t even be able to cry for his mommy. Gonna fold him up like a napkin.”

His loyalty warmed her heart, even as embarrassment warmed her cheeks. “It’s…not what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking by the time I’m done pounding on his face, even dogs will be afraid of him.” He was pacing in a tight pattern, something he only did when he was spectacularly pissed off.

“He’s making me put up with him being here—and I had to go on a date with him—or he’ll tell you who I really am.”

The anger on Kevin’s face didn’t ease. If anything, his hands fisted tighter. “Well now I know so he can get his sorry, blackmailing and soon to be black-and-blue ass on the next bus back to Boston.”

Paulie looked down at her feet. “I don’t want him to know I told you.”

The pacing stopped, with his toes facing her, but she didn’t look up. “I don’t get it.”

“I want him to think I’m still seeing him so he won’t out me.”

“Now I really don’t get it.”

“I loved him.” She looked up again when Kevin plopped back onto his chair, the fight gone out of him. “I didn’t run from him. I ran from…I don’t know. The life I was going to be stuck living until death did we part.”

“Just because you’ve reinvented yourself doesn’t mean he has. When he’s done with the hotel job, he’ll go back to Boston and the country club set.”

She knew that. She thought about it a lot, actually, during the hours she was supposed to be sleeping but wasn’t because of Sam. “I know that. I’m just…”

“Just what? When he’s around you’re so damn nerved up I’m going to have to start serving booze in paper cups, so either you’re scared of him or you’re still in love with him.”

Or maybe it was a little of both. “No in between, huh? Fear or love?”

“Nothing that would make you as jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”

She wasn’t going to admit to either one, so she shook her head and stood up. “He’s leaving, anyway. He’s going back to Boston for the holidays and to finish up some work. He’s making at least one trip to Europe. It’ll be a while before we see him again.”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

She snorted. She didn’t know about that, though she did know five years hadn’t made the heart any
less
fond. “I need to get back out there. Bad enough Randy had to clean up my mess, but he should have gone on break two minutes ago.”

“You let me know if you change your mind about Sam Logan needing his ass kicked.”

Paulie nodded on her way out the door, but it wasn’t likely. After five years it seemed her mind hadn’t been changed about Sam. And neither had her heart.

***

Within five minutes of walking through the Kowalskis’ front door, Beth knew her parents would fit right in. They were huggers. Every damn one of them—and there were a
lot
of Kowalskis. Apparently Kevin hadn’t been exaggerating about how her carrying his child gave her some kind of instant family status and they didn’t hold back on the touchy-feely.

And Kevin was just as bad as the rest of them. He kept draping his arm over her shoulders or taking her arm to guide her or resting his hand on her back. It seemed like the only time he stopped touching her was to let a member of his family hug her.

There was a blur of introductions. She’d already met his father, Leo, who had a voice that commanded the room, and his mother, who gave her a warm hug and a speculative look that made her wonder what Kevin had told them about her appearing at their family dinner.

The rest of the horde she’d only seen from a distance, as the nameless bartender handing out drinks at the wedding. Joe and Keri had been the bride and groom. Then there was his sister, and Joe’s twin, Terry. She and her husband, Evan, had a thirteen-year-old daughter named Stephanie. His brother Mike had four sons with his wife, Lisa. Joey was fifteen, Danny was twelve, Brian nine and Bobby seven.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, his breath tickling her ear. “There’s no quiz later.”