Unconditional (18 page)

“I hope you feel differently a year from now. I’ll get to the point. Ashley would like to sign another contract with you.” He slid a stack of papers his way.

What the fuck?
He stared at the papers in front of him. Ashley wanted another contract? “I don’t know that I like being a pity fuck.”

“I am a nonviolent person, Keith,” Ashley said tightly. “But you are pushing it. Do you honestly think I would sign a D/s contract with you because I feel sorry for you? I’m doing this because I love you and I can’t stand the thought of never seeing you again. It hurts me inside, Keith. I realize that you don’t feel the same way about me. I do. I know you don’t love me, but we were good together and I kind of think you have it in your head that you can’t love anyone.”

This was his out. He saw a clear path marked exit. If he wanted to be out of Ashley’s life forever, all he had to do was shut her down now. Agree with her. Tell her he couldn’t love her. Not ever. Tell her she was a sweet girl, but not really his type.
So good-bye, sweetheart. Don’t call again.
Ashley would leave. Ryan wouldn’t bug him again. He wouldn’t have the nosy busybodies at the club up in his business.

It would be so much simpler. His life could go on the way it had before. No attachments. No pain. No joy. No love.

No her.

“I never said that. I never said I didn’t love you, baby. I don’t think I deserve your love.” He was so sick of simple, so sick of the emptiness his life had become since that one day. One day and he’d let it ruin a lifetime of happiness. He’d let one tragedy define him.

What if he did the same thing with one good thing? Meeting Ashley had been a turning point.

“What are your conditions?” He heard himself ask the question. He felt a little disconnected, like he was watching the scene play out but he wasn’t a part of it.

She shook her head. “There are no conditions. It’s the same contract mostly. I’ll sub for you Thursday through Saturday, although I have to get back to work in a week so I can only sub when my shift is over.”

He didn’t want that. “I’ll support you.”

She got to her knees beside him, her hand sliding over his. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sir. I can’t allow you to support me. I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with just a D/s relationship. Not when it comes to my future.”

“Marriage is just another contract.” He should know that better than anyone.

“I know. And any contract can be broken, but I should be honest. I love you. I want to marry someday. My eyes are wide open. You might never want that. So this contract is for a year. We can look at it and negotiate again a year from now.” Her hand tightened on his. “I don’t have conditions, but I do have a request.”

Here it came. “I’m listening.”

“Sleep at my place one night a week. Have dinner with me on Sundays and spend the night and have breakfast with us Monday mornings. You’re free the rest of the week. You don’t have to see me or call me.”

God, he’d done a number on her. He flipped her hand over, threading his fingers in hers. Touching her, being close to her, made something inside him ease. “I want to see you all the time, love. I think about you every second of the day. I can’t give you the family you deserve.” His throat damn near closed up. “I’m a carrier. Do you understand what that means?”

“It means that any child you father has the chance of getting the genetic abnormality and you won’t risk it again. I do understand that and we can face that if we decide to stay together for the long haul. Keith, I want more kids, but I don’t have to give birth to them.”

“You say that now, but you could change your mind.” It was why he’d stayed away from women like her, women who would want a houseful of kids. He understood it. He longed for a kid of his own, one who looked like him. He’d grown up an only child. He wanted the connection of blood. He couldn’t have it, would never risk another child, but it was a thing he would always miss.

“That’s a risk, Keith. I can tell you I won’t regret not having another biological child all day long, but you might not ever believe me. I’m taking a risk, too. You might never want to get married. You might never ever want to be around Emily. I could give you a year of my life and get nothing in return. I’m willing to take that risk because I love you.”

“I’m damaged.”

“I still love you.”

“I’m not as strong as you.”

“I still love you.”

“I’ve been cold and cruel to people who love me.”

“I still love you. I bet they still love you, too. And if you would just give her a chance, Emily would love you. Kids don’t care that you don’t share blood with them. They love the people who love them. They love the people who teach them. They love the people who are there for them.”

He didn’t know if he could do it, didn’t know if he wouldn’t get two days in and back out on her, but he knew one thing. She was offering him something unconditional. She would sign that contract and be with him on his terms even if he wouldn’t honor hers. She would give him a year of her life with no conditions, just a simple request.

And he couldn’t take it. Not the way he wanted to. He picked up the pen. He didn’t need to read it. There was one person in the entire world who could offer him a contract, tell him the terms, and he would believe her without proof and that was his sub, his lover, his woman. He signed his name.

“I’ll be there on Sunday.” He couldn’t let her get nothing. He would grin and bear it because when offered paradise, he would take a couple of nights in purgatory.

As he walked out he decided that the smile on her face was worth any discomfort he would endure.

* * * *

A few weeks later, Ashley stepped out of Emily’s bedroom after looking in on her.

“Is she asleep?” Keith was standing right outside the door. It still shocked her every time she looked up and he was standing in her little house. He was a gorgeous masculine beast amongst her very feminine décor.

“Yeah. She’s okay. I was worried because she had a little fever earlier, but she seems fine now.” She closed the door behind her. He still wasn’t comfortable around Emily. He wouldn’t look right at her. He ignored her most of the time, but when she’d reached out to him earlier, he hadn’t flinched. He’d patted her little head as he paled and moved on by.

She was calling it a win.

It was easier to deal with now that she knew the reasons behind it. Time. She needed time and patience to show him that he could do this. Maybe she was fooling herself. Maybe he would walk at the end of their contract, but she would go down fighting.

“Then come with me.” He used his Dom voice on her. It had the immediate effect of making her pussy go soft and wanting.

He’d played with her in the club, even fucked her a couple of times, but he hadn’t reached the intimacy level they’d had before that terrible night they had broken up. He’d held a part of himself back, giving her every ounce of pleasure she could wring from the physical, but just shy of being pure heaven because she knew he was thinking. He was considering. He was plotting instead of being in the moment with her.

He turned and walked down her small hallway toward her bedroom. She followed him, her heart starting to pound because his shoulders had squared, his energy transformed from laid-back to alpha male.

He stopped at her bedroom, opening the door and gesturing her inside. “Get undressed and present yourself.”

Desire crept across her skin. She needed this and she hadn’t really gotten it since before their breakup. He hadn’t dominated her. He’d made sure she had her pleasure, but he hadn’t demanded from her and she’d deeply missed it.

The last two weeks had been a slow, awkward dance. He’d been obviously nervous the first Sunday he’d spent with her. When he’d shown up on Tuesday afternoon, she’d been a little shocked. When he’d knocked on her door on Wednesday, she’d just smiled.

He loved her. He might never have said the words, but she knew it. He couldn’t look at her the way he did and not want her. He couldn’t show up on her doorstep after everything that had happened to him and not love her. It hurt her heart that he shied away from Emily, but they were working on the problem.

Love wasn’t easy. She’d learned that a long time ago. It had taken a while to put it together, but having her baby had crystalized so much for her. Her mother had been wrong. Her mother had allowed a single man to define her. Ashley wouldn’t make the same mistake. She was worthy. She was good. No one could take that from her.

But she could give to those she loved and she intended to give to him.

She walked past him with a confidence she hadn’t had before she met him. He thought he had nothing to give her? Oh, he’d given her this. He’d given her a sexuality she hadn’t known existed, a sexuality that wouldn’t exist without her deep love for him.

Her shirt was a button-down so she eased it off, unbuttoning one at a time. There was no real hurry. He liked to watch her. She liked to watch him watching her. She let the shirt fall to the floor before shoving out of her jeans. She’d noticed that he stared at her when she was in street clothes, like he was utterly fascinated by her normal life. Seventeen days. It had been seventeen days since they had signed their contract. She’d only asked him for two of those nights to be spent with her and yet he almost never went home. The moment she’d requested his presence, he’d taken advantage, sleeping in her bed far more often than he didn’t. Yes, he usually was gone before she awoke, but she had to think it was progress.

“The rest of it,” he said, closing the door firmly behind him. He glanced over, looking at the baby monitor.

He might not look directly at Emily, but he always made sure that her monitor was on before he got into bed.

Little things. They gave her hope. She’d realized that she couldn’t judge him by his words. His words came from fear. His actions came from his soul.

She slipped out of her bra first, releasing her breasts. Cool air hit them, making her nipples peak. She let her hands slide down her body, skimming her curves until her thumbs tucked into her panties. Pushing them down, she followed the line of her body until her knees hit the carpet. She shoved the undies aside and let her knees slide open. Her whole body relaxed as she slipped into her submissive role.

This was where she’d longed to be. Everything faded away except the need to serve him. There was nothing except pleasure in this place. There was no responsibility beyond answering his call. For however long he chose, she was free. She didn’t hate her life. She loved it, but that didn’t mean she needed these moments less. It simply meant she acknowledged her needs, her secret self.

“Do you know how beautiful you are to me?” He put a hand on her head.

Tears pierced her eyes. “I know how beautiful I feel when you’re with me.”

There was a moment of silence, but she’d gotten used to that. Whenever she told him she loved him, he paused as though he needed to soak it in. After a long moment, his hand moved, cradling her skull. “You make me a better man.”

Hope sparked through her. It was going to work. It would. He loved her. She loved him. It might take a while, but he was smart. She could teach him. “You make me a better woman.”

“I doubt that, love, but I’ll listen to it.” His hand moved to the back of her neck. “Help me out of these clothes.”

She reached for the fly of his slacks. He always dressed for business if they weren’t at Sanctum, and if she had a chance, she would get him in a pair of jeans. They would hug his perfect ass. He was so freaking gorgeous, but he didn’t know it. He dressed for occasions, not to show off his body. He dressed for work or the club and he struggled at anything else. She could so help him with that. She would dress him to please her because he was the most beautiful man she’d ever met.

His cock sprang forward. It was always like that. It was such an eager beast. Long and thick, his cock pointed right her way. She couldn’t feel like crap about herself when his cock was so deeply interested in being close to her. She took a deep breath because she loved the way he smelled. Spicy. Masculine. Clean. He smelled so damn good. But she wanted him to have what he needed and that was control. “I want to taste you, Sir.”

“I’m your Master, Ashley.” His words were a hard grind from his mouth. “Call me by my title. You could call any Dom Sir. You won’t touch another man for a damn long time.”

She couldn’t help but poke at him. “Some Doms share their subs.”

She felt his growl along her spine. “I don’t share shit. You’re mine. All fucking mine. If you have a problem with that, you shouldn’t have signed that fucking contract because I will hold you to it.”

“Good to know. So, how do you feel about me tasting you, Master?”

His hand sank into her hair, gripping her on just the right side of pain. “I feel like you better do it or I’ll slap that ass silly.”

She actually kind of liked having her ass slapped silly, but she had other plans for tonight.

She leaned forward, licking at his cock in little affectionate teases. Just a warm-up before the big show. She licked around the head of his cock, following the ridges and valleys, delving into the tiny slit that was already pulsing with cream. She loved that taste. His desire was salty and sweet and coated her tongue.

“You’re going to kill me.” He pulled on her hair, lighting up her scalp. “Take more. I need more.”

She sucked the head inside, running her tongue over the
V
on the back. She worked that very sensitive piece of his flesh, enjoying the deep groan she elicited from him. She whirled her tongue around, treating him like the sweetest bit of candy she’d ever sucked on, trying to make it last forever.

He sighed, a long, happy sound. “You feel so good. Suck harder. Take more.”

This was what she’d been missing. Before he never hesitated to tell her what he needed sexually, what made him happy. He’d been a shutdown bastard in real life, but he’d talked in the bedroom.

She began to work her way down his cock, licking and sucking in long passes.

“That’s what I want. I want you all over me.” His hand softened and he pumped his hips, forcing another inch in. “You’re such a smart girl. You know. You fucking knew.”