Uncle John’s True Crime (27 page)

Frank Wills, the guard who caught the Watergate burglars, played himself in
All the President’s Men
.

BIG BUSINESS

As violent as these pirates are, they’re fairly tame compared to other crime syndicates. According to Steve Rosenbush of
Portfolio.com
, “For their part, at a time when terrorists and global drug cartels from Mexico to Brazil have pushed violence to mind-numbing levels, the Somali pirates seem positively businesslike, avoiding unnecessary gunplay and raising capital in an orderly fashion on a small stock exchange.” Stock exchange? Yes—in Somalia investors can buy shares of pirate operations and collect dividends after ransom money is delivered. This is the new face of piracy: well-organized plunderers who employ accountants...and even publicists to make statements to the media. And the well-insured shipping companies have come to expect piracy as a cost of doing business in the Gulf of Aden, so they’re likely to quietly give in to the demands rather than risk losing a crew, passengers, or cargo. The emboldened Somali pirates have even started patrolling their shores as a makeshift coast guard, running off fishing trawlers and capturing boats that dump their waste.

And much of the hundreds of millions of dollars made by Somali pirates each year goes straight back into the country’s tattered economy. As a result, poor coastal towns are starting to thrive again...and the pirates are looked upon as heroes in a country that has had little to cheer about for decades.

Since 1973 U.S. airline security has detected more than 15,000 firearms being smuggled onto planes
.

Remember the saying “Judge not, lest ye be judged?” These men in black would have done well to follow that advice
.

T
HE HONORABLE A. HITLER PRESIDING

Douglas County judge Richard Jones was suspended by the Nebraska Supreme Court after an investigation into 17 complaints concerning his conduct, both on and off the bench. Among the findings: Judge Jones had taken to signing court documents with names like A. Hitler and Snow White (he says he did it to keep court personnel on their toes), and setting bail amounts in the form of “a gazillion pengoes” and other imaginary currencies (he says it’s “a matter of opinion” whether the fines are nonsensical or not). He was also accused of urinating on courthouse carpets, making an anonymous death threat against another judge (he says it was a “prank that went wrong”), and throwing firecrackers into the same judge’s office. Judge Jones contested a number of the charges but admitted he threw the firecrackers. “I was venting,” he explained.

GARDEN-VARIETY CRIMINALS

In August 1998, a Missouri judicial commission found Associate Circuit judge John A. Clark guilty of misconduct. The charge “most likely to be remembered,” according to the
National Law Journal:
sentencing defendants to community service...and then allowing them to “do their time” by working in his yard.

WHERE’S YOUR LAWYER?

Dogged by a California state investigation into claims that he was abusive to defendants who appeared in his court without an attorney, San Bernardino County judge Fred Heene announced in 1999 that he would not seek reelection. The commission later concluded he had indeed been abusive.

An example of Judge Heene’s conduct: A woman convicted of a traffic violation asked for more time to complete her community service because she’d been bedridden—on doctor’s orders—during the final weeks
of her pregnancy. The judge denied her request and then sentenced her to 44 days in jail. When she protested that she had a seven-day-old baby at home, the judge replied, “Ma’am, you should have thought about that a long time ago.”

In 2006 the Hell’s Angels sued Disney for using their logo in the movie
Wild Hogs
.

TAKING A BITE OUT OF CRIME

In 1997 Judge Joseph Troisi spent five days in jail after he bit defendant William Witten on the nose hard enough to make it bleed. The incident came about when Troisi—until then a “highly regarded member” of the West Virginia bench and former member of the state committee that investigates judicial misconduct—denied Witten’s bail request, prompting Witten to mutter an insult under his breath. Troisi then “stepped down from the bench, removed his robe, and there was a confrontation,” said state police captain Terry Snodgrass. Judge Troisi pled no contest to criminal battery, served his five days, and then resigned from the bench. He also agreed to seek counseling for “impulse control.”

TO TELL THE TRUTH

In 1995 the Texas state bar reprimanded newly elected criminal appeals court judge Steven Mansfield for lying about his personal background during his campaign for office. Mansfield claimed he was born in Texas—a big plus for voters in the Lone Star State—when he was actually born in Massachusetts. He also presented himself as a political newcomer when in fact he’d run for Congress twice in New Hampshire (he lost both times). He claimed to have handled more than 100 criminal cases, but about the only case he’d really handled was his own—when he was charged in Florida for practicing law without a license. (He lost, and had to pay a $100 fine.)

Amazingly, Mansfield managed to hang onto his job in Texas’s highest criminal court and kept a low profile until 1999, when he was caught trying to scalp complimentary tickets to a Texas A&M football game and received six months’ probation. He left office in 2000 but announced the following year that he wanted to come back because the judiciary was becoming too liberal without him. “I feel that I can be a more effective and more consistent conservative vote on the court,” he explained. (He lost.)

There are approximately 1 million police officers in the United States, the most of any country
.

From the vaults of “Uncle John’s Video Treasures,” here are some crime capers to consider the next time you want to rent a movie
.

THE STUNT MAN
(1980)
Mystery/Suspense

Review:
“Nothing is ever quite what it seems in this fast-paced, superbly crafted film. It’s a Chinese puzzle of a movie and, therefore, may not please all viewers. Nevertheless, this directorial tour de force by Richard Rush has ample thrills, chills, suspense, and surprises for those with a taste for something different.” (
Video Movie Guide
)
Stars:
Peter O’Toole, Steve Railsback, Barbara Hershey

THINGS CHANGE
(1988)
Comedy

Review:
“Director David Mamet and co-writer Shel Silverstein have fashioned a marvelously subtle and witty comedy about an inept, low-level gangster. He goes against orders to take an old shoe-shine ‘boy’ on one last fling before the latter goes to prison for a crime he didn’t commit.” (
Video Movie Guide 2001
)
Stars:
Joe Mantegna, Don Ameche

LITTLE CAESAR
(1931)
Drama

Review:
“Small-time hood becomes underworld big-shot; Robinson as Caesar Enrico Bandello gives a star-making performance in this classic gangster film that’s still exciting today.” (
Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide
)
Stars:
Edward G. Robinson, Douglas Fairbanks Jr.

NIGHT MOVES
(1975)
Mystery

Review:
“While trying to deal with his sour private life, a P.I. is hired by a fading Hollywood star to track down her reckless daughter, involving him in art smuggling, murder, and sex on Florida’s Gulf Coast. This incisive psychological drama manages to be both intelligent and entertaining.” (
Seen That, Now What?
)
Stars:
Gene Hackman, Jennifer Warren

GET CARTER
(1971)
Drama

Review:
“British gangster film set in the 1970s. The inspiration is Hollywood in the 1940s. Michael Caine is a cheap hood who returns home to
investigate his brother’s death. One of his finest performances.” (
Movies on TV
)
Stars:
Michael Caine, Ian Hendry, Britt Ekland

29% of Americans surveyed admit they’ve intentionally stolen something from a store
.

THE KILLER
(1989)
Foreign/Action

Review:
“John Woo’s best film features an honorable assassin trying to get out of the business. Impeccable pacing and incredible action choreography create an operatic intensity that leaves you feeling giddy. Available both dubbed and in Cantonese with English subtitles.” (
Video Movie Guide 2001
)
Stars:
Chow Yun-Fat, Danny Lee

THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE
(1974)
Suspense

Review:
“A ruthless crook named Blue and three cohorts hijack a New York City subway train and hold passengers for one million in cash—to be delivered
in one hour!
Outstanding thriller, laced with cynical comedy, bursts with heart-stopping excitement, terrific performances, and first-rate editing.” (
Leonard Maltin’s 2001 Movie & Video Guide
)
Stars:
Robert Shaw, Walter Matthau

BIG DEAL ON MADONNA STREET
(1958)
Comedy/Foreign

Review:
“A charming Italian comedy. A robbery meticulously planned by a sadsack mix of washed-up pros in which it all goes hilariously wrong.” (
TimeOut Film Guide
)
Stars:
Marcello Mastroianni, Vittorio Gassman

A PERFECT WORLD
(1993)
Drama

Review:
“This film, directed by Clint Eastwood, features a father-son relationship that develops between an escaped convict and the seven-year-old boy he takes as a hostage. A very American mix of male bonding, road movie, and thriller that reveals a few signs of originality.” (
Halliwell’s Film and Video Guide
)
Stars:
Kevin Costner, Laura Dern

HEAVENLY CREATURES
(1994)
Drama/Fantasy

Review:
“In this Peter Jackson film, two New Zealand schoolgirls conspire to murder one girl’s mother when parental concerns about their obsessive friendship threaten to separate them forever. Surreal scenes featuring unicorns, giant butterlies, castles, and claymation knights express the teens’ emotional slide into chilling actions.” (
Video Movie Guide
)
Stars:
Kate Winslett, Melanie Lynskey

The term “racketeering” was coined in 1927 to describe the Mafia’s criminal operations
.

From our Dustbin of History files, the story of a city, a criminal psychiatrist, and a psycho with a grudge
.

S
PECIAL DELIVERY

On November 16, 1940, an unexploded bomb was found on a window ledge of the Consolidated Edison Building in Manhattan. It was wrapped in a very neatly hand-written note that read,

CON EDISON CROOKS—THIS IS FOR YOU.

The police were baffled: surely whoever delivered the bomb would know that the note would be destroyed if the bomb detonated. Was the bomb not meant to go off? Was the person stupid...or was he just sending a message?

No discernable fingerprints were found on the device and a brief search of company records brought no leads, so the police treated the case as an isolated incident by a crackpot, possibly someone who had a grievance with “Con Ed”—the huge company that provided New York City with all of its gas and electric power.

WAKE-UP CALL

Nearly a year later, another unexploded bomb was found lying in the street a few blocks from the Con Ed building, this one with an alarm clock fusing mechanism that had not been wound. Again the police had no leads and again they filed the case away—there were larger problems at hand: the war in Europe was escalating and U.S. involvement seemed imminent. Sure enough, three months later, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, triggering America’s entry into World War II.

Shortly thereafter a strange, neatly written letter arrived at police headquarters in Manhattan:

True to his (or her) words, no more bombs showed up during the war, or for five years after that. But in that time at least 16 threat letters, all from
“F. P.”, were delivered to Con Ed, as well as to movie theaters, the police, and even private individuals. Still, there were no bombs...until March 29, 1950.

In 1994 a man escaped from a West Virginia prison using a rope made of dental floss
.

CITY UNDER SIEGE

That day, a third unexploded bomb much more advanced than the previous two was found on the lower level of Grand Central Station. “F. P.” seemed to be sending the message that he (or she) had been honing his (or her) bomb-building skills over the last decade. Still, so far none of them had exploded. And police wondered: were these all just empty threats? That question was answered a month later when a bomb tore apart a phone booth at the New York Public Library. Over the next two years, four more bombs exploded around New York City. And try as they might to downplay the threat, the police couldn’t keep the press from running with the story. “The Mad Bomber” started to dominate headlines.

More bombs were found, and more angry letters—some neatly written, others created from block letters clipped from magazines—promised to continue the terror until Con Edison was “BROUGHT TO JUSTICE.”

Heading up the case was Police Inspector Howard E. Finney. He and his detectives had used every conventional police method they knew of, but the Mad Bomber was too smart for them. In December 1956, after a powerful explosion injured six people in Brooklyn’s Paramount Theater, Inspector Finney decided to do something unconventional.

PSYCH-OUT

Finney called in Dr. James A. Brussel, a brilliant psychiatrist who had worked with the military and the FBI. Brussel had an uncanny understanding of the criminal mind, and like everyone else in New York, this eloquent, pipe-smoking psychiatrist was curious about what made the Mad Bomber tick. But because none of the letters had been released to the press, Brussel knew very little about the case. That all changed when police handed him the evidence they had gathered since 1941.