Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader (11 page)

• This entire scene moved indoors in 1921. And in 1953, the New York Curb Exchange, its name since 1928, became the American Stock Exchange, the second largest exchange on Wall Street.

MISCELLANY.
The term “broker” comes from the french
brochier
, meaning someone who broaches, or breaks, a wine keg. It was originally used to refer to entrepreneurs who bought wine by the barrel, “broke it open,” and sold it by the cup.

Americans spent $2 billion on commercial weight loss programs in 1990.

Malcolm X was one of the most controversial—and significant—figures in recent American history.

“You’re not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can’t face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or who says it.”

“It’s easy to become a satellite today without even being aware of it. This country can seduce God. Yes, it has that seductive power—the power of dollarism.”

“I for one believe that if you give people a thorough understanding of what confronts them and the basic causes that produce it, they’ll create their own program, and when the people create a program, you get action.”

“I believe in the brotherhood of man, all men, but I don’t believe in brotherhood with anybody who doesn’t want brotherhood with me. I believe in treating people right, but I’m not going to waste my time trying to treat somebody right who doesn’t know how to return that treatment.”

“Power never takes a back step—only in the face of more power.”

“Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you are a man, you take it.”

“After you get your freedom, your enemy will respect you.”

“You cannot separate peace from freedom, because no one can be at peace until he has his freedom.”

“Truth is on the side of the oppressed.”

“Learn to see...listen...and think for yourself.”

“The colleges and universities in the American education system are skillfully used to miseducate.”

“There shouldn’t be bars. Behind bars, a man never reforms. He will never forget. He will never get completely over the memory of the bars.”

Survey results: 70% of high school students try cigarettes, but only 13% smoke regularly.

We all love bloopers. Here are a bunch of movie mistakes to look for in popular films. You can find more in a book called
Film Flubs,
by Bill Givens.

M
ovie:
The Wizard of Oz
(1939)

Scene:
Dorothy, the Tin Woodsman, and the Scarecrow dance down the Yellow Brick Road singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard.”

Blooper:
A crew member can be seen in the background among the trees. (For years, rumors circulated in Hollywood that the crew member had committed suicide and hung himself from one of the trees on the set. The rumors were false.)
Note:
Also pay close attention to the length of Dorothy’s hair. Because the scenes were filmed out of sequence, her hair changes from mid-length to long to short as the movie progresses.

Movie:
Spartacus
(1960)

Scene:
Peter Ustinov gets off of his horse.

Blooper:
His jockey shorts are visible under his tunic as he climbs down.

Movie:
The Alamo
(1960)

Scenes:
The battle sequences.

Bloopers:
Though the movie is a Western, you can see several mobile trailers in the distance. (And in another scene, you can see a Stuntman falling into a mattress.)

Movie:
Children of a Lesser God
(1986)

Scenes:
Several occasions in which Mariee Matlin (who is deaf and portrays a deaf character) and co-star William Hurt sign to each other during conversations in which Hurt is speaking.

Blooper:
The sign language has nothing to do with the movie—it’s about Matlin’s and Hurt’s private life. (At the time the movie was made, Matlin and Hurt were having an affair.)

Movie:
Rambo III
(1988)

Scene:
Rambo steals a “Russian” helicopter.

Blooper:
A small American flag is clearly visible on the helicopter’s rotor housing.

The average American senior citizen takes 14 prescription drugs.

You’ve heard of floor fights in Congress...but you probably never imagined the kind where people get bloody noses and pull guns on each other. Here are a few instances when that’s exactly what happened.

F
OOTE VS. BENTON

Background:
Senator Henry Foote of Mississippi had a reputation as a hothead and a fighter; he’d been injured in no less than three duels. His temper reached legendary proportions on April 17, 1850, when he drew a pistol on Thomas Hart Benton of Missouri in the Senate chamber.

What Happened:
Benton had just finished delivering a stinging attack on Foote’s recently deceased mentor, former Vice President John C. Calhoun of South Carolina. Suddenly Foote leaped to his feet and denounced Benton as a coward. When Benton advanced toward the offending senator, Foote retreated and pulled a pistol from his coat. Benton replied: “I have no pistols. Let him fire. Stand out of the way. Let the assassin fire.”

Result:
Chaos ensued. Finally, Senator Daniel Dickinson of New York took Foote’s pistol away. Foote was later reprimanded for his behavior but no other charges were pressed.

BROOKS VS. SUMNER

Background:
Civil War tensions boiled over in Congress on May 22, 1856, when South Carolina Representative Preston Brooks brutally attacked and injured Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner with a cane. The incident followed a heated address by the anti-slavery Sumner, who had specifically attacked Brooks’s relative, Senator Andrew Butler of South Carolina.

What Happened:
When the Senate adjourned, Brooks approached Sumner—who was sitting at his desk—and began striking him on the head with a cane. Sumner was trapped. To avoid the blows, he tried to rise from his bolted-down desk. His effort was so great that he literally ripped the screws from the floor.

Result:
Sumner was so badly injured that he spent the next three years recovering. Efforts to punish Brooks—who became a hero in the South—were unsuccessful. He died shortly after the attack.

More than $1 billion worth of candy is sold in the U.S. during the Halloween season.

TILLMAN VS. McLAURIN

Background:
On February 28, 1902, the Senate was debating a bill relating to government aid for the Philippines.

What Happened:
Senator Benjamin Tillman of South Carolina charged that “improper influences” had influenced his colleague, John McLaurin—also from South Carolina—to change his vote on the legislation. When McLaurin heard Tillman’s charges, he ran back to the Senate chambers “pale with anger” and accused Tillman of lying. Tillman lunged at McLaurin and punched him in the eye. McLaurin came back with a blow to Tillman’s nose.

Result:
A doorkeeper and several senators intervened and the gallery was immediately cleared. Later that day, both were suspended for six days for “disorderly conduct.” The fight eventually led to Senate Rule 19, which says “no Senator in debate shall, directly or indirectly, by any form of words impute to another Senator or to other Senators any conduct or motive unworthy or unbecoming a Senator.”

ENGLE VS. THE FILIBUSTER

Background:
On June 10, 1964, one of the most dramatic votes in Senate history took place. Democratic Senator Clair Engle of California, terminally ill with a brain tumor, cast a vote from his wheelchair that led to the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. A Southern filibuster had stalled the bill on the floor of the Senate. Ending the filibuster required a two-thirds majority, and it looked like the Democrats were one vote short.

What Happened:
“Then came the moment few had expected,”
The New York Times
reported. “Seconds before his name was called, Senator Clair Engle of California was pushed into the chamber in a wheelchair. He was smiling slightly. ‘Mr. Engle,’ the clerk called. There was a long silence. Senator Engle, recuperating from two brain operations, tried to speak. He could not. Finally he raised his left arm, as though trying to point toward his eyes. He nodded his head, signaling that he was voting ‘aye.’ He was wheeled out of the chamber minutes later and taken by ambulance back to his home.”

Result:
The resolution passed by one vote. Nine days later, on June 19, 1964, the Senate passed the final version of the Civil Rights Act, again with Engle’s vote. A month later, “Congressman Fireball”—as Engle had once been called—died at the age of 52.

Beauty fact: Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Have you ever heard of H. L. Mencken? In the 1920s, he was one of America’s most famous newspaper columnists. His claim to fame was his acid-tongued social commentary... as these examples demonstrate.

“Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.”

“Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.”

“Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.”

“The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.”

“If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.”

“Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.”

“Criticism is prejudice made plausible.”

“A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”

“Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.”

“On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.”

“Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.”

“Wife: a former sweetheart.”

“To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!”

“An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.”

Mike Wallace, investigative reporter on “60 Minutes,” was once a game show host.

Some people achieve immortality because their names become commonly associated with an item or activity. You already know the names—now here are the people.

A
lfredo di Lellio.
A Roman restaurateur. His fettucine with butter, cream, and Parmesan cheese became famous in the 1920s after Hollywood stars Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks ate in his restaurant every day during their honeymoon.

John Langon-Down.
An English doctor of the late 19th century. He was the first doctor to describe, in medical literature, the genetic defect now known as Down’s Syndrome. Down called it “mongolism,” because physical characteristics related to the condition reminded him of the features of people of Mongolia.

Queen Mary I of England and Ireland.
A fanatical Catholic, she brutally repressed Protestants in her realm. Her reputation earned her the nickname “Bloody Mary,” and inspired a cocktail made with vodka and tomato juice.

Vyacheslav Mikhailovich Molotov.
Soviet foreign minister, 1939-1949 and 1953-1956, and rabid Stalinist. Finnish resistance fighters battling Russian tanks in the 1940s named their primitive gasoline-filled bottle bombs “Molotov cocktails” in his “honor.”

Sir George Everest.
The surveyor-general of India from 1830 to 1843, he named the world’s tallest mountain after himself.

Dr. A. M. Latan.
A quack dentist and peddler of health tonics in Paris during the 1840s. He traveled the city in an opulent coach—usually with a man marching in front, blowing a horn to attract attention—selling his wares as he went. Parisians shouted “Voila, le char (car) de Latan”—later shortened to “charlatan.”

Mickey Finn.
A 19th-century saloon keeper who ran Chicago’s Lone Star and Palm Saloons. When customers got too rowdy, he slipped drugs into their drinks to knock them out. Today, giving someone a knockout drink is called “Slipping them a Mickey.”

The London Bridge has never fallen down.

Sam Ellis.
A tavern keeper on what was later called Ellis Island.

Edward Stanley, 12th Earl of Derby.
A British nobleman of the late 1700s and early 1800s. An avid horse lover, he hosted a 1.5-mile horse race in 1780 that he called the “Derby Stakes.” Today the term “derby” is used to represent any horse race or other sporting event that has a strong local following.

Gabriel Daniel Fahrenheit.
German scientist of the late 17th and early 18th centuries. Invented a new thermometer that used mercury instead of alcohol. Its new scale—which marks water’s freezing point at 32° and its boiling point at 212°—was named Fahrenheit after him and became popular in English-speaking countries.

Anders Dahl.
In 1789 Alexander von Humboldt, a German explorer, discovered a new species of flower while on an expedition to Mexico. He sent some of the plant’s seeds to the Botanic Garden in Madrid, where the curator promptly named the plants
Dahlias—
after his close friend Anders Dahl, a famous Swedish botanist who had died earlier that year.

George Nicholas Papanicolaou.
Pioneered the use of cervical tissue smear samples in detecting uterine cancer. Today that test is known as a “Pap smear.”

Josiah Wedgwood.
An English potter of the late 1700s. He developed a line of china famous for its white designs on a blue background, which later became known as “Wedgwood” china.

David Douglas.
A 19th-century Scottish botanist and explorer of the western United States. He discovered a new species of tall evergreen trees that bear his name: Douglas firs.