Unbreakable (Accidental Crush #3) (13 page)

“Me? I’m good, Coach. Really.”

He leans back in his chair and crosses his feet at his ankles. “Well, you see, you told me that before, and I didn’t believe you. Then you got yourself suspended for the first quarter of a game, almost kicked out of that game, now you’re sitting here with a black eye, and you were out there running a marathon. You were off at practice today. You are never off.” He leans back into his desk and threads his fingers once again. “So, you see, I have a hard time believing you when you tell me you’re fine.”

I have no words, so I shift my eyes to the floor and start to study the specs on the tile. I hope he breaks this silence soon.

“I talked to the Penn State coach. I know they gave you a verbal offer on Friday. Nothing is solid until signing day, though. You know that, right? They want you. Don’t blow this for yourself, son. I don’t care what is happening in your personal life; don’t bring it on this field.”

With that, my eyes dart up to meet his.

“Ryan told me a little of what is going on.”

I feel my fists tighten and my jaw clench. I’m going to kill him.

I can tell Coach notices, because his look softens for a second.

“He’s concerned about you, son. And I’m glad he told me. You need to talk to me. I’m tired of you telling me you’re good when I know you’re not. I’m here for you in this office, but out on that field, I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to hear it. On the field, you need to give it one hundred and ten percent, always. You can’t bring it to practice or to the games. Your focus needs to be on the game, no distractions. You hear me? Use the anger in the game, but don’t let it destroy the game.” His voice has grown to full volume, as if we are in the locker room at half time. All concern has been wiped away.

“Yes, Coach!” I shout back to match his tone.

“Hamilton, you’re a good kid. You have a bright future ahead of you, remember that. Don’t mess it up. And if you need to talk, I’m here to help. Here in this office, not on the field.”

“Right. Thanks, Coach.”

He gives me an understanding smile and nods his head. I know we are done here, but I also know he’s watching me from now on.

I still want to kill Ryan. I need to talk to him, but I don’t even know if I’m still welcome in his house, and it’s not like I have a phone to call him.

ASHLEY

I feel like I might drop right here on the pavement. We have a meet this Friday, so George is pushing us even harder.

I loved every second of my lunch with Todd in the janitor’s closet, but I really wish I had eaten something. I need to remember that tomorrow when kissing seems like the better option.

“Rough practice today, huh?” Casey’s eyes study me as he towel dries his blonde hair.

“Yeah.” I look up and smile.
Pretend like nothing is going on
, I keep telling myself.

“So how was homecoming?” he asks with a grin.

“Good. Great. Fine,” I say all at once.

“Okay?” His lips are smiling, but I can tell his eyes are studying me.

“George was really pushing us today, don’t ya think?” Janice interrupts us. I feel my shoulders automatically relax at the change of subject. I didn’t even realize how tense I was.

Casey’s gaze shifts before he nods his head in the direction of his gaze. “Your ride is here, Ashley.”

My heart flutters as an automatic reflex, thinking it’s Todd, but when I turn around, I remember it’s not when my eyes land on my mom.

“No lover boy today?” Casey leans in and whispers.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Thankfully, he can’t see my face.

“Nope. He’s got practice.” I try to keep my voice calm and steady. When I think I have it together, I turn back to both of them with a smile. “See you tomorrow.” Then I pivot on my heel and walk away.
Point for Ashley.

I keep this calm façade up until I make it to my bedroom. As soon as I’m in the safety of my room, I fling myself across my bed and break down.
How am I ever going to do this every day?
I still haven’t said a word to my parents. Mom tried to carry on a conversation on the way home, but I only responded with grunts, nods, and sighs. I can’t bring myself to say actual words, or I will lose it.

Then I hear it—Todd’s voice. Now I’m hearing things, great.

But wait, there it is again. I have officially lost it, whatever “it” is. Although, I’m not sure I ever had “it” in the first place. I didn’t see his car, so he can’t really be here, right?

“I’m just pissed you told him. It’s none of his business.” I hear his voice again through the vent. Is he on speakerphone? And told who, what?

“He needed to know. You’re a mess, and he needs to know why. I didn’t want him to call your dad.”

“That would have been a good thing. Maybe they would see this is a mistake.”

“Yeah, or maybe this would prove their point.”

There is silence.

Could he be here? In Ryan’s room?

“Shit. You’re right. I just don’t want anyone to know; it’s none of their damn business.” There’s no mistaking his voice this time.

“Well, everyone needs to think you guys are broken up for this to work.” The last part Ryan says really low, but I can still make it out.

“God, I hate this. I hate my parents. What the fuck?”

“I know, but if you don’t play along, it will be worse.”

“I know; you’re right.”

More silence.

“I think I heard Ash come home,” Ryan says. I don’t think I could love him any more than I do in this moment. “Which means my mom is home.” My love lessens a bit at that reminder.

I hear a faint knock on my door as it opens.

I quickly wipe my eyes as Ryan asks loudly, “Ash, can I come in?” I give him a huge smile as he peeks his head around and Todd sneaks in.

“What are you doing here?” I can’t hide my excitement.

“I needed to talk to Ryan.”

“I didn’t see your car, and how are you going to leave without my mom seeing you?”

“I parked down the street, and the same way you do.” He nods his head toward the window with a smile as he steps closer and cradles my face in his hands. “I’m so glad I got to see you.” Our eyes are locked on only each other.

“Okay, I’m going to go. Don’t stay too long.” Ryan smiles. We both totally forgot he was still standing in the doorway. He gives us a look and then quietly shuts the door.

Once we are alone, Todd runs his hands over my damp hair, his eyes saying everything I’m feeling. When he leans down to kiss me, his lips have never felt so perfect against mine. Not being able to have him makes me want him more.

“How was practice?” he asks through his kisses. He doesn’t say his name, but I know what he’s really asking.

“So far so good. He has no idea about us. He did ask why my mom picked me up, so I think he’s curious.”

“Good. He needs to think we’re still together. I don’t trust him if he knows we’re broken up.”

His lips float down my neck, and in the heat of the moment, I walk us over to my bed.

“I hate this,” I say as I guide him to lie down. There is so much energy flowing between us I can’t think clearly. “I just want to be with you.”

“I know. Me, too. But we need to be smart.” He positions his body on top of mine, bracing his arms on either side of me as he slowly lowers his body to meet mine while his lips brush across my lips.

“Hopefully it’s not much longer,” I say. Every part of me wants him, now.

I run my hands down his back and start to pull up his shirt.

He shakes his head and pushes himself back up. “I should go.”

I pull him back down. “No. Not yet. Please stay.”

“Ashley, if we get caught, we’re dead.” He presses one last kiss against my lips, full of urgency. I feel everything he is feeling through this kiss. It scares me, because it’s like we will never get to do it again.

Suddenly, there is a loud banging on my wall, and I know Ryan is warning us.

“Ashley?” we hear my mom’s voice. I can tell she’s close, just down the hall, already upstairs.

“Go,” I say and press my lips back into his as I push him toward the window.

“Hey, Mom. How was your day?” we hear Ryan ask loudly through the vent.

Todd stops. “Wait, you can hear him? Did you hear us?”

“Yes. And I want to know who Ryan told, but right now, you’ve gotta go.” I practically push him out the window.

“Okay. I love you. Remember that,” he says as he finds the tree branch. He turns back around and gives me one last kiss before he pulls himself fully across my windowsill.

“Love you, too.” I watch him to make sure he has steady footing on the tree then quickly close my curtains just as I hear my door opening.

“Ryan is in a talkative mood today,” my mom says with a questioning smile.

TODD

It takes me a good twenty minutes to calm down enough to walk into my house. My heart is racing. It was so hard to leave Ashley, to walk away from her. I hate pretending we’re not together.

“There you are,” my mom says as soon as I open the front door. “We were getting worried about you.” She looks back at Sid. “Your sister was looking for you at school.”

I throw Sid a questioning look, and she just smiles. I’m about to lose it on them both. She knows where to find me if she needs me. I don’t really need to get into any more trouble.

My mom starts back in. “So I’ve decided I’m giving you back your phone. It’s important for
—
”

“Wait, what?”

“Your phone,” Sid says with a wink from behind Mom. “You’re getting it back.”

I love my sister. I have no idea what she said to my mom, and I really don’t care.

Mom is still going on and on. I have no idea what she’s saying, and once again, I don’t care.

I mouth, “
Thank you
,” to Sid.

Getting my phone back changes everything.

ASHLEY

Like a moron, I’m lying on my bed, enjoying the smell of Todd before it disappears. I know we need to be more careful, but I wish he could sneak into my room every night. If only he was a vampire …

I hear my phone buzz, and my immediate reaction is disappointment, because I know it’s not Todd. I slowly reach my hand out to my nightstand, in no mood or hurry to deal with anyone or anything until I see the name staring back at me.

Guess what?

I think my heart might have actually stopped. It
is
Todd! He has his phone back!

How?
I text back.

Sid.

God, I love her!

Me, too, at the moment, but we still need to be careful, just in case.

He doesn’t have to say anything else. I know he means just in case our parents check our phones. It’s better not to have anything in text form.

We need a code for things. I have to study = I love you.

I have to study.

Me, too. Now delete this chain.

I’d like to study all night long.

Funny. Me, too. Now, seriously, delete this chain!

Chapter 12: Playing Along

ASHLEY

I can’t exactly say this week flew by. It probably has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. I thought it was hard when we actually broke up, but pretending to break up and not being able to be with him is way more difficult.

Aside from our lunch breaks and coded texts, we have had very little alone time together. Only Ryan and our close friends know the truth; everyone else thinks we are actually broken up, including RTS, which has been extremely difficult, because she is not shy about being all over Todd. She didn’t hold back when we were together, so you can imagine how much worse she is now.

Luckily, no one on the swim team knows anything. Since I don’t go to school with any of them, it’s made it much easier to keep everything a secret.

But right now, I can’t think about this week or Todd, or at least, I need to stop thinking about all of it.

I’m in line behind Janice in the coed relay. She’s on the block, about to dive into the water, and I’m next. Casey is standing behind me. He’s in the swim zone, so I know he’s only concentrating on the race, exactly like I should be. We are in the same formation as the summer. He’s last in order to finish us strong. I just need to keep the race close, and I know he can win it.

I step up onto the block, noticing Janice is in second, and third is trailing her pretty closely. I’m going to need to pick up the pace a bit.

As soon as she tags the wall, I slice through the water, my adrenaline on overdrive. This is what I need—to always be racing so I can live in this high. In the water, it’s just me. No parents, no Casey, no break up; it’s just the water rushing over my body.

I push myself as hard as I can. This is the fastest I have ever swum, and I only want to go faster. I keep pushing myself harder, and before I know it, I’m tagging the wall, and Casey is flying through the air.

“You got us into first!” Janice squeals as I pull myself out of the pool.

“Really?” I ask as she throws her arms around me.

I turn back to the race; Casey is so far ahead of the rest of the swimmers it’s almost sad.

“I think you beat your fastest time.” Janice beams, she’s more excited than I am.

I smile to myself. Well, at least our break up was good for something.

As soon as Casey tags the wall, we have officially slaughtered all the other teams.

George shouts as he runs over to us with his arms flailing. “Boom! We beat our overall team time, and Ashley, you got a personal best.” He looks like a little kid; he’s so giddy. Who knew George could even get this excited?

“Congrats, Ash.” Before I know it, Casey’s arms are wrapped around me.

“You, too,” I say as I half-heartily return his embrace.

“That was some race, kids,” my mom and dad say to the team as most of the parents approach.

“Thanks!” I say, hugging my dad back.

Ryan and the boys have an away game that started pretty early, so both of my parents got to come to my meet. Of course, Casey is parentless at this event, and my heart sinks for him until I spot the blonde from the party, Viv, and a few other girls in the stands. Actually, it seems he has his own cheering section, so never mind. Thankfully, they are staying put on the bleachers for now.

“See, Ashley, the break up is a good thing for you,” Dad says, glancing over to my mom with such an assured smile.

Of course he sees this win as proof he made the right decision. I think I might be sick right here. Then his eyes land on Casey.

“This is what you need, Ashley, a nice boy like Casey with similar interests, like swimming.” He squeezes Casey’s shoulders.

I nearly choke. I’m in such shock I’m speechless. Words literally will not come out.

If only my dad knew the truth...

The look Casey gives me is filled with questions, but there is anger there, too. He doesn’t say anything; instead, he turns back to my dad with a shit-eating grin.

“That’d be great, Mr. Taylor. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Ashley for a while now. Isn’t that right, Ashley?”

“Excuse me,” I say, pushing past everyone. I’m numb in a way I have never been before. I’m sure I’m going to be sick. I need to just keep walking. Say nothing and keep walking.

“Frank, stop.” My mom sounds appalled for me.

“What? That is what she needs to get over the break up.”

I hear my parents in the distance, but I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate. I just need to keep walking.

By some miracle, I make it to my locker without making eye contact with anyone. I go through the motions of packing my bag. I just need to get my stuff and leave.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I hear his voice.

Casey doesn’t care that the room is packed or who can hear him. He’s at top volume.

I don’t say anything. I can’t. I just keep packing my bag.
Don’t look at him. Don’t say anything.

He reaches in front of me and slams my locker shut, which snaps my attention to him, and my eyes lock with his. Damn.

“Are you really broken up?” he asks, a little softer this time.

“I can’t talk to you about this.”

“Why?”

“Because...” I take a deep breath, holding eye contact. “I still love him.” I have no idea if this is the right thing to say. All I know is that I need him to think we are broken up, or he will tell my parents. This is the truth; I’m just leaving out a small part of it.

The silence goes on forever, I guess I need to break it.

“That’s why,” I finally say.

“I’ll change your mind, Ashley Taylor.” His lips curl up into a smile. All traces of hurt are erased and replaced with a challenge. He’s a born competitor faced with a challenge, and he’s determined to win.

I just shake my head. I don’t even know what to say. I have no idea who to talk to about this, but I know I can’t tell Todd.

***

Ryan’s door is closed when I get home, which makes me second-guess my decision. Oh, screw it! He’s the only one who will understand.

I knock on his door incredibly lightly, subconsciously in hopes he won’t hear it and I can still back out, but by some miracle, he hears me. Maybe this is a sign.

“Yeah?” I hear his voice through the door.

“Ry, it’s me. Can I come in?” I can’t remember the last time I asked to come in his room.

He opens the door and my brother is standing there in boxers and a T-shirt.

“You heard?” he asks.

“Heard what?” I ask as a reflex and then quickly change from I-need-advice mode to I-need-information mode. I have to play it cool, or Ryan won’t tell me whatever it is he thinks I know.

When he looks down at the floor, I notice for the first time that he is off, that something is wrong. All of my thoughts instantly fly to Todd.

“What happened, Ryan?”

His eyes stay on the ground as he shakes his head.

“Is Todd okay?”

“Not sure,” Ryan says with a shrug, his eyes still locked on the carpet.

My heart starts to race. I know if Todd was really hurt, Ryan wouldn’t be here. He would be at the hospital … unless there was no reason to be at the hospital.

My eyes start to fill with tears. I don’t even know why. I don’t have any information, but I can’t handle even the thought of really losing him.

“Oh, my God. Ryan, what happened? You’re scaring me.”

His brown eyes come up to meet mine when he realizes the direction of my thoughts, but given the last few years, you can’t blame me.

“We lost. Todd missed the game winning kick. He never misses, Ash. This is his second miss ever.”

“How far?” I don’t know why this is the first question that flies out of my mouth.

“Thirty-eight yards. It was an easy kick.”

“Does this mean no state?”

“Yup. No state.” Ryan looks back down at the floor.

“How is he?”

“I don’t know. He wouldn’t talk to anyone.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. I tried, Brian tried, Mark, even Coach. No one.” He shakes his head again.

“What about his scholarship with Penn?”

“I’m sure it’s fine. I don’t know, though. He didn’t sign anything official yet. I mean, kickers miss; it’s just, Todd doesn’t.”

“He didn’t call or text me, either.”

“You should try to call him.”

“Me? He’s not even allowed to talk to me. His parents will hear.”

“He’s resourceful; he’ll figure it out. But wait, if you didn’t know what happened, why did you want to talk to me?”

“Something happened at the swim meet.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot. How’d it go?”

“The race was great. I got my best time.”

“Well, looks like the break up was good for one of you.” His lips turn up into a small smile.

I can’t help laughing, because I thought the same thing, but then I remember what my dad said.

“Yeah, Dad said that, too.”

My brother widens his eyes in shock.

“Wait, it gets better. He said it in front of Casey.”

“Shit.”

“And then he said to Casey that he’s the type of boy I need, someone with similar interests, like swimming, and that I should go out with him.”

“No, he didn’t?”

“Could I make this up? I mean, really?”

“Shit. Todd’s going to lose it if you go out with Casey.”

“I know. I don’t know what to do, Ry. I mean, I’m not going out with Casey.”

“What did Casey say?”

“He asked why I didn’t tell him about the break up.”

“Did you tell him the truth?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“I just said it was because I still love Todd. It’s half the truth. I just left out the part about us still being together.”

“Yeah, that’s good, Ash.” He runs his fingers through his hair as he always does when he’s stressed. “I’ll talk to Todd.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I have no idea what to say, but I’ll tell him. He’s gotta talk to me eventually. Or maybe we don’t tell him yet. He’s got enough to deal with right now.”

“Okay. That’s true, but maybe it should come from me. I really don’t know.”

“Yeah, but first we have to find him.”

TODD

I can’t even breath I’m so mad at myself. I cannot believe I missed that kick. I don’t know what is going on with me. Maybe my dad and Coach are right; maybe I do need to just concentrate on football and scholarships.

But I want to be with Ashley. I
need
her.

I couldn’t go home after the game—who wants to hear ‘I told you so’ for the thousandth time from my dad?—so I left my car in the school parking lot and started running. It’s the only time I can actually concentrate lately. School, football, colleges, scholarships—it’s all too much to handle. I just need to avoid it all, and running is the only way I can do that.

My legs took me here, to our field, as if they were on autopilot. I need to be here to think. Even as a kid, this was my go-to place when I needed to be alone.

I can’t catch my breath, although I don’t know if it’s because of my run or because I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. Everyone keeps telling me to pull it together, but I don’t know how.

I have no idea how long I have been on this swing like a ten-year-old, but I can’t bring myself to stop pumping my legs. Flying through the air is exhilarating, feeling the breeze soar around me. While I keep pumping harder and going higher, I can see the lights of the town each time I float up. It’s breathtaking.

Thoughts of Ashley continuously run through my head: her smile, her laugh, the epic snowball fight we had in the field, right over there. Our parents can’t be right. We belong together. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have always known that, but it’s never been clearer than when she was ripped away from me.

Headlights suddenly blare through the dark, and I squeeze my eyes shut to block it out like everything else. Then I hear her voice.

“Todd?”

I open my eyes, but I can’t be sure it’s her. My leg deceived me in the game, now I’m sure my eyes are deceiving me.

“Todd.”

I hear it again, and then I see what looks like the outline of her silhouette through the bright headlights.

“Ashley?”

“Duh. Who else would know to come here?” It is her voice; I’m sure.

The headlights finally shut off, and once the green dots clear, I can make out Ryan’s car and my beautiful girlfriend’s amazing silhouette walking toward me.

“Come here often?” I ask, making her laugh. I love the sound of it.

“Everyone is worried sick about you, you know … especially since they found your car in the school parking lot and couldn’t find you.”