UNBREAKABLE (ABLE SERIES) (23 page)

I let the tears flow, along with the fear I’ve been carrying, since the big fucking “C” fucked up my life. I did it for her, but I ended up hurting her in return. I don’t know what’s best for us. Brian is right. There’s no going back from this, and I accept that. If I survive, I wouldn’t want her stuck with me always worrying if it’ll come back. That’s not the life I want for her. Fuck, it’s not even a life I want for my worst enemy.

“I understand why you did it, but let her make that choice. To be honest, I think you’re really protecting yourself. How can you possibly survive this without Trish by your side? Have you seen Trish, yet?”

I shake my head because just the thought of not seeing her crushes me all over again.

“Look, I’m not mad at you. We’ll fix this. I have your wedding to plan, and you aren’t going to fucking die on me, you hear? So, quit talking about it, instead fight for her, Jake. Fight like hell to live for her. She’s willing to fight this shit with you, so let her. So, what if she cries, cry along with her, or comfort her, and if you want to protect her, pushing her away isn’t the way to do it.”

He turns to leave and stops as he reaches the door. He slowly turns around to face me, and looks at me dead straight in the eye with the look that says we’ll get through this shit, no matter what.

When I’m alone is when it hits me the hardest. I close my eyes to remember her…to remember us. The way she smiles, the way her body moves against mine, the sound of her voice, the sweet things she whispers in my ear when I make love to her, the feel of her touch on my skin, and her soft lips brushing against mine. My body craves all these things, I crave everything about her.

***

I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream. This is much better than the dream I had last night. This one feels so real. I can feel her soft lips moving against mine, her hot breath fanning my face, her smell envelopes my battered body, and I can feel her hands cradling my face. Pure bliss run through me, and like an addict, I crave more. I must be in Heaven, because this is fucking perfection. I dare not open my eyes, because if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.

“I love you, baby. I missed you so, much. More kisses, please,” I say in between kisses.

She doesn’t answer, but her lips continue to move, her tongue dueling with mine, perfect peace washes over me. She cups my face, and I kiss her like a starved man. I feel so alive when I’m with her; even in my dreams, she breathes life into me. I never want this to end. I want it to go on and on until I take my last breath. Then, I lose her, all too soon. I can’t feel her anymore. There’s nothing but blackness, and I surrender to it.

“Dude, wake up, man!”

My eyes snaps open, and Cody’s grinning face is the first thing I see.

“What the hell, man?” I rub the sleep off my face.

“Damn, dude, just so you know, you’re sporting a fucking woody! You better take care of that shit before you give Ms. B a heart attack.”

“Shut the fuck up! Even in my dream, you’re a cock blocker. I fucking hate you!” I glare at him.

“I didn’t cock block you, but at least, you know it’s still working. You want me to get Trish? See if she can help you with that fucking pipe?”

“Will you stop looking at my dick? Wait…is Trish here?”

Just the thought of her makes me even harder, if that were even possible. Cody notices it, and the idiot is laughing so hard he’s wiping tears off his face.

“You can wave your white flag of surrender, and use your damn dick as a flag pole! It’s fucking distracting, Jake. Go in the bathroom and do something.”

“Hey, how’s Trish doing? Has Brian talked to her, yet?” I ask, adjusting myself.

Fuck, I have to stop thinking about her, because my raging hard on is killing me. Cody’s expression changes, and that’s not a good sign. My dick knows it too, because I don’t have a fucking problem anymore, even my dick is scared shitless.

“She looks good to me. I mean…um…yeah. You know what, I need to go…um… I’ll ah… stop by later, okay?” Stuttering Cody means a nervous Cody which translates to he’s keeping something from me. Idiot couldn’t lie to save his dick.

“Cody, ‘fess up. I’m the one who’s sick, so you can’t lie to me. Come on, consider this my one last wish.”

He clears his throat, another tell that he’s nervous. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s shitting his pants.

“Jake, you’re putting me on the spot, dude. Roxy will have my balls if I open my mouth. Shit!” He groans scrubbing his face with his hand.

“I promise, I won’t say shit. Now, fucking tell me what you know, or I’ll fire your ass! You still work for me!” I try to use my no nonsense tone, after throwing in the-sick-card and I’ll-fire-your-ass card, I know I have him by the balls.

“Ok, fine! I just want you to know, I love my balls and my dick. If Roxy chops both, I’m fucking chopping yours. Trish has been in your room molesting your drugged ass for the past two days, and Ms. Betsy is her pimp. You happy, now?”

“Are you serious, Cody? Don’t mess with me, or I’ll can your ass in a heartbeat.”

“I’m serious! I’m risking my dick here, dude. You should have seen Rox plan the whole thing, it’s scary as hell. She just ninja fucked your brain, and just like that, the battle’s over and you’re a sitting duck with a hard on. At least, you’re still saluting even in defeat. FYI, everyone’s in on it, too. Remember, you did not hear it from me. It’s a matter of life or my dick, alright?”

For the first time since Trish left, I find myself laughing, and it feels damn good.

“We’re good, man.” I wave him off as he gives me a two finger salute.

Un-fucking-believable! All this time, I thought I was dreaming. I’m so pumped. This is, by far, the best day of my life. Physically, I feel good, no nausea or fever, and I was able to keep my food down. Emotionally, I’m on fucking cloud nine. I’m not taking any meds tonight because I want to be fully aware of my girl kissing the hell out of me. When I calm down a bit, I thank God for giving me another miracle…another chance to be with Trish, and I promise I won’t fuck it up this time.

My dad walks in with my doctor, and I still for a moment. I focus on my doctor’s face, gauging if he’ll give me good or bad news. I hate that Trish isn’t here, but she will be soon…hopefully tonight.

Dr. Hu starts his routine check-up of me, a few pokes here and a few deep breaths there, with his ever present poker face, all seems well. He tells me I can go home next week if my blood work comes back okay. Then, I’ll come back for my bone marrow transplant, which I’m not looking forward to. Well, at least he’s giving me two weeks to rest before starting, yet another round of heavy dose chemo and full body radiation.

“How’s everything, Dad? Have you heard from Uncle John? Are we running out of time?” I ask as soon as my doc leaves.

“Don’t worry about anyone. Let the FBI do their thing. As far as I know, they’ve cornered one key player, and we could be out of the woods by the time you bust out of here. Just focus on you, for now.” He eyes me pensively.

“What’s up Dad? Just spill it, okay?”

He runs his fingers over his head. I have the same mannerisms as my old man, and that brings a smile to my face. He served in the United States Marine Corps as a Drill Sergeant for 30 years. He’s a no bullshit kind of guy, straight talker, and when he opens his mouth, you listen if you know what’s good for you.

“Son, do you love Trish?” He asks.

I can’t look my dad straight in the eye, lying to him is something I haven’t done since high school. “You know the answer to that. Why do you keep asking the same question?” My dad’s going to read my body language, but hell if I care if he finds out the cat’s out of the bag.

“Son-of-a-bitch! Cody sang like a pussy, didn’t he?” He smirks at me while I’m sure he’s plotting Cody’s demise.

“You know why I did it, Dad. I just wanna move past it, okay? How is she? I miss her so much, I feel as if I can’t breathe properly. You know what I mean, as if something’s missing. I don’t want to die, Dad. I don’t.” I squeeze my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. “I don’t want to fucking leave her.”

My dad lets out a loud sigh. “Why are you thinking of dying, Jake? Think about how you can beat this, not prepare her and everyone you love for your death. You’re throwing in the towel, and you’ve barely started the race. I didn’t raise you to just give up that easily. Life is a tough race; but never lose sight of the prize, and your prize is a life with Trish. What do I always tell you, improvise, adapt, and overcome, right? That’s what you should do, damn it. Do you understand me?”

I take my first deep breath of air since the last time I laid eyes on Trish. “I’m squared away, Sir. Message received, loud and clear, Dad. By the way, is she coming tonight?” I can’t hide the excitement in my voice, thinking about tonight.

My dad’s smile matches mine. “I’m sure she’ll be here, after the nurse gives you your happy pills. That’s the time she sneaks in. Don’t attack her, just enjoy her; show her how much you regret what you’ve done, and kiss the hell out of her.”

After my dad leaves, I call my nurse to disconnect me from my shadow known as my IV pole that follows me wherever I go. I take a shower, so I’m nice and fresh for my baby. I fall asleep, thinking of different scenarios to do when she comes tonight. Two hours later, I finish my dinner and wait patiently for her to come visit me. Right on the dot, Ms. B walks in with my drugs in hand.

“Alright, Jake, are you ready to drink your meds for tonight?” She asks.

“Actually, can I take it later? I want to be awake when my fiancé gets here.”

“Ah, someone’s seen the light. Your brain’s finally working.”

Ms. Betsy’s shit eating grin disappears, and in its place is a mask of seriousness. My ass is grass, and I know it. This chick will rip me a new one.

“Honey, I understand why you pushed her away. I’ve been around many sick people, half of them your age. It’s a normal reaction to protect the ones you love from pain, but isn’t it always better to fight a battle with someone instead of being alone. She loves you with all of her heart. So, you in return, young man, should do the same. Now, you need to drink two of your meds. You’ll still be alert, so don’t worry. The other two are only as needed, so are you ready?”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Damn, Ms. Betsy, you scared the shit out of me! I thought you were going to chop off my head.”

“Well, I have to put the fear of God in you. I don’t want to see Trish cry again, ya hear?”

Now, it’s my turn to lose the stupid grin on my face. Just the thought of Trish crying breaks my heart, and knowing I caused it, damn near kills me. If the Big Man Upstairs will bless me with a long life with Trish, I promise to never make the woman I love shed a single tear, ever again.

“I promise, I won’t make her cry, ever again.”

“Alright, now be a good boy and drink your meds. I’ll tell her to come in, in twenty minutes. So, just sit tight, and remember, you have to pretend you’re sleeping.” She smiles at me and walks away.

I don’t know if I can pull this off, because even if I can keep my eyes shut, she’ll for sure hear how loud my heart is beating. I might just jump her as soon as she comes in. I’ve missed her so much; every single nerve in my body is going haywire. I start taking deep breaths, calming my shit down. A couple of minutes pass, then a couple more, but still no Trish, and then I feel her.

She reaches out for my hand, and I feel as if my entire body is on fire. I swear, the moment her soft lips touch mine, all bets are off, and I’m sure my dick will stand at attention, instantly. Then, I feel her soft lips. I control myself, not to maul her. I’ll let her have her way with me for a couple of minutes, and then, it’s a free for all. I hope my girl’s ready, because I sure am. I’m going to kick it up a notch, and pretend I’m sleep talking. She’s used to me doing that anyway.

“More kisses, baby.” I manage to say without blowing my cover.

Fuck, this is hard. I’m dying to touch her. I start moving my lips against hers. Every shift of her lips against mine, every stroke of her tongue is sending shockwave after shockwave throughout my body. But, before I open my eyes, I want to know one more thing.

“How much ya love me?”

She stops kissing me, and I’m sure she’s eyeing me suspiciously. A couple of seconds pass, and I feel her nose rubbing against mine. She knows I like that. Then, I feel her move toward my right ear, and my mouth is right smack on her neck. I want so badly to run my tongue against her smooth skin. Then, she starts talking, and my heart stops, yet again…

“I love you, so much. I love the way you love me, how you touch me. I love everything about you, the good, the bad, and everything in between. If you piss me off again, I’ll follow Roxy’s advice and chop your dick off.”

What the hell? Who says that? I’m having a moment and she talks about chopping my dick off! No chopping here tonight! I’m kissing the shit out of her.

After hearing all that, there’s no way I could control myself, anymore. I grab her face with both hands, but instead of devouring her as I planned, I start crying like a pussy. I’m in complete awe of seeing her beautiful face, and those brown eyes reflecting her love for me mirroring mine. Without me saying anything, she climbs on the bed, her warm body now on top of mine. She’s where she belongs, close to me with my arms wrapped around her. This right here is pure heaven. I wouldn’t trade this for anything. If my reward for all the pain I’ve experienced and about to experience will be a lifetime with this girl, they can shoot chemo straight to my heart and I’ll gladly do it; puking my guts out be damned.

“Hey, you. I’ve missed you so much, baby. Open your eyes; the one thing I miss the most is staring at those beautiful babies. I’m so sorry for saying those things, I just…”

I have to stop, because remembering how I’d hurt her, how my words broke her, cuts my heart in half all over again. I swallow twice to clear the huge lump, the size of my balls, stuck in my throat. I need to man up and tell her how sorry I am.

“Um…I said those things, because I don’t want to see you hurting anymore, but I promise you, I’ll fight like hell to overcome this. If and when I can’t, and the Big Man decides to take me home, please, please try to be okay with it. I want you to smile again, live life as you should. Always remember the good things about us, not how I lost my hair or how I look right now, but how much I love you. How I make you smile and drive you crazy; how it feels when I make love to you…those are the things I want you to remember. Fun times…happy times…keep them right here…” I place my hand over her heart.