Two Medicine (46 page)

More steam from the
ladling. Just at the moment I gave in, and I was going to just get
up and shove Clayton aside, not caring anymore.

The man’s voice altered
slightly, however, and he spoke more strongly. “They are
here.”

His eyes looked around at
us in the gloom. “They have come.”

I felt a tingling in my
skin, and I reached over and felt the leather string with beads as
a reflex. I couldn’t see Thunderbird anywhere in the gloom, but I
knew he was on the far end of the tent. I wondered if the buzz cut
man saw my two spirits.

I wanted to let Alia’s
spirit go, I truly did; but I didn’t want to be free of it, of her,
at the same time. Maybe that’s what Thunderbird had been trying to
tell me, that I was holding on to her too tightly. I felt as I sat
in the torturing heat and stinging smoke that I wanted her to be
free of me, if that’s what would bring her peace.

Just like the sweat was
pouring out of me, I wanted to purge myself of her spirit and give
her peace.

I loved her; and if I could
do something to be able to see her again, to hug and kiss her face,
I would do it – anything. But I did not want her spirit
on me
anymore, not one
more second, in this heat, steam, sage and sweat – it wasn’t doing
either of us – her or I – any good. It was upsetting us
both.

I ran a hand down my left
arm, sweat streaking off of me, then down my other arm, then my
legs, and my chest, and my neck and my back. I rubbed my skin all
over, slick, hot, greasy, sooty and sweaty. I took a deep breath,
and as I did I passed out.

Or thought I did. What I
felt was a blackness come over my mind, like someone laying a
heavy, black blanket over me. It felt weightless, and floating. I
no longer felt my body. I couldn’t hear the hissing stones, the old
man’s voice, just… a rushing sound, like wind, or a
train.

Then in the darkness in my
mind I saw two lights, to bright white lights side by side coming
incredibly fast at me, rushing up to me and slamming into me so
hard that I felt searing pain and shattered bones. I heard the
sound of crunching and rending, metal and bone, and I felt the cold
ground catch me as I fell. I felt the coolness of the grass and mud
on one side of my face. My body was broken, but I was slowly
leaving it anyway… I didn’t need that body anymore; and I could
feel myself rising from it into the sky.

Thirty-Seven

I woke up
to find myself outside the sweat lodge. It was
full night now, and stars were out in the thousands above me.
Crickets chirped and men’s voices in the distance buzzed in my
ears. I looked up and a man who I didn’t recognize squatted down
next to me. He had some clothes in a grocery bag next to him. I
looked down and realized I was completely naked.

“
Ok?” he asked. His face
was difficult to see in the dark, but his voice sounded a little
wary.

“
Yea, I think so.” I
looked around. “How’d I get out here?”

“
We dragged you.” He
nodded over to a group of men standing around.

“
Where’s Thunderbird?” I
asked.

“
He had to go; but gave me
these clothes for you.” He picked up the bag and handed it to me.
He showed me where a hose was running from a nearby water truck
which I could use to shower off as best I could – all the dirt,
sweat and grime was caked on me.

“
Wait a minute,” I said to
the man, as he started walking off. “Did Thunderbird say anything
about a ride back for me? I live in Two Medicine.” But the man
either didn’t hear me or ignored me, and kept walking.

I stood up and looked
around at the clearing, which was a dark expanse now. Far in the
distance I could make out the parking lot, which now only had a
couple of cars. Thunderbird’s motorcycle wasn’t there, nor was
Greg’s van. I looked around, standing there naked in the dark, at
where the powwow had been and no one was there. It was an empty
field again, a distant drumming was barely detectable and I could
not tell from which direction it came. Maybe from nowhere, maybe
from a spirit world. The empty field gave me a chilling awareness
of my situation. Greg, and now Thunderbird, were gone. Me and some
straggler around the sweat lodge were the only souls left in the
woods – and the stragglers were driving off, I noticed.

It was probably two hours
to walk it back to Two Med. As I showered off with the hose, using
a sliver of bar soap someone had left on the grass, I wondered what
I had just experienced in the sweat. The lights, the pain, the
death… it seemed distant and ungraspable now – like a
quickly-fading dream.

With wet hair and my
clothes back on, a little damp since I didn’t have a towel to dry
off with, I felt better and began to walk. I breathed in deeply the
clean, cool air of the forest on either side of the road leading
away from the field. My lungs, despite having gone through the
torture of the steam, smoke and ashes, felt cleaner, stronger –
clearer than they had before. There was a lightheadedness that felt
peaceful buzzing in my brain; and I felt a spring in my step as I
started down the dark road through the forest. For having passed
out in extreme heat, I felt overall incredibly good – much lighter
and cleaner, in fact.

As I walked alone the only
light was from the thin moon that had just risen above the tall
pines. Little pools of sliver-blue moonlight spilled out onto the
road, and I walked through them like small spotlights on a stage as
I went.

I walked for
about an hour, past sounds of animals scuffling
away in the dry brush, past crickets whirring, past an owl hooting
off in the tree tops. The night sounds of nature came alive after
man had left the area, and no cars came along to quiet them down
again.

Not until a small car came
up from behind. I saw its lights passing through the trees on the
road behind me as it winded down the forest road. I saw the two
lights, rushing forwards, getting closer. Suddenly, the sweat lodge
vision became vividly real in front of my eyes.

My heart raced as I stepped
over to the side of the road to let the car pass, but as it came
closer it slowed, and eventually stopped about thirty feet from me.
I heard someone pull up the parking brake with a cranking sound.
The two lights had not crashed into me, not yet, but I felt a
certain dread coming from that car; and I knew instinctually that
those in it meant me no good. I felt a stab of fear strike my
chest, and my heart started beating even harder.
This is it
, I thought
with dread
.

Four figures emerged
slowly from the car, barely visible behind the headlights, but
backlit by the moon. One by one closing the door behind them, the
car still running, people stepped out. I backed away and then
looked behind me, nothing anywhere but the dark road stretching
away into the black and the darker forest, stretching away into…
nothing. I frantically considered running into the woods; but where
would I go? I knew the people would follow anyway.

Thunder cracked from a
distance over the mountains, and it began to rain. I looked back at
the car; the figures walked slowly towards me in a dark mass. My
heart beat violently; and I squinted at them, trying to shield my
eyes in the rain and glare of the headlights. Then I saw Jake
emerge from behind a couple of the figures, like a prowling wolf,
silhouetted by the car’s headlights. Sunglasses on, he must have
been blind in the dark. But then I was lit up like a scared rabbit
in the car’s headlights, so he could probably see just
fine.

I could see that the men
with Jake were young, and Clayton was not among them. One kid was
very fat and short, another thin with very long hair. A rough
looking bunch – from the powwow no doubt. Jake mumbled something to
them.

“
You know why I’m here.”
Jake called over to me. It was a statement, not a question. His
voice, now hearing for the first time since that first bonfire
introduction, was oddly quiet, but cold, raspy, and cruel
sounding.

“
I don’t,” I said in
response, shaking my head into the glare of the headlights
crisscrossed by raindrops. “What do you want?”

He didn’t answer, but
gestured to the fat guy and one of the others with a nod of his
head, and the two came over to me and clutched my arms, holding my
biceps tightly like vice grips. I ran out of breath. My heart was
now thumping, so loud the sound filled my ears.

Few people ever
experience true fear, thankfully, but at that
moment I was absolutely afraid; and every atom in my body was
pulsing with adrenaline, dismay, and crazed fear. I suddenly tried
to lurch out of their grasp, hoping to turn and run into the woods,
but they held me firm; and then Jake stepped up and punched me hard
in the stomach. I doubled over and almost vomited. I could not
catch a breath, and as I gasped for air I thought I would pass
out.
What
would
they do with me now?
I wondered
desperately. Passing out a second time in a group of Blackfoot
would not turn out well, I figured.

They pulled me over and
jerked me off the road, down a small path next to the road that
looked like a dried up stream bed. I was lurched along as our feet
cracked through brush and sticks as we pushed through tree branches
and shrubs. I stepped clumsily over some roots, unable to see the
ground. I had no idea where the path led but I pictured my murder
happening further off in the woods.
Should
I call out? No one to hear... Why did Greg AND Thunderbird take off
like that?

I heard Jake say something
to one of the guys, harsh and low, and the fat guy’s heavy
breathing, and our smashing through the undergrowth.
How did Jake even know I was out here?

Our steps began to become
quieter as the rain softened and muddied the ground. I walked
through a spider web, which clung to my face and hair. I tried to
raise a hand to brush it off but the fat guy jerked my arm almost
out of its socket, and muttered something I couldn’t make out.
These Blackfoot and their eternal quiet…

For a second time I
tripped over a root sticking out of the dirt, but caught myself and
ran forward. I then heard an object whoosh towards me milliseconds
before I was hit, and when it did hit me it felt like a large
wooden branch smacking me right across my nose and cheek. I felt a
stabling pain through my head and my nose broke. Blood ran down my
face; and I felt like I was cut across my right cheek. I was hit a
second time, this time on the back of the head. The branch had felt
like a bar of iron, and I must have lost a few seconds because I
was suddenly looking up from the ground, lying on my side, one arm
awkwardly bend behind me. A searing pain still burned in my
face.

The branch came down again
from above onto the back of my head. I raised my free hand up
behind my head to try to protect me, but the branch just smacked my
arm back onto my broken nose, causing a searing bolt of pain to
shoot though my neck. The bark on the branch was rough and some
little sticks were poking out of it, and one of them struck a hole
in my cheek. Someone switched on a flash light that lit up the
scene.

I screamed out for help,
spitting through blood-clotted foam, knowing no one would come to
aid me in the middle of nowhere. I was as good as dead. Stars
floated in front of me as I made out the other figures standing
next to my body on either side. I took a quick scan of them through
a blurry haze of tears, dirt and sweat. I recognized no one in the
flashlight glow except Jake, impossible not to recognize, standing
with his arms hanging at his sides.

He did not have his
sunglasses on now. I wondered with curiosity what his eyes looked
like, even in the midst of my fear and impending death. A foot
kicked me in the ribs from my left side, then the branch came down
again. Another kick from the left, I felt a rib crack. Jake then
walked over, reared up a leg and brought a foot down on my crotch.
I screamed in pain.

I rolled over onto my
chest to try to protect myself, but the beating intensified, kicks
and now punches onto my back and head – from all of the figures at
once. My face was pressed down against mud by someone, and I
frantically gripped at anything I could hold onto to try to raise
my face from the much, but I just ended up grabbing a sneaker,
which then shook me off. The branch came down on my back and then
broke in half. Hands reached down and spun me onto my back. Nobody
else had spoken yet during the attack.

In the moonlight I saw the
gleam of metal, and I saw that Jake was pulling a long knife from a
sheath on his hip. The others held my hands and head down, and Jake
knelt down beside my head. I could see him better now. For some
reason I couldn’t fathom I had this overwhelming compulsion to see
his eyes, finally revealed behind those shades. I watched his face
come close and saw that he was scowling at me, but that his eyes
were small, brown, close together, almost comical. But this goofy
face made him scarier, much scarier – like an inbred hillbilly with
disfigured features. With his close, angry eyes and hideous scowl,
it was an unexpected face which disturbed me all the more. He
looked nothing like Clayton.