Twist (Siren Publishing Allure) (18 page)

“Okay. I want to hurt you, but not like this.”

Lana couldn’t help but chuckle at the comment, and as she did, he gently pushed the point of the knife under the remaining piece and popped it out.

She jumped, gasping to take a breath and then slowly blowing it out. Her concentration was focused on blocking all pain below her neck, knowing that pain actually ran from her nervous system upward to register in her brain. Rolf held pressure on the bleeding skin with a piece of gauze, trying not to press on any other wounds. He waited until the bleeding slowed and plucked another piece from her skin. “We always seemed to pick the same women. On three different occasions, the women were interested in trying a three-way. It made for a fascinating evening,” Rolf said as he quickly removed four more, not giving her time to think in between. “I see three more, and they look like the biggest and deepest ones. Brace yourself, this is gonna hurt.”

Lana nodded, closing her eyes. Rolf wiggled the first piece out, and was surprised when Lana didn’t visibly react. The second one was larger and deeper than he calculated, and it shattered between the metal points. He moved to the last shard, saying a silent prayer that it came out in one piece. The request was answered and he took the magnifying glass, checking her skin to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. Lana was uncharacteristically quiet and calm considering the pain he must be causing her. “Are you still with me?”

“Yes.”

“I was thinking that you had passed out.”

“No. I’m just using a pain-control method that my ortho taught me.”

“Good, because this isn’t going to be pleasant.” He sliced into her skin just below the last chip and cut upward, hoping to scrape out the porcelain rather than push it farther into her body. Lana remained perfectly still as he used the tip of the blade to peel away the pieces, taking small bits of her muscle with it. When he was done, there was a dime-size dimple in her skin. He flushed it with antibiotic wash and then checked it again with the magnifying glass before gently applying pressure. She didn’t react and he pushed harder, trying to stop the bleeding. “I think that I got it all. Are you okay?”

Her reply was tinged with a whimper of pain. “Yeah. That really hurt.”

“I know. I’m sorry. That last one could use a stitch, but it’s too wide to stitch.” He removed the gauze, immediately ripping open another and applying it to the wound. Lana turned her head to look at him, and he asked, “Why did you slide away from me in the first place?”

“It was the anger in your eyes. It scared me. I saw that sometimes when you were mad at Jessica. She would always scurry from the room rather than face you.”

He groaned at her. “Don’t even tell me that you think I hit her. Well, I did, but never in anger. She just hated to face me when I was mad and she made me mad constantly. You didn’t make me mad, your comment did. As I told Ant, I don’t give two shits what anyone else thinks. I want you close to me. I want to hold you when you cry and laugh when you are happy. Ant doesn’t know us. Anyone who saw you with Enar knows how much you loved him. They also knew him and will understand that he would ask this of us without hesitation. That is why the memorial gathering is by invitation only.”

Lana nodded. “I guess. It’s just that I have been accused of misdoings twice in one day. I suppose that I have to toughen my skin and deal with it because I want to be near you also.”

“Good.” He lifted the gauze, looking at her side. “You are a damn mess. All this because you didn’t trust me not to hit you. I will
never
hit you in anger, Lana.
Never
!”

She shrugged her shoulder to her head, remembering Enar saying the same words to her. “I’m a little stressed. I’m sorry.”

He walked out of the room and came back with the red canister of herbal antibiotic, smearing it over the spots on her side and covering each wound with a bandage. Lana rolled to her back, looking up at him. “Thank you for patching me up.”

“It has shown me that you have a very high tolerance to pain. I mean, it wasn’t like you got stabbed with a knife or anything, but I know that had to hurt.”

“It did. What good does it do to howl and cry? It would have only made it harder for you to get the pieces out. I bruised my ribs real good, too.”

“You tell me this after I was leaning on your side to stop the bleeding?”

She pursed her lips, shrugging again. “Yeah.”

Rolf couldn’t stop himself as he knelt on the edge of the bed and kissed her. He expected her to pull back, but she didn’t. Lana parted her lips, seeming to welcome the touch, her tongue ravenous against his. She wrapped her arms around him and he flipped his body over, rolling her onto his chest. He slid his hands up to her face, stroking her cheeks and her hair as he held her in the kiss. It was something he had waited over a year to experience, and he wanted it to last as long as possible.

Lana pulled back from him, tears dripping down her cheeks.

“What’s wrong?”

“This is wrong. I shouldn’t be lying naked on top of you and kissing you.”

“Your call,” he said as he slid from under her. He slipped on a pair of sandals and walked from the room. Lana lay on the bed, a combination of grief and frustration leaving her sobbing. Rolf came back in, seeming to ignore her as he turned on the vacuum to remove the shattered cup from the rug. She heard the hiss of a spray bottle and then he again left the room. He came back in and headed to the bathroom. Lana heard the sound of running water as he presumably washed the mess from the shower. She rolled to her back, her eyes itchy and feeling swollen. Rolf flipped his sandals into the corner and stood staring at her. “Do you want me in the bed or not? I can go sleep in your room if it would be easier.”

She took a faltering breath and started to cry again. “I don’t want to be alone. I feel as if I have been crying forever, but I can’t seem to stop. Enar said to go play in the dungeon after his gathering.” She hesitated, unsure of how to continue. Her mind said that spending the night after Enar died with Rolf was wrong, but her body and heart wanted him nonetheless. He sat down, waiting for her to continue. Lana sagged. “Tell me what to do.”

His head moved in a slow shake. “I can’t do that. This is your call. I want you and I’m not made of stone. I feel as if half my soul has been torn away and I grieve no less than you do. It doesn’t change the fact that I have wanted you since the first time I saw you. To feel your lips on mine, to feel your naked skin rubbing against my chest, was amazing. I cannot, however, make this decision for you. Right now, I also can’t sleep with you in my arms. I would lose my mind before morning.”

“Doesn’t it seem wrong to be together tonight, of all nights?”

“What’s the difference, tonight or two or three nights from now? It won’t really change anything. Enar will still be dead. Did he ask you to wait a specific amount of time after his death?”

“No. It just seems dishonest.”

“I know the last two months have been hard. Did you ever cheat on him while he was alive?”

“Of course not. I have barely left the house because I wanted to spend every possible minute with him.”

“I actually know that, because he told me that you gave him every ounce of your energy and your love. He was not afraid to die. He was afraid of leaving you alone. When I was here last week, you went to take a shower and I brought him something to eat. He adored the feel of your body against his skin, but he felt horrible because he was too tired and too weak to make love to you. He said that you never mentioned sex but you dreamed of it. He could hear it, because you would whimper and moan in your sleep. He often wondered if you would sneak off to masturbate while he was sleeping, yet he doubted it. I don’t think he would consider it a dishonor. If anything I think he will be here watching to see if I can make you scream like he used to do.”

Lana knew that he was telling the truth. She could almost hear Enar saying the things that Rolf now repeated. It was just like him to be worried about her, rather than his impending death. Enar had never mentioned her dreams, but he had been right. During the last few weeks of his life, Lana had revisited many of her sexual memories with him, in dreams. “What do you think happens when we die?”

“I think that depends on the person. I think Enar will hang around until his body has been put to rest. He will be curious who shows up for his gathering. He will be worried about us and will want to see us in the dungeon together. Once he is satisfied, I believe that he will move on to review his life and then go on to the next. I believe that we are forever trying to correct past mistakes. Why else would some people be so elementally good or bad? Actually, I think those who are bad have already reached perfection and are only here to put trials into the lives of others. Living wouldn’t be a challenge if nothing ever went wrong.”

“Enar said the same thing. I agreed with him. I already know that he is here. I can feel him. When he gets too close, I feel the chill on my skin, and it isn’t from the air-conditioning. That’s why I got spooked when you kissed me. I felt like he was watching.”

“Låt mig gå. He will go when he is ready. I think it will bring him peace to know that you are satisfied again.”

“I wasn’t, by the way.”

“Wasn’t what?”

“Sneaking off to masturbate.”

“I honestly don’t care if you do. I would rather have you with me though.”

She stared at him, uncertainty tearing her apart. She closed her eyes, considering Enar. A vision of him appeared, wispy at first and then becoming clearer.
Låt mig gå. I’m dead! Stop rejecting your desires. I want to hear your music with Rolf
. A smile lit his face, and he reached out to touch her, his hand fading as his body disappeared. Lana inhaled sharply, sitting up in the bed. She was again alone. She rolled to her feet, the vision disturbing, yet it had answered her question. Lana had no doubt that Enar was in the room with her, his presence like ice against her cheek. A moment later it was gone, her face warming without his touch. She stood, wrapping a towel around herself and walking through the house. Rolf wasn’t in the bed, and she frowned, going back to check the sofa. He wasn’t there either, and she headed to the dungeon, finding it empty. “Son of a bitch! He took off on me.”

She walked back to get a cup of coffee, a combination of anger and unreasonable fear brewing in her mind. As she walked by the French doors, she glanced outside to see if it was still raining. Rolf was lit by dim moonlight, his feet up on the edge of the fountain as he rocked on two legs of the chair. She opened the door and headed outside. He turned to look at her, his cheeks wet with tears. Lana walked over, stepping between his feet and sitting on the ledge of the fountain. She held her hands out to him, and he rocked the chair forward onto four legs, leaning into her. His arms wrapped tightly around her, and she kissed the side of his face, stroking his long hair. Minutes ticked by, the soft gurgle of the falling water echoing through the garden. She felt his grasp loosen, and then Rolf sat back, taking her hands. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It seemed that I only had my eyes closed for a minute, and then I woke up and you were gone. I’m sorry for pushing you away. Enar yelled at me.”

He chuckled. “He yelled at you?”

“Yeah.”

She repeated what Enar had said to her in the dream, and Rolf frowned. “I don’t get the music part.”

“Enar always told me that the sound of my screams and whimpers was music to his ears.”

He stood, pulling her up into his arms. “Was that the answer you were looking for?”

Lana wrapped her arms around his neck, gazing up at him. “Yeah. Are you too tired to go back to bed?”

“I’m never that tired.”

He lifted her into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist. Rolf walked as he kissed her, one eye open so that he wouldn’t walk into the door. He turned to shut the door, and the phone rang. They parted, shrugging at each other, and Rolf tugged the receiver from the base, pushing the “on” and “speaker” buttons. “Hello.”

“Yes, may I ask who this is?”

“No. May I ask who this is?”

“This is the New Haven police department.”

“This is Rolf Manard, can I help you with something?”

“Is your brother’s name Lee?”

“Yes.”

“We arrested your brother during a bar fight earlier this evening. He has sobered up some and gave a statement a short while ago. Is it true that your other brother died this morning?”

“Yes, it is. Lee lives close by and he was here at Fredek’s house constantly. They were really close.”

“Fredek? He said his name was Enar.”

“That was his Swedish nickname. Fredek was his given name. His wife always called him Enar. Can we come bail Lee out?”

“We are releasing him on a promise to appear, but he needs a ride home. His car is still at the bar if you want to pick it up. If he gets caught driving while still legally intoxicated, he won’t be so lucky next time.”

“No problem. We will be there in a little while.” Rolf clicked the phone off, looking at Lana. “How far is New Haven?”

“I’m thinking three quarters of an hour or so.”

“I guess the idea of some fun is mud. Let’s go get dressed.”

Lana headed into the bedroom, throwing on a pair of jeans and frowning. She had lost so much weight that they were sliding off her hips. She grabbed a pair of leggings, changing into them and throwing on a long T-shirt. She glanced in the full-length mirror and grimaced. Somehow, she hadn’t noticed how thin she had become. Rolf peeked into the bedroom. “Wow, you look really skinny in those.”

“Thank you,” she replied in a non-appreciative tone, still staring into the mirror. “I was just thinking that I looked like a skeleton with skin. I only have one pair of jeans that don’t fall off and they are dirty.”

He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his chin on her head. “You are not that skinny, but you do need to gain some weight.”

Lana turned in his arms and smiled. “You are a horrible liar. Enar couldn’t seem to lie convincingly either. Well, except about how long he had to live.”