Twist of Fate (38 page)

“Revelation Island.”

He groaned. “At a time like this?”

Hannah's smile deepened. “The great part is that I can think about it at a time like this. It wasn't so long ago, Gideon, when I was convinced I couldn't. That's why I went back to Santa Inez. I thought I would have to choose.”

“Between me and Revelation Island?”

“In a way. I was sure that choosing to write my book would change everything, and it will, but not the way I thought it would. I know now that I can control my future.”

“Nord and the book kept getting in my way,” Gideon muttered. “Every time I tried to find a path to you I found them blocking it. I was afraid I was going to lose you to them.”

“You almost did.” She turned on her side to look at him.

Gideon frowned. “I just realized you're not wearing the necklace.”

“No. I threw it away.”

He looked shocked. “But you said it was important to you.”

“It was. But it isn't any longer. It's a long story, Gideon. Sure you want to hear it right now?”

“Yes. But I think I already know part of it.”

“What part?” Hannah studied his face.

“That necklace scared the hell out of me. I came to think of it as somehow associated with the changes you were going through. I could feel you slipping past me just as I was finally figuring out what I wanted. I was trying to find a way of getting to you but you were busy striking out in a whole different direction. I was terrified it was going to be a direction that didn't include me.”

“It wouldn't have included you or anyone else,” Hannah said. “Just as the direction you've been going in for the past nine years hasn't allowed room for anyone. I was going to be as strong as you and my aunt and Vicky. I was going to be very powerful and very free. It was heady stuff, Gideon. It was as if I'd gone to visit the same sorceress the three of you had visited and she'd made me the same offer. I could have the power and success I needed to prove to myself that I was as strong as Aunt Elizabeth had been or as Vicky Armitage was. I could fulfill the promise I had shown in college. All I had to give up in exchange was any real involvement with other people and other things. All I had to do was focus completely on what I wanted, and it would be mine.”

Gideon's fingers tightened on her shoulder. “It's a lousy bargain, Hannah. I know. The price is very high.”

“It has its compensations. My aunt was happy with her choice.”

“You'll never known for certain. You said yourself you didn't know her that well. No one did.”

Hannah's mouth curved. “That's the paradox, isn't it? You can't know well someone who has chosen that kind of path in life. I guess we can't argue the matter. Neither of us can prove anything one way or the other. But I think, on the whole, she was satisfied with her choice.”

“I wasn't satisfied with my choice,” he pointed out roughly. “I told myself I was, but you knew the minute you met me that I was lying through my teeth.”

“You probably weren't satisfied because you didn't willingly choose your route to isolation and power. It was more or less forced on you. You were a successful man nine years ago, a reasonably ambitious man who had the skill and the talent to take most of what he needed and wanted in life. But you hadn't closed off the rest of the world. You had that father-son relationship with Ballantine, for one thing. It was important to you. You also had your interest in map collecting. You got married. Then Ballantine betrayed you and all at once you only wanted one thing. Your focus became very narrow, very fierce. You wanted revenge, and to get that you had to have more than your natural share of power. That's when you made your bargain with the sorceress.”

“There is no sorceress, Hannah. There are only choices. We all have to make them. That's what you were doing down on Santa Inez, wasn't it? Making a choice between me and…and something else that could have been yours. Something that would have made you into a woman like your aunt. If you had chosen that other path you would have left me behind and never looked back. That's why I've been going out of my head here in Vegas. I knew there wasn't going to be much I could do to keep you from becoming an Amazon. And I also knew that Amazons don't need men like me.”

“Just as you haven't really needed any one woman for the past few years,” Hannah said with a touch of wistfulness. “There's something to be said for not needing anyone else, for being entirely self sufficient. The sky's the limit, then. There's a certain kind of freedom in that, Gideon.”

“There's a certain kind of hell in that.”

“Do you think you've really changed?” she asked.

“You're the one with the good people instincts. You tell me.” He leaned over to kiss her lightly, his mouth warm and lingering. But his eyes didn't lose their intensity.

“Sometimes it's hard to be sure about someone when you're too close. It's tough to be objective,” Hannah whispered. “From the beginning I could see a part of you very clearly. But there were other sides of you that were always hidden.”

“Maybe that's because I didn't understand them myself. Or because I learned to hide them a long time ago.”

“Maybe. The point is, I couldn't be sure what the hidden part of you really meant. I didn't know how strong it was or even what influence it would have over you. When we first went to Santa Inez together I thought you might be capable of changing.”

“So you decided to take the risk of allowing me to become your lover. Then you got scared, didn't you?”

“I was not frightened,” she said indignantly. “I merely came to the conclusion that I'd been deluding myself. You were never going to soften and as long as I was around you, I would be playing the unrewarding game of hitting my head against a stone wall. Besides, at that point I'd gotten into my aunt's journals and I'd found the necklace. I was beginning to see that there were other possibilities in life.”

“So about the time I started opening up my life to let you in, you were busy deciding you didn't want to be bothered.” Gideon sounded thoroughly annoyed.

“If you hadn't turned out to be such a persistent kind of male, we might never have seen each other again after Santa Inez.”

“You sure as hell weren't going to come running down to Tucson, were you? As far as you were concerned you'd given me one too many chances.”

“I felt I was the one taking all the risks, and I was not at all sure I had enough stamina or power to hold my own against you.”

“Does it have to be a battle between us?” he asked softly.

“There are definitely going to be times when it will be open war,” she told him easily.

“All you have to do is to take me to bed and the battle will be over before it's even begun.”

Hannah laughed. “If you expect me to believe that, you're not nearly as bright as I once thought you were. No woman could control you with sex, Gideon.”

He grinned. “You could try.”

“Don't look so hopeful.”

His grin faded. “Do you really want to be able to control me?”

“No. But I want to be strong enough so that you can't control me, either.”

“Ah, Hannah, I only want to love you.” He sprawled on top of her, kissing her with renewed hunger. Hannah wrapped her arms around him and decided that as long as they took such comfort and pleasure in each other they could both forget about controlling each other. After a moment Gideon raised his head. “What conclusions did you arrive at down there on the island, Hannah? I'm not dumb enough to question my luck, but I'll admit I'm curious.”

“I decided that I wasn't willing to make the bargain. I wanted my chance with you. I wanted my chance at having it all. I wanted to write the book and I wanted to continue with my guidance counseling. I wanted a lot of things I knew I couldn't have if I went the route my aunt took. The funny thing was that when I threw away the necklace, I knew everything was going to be all right. I could still write the book and it wouldn't change everything the way I had come to believe it would. I could write it for different reasons.”

“Is that what you're going to do? Write the book?”

“Any objections?”

“None. As long as you don't kick me out of your life while you do it.”

“Never.” Her arms tightened around him. “I have always believed in maintaining a balance in life, Gideon. For a while there I thought I might try a different approach, but now I know I've been right all along. Interested in taking a trip?”

“Another one? I seem to be doing nothing but getting on and off planes since I met you. Where do you want to go now?”

She smiled. “I thought we might go to Revelation Island and see if we can find the spot my aunt marked on that old war map.”

“When am I supposed to find time to run Cage & Associates?”

“You'll find a way. You have a talent for business.”

 

A
MAZON
:
T
HE
L
IFE OF
E
LIZABETH
N
ORD
generated considerable interest among both academicians and laymen when it was published eighteen months later. There were several critical reviews questioning the author's credentials for writing the book, and a few people were scandalized by the emphasis on the young Nord's romantic relationship with Roderick Hamilton.

But the fact that Nord had deliberately misrepresented the culture of Revelation Island fascinated everyone in and out of the academic community. So many people had been forced to read
The Amazons of Revelation Island
in college and remembered it as a classic text that widespread interest was guaranteed from the moment Hannah's book hit the stands. The shocking facts of the deception kept those in the academic world arguing for months. The cheerfully done passages describing Nord's romantic life as well as the truth about the sex lives of the Revelation Islanders held the attention of everyone else. No one was disappointed. The new biography resurrected a great deal of interest in all of Nord's books. Her name became even more of a household word. Elizabeth Nord would have found the whole thing very amusing.

Not long after the book appeared, Nick Jessett wrote his sister a letter complaining good-naturedly about having to fend off reporters. He enclosed part of a column that had been written by the book review editor of the student newspaper published on the campus where Hannah was employed as a guidance counselor. It read in part: