Twice as Hot (48 page)

He
reached out, smoothed a wet strand of hair from my brow. A barely there touch,
but I felt the warmth all the way to the bone.

For
a moment, only a moment, there was a flash of his cat behind his face, skin
melting away, fur taking its place. Then it was gone. “I’ve given this a lot of
thought. Maybe you’ve never needed your emotions. Maybe you only thought you
did because of the sensations they evoke in your body. Think about it. Anger
makes your blood pressure rise, which makes you hot. Fear is numbing, so you
become cold.”

“That
doesn’t tell me how to summon the elements without my emotions, though. I mean,
even when I did this sans feelings in the past, I still needed the strength or
idea of whatever emotion I wanted to summon.” Well, not true. Last time, with
Desert Gal, I’d been too numb, completely out of the equation.

“Maybe
you summon certain elements with certain emotions because that’s the element
you’re freeing at that time. You think fire comes with fury so you release the
fire when you get mad.”

I
anchored a hand on my hip. It was either that or grab on to him and never let
go.

What
he said made sense—but it also scared me. If I failed to prove him right, no
big deal. I’d go back to the way things were. But what if I succeeded? To
finally have control of my powers, to not be reliant on my emotions, to not
have to worry about raging wildfires, torrential storms, mountains of dirt and
unstoppable winds every time PMS took hold…

Ultimate
power was something Rome despised. People became drunk with it, did whatever
they wanted, damn the consequences. Proof—Desert Gal, who would spend the rest
of her life in Chateau Villain, in a special dry-as-a-desert section designed
for her. She’d wanted more, and more, and more, but more had never been and
would never be enough.

If
I did this, made a success of it, I would be unstoppable. Ultimate power would
be mine.

God,
the strikes were adding up against me. How much longer would this man consider
me worth the effort? How long till he left me? Here I was, becoming the very
things he’d once told me he never wanted: infinitely powerful, an agent always
in the middle of danger and a woman determined to date another man.

“Summon
the element itself,” he said, oblivious to my dark thoughts, “not the emotion
you think comes with it.” One step, two, he backed away from me.

I
shook my head, backing away from him, as well. The distance between us
continued to grow. “I need Tanner if I’m even going to
think
about
trying something new.”

“Sorry,
he’s with Elaine. They’re talking to the scientists who have been studying
Candace, trying to come up with a way for Elaine to experience skin-to-skin
contact without killing people.”

I
dearly hoped they’d succeed. If any couple deserved a shot at happiness—and
nookie—it was them. Yuck, there I was thinking about Tanner’s sex life again.
It was almost as bad as thinking of Rome and Desert Gal. “Speaking of Candace,”
I said, stalling, “why didn’t you tell me you dated her?”

He
blinked over at me. “Excuse me?”

I
stood my ground, planted my hands on my hips. “You heard me.”

“What
are you talking about? I never dated her.”

“Yes,
you did. You—”

“Uh,
Belle,” Jean-Luc called.

I
swung around, facing him.

He
tossed a small braided rope across the room and Lovey chased after it. Ginger
chased after her.

“Mutts,”
Rome muttered.

“I
lied,” Jean-Luc continued. “You needed fury, so I gave you something to be
furious about. Sorry.”

“What?”
I stomped my foot and ignored Rome. “I thought—”

“What
the hell?” Rome interjected. “He told you I slept with Candace, so you believed
him? Believed him over me?”

“Well…”
I turned back to him, my lips pressed together and my cheeks reddening. “I’m
sorry.”

He
sighed. Pinched the bridge of his nose. “Forget it. After what I did to you, I
deserve it.” He was obviously still upset, but he held out a hand and motioned
me over with a wave of his fingers. A challenge. “Come on. Ice me.”

He
clearly had not and would not forget it anytime soon. The irony? I wanted him
to cleanse his memory palate. Since he wouldn’t—bastard—I’d have to make it up
to him. Somehow. “First, bring Sherridan in here.”

“No.
She’s currently being examined, and you’re not allowed near her until after
your surgery. Now come on. Do it.”

My
appointment for ear filters was tomorrow morning, and I couldn’t wait. I wanted
to talk to Sherridan again. I
needed
to talk to her. I needed advice.
Was I doing the right thing, trying to stay away from Rome until my dates with
Jean-Luc were over?

“Stop
stalling, Belle.”

The
man knew me very well. “Fine,” I snapped. “I’ll ice the hell out of you.” I
spread my legs, clenched and unclenched my fists as I flashed scary pictures
through my mind.

Rome
clapped his hands together and the sound boomed through the gym. “You’re
relying on your emotions. Stop.”

“You
can do it, Belle,” Jean-Luc called. Lovey barked as if to second the motion.

Rome
flicked him an irritated glance before returning his attention to me. “You want
to be an effective agent, you’ve got to learn to protect yourself in an
instant. You can’t do that if you have to force yourself to feel a certain
way.”

Everything
he said was right. I knew it. Didn’t like it, but knew it.
I can do this. I
can
do this.
I’d done it before. Okay.
Here goes.
Deep breath in,
deep breath out. Ice without fear. I closed my eyes, pictured ice in my mind.
Glaciers, skating rinks, frigid nights with misty exhalations, hats and coats.
Even the naked-female ice sculptures Tanner was always encouraging me to
create.

Nothing
happened.

Fighting
disappointment—and relief—I—Wait. No emotions, not this time! Damn it. Okay,
starting over. I blanked my mind, allowing the world around me to fade. Another
deep breath in, another deep breath out. “I’m cold, I’m cold, I’m cold,” I chanted
softly.

Thankfully
no one made fun of me for talking to myself.

“Ice
is my bitch. I want it, I get it. I’m not afraid, but that doesn’t matter. Ice
is mine to command. To beckon and dismiss. I’m cold, I’m cold, I’m cold.” As I
spoke, I pushed my conscious mind to the background. I wasn’t even here. Only
my powers were.

To
my utter shock, my blood slowly thickened, chilling inside my veins. My hands
and feet grew frosty, my nose icy. I opened my eyes, saw that my breath was
misting in front of my face, just as I’d imagined.

I
held out my hand and sure enough, an ice ball formed. Small, but perfectly
round. Clear, dangerous. Doused as Rome was in that experimental chemical, we
wouldn’t have known the true effectiveness of this method if I hit him with it.
So, rather than toss it at Rome, I launched it at the wall behind him. The
moment of contact, the ice spread, covering the entire span.

Rome
never turned, never stopped eyeing me. “You did it.” His voice was flat. “You
really did it.”

“Yes.”
I’d known any increase in my abilities could sever the bond between us, but
experiencing it this soon? No. “Not fast enough for a battle with a scrim,
though.”

“With
practice, you will.” The flatness did not abate. “You’ll have the elements at
your disposal, just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “Now,” he said,
stalking to the far corner and grabbing one of the fire extinguishers he’d
brought along. “Melt the ice with your fire.”

I
nodded, already closing my eyes. Already willing the ice away. Not with
emotion, not with my mind, but by backing away, letting my body take over and
do what it wanted. Heat. Pure heat. “I’m burning,” I told myself. “So hot.
Sweating, blistering.”

Again,
to my surprise, my body gradually obeyed. Almost as if it had been waiting for
this moment, ready to act as it had always wanted. My blood heated…heated…the
ice melting away until only molten lava remained.

When
I opened my eyes, my fingers were on fire, tiny flames smoldering. Mentally I
commanded those flames to leap together. They did, a ball forming in the palm
of my hand.

I
tossed it at the wall. Orange-gold instantly spread, ice melting and pooling on
the floor. When the final droplet fell, Rome used the extinguisher to douse the
remaining conflagrations. Soon the wall was black with soot and white with
foam.

“You
were faster that time,” Rome said, and dropped the extinguisher.

Again,
his tone had been flat. But now, his eyes were flat, too. “Yes.”

“That’s
good. That’s very good.”

Was
it? Was it really? He was stiff, harder in that moment than he’d been when he’d
first awoken without his memories. Harder than he’d been the night he’d first
invaded my apartment all those months ago, determined to neutralize me. “Rome,
I—”

“That’s
enough for now,” he said, cutting me off. He turned, giving me his back. “We
don’t want to exhaust you when you’ve got a big date tonight.” There was no
bitterness in his voice, no jealousy.

Suddenly
I couldn’t move, could barely breathe. Had he already decided to wash his hands
of me? “Are you going to be there as promised?”

“I
don’t think so.”

My
mouth went dry. “Why not?” I asked shakily. I knew it was wrong to do this
here, in front of Jean-Luc, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to hear him say
it.
We’re not meant to be together, after all.
How would I react? What
would I do? I still loved him. Still wanted him, craved him.

He
shrugged, didn’t face me. “No reason to, really.”

And
there it was. My answer. He
was
letting me go.

“Sunny
wants to see you,” he said. “I’ll bring her by before dinner. If that’s okay?”

At
one time, he wouldn’t have had to ask. I guess he planned to formally dump me
with his daughter in the other room. That way I wouldn’t throw a fit or burn
something down. Well, wait. Would I burn something down in a fury now that I
could summon the elements without emotion? I laughed bitterly. Did that matter
now? Rome wanted out of my life.

Part
of you knew this was coming. It’s what you’ve been preparing yourself for.
Fine. We’d get it
over with. Do it tonight. Tears burned my eyes. “Bring her by, but I want to
talk to you afterward. Okay?” Would I beg him to stay with me? Or would the
future Lexis had predicted finally begin to fall into place?

I
want my old future,
I nearly screamed.

Rome
ignored my question. “Go get cleaned up. I’ll see you tonight.” For the second
time in recent memory, he walked away and never looked back.

After
playing with my puppies for half an hour, avoiding Jean-Luc’s probing gaze, a
shower and a change of clothes, I stood in front of my locker, packing up to go
home. My eyes were still burning, tears hovering at the corners, just waiting
to fall. How had my life reached this point? A few weeks ago, I’d been the
happiest woman on the planet. Love had been mine. A magnificent, sexy, strong
man had been mine. Now…I had nothing.

Well,
I had a few dates with a man I didn’t and couldn’t love because my heart would
always belong to Rome.

And
he was about to end things forever.

My
gaze landed on a piece of folded paper. I hadn’t placed it in the locker, so I
grabbed it. From Rome? Jean-Luc? Footsteps suddenly echoed, growing louder and
louder. I stiffened, stuffed the note in my pocket, thinking to read it later
when I was alone, and buried my head so deeply inside my locker that whoever it
was would surely pass me by without trying to begin a conversation. I wasn’t
ready to face anyone. Might not ever be ready.

But
then the footsteps stopped. By me. Damn it! No reprieve for me today or any
other day, it seemed.

“I’m
sorry.”

My
fingers clenched on the door, and my teeth gnashed together. Lexis. I didn’t
face her, but busied myself with straightening the clothes and weapons I had
stashed inside. She was lucky I didn’t use one of them on her. “That doesn’t
change what you did.”

“What
I
tried
to do. And I know.”

No,
what you
did. “You’re only sorry now because you failed.”

“I’m
sorry because I had a few days to think about things. I was trapped in that
cage, listening to the people around me moaning and crying and begging, and I
realized I was trying to do the same to Rome. Trap him.”

She
made my head hurt. “Just…leave me alone, Lexis.”

There
was a pause, a shuffle of feet, but she didn’t do what I’d asked. “You don’t
owe me anything, but I’m asking—begging—for a few minutes of your time.”

“And
I’m saying no.” As satisfying as it was to see Lexis beg, I couldn’t deal with
her. I’d break down. I was at the edge already.