Turn To Me (46 page)

His mouth released mine to trail down my jaw to my neck, nipping and sucking lightly at my skin.  I clutched Blane’s shoulders as my knees weakened, tilting my head to give greater access to Blane’s questing mouth.

The sound of a zipper being lowered made me realize Blane was unzipping my dress.  He pushed it off my shoulders and down my body, the soft velvet barely making a sound as it slid down my legs to puddle on the floor at my feet. 

My hormones had kicked into high gear and I reached for Blane’s tie.  His hands caught my wrists easily, holding them away from him.

I looked questioningly at him.  “Isn’t this what you want?” I asked, confused.  My resolve to not sleep with him lay somewhere amongst the puddle of velvet at my feet.

His eyes glittered in the shadows, sending a new rush of arousal through my body as he stared intently at me, him still fully clothed while I stood in only my bra and panties.

“I do want you, Kat,” he said, “but not just for the night.”

Blane released me, stepping away.  I missed the warmth of his body immediately.  Taking my hand, he lifted it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles before turning it and pressing another to my palm.  My breath caught.

“You let me know when you want that, too,” he said quietly.

Then he was gone and I was left standing alone in the bedroom, my body achingly aroused.

Utterly confused as to what I did want, I shucked my bra and dragged my nightgown down over my head.

As exhausted as I was, I couldn’t sleep.  I tossed and turned, the words Senator Keaston had said reverberating in my mind.  There was no way to undo what Blane had done for me.  The weight of guilt lay heavy on my heart.  I heard the clock chime downstairs and strike the hour.  Two am with sleep nowhere in sight.  With a sigh, I rose from the bed.

When I entered the hallway, I looked to my right, where Blane’s bedroom was silent and dark.  I stood for a long moment, staring at that door.  My nails bit into my clenched fists.  I wanted so much to climb into bed with Blane, feel his arms around me, but the guilt of what he'd done on my behalf, what he may have sacrificed, weighed heavily on me.  What if he resented me for it?  I regretted ever involving him with CJ.

Unable to riddle my way through my confusion - the scales tipping first in favor of one decision, then in favor of another - I turned away and eased down the stairs.  I was drawn to the living room and the Christmas tree.  It would be nice to just sit and enjoy looking at it a little while longer, even though Christmas was now officially over.

The tree was still lit and a fire still danced in the fireplace.  It was beautiful, and I sighed.

“I thought no creature was supposed to be stirring.”

I started, turning to see Kade sitting in a nearby chair.  It was lost in the shadows of the room and I had to squint to see him.

“I didn’t realize anyone was still up,” I said, then added, “and that was last night.”

Kade rose from his chair and I watched as he set an empty glass on the table and approached me.  He’d discarded his jacket and folded back the cuffs, exposing his wrists.

“It’s so not a good idea for you to be down here,” he said when he was inches from me.

“Why?” I asked.  My eyes narrowed.  “Are you drunk?”

“I wish I were,” he said softly.  “It would be easier.”

“What would be easier?”  My voice had lowered to match his.  His blue eyes were intent on mine and I couldn’t look away.

“Leaving,” he said finally.

My hands clenched into fists.  “You’re leaving again?”

His smile was without humor.  “Duty calls,” he said lightly. 

“What duty?” I asked.

“Something I found on Ryan's phone,” he replied.  “I need to look into it.”

“Did you find out who he was working for?”

“Maybe,” he said.  “If I'm right, and I really hope I'm not, then it affects Blane in a major way.  I have to find out the truth.”

“Protecting Blane,” I said softly, a rueful smile on my lips.  “You're a good brother, Kade.”

He studied me for a moment before murmuring, “I don't know if that's true anymore.”

Before I could ask what he meant, he changed the subject.  “I didn’t have a chance to give you my present.”

I watched as he reached into a pocket and pulled something out.  Taking my hand, he turned it palm up and deposited something.  It was metal, warm from being next to his body.

I looked down at my hand.  The metal sparkled in the firelight.

“Kade,” I managed to say, “you didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to,” he said, cutting me off.  Taking the gold locket from my hand, he opened it.  Tears immediately sprang to my eyes.

“How...how did you...?”  I couldn’t speak any more, emotion clogging my throat.  Inside the locket was an identical picture of my parents from the ornament on my Christmas tree.

“Turn around,” he said, and I complied.

He placed the chain around my neck and I lifted my hair so he could do the clasp.  The locket rested between my breasts, close to my heart.  I pressed my hand over it, touched more than I could say.  His hands came to rest on my shoulders as we both stared into the dancing flames of the fireplace.

“I wish you would stay,” I dared to whisper, turning back to face him.

“I can't,” he said.  “Do you think I'm blind?  Blane's in love with you.  If I stay, I'll have to watch you and him together.  Don't ask me to do that.”

Tears sprang to my eyes, spilling over and down my cheeks before I could stop them.  I couldn't say why I was crying, only that it felt like part of my family was leaving me, the same way my dad had left and then my mom.  I was one step closer to being alone again.

Kade cursed, his hands moving to cup my jaw while his thumbs brushed the tears away.

“Don’t cry, princess,” he cajoled.  “Please.”

“When will you be back?” I forced out.

“In time for Brittney,” he teased, and I smiled feebly.

“Please,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.  “Please be careful.  Don’t get hurt.  Don’t die.” 

“I didn’t know you cared,” he said dryly.

“You know I do,” I retorted without heat.

Kade's arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me close in a one-armed embrace, his other hand resting lightly on my hip.  I hugged him back, my arms tight around his waist; terrified it might be for the last time.  He released me and it took every ounce of pride and self-control I had to not clutch at him.

I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but he pressed a finger to my lips.

“Shh,” he commanded.  “Don’t say it.”  Leaning down, his lips lightly brushed my forehead. 

I watched him shrug into his suit jacket and grab his coat, his eyes on me, before he turned and walked out of the room without another word.

Going to the window, I watched and waited.  Several minutes later, I saw Kade outside, walking to his car.  The snow still fell, the white flakes disappearing when they touched his dark form.  He got in the car and I stayed at the window, watching, long after the red tail lights of his car had disappeared into the night.

Epilogue

Blane watched the embracing couple before disappearing silently back into the darkness of the hallway.  Easing open the front door, he stood on the porch and waited, arms crossed against the cold.

He’d heard Kathleen get up tonight.  For a moment, his heart had leapt, hoping his door would open and she’d be there.  To his disappointment, no knock had come and the door had remained firmly closed.

Blane had risen from his bed, threw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt, and followed her.  When he heard her voice with Kade’s, he’d paused in the hallway.

As he listened, Blane realized he’d severely underestimated Kade.  He was shocked, in a way.  He’d grown so used to him not caring about anyone, he hadn’t thought to be wary, to keep a distance between him and Kathleen.  It hadn’t occurred to Blane that Kathleen would form an attachment to his prickly, sarcastic, emotionally unavailable brother – or that he would form one in return.

Scarred from the years of abuse before Blane had gotten to him, Kade never let anyone get too close.  He thought Blane didn’t know what the “chicken pox” scars on his back were, and Blane had never let on otherwise.  He knew Kade didn’t want pity.  It had taken years before Kade had slept soundly through the night without being plagued by nightmares.  Guilt had ridden Blane hard for his failure to persuade their father to take Kade in when his mother had died.  He should have tried harder, not given up so easily.

For all that the guilt of the past haunted him, it was the jealousy of the present that ate at his peace of mind.  Earlier, he'd thought perhaps he’d mistaken the double-meaning in Kade’s speech about taking Kathleen to the concert.  Now he knew he’d interpreted the challenge correctly.  Despite what Kade had said to the contrary, he felt something for Kathleen.

Blane had wanted to tell Kathleen how he felt today – spell it out so she'd know without a doubt how much he cared about her.  As skittish as she was, though, Blane wasn't sure if that would draw her closer or scare her away, so he'd kept silent, hoping his actions would speak for themselves.  Despite everything that had happened between them, Blane was convinced now more than ever that Kathleen wasn't yet ready to hear what he had to say.

The front door opened, a shaft of light hitting the porch as Kade stepped outside.  He stopped abruptly when he saw Blane before closing the door behind him, leaving them enveloped in darkness.

“Eavesdropping’s not your style, brother,” Kade chided quietly, his tone light.

“Where are you going?” Blane asked.  “And what is going to affect me?  What did you find?”

“I'll let you know,” Kade said evasively.  “You've got a job to do, remember?  Shouldn't you be declaring your candidacy for governor any day now?  Isn't that what you want?”

“I haven't decided,” Blane replied.

Kade's eyes narrowed.  “And have you decided whether or not what you want includes Kathleen?”

“Why do you ask, Kade?  I thought you didn’t care about her,” Blane reminded him.  “Told me you couldn’t care less if she lived or died.”

Kade’s jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed.  “What more does she mean to you than another conquest, Blane?  When has any woman ever said no to you?”

“You think that’s what this is about?  Me wanting the unobtainable?”

Kade’s silence spoke volumes.

“Fuck you, Kade,” Blane said coldly.

“I’ve seen the way you play with women,” Kade said in disgust.  “You use them, then toss them aside.”  He paused.  “Kathleen was very nearly pregnant.  Would you have married her, Blane?  Or sent her a monthly check?  It seems you have more in common with dear old Dad than you thought.”

Blane nearly hit him, Kade’s arrow hitting its mark with deadly accuracy.  Only Blane’s self-control stopped him from retaliating for that remark.

“And you think you’re any better?” Blane's voice was like ice.  “Correct me if I’m wrong Kade, but when was the last time you spent more than a single night with a woman?  I’m sure that would be a nice dose of reality for Kathleen.”

“I never said I was better,” Kade shot back.  “I'm just trying to show you that it's not a game, not this time.  She's gone through too much for you to treat her like another one of your easy lays.”

“You don't trust me,” Blane said abruptly, surprised by the sudden revelation.  The realization cut deep.  Earning Kade's trust had been a difficult thing; to think that it was now in jeopardy was devastating.

Kade gaze didn't waver.  “You've made some bad decisions lately, Blane.  How can you expect me to trust you?  Or Kathleen?”

For the first time in a long time, self-doubt assailed Blane.  Was he hurting Kathleen more by being with her?  Pursuing her?  Should he just let her move on?

Kade moved closer, clasping Blane on the shoulder.  “She loves you, Blane,” he said quietly.  “Don't fuck it up.”

He turned and walked away.  A moment later, Blane heard his car start.

Going back in the house, Blane saw Kathleen still standing at the window, looking outside.  Oblivious to the confrontation, she stood quietly, her fingers playing with something around her neck.  Lit softly by the firelight, her white nightgown seemed to almost glow with an ethereal quality.  Her hair tumbled in a disarray of waves down her back.  Blane watched her for a long while, debating whether to go to her.  Finally, he entered the room, not stopping until he was directly behind her.  Their eyes met in the window's reflection.

“Kade left,” she said quietly.

“I know.”

“He looks out for you, you know,” she said.  “For anything that could hurt you.”

Blane had known this, but the words coming from Kathleen only increased the sense of guilt he carried inside.  He slid his arms around her waist, pulling her back towards his chest until they touched.  Her hands rested lightly on his arms criss-crossing her abdomen.

They stood in silence, looking outside at the darkness, each lost in their own thoughts.

“Let's go upstairs,” Blane said finally, breaking the quiet.  He was unsettled, not knowing what she was thinking – about him, about them, or about Kade.

To his relief, she nodded.  Blane took her hand, which felt small and fragile inside his own, and led her back to bed.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tiffany Snow has been reading romance novels since she was too young to read romance novels.  Although her day job is in I.T., her evenings are spent trying to find as much time as possible to write.  Juggling a full-time job, husband, two children and a dog that eats everything from silly bands to leather shoes means there’s never a dull moment.

Tiffany makes her home in the Midwest with her husband and two daughters.  She can be reached at
[email protected]
.  Visit her on her website,
www.TiffanyASnow.com
, to keep up with the latest in the
Kathleen Turner Series
.