Tudor Princess, The (18 page)

It was my last public appearance before my confinement and I savoured the opportunity to meet with my council. It remained vital that I show myself as much as possible before my lying-in; I must be in the foreground of their memories that they might continue to act for and not against me.

It was that council that would forever alter my course.

‘My grandson, Your Grace, and the Sixth Earl of Angus, Archibald Douglas.’ It was Lord Drummond who introduced us. Lord Drummond, the father of Margaret, murdered mistress of my Jamie. Unlike Bell-the-Cat, the new Angus’s other grandfather, who was also tied to one of my husband’s mistresses, I was not at ease with Lord Drummond. It was never far from my mind that he hoped to elevate his daughter to the throne and was denied the chance. I hoped the tragedy made him more cautious in his aspirations now, even as almost against my will my eyes were taking in the magnificent tribute to all that was good in young men – his grandson.

Archibald Douglas, the newly styled Earl of Angus … There he was in a leather doublet with a russet shirt beneath that revealed the muscles of his broad shoulders and upper arms. Ah, he was as strong a lad as one could behold, appearing much older than his twenty-four years. He was big and broad, with his warrior’s hands and well-muscled legs, his chestnut hair and beard, and brown eyes that sparkled with alert intensity. He was not as handsome as my Jamie, of course, but there was something about him … something dark and wild and helplessly alluring.

Angus dipped into a deep bow before me, placing a warm kiss on my proffered hand.

‘He will be taking his late grandfather’s place on the council,’ Lord Drummond explained.

‘Our condolences for the loss of your grandfather,’ I said in soft tones, watching Lord Drummond’s all-too-conspicuous retreat. ‘We were very fond of Bell-the-Cat.’

‘It was a great loss, Your Grace,’ Angus confessed in a voice low and strong as Jamie’s was melodic. ‘After losing my father and uncle at Flodden, he and my uncle Gavin were all I had left on the Douglas side. And all this after losing my wife in childbed … It is almost unimaginable at times.’ He offered a quivering smile that caused my heart to constrict. ‘Pardon me, Your Grace, I still grow emotional.’ He sighed. ‘But the turn of events astounds me. Nothing is quite real any more; I’ve been going through my days in a dream.’ He shook his head, chuckling and sniffling as a flush kissed his cheeks a soft rose. ‘Forgive me, Your Grace.’

‘You mustn’t apologise,’ I urged, endeared by his raw display of emotion most were too afraid to confront. ‘We know too well what you are enduring. I know,’ I added in soft tones.

‘Oh, Your Grace, but your position must be far more difficult,’ Angus told me. ‘To lose our king and now to be all alone at the head of this rabble.’ He winked as he gazed about the great hall at the members of council, many of them rough lairds to be sure.

I found myself laughing in agreement but soon found myself choking back tears. How quickly they came! ‘Flodden cursed our kingdom,’ I told him. ‘But We will all endure it together and someday Scotland will be stronger for it. And We are not alone,’ I assured him with a smile. ‘We have advisers like you to help Us through.’

‘Till death, Your Grace,’ Angus vowed, his fervency matching the intensity of his eyes. ‘I see it as my sacred duty to hold the interests of your son my king above my own always and’ – he seized my hand, bowing before it again – ‘to serve you in any capacity I can to make your lot easier to bear.’

With that he kissed my hand once more, quitting my presence and taking with him forever my better judgment.

‘Fair words,’ Ellen observed late that evening at Stirling as she brushed my hair while I told her of the encounter. ‘He is a smart man to say them, and at such a sorrowful time when you need to hear them most.’

‘What do you mean? Are you questioning his sincerity?’ I demanded.

‘Are you not?’ Ellen returned. ‘Your Grace, you have suffered unspeakable tragedy. Such times make a woman … open to charms she may dismiss when her head is clear. It is for love of you I advise caution, please understand.’

‘I love you for it, Ellen, truly I do,’ I assured her. ‘But you didn’t hear him speak; you didn’t see him. His eyes … I canna see a man with eyes like that being a liar. Besides, I thought you would have been happy to note me admiring a man, you who would have seen me married off to old King Louis and wanted an ally for me.’

Ellen offered a soft laugh. ‘He is a king, Your Grace – and in my opinion it is kings that should suit queens and nothing less. The Douglas is a man among many, an ambitious man. And you mustn’t forget the Douglases remain one of the most opposed houses in Scotland.’

That I knew all too well. After ambition and intrigue led the Douglases to near ruin during the reign of James II, when said king stabbed the conniving and ambitious eighth Earl of Douglas, it was a long climb back into the graces of the Stewarts – and those graces were suspicious at best. But those acts were near seventy years ago – none of it had to do with the young gallant I had seen that day.

I offered a sigh. ‘Enough of this talk, Ellen,’ I said in weary tones. ‘His eyes … they seemed true enough, and that is refreshing for one in my position.’

Ellen’s eyes, those endless black orbs, were another gaze I could count on to be true. But in them all I could see was sadness mingled with fear.

I did not want her to fear for me. I did not want anyone to fear for me. That implied I was not safe. And I had to be safe. I had to be cared for and loved. If I was not safe, it meant I was not loved, that someone could have motives for my fate – and my son’s fate – that were less than pure.

I could not bear to think on that.

I wanted to think of Angus’s eyes.

My confinement was as dreadful as the others and I was impatient to be at court, to be where life was happening. I hated the thought of decisions being made over my head, decisions I had no say in. As it was, the March Parliament had limited my power even more, taking control of all the fortresses in Scotland.

But for my part, I still had the person of the king, my son, Little Jamie, and his value surpassed that of any fortress. His rooms were near my confinement chamber and each day he was brought to me, my one ray of light throughout the dread days of solitude and isolation. At two years old, he was a joy, a rambling babe whose chatter was sweeter than the most accomplished minstrel. My eyes followed wherever he went, his slaves, watching him toddling here and there, exploring a world he ruled unbeknownst to himself. How I cherished his innocence – how I longed to preserve it! Somehow I would; somehow I would manage to raise him and his brother or sister as far away from politics as I could, away from those who wished to steer him this way and that, bending him as a willow in the winds of their own devices. No, this would not be for Little Jamie. He would learn to be a king who stood his ground and was firm in his own understanding. He would be his own king, his own man.

But for a boy to be without a father … He
had
a father, in heaven. My Jamie would guide him from there. I told myself that. I told myself that would be enough for a growing boy even as I found myself dreaming of a family, a family with a living father and a mother, what every boy – especially a king – needed.

Was it not my duty to provide for the king’s needs?

No one will ever love you …

No! I refused to believe it. I could be loved, queen or not! Someone would love my son and me. Not everyone could be so misguided as to seek only after power … Someone had to have a true heart. And I would find him. I would find him and keep my regency besides, no matter what Jamie’s will stipulated. The council would see, they would have to see, that it was for the best interest of the boy that he have a man in his life to guide him, to love him.

And to love me.

Alexander, the precious little Duke of Ross, was born on 30 April. It was a remarkable delivery in that my labour was not the struggle of my previous births. Though it sapped me of my strength, I was alert and able to hold my baby right away. I held the soft, warm bundle in my arms, covering the downy head with kisses.

‘I gave you another son, Jamie,’ I whispered, stroking the silken cheek. ‘Another prince for Scotland.’ I held my tears at bay, praying my husband could see our joy from heaven, praying he thought me a good wife and mother and queen. The longing, sharp as a blade, was almost too acute to bear … oh, Jamie …

My kingdom was there when my husband could not be. Little Alexander was their pride, compensation for the miseries and loss of Flodden, a reminder of the innocence and good that could survive even the harshest tragedies. He was a true son of Scotland, and the kingdom stood as his surrogate. It was no small triumph to me that I was mother to the heirs to not only the Scottish throne but, until my brother and the unfortunate Catherine could produce one, the English throne as well. Was it wrong to nurse the hope that it would be through my bloodline that the crowns of both kingdoms would be united, just as my father had once prophesied? Wouldn’t Father and Jamie have been proud to see that! Yet to hope for that was to wish ill on Henry and Catherine and I could not make that mistake again … yet were they not triumphant at the death of my husband? Did she not want to send his bloodied body to Henry as a trophy? The thought made my blood run hot and justified my ambition. To have my children forge understanding between my homeland and country of adoption was a grand aspiration, a noble cause. There was nothing sinful in taking pleasure in God’s will, for it must have been God’s will that I be fruitful where my brother was not.

I told myself that, too. But I told myself many things in those days.

‘I hope it isn’t unseemly, my visit,’ the Earl of Angus told me when he came laden with gifts for baby Alexander, Little Jamie, and me as I convalesced at Stirling. His brown eyes sparkled with unabashed joy at the sight of the baby in my arms and he rushed forward, reaching out a hand that he might stroke Alexander’s head, then drawing back to dip into a bow. ‘Forgive me, Your Grace, I should not be so impulsive.’

‘No, you really should not,’ Ellen said from her seat near my bed. I shot her a quick glance that set her scowling into her embroidery.

‘It is all right, my lord,’ I told him in warm tones. ‘How thoughtful of you to visit Us; We have been restless for court. And this little one is eager to meet the kingdom – it is appropriate he starts with the best of them.’

Angus beamed at this. He drew near, holding a finger out for the baby to clutch. Tears shone bright in Angus’s eyes as he gazed at Alexander. ‘He is a bonny lad, Your Grace,’ he said, his voice wavering. ‘After losing my little lamb, it restores me to see life renewed, and such a lusty babe!’

I could not speak. He had lost, I had lost – our babies, our spouses, our fathers – and as he bent over my baby and me something stirred within, something protective and something needing protection. The bond of loss.

‘He quite resembles his father,’ Ellen observed in conversational tones as she regarded us. ‘Her Grace says so all the time.’

‘Indeed,’ Angus said. ‘It must be a comfort to you, then, I hope.’

He understood, I imagined, the mingled comfort and sadness of family resemblance. I wondered if my eyes revealed my gratitude for this – I hoped so.

‘It is,’ was all I could say. ‘Would … would you like to hold him, my lord?’

‘It is only my deepest wish!’ Angus cried as he scooped the baby in his arms, gathering him to his chest. His deep smile revealed dimples on either side of his mouth as he cooed at the baby, pacing back and forth as we are so prone to do when holding a little one. Through a veil of tears, the scene was softened, the figures obscured, and I pretended just then – for just that moment – that it was Jamie holding our son, Jamie looking upon his sweet face, the proud father, and that we were a family united again. I blinked the vision away. There stood Angus once more.

‘And how does His Grace like his little brother?’ Angus inquired.

I laughed. ‘I am not certain,’ I said, dismissing the royal
We
. ‘I think he might have been a little put off. He said he wanted a pony.’

‘As they grow, he will find that little brothers are much better than ponies!’ Angus commented as he returned the baby to my arms. ‘I should not overtax you, Your Grace. You and our little laird must get some rest. I hope … I do hope you will permit my visit again soon?’

Again and again and again
, I wanted to say. I could only nod and resist the urge to beg him to stay and let me pretend, just a little longer.

But I said nothing and allowed his graceful retreat, while ignoring Ellen’s pointed stare as I waited, breath bated, for his return.

He did return, many times, sometimes with Lord Drummond or other members of the court, and always with gifts. But I found myself looking forward to having Angus to myself. He loved to laugh and brought life to my chambers. Sometimes Little Jamie joined us and the two played together, silly child’s games, while I held the baby and looked on, cherishing the happy family scene. Angus and I rarely spoke of court matters, only of domestic things – the children, the spring lambs, entertainments to celebrate the birth of Alexander. How I relished those talks and the interest Angus took in the children as children, not as a king and a prince.

May drifted into June and June to July. If I did not regain my figure after the birth of Alexander, I at least regained my strength, and the summer, warm and languid, saw me with my children, Angus, and the court. On 12 July my council signed a document stating they would not divide into factions, that my regency was supported.

‘A triumph, Your Grace,’ Angus told me one evening as we dined in my chambers. ‘Never has Scotland seen such unity.’

‘It is true,’ I agreed. ‘There has been too much division over the years. I fear my recommending your uncle Gavin to the Pope for the Archbishopric of St Andrews jeopardised my favour with the council. I must make recommendations based on the quality of those recommended and nothing else, even though I myself consider him quite able and he was much loved by the late king. It’s just that I must not be seen to show favouritism to any one family over another.’