Trusting Jake (Blueprint To Love Book 1) (24 page)

"I–  of course, dear. Are you feeling alright? You look so cold standing out there."

She stepped back into the foyer, allowing him entry. Never in his life had Jake been more eager to come in out of the cold. A cold he'd carried around inside him for nearly a decade.

"Mona. . . Mom-" He heard her startled intake of air and his stomach fisted tighter. He hadn't called her Mom in the last nine years. "I won't stay long . . . and you don't have to hear me out if you don't want. Just say the word and I'll leave."

Taking a deep breath, he released it in a rush of air. "I've been thinking about you. About how badly I've treated you . . . and I-"

"Jackson . . . it's all right." She took a step closer, a trembling smile on her lips.

"No, Mom. It's not. I've been a terrible son. When I think about how I've treated you . . . it makes me sick."

"Honey-" Mona reached out to take his hand, and he took a step back.

"Mom, please. I have to finish this. God knows I owe you so much more than an apology. I wish I could give you a reason why I've been such a bastard. But we both know . . . there's no valid excuse." Unable to face the understanding in her eyes, he turned away. She should hate him. Yet in his heart he knew she didn't. In his heart, he saw that she couldn't.

"I'll never be able to make it up to you. . . I can never take away the years I've hurt you-"

"Your coming here. . . It makes everything better."

"Mom . . . can you ever forgive me?" He faltered then, his eyes filling with hot tears that just kept coming. Jake swiped at them blindly. "I–  it's too much to ask. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness . . . but-" 

He was determined to face her, no matter what emotion he found in her eyes. If his mother couldn't forgive him– if she couldn't bear the sight of him . . . he deserved to see it. And she had every right to witness his agony.

But she was crying too. "Honey . . . oh, Jake! I'm so thankful. I'm so glad." Closing the distance between them, she held out her arms. And he went gladly into them. Holding her close, he squeezed his eyes shut and felt a welcoming sense of peace as her love washed over him. Jake hadn't lost her, no matter how he'd mistreated her. She forgave him . . . which meant that eventually, he would have to forgive himself. He would work like hell to make it up to her, but, in the meantime he would release the guilt corroding him. Guilt he'd buried under layers of anger. For too long, he'd deluded himself into thinking it was directed at his mother. But all the while, he had been angry with himself.   

His mother's smile was radiant when she finally released him, her laugh a little shaky as she blinked back tears. "So– can you stay a little while? Jenna called me from the road. Said she was picking up the kids, so I'm off duty." Hesitating, her eyes still seemed so unsure, as though she didn't quite trust that he was real. "Maybe have a cup of tea? Or were you going to drop this bomb on me and leave?" 

Though his brain filled with questions– why had Jen picked up the kids? Why had she left him? Jake was surprised to be able to smile. He would head there next. And they would talk. He would work everything out with Jen. He was amazed by how much better he felt– how much stronger. It was as though talking with his mother had lifted an icy weight from his chest. He needed her warmth and he needed some advice. And he would need all of his new-found strength when he left his mother's home and went to talk with Jenna.

"I can stay."

"I think I'm going to splash a little Jameson in mine."

His smile tentative, he wondered how long it would be before he felt truly at ease with her again . . . knowing how he'd treated her. If Mona's smile of encouragement was any gauge, it wouldn't take long. Lacing her fingers through his, she drew him into the kitchen.

They'd been catching up for over an hour when she broached the subject he'd been anticipating. "If you don't mind my asking. . ." She hesitated a moment, clearing her throat before continuing. "What made you change your mind about me?"

"I owe you an explanation." He shrugged out of his jacket. After two shots of Jameson, he was finally starting to warm up. "I wish I could say it was insight. That I finally realized what a jerk I had become." He smiled when she raised an eyebrow. "I was starting to get there on my own. But . . . I had some help with that realization."

Mona refilled the kettle and lit the burner on the stove. "Jenna got on you about it?"

Her throaty chuckle filled the kitchen when he did a double-take. "Did she tell you?"

"No, dear. It was clear what her thoughts were on the subject. She has very expressive eyes. It was obvious how she felt about me.
And
you," she emphasized.

Stilling in his seat, Jake suddenly found it difficult to breathe. "What do you mean?" 

Her sharp glance told him she hadn't missed the thread of desperation in his voice. Smiling, she placed his mug on the table. "You tell me, Jackson."

Nodding, he glanced away. "That's fair. Jen chewed me out over the way I was treating you. And I knew she was right. But . . . the real reason I'm finally here-" As the silence lengthened between them, his mother continued to wait patiently. He finally stood, unable to contain the throbbing urge to move. Pacing a few steps before turning back to face his mother, he watched her add milk to her tea.       

"I can wait as long as you, Jackson. You were saying?"

"I– I'm in love with her– with Jen." Dragging the chair back from the table, he dropped into it.

"I suspected as much. But, honey– she's married-"

"I know.
I know
." Fisting his hand in frustration, he rested it on the table. "But I-I can't help it, Mom. I've tried to keep my distance. Damn it . . . it only got worse."

She nodded, her eyes suddenly serious. "And?"

"It didn't work. I've been half out of my mind for her– since– hell, since the very beginning. I thought I could convince myself that it was just her looks. That I was. . . I don't know– just hung up on her. I mean . . . she's so beautiful." Jake shook his head. "But I was kidding myself. The way I feel– it's not just attraction. It's nothing I've ever felt before. Jen's the only woman I've ever-" His voice fractured as he struggled to contain his despair. "And she's the one. . . I can't have."  

"I know I'm not
supposed
to want her. But I love her. I love her kids. I want her to marry me. I want her to divorce that worthless, bastard husband-" Resting an elbow on the table, Jake rubbed tired, burning eyes. "Apparently, he left years ago. But– why hasn't she divorced him? What if she won't leave him?"

"Why haven't you asked her? How does she feel about you?"

"I don't know–  I mean, I. . . think I know." His face heating with embarrassment, he couldn't believe he was discussing this with his mother.

Her eyes flashed with insight. "Baltimore."

"Jen– she would never-" He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "Cheat on her husband. She's not like that. She has to– love me, I mean . . . or she never-"   

"Haven't you talked with her?"

He dropped his gaze from the sharp intensity of his mother's eyes. "She . . . uh–  left me this morning before I could tell her." When his mother chuckled, he jerked his head. "What?"

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you over there, right now?"

"Well, you asked what made me change my mind about you. And– it's Jen. What I feel for Jen. I can't help loving her. And . . . I finally realized you couldn't help what happened between you and Dad. You tried so hard to make him slow down." He released a deep breath. "God . . . he tells us all the time-"

His mother's eyes widened. "Tells you what?"

"He deserved to lose you. That he didn't work hard enough to keep you."

"Linc said that?"

Nodding, he struggled to find the right words for what he was feeling. "And when you met George– you finally found someone who . . . who was willing to put in the effort it takes." He raised his gaze to meet hers. "I finally know how that feels . . . to love someone-" He shook his head as though to clear it. "It's so unbelievably powerful. I can't fight it. When I finally realized what you felt– I knew I had to come here and talk to you."

His mother's eyes had filled with tears again and she reached across the table to still his restless hands. "I'm so glad you did."

Smiling, he squeezed her hand, releasing it only when his cell phone rang. Glancing at the number, his stomach plunged to the floor when he confirmed it was Jenna. His heart began somersaulting. He'd wanted to be face-to-face for this conversation– so she'd read the conviction in his eyes when he asked her to marry him-

His voice caught as he answered and he impatiently cleared his throat. "Hello?"

"Jake? Jake! Y-y-you gotta come o-over here."

It was Alex . . . and he was crying. He rose from his chair as the little boy's terror quickly became his own. "Sport– what is it?" His hand shook as he held the phone to his ear. "Al– where's Meg? Alex. . .? Put Megan on."

"J-jake? Please c-come fast." Megan was gasping for breath as though she were suffocating. The tinny sound of her voice . . . of a petrified child fighting for control sent a jagged shard of panic down his spine. Something was terribly wrong.

"Meggie– what is it? Where's your mom?"

"Mommy's d-dead." 

Her sobs tore through him as a fist of dread caught him in the stomach. Staggering back from the table, he launched himself out of the kitchen, with Mona hot on his heels. "What? Honey . . . slow down. W- what happened?" 

Dead? Jen couldn't be dead. Only hours ago she'd been fine. She'd been-  His heart stopped beating at the mere thought of it. "Is someone there? Are you safe? D-did someone hurt her?"

"Nobody's h-here. She's layin' on the s-stairs. . . She fell down. . . an– an' I can't w-wake her up."

"Meg– Honey– listen carefully. I-I'm on my way. Ten minutes. I'll be there in ten minutes. Just as soon as you hang up. . . I want you to call 911." He jerked the door open while he juggled with the phone. "Tell them you need an ambulance." Jake sagged against the doorframe as Megan continued to cry. Precious seconds were being wasted. But he couldn't hang up . . . not until she calmed down enough to understand that he was on his way. She finally promised to call the ambulance and hung up. His hands were shaking when he shoved the phone in his pocket. Please God, not Jen.  

He shivered when the wind finally penetrated his jacket. He glanced up to find Mona beside him . . . pushing him out the door as she buttoned up her coat.

"Let's go, Jackson. I'm coming with you."  

***

The ten minute drive to Jen's house was the longest ride of his life. Jake forced himself to drive carefully on the icy roads, the raw terror he'd heard in the kids' voices repeating in his head. As he prayed for her to be alright, he knew he would carry the sound with him for the rest of his life.

Hearing the faraway wail of an ambulance siren, he wondered if it was destined for her house. She couldn't be dead. His mind refused to accept it. There had to be an explanation. She slipped and fell. She was just sick. She would be okay. She had to be okay.

"Jake . . . are you all right?"

His mother's hand on his arm, he nodded grimly, all the while thanking God she had come along. He didn't know how he would've handled this without her. She was calmly, quietly keeping him sane . . . and he knew she would do the same for Jen's kids. Every instinct screamed at him to drive faster . . . to run into her house, scoop her up in his arms and race back out into the night.

"Thanks for coming with me." Jake wasn't entirely certain he'd be able to hide his own fear long enough to help the kids with theirs. But Mona would. She would make cocoa and tell them stories and soothe their terror while Meg and Alex waited for word on the single most important person in their lives.

"Ambulance is already here." Jake didn't recognize the raspy, fearful voice as his own. He gripped his mother's hand before he jerked over to the curb and flung open the door. His breath huffed out in white crystalline clouds as he ran across the frozen snow. Forgetting his mother in his rush to get to Jenna, he took the front steps two at a time.

His eyes took in the scene in a series of snapshots. Alex and Megan sat on the couch, their tear-stained faces haunted with shock and fear. A female medic knelt near them on the floor, talking quietly. His glance moved swiftly to Jen. She was strapped to a board, her eyes still closed in her deathly pale face, an angry, purple bruise raised up over one eye. Striding across the foyer, he crouched down to touch her. Her skin was flushed and very hot. At that moment, he would have given anything if she would just open her eyes and smile at him.  

"Is she-" His eyes burned with moisture and he brushed them with a shaky hand. "Jen– will she be all right?"

"Jake!" He felt the kids' arms wrap around his back when Alex and Megan hurtled into him, both of them sobbing and talking at once.

The female attendant crossed the room, eyeing him over her clipboard. "You know them?"

"Yes. She's my-"  Life. Heart. World. "My fiancée." 

The attendant nodded toward Jenna's prone figure. "She's pretty sick. We're gonna take her in."