Trusting Fate (10 page)

“
Gabby I just wanted to thank you for letting me be here and be involved in all of this. I know that the circumstances are not great, but I want you to know that I want to be here. I want to be in your lives, regardless of what that DNA test says,
”
I said trying to get my point across.

She smiled and said,
“
Thank you, Jace, I really appreciate you being here and doing what you are doing. You know, most men would not do anything like this, so I do appreciate it.
”

I could see the hurt behind her smile and I knew that not only am I part of what put it there, but also that there is most likely nothing that I can do to make it go away.

Gabby had been through a lot in her short years on this planet and I did not want to contribute to anymore pain for her. I did not care what she did in her past, I just want to be in her present and hoped to have a spot in her future.

“
Gabby, please talk to me. Aside from everything going on with Theo, what is it that is bothering you? What can I do to make things right between us?
”
I asked.

She looked at me, but it was as if her eyes looked right past mine and into my soul. I sounded like a complete idiot, but I didn
’
t care. I loved her and nothing that I said would ever make sense again.

“
I
…
I am just so angry, Jace. I worked really hard to get to where I am at today, I fought for Theo and myself to have as normal of a life as possible. I wanted to leave my past behind me. I feel like now my past and my present are colliding and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am angry with myself for not remembering the night that I got pregnant with him and for not being a better person,
”
she said, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“
Gabby you cannot live in your past forever. You have to let go of what happened. You are not a kid anymore and you have made a wonderful life for you and Theo. You should be proud of the mother that you are and the person that you became because of him. I would be lying if I said I was not upset that you cannot remember me, because I could never forget you. But I also know that whatever you used to do with your time involved a lot more things that I was not into. So I am happy that you changed. And if you ask me, I might even love you more now than I did that night I met you,
”
I said without realizing it.
Crap this is really going to freak her out.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes; shocked, angry or happy, I could not tell.

“
Jace I want more than anything to be able to remember the night that you say we shared, and don
’
t get me wrong, I believe you because I used to drink so heavily that I could not remember most nights and my memory has yet to come back. I slept with so many men from the age of fifteen until I got pregnant with Theo, and I am so ashamed of myself. My best friend Taylor and I made a lifestyle of partying and I loved it. My parents are very religious and I grew up going to church and went to bible study camps in the summer. They were strict and I rebelled
̵
Tay and I both. Our parents went to the same church and had all of the same beliefs. Her parents were worse than mine though. Her father wanted to arrange a marriage for her, which is just ridiculous. After we graduated, we moved and came here. I was rebellious and slept around in high school too. I had been trying to clean up my act right before I found out that I was pregnant with Theo. I knew that I had been living a poisonous life and getting pregnant saved my life in more ways than one,
”
she said.

“
Gabby nothing about your past bothers me at all. Do I wish you could remember me, yes. But finding you again after all of these years of wondering what had happened is enough for me. We all have a past, and it
’
s okay. You have to learn to let go because the sooner you can do that, the sooner your heart will heal.
”

“
I appreciate all of this Jace, I really do, but you cannot say things to me like you do. You shouldn
’
t love me, I am nothing special and I am no one important.
”
Her words broke my heart because she was someone special; she was everything.

“
I know you are hurting, but without pain, we cannot understand the beauty of healing, let me help you heal,
”
I said, getting up and walking over to the chair she was sitting in. She was wearing a tight pair of jeans that came down to her ankles and had on a lose-fitting, long-sleeved shirt, but she never looked more beautiful. I knelt down in front of her like I was about to beg
…
beg to be the one she loved.

“
Gabby, look at me,
”
I demanded.

She looked up and in her eyes I could tell that she was afraid, afraid of what was to come and afraid of the present.

“
Jace please, I cannot do this. Not right now, I want you to be in Theo
’
s life if you are his father, I just feel so out of control right now. Just please give this some time,
”
she said sternly.

“
I have nothing but time, sweet girl, nothing but time,
”
I said quietly.

Chapter 16

Gabby

The doctor came in and said that he had the results of the DNA test. My heart literally dropped into my stomach, I need to learn to suck it up. I asked the nurse if she minded sitting in with Theo while Jace and I went down the hall to an empty office to get the results. The walk to the office felt like a walk of shame
…
like I had done this really stupid thing 4 years ago and now I will soon be paying for it. My only hope is that whatever the outcome is I can make peace with it.

We walked into the empty office, it smelled like a sterile room. Just like everything else at the hospital did. Dr. Walker motioned for us to have a seat and shut the door behind him.

“
Gabby and Jace I have the results of the DNA as I said. I wanted to tell you both the news together in a private setting as these things can be difficult,
”
he said giving me a slight smile. I was not ready for the results but I knew that I had to hear them.

“
Ms. Thomas, Mr. Greene, the results were 100% a match. Mr. Greene is Theo
’
s father. I hope that this can be good news considering that Mr. Greene is donating his bone marrow,
”
he said.

I couldn
’
t breathe, I couldn
’
t think, and I couldn
’
t speak. I just got up covered my mouth with my hand to cover the cries that were coming out of it and ran out of the office. I raced down the hall and had to stop as I got the stairwell. I had to stop so that I could catch myself and my breath. Here is this fantastic man who I fell I fell head over heels for, who wanted nothing more than to just be with me and I pushed him away because he told me the truth. A truth that I longed for, for years I wanted to know who the man was that I forgot that gave me the greatest gift I could have ever dreamed of.

Why was I so upset and why can I not just embrace this gift that was just given to me? Probably because I am
…
.I have serious issues. I put my head in my hands and began to sob. My heart is so full of love and sadness at the same it is just too much for one person.

Jace

Hearing the words that I have been patiently waiting to hear, that Theo was indeed my son was like they took a ton of bricks off of my shoulders and I can breathe again. But my fears quickly came back as I saw the look of horror on Gabby
’
s face as she got up and ran down the hall in tears. I thought that she would be relieved to finally know the truth. I know that she has been really hard on herself over her past but I am grateful to her for giving me a son and happy that it
’
s with her. I got up to go and try to find her. I walked around the halls and walked right past the stairwell when I heard some faint whimpers. I knew it was her. I would know that voice anywhere. I slowly walked down the stairwell until I could I see her long hair cascading down her back. She had her head in her hands and she was sobbing. It was the kind of crying that only happened when you had really reached your mental limit. Gabby had every reason to be crying like this but all I wanted to do was reach and grab her and hold her for as long as it took to make her life better.

“
Gabby hey, I
’
m truly sorry for all of this. I wish I could this all better for you,
”
I said stroking her face gently.

She looked up and her face was tear stained but she never looked more beautiful to me.
“
I
…
I
’
m so sorry Jace. It is me who should be apologizing. I wanted so badly to turn back time and do things the right way, of course then I wouldn
’
t have had Theo but I longed to know who the father of my son is. I guess just hearing it for the first time really did a number on me. I didn
’
t meant to scare you and freak out,
”
she said smiling slightly.

“
Gabby I understand, believe me. I am so thrilled to learn that Theo is my son and I know that I have missed so much but just to know you both now is more than enough for me. I want so much to be in your lives and watch him grow up,
”
I said.

She sighed heavily, and I wasn
’
t sure if it was good or bad.

“
Jace how can we make this work? Theo has asked about his father before. He is in daycare and when the other Dad
’
s come to get their kids he has asked me if those were their grandpa
’
s or friends. It breaks my heart every time. I have never really had a good explanation for him so believe me when I say I am relieved to have found you and also confused at how it
’
s such a small world. I am not proud of who I used to be. I was young and really stupid, I am so sorry that I do not remember our night together. I am sure that I wasn
’
t much company considering I used to black out early on in the night,
”
she said and her eyes were blurry with tears again.

“
Gabby you cannot change who you were in another life, and that is what it was another life. I met this vibrant and full of life young woman that night. I had to know more about you and everything I learned I loved. I knew that you had probably had way too much to drink but you were good at hiding it for the most part. So yes I was shocked when you didn
’
t recognize me but it was also only one night and it was 4 years ago. You are still that same full of life person that I met that night
…
you just lived a different lifestyle then. Do not be ashamed of who you once were, its ok,
”
I said trying to reassure her.

“
So where do we go from here then? I am sorry that I pushed you away, I was falling pretty hard for you when all of this happened and I freaked out. I
’
m so sorry,
”
she confessed.

I could not believe my ears, did she just say that she had fallen for me? Was I really that lucky bastard who she fell in love with?

“
Well I guess we can do whatever you want. I mean I would like to get the bone marrow transplant done and see how he does, but I really think from what the doctors say and how successful they seem that this will work out and Theo will be back to his old self in not time. Not that this has changed him anyway at all, I have never seen someone receiving chemo to smile as much as him. Especially after my brother
…
losing him gutted me, I watch him slowly slip away and there was nothing that I could do to fix it, I just want to be able to be in my son
’
s life. Wow that feels great to say
…
My son,
”
I said loudly.

She smiled and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear,
“
Jace I would love for you to be in his life. I think that he needs it, I think I do too,
”
she smiled and before I knew it she was leaning in to kiss me. I was not prepared at all for that. But I was not going to complain, the woman of my dreams was kissing me after kicking my butt to the curb a few weeks ago. I was the happiest son of a bitch around. This time though I was going into this with my heart open and my mind set on what I wanted and that was to be Theo
’
s father and then to make Gabby mine forever
…
if only I could convince her that she already was.