Trust Me (10 page)

He had damaged this man in my arms, kept him from being his best because he hated us no matter what we did. I would never understand why my father hated Noah, Noah was the best person I knew.

“It’s ok, Bubba, I won’t let you fall, I promise.”

He only cried harder at my words. I let him sob, there was nothing left to say.

*

“Did you sleep in the boathouse last night?” Noah asked as he poured a fresh cup of coffee then came to sit beside me on the porch swing. It was just after five and the sun was low in the sky heading for its nighttime descent in the west. You could see the bridge entering the harbor from our porch. We were on the water, our house was cottage like, smaller than the others along the shoreline, but plenty big enough for us. Gig Harbor was home to the only family we had left, Aunt Lilly and Uncle Seth. They were my emergency guardians in the event that Noah needed help. Seth was our father’s brother. I often wondered how they could come from the same parents. Where Uncle Seth was the kindest, gentlest man I know, our father was the devil disguised in men’s clothing.

I nodded not wanting to break that peaceful feeling between us. The bay was about to slip into the sunset. The sky would turn purple and red and reflect off the water leaving its mark in luminous beauty.

Never one for stepping gently into an uncomfortable conversation, Noah blurted out what had him diving head first into a dime bag of heroin.

“I got a call from dad a couple of weeks ago. I ignored him as long as I could, but he made it pretty clear that he wasn’t ok with being ignored when he showed up at the shop night before last.”

You won’t break me

No matter how hard you try

You can’t shake me down

I’m fucking bulletproof

Five finger death punch

Chapter Seven

“What?” There was no way I heard that right.

“You heard me, Sissy.” He said, holding his coffee cupped in both hands. He sat back more comfortably in the swing and crossed his foot over his knee.

I took a deep breath hoping to calm my nerves but after stressing all day yesterday over Chad, then last night recovering from Noah’s overwhelming disappointment, well, this was a bit much. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you scared.” He sipped his coffee, calm as the water before us, like he didn’t have a care in the world. When in reality it was the opposite. This was the worst news possible.

“Obviously I’m pissed off at being left out of the loop about this, but considering I’ve had about all I can take in the last twenty-four hours, we can come back to that.” I curled my feet beneath me and twisted around until I was facing Noah. “What’s our first move?”

“We’re meeting with the trust fund dicks in Seattle soon, so that he can sign the papers. He told me he wants to see you, and I hit him so fucking hard his nose crunched.”

Oh God… no.

“What?” I gasped in astonishment.

Noah just nodded and sipped from his coffee again. Chad’s words from last night ran through my mind. “So that’s why you cancelled all your appointments yesterday and today?” I started shaking my head. I didn’t wait for his response since I already knew the answer. I jumped to my feet unable to sit there calmly after a bomb like that. “You fucking talked to him Noah, and kept it from me!”

“Damn straight I did.” He said so matter of factly.

I stood and started pacing the length of the large porch unable to sit beside him. “You don’t think I would have backed you? You do this shit by yourself Noah, you always have and then it fucks with your head to the point that you stoop so low that you shove a fucking needle in your arm!” I was furious and screaming at him.

Noah jumped from his spot on the swing so we stood face to face. “Why the fuck do both of us need to see that fucker and have him get in our heads? What do you think he would do if he saw you, Carrie?” He combed his fingers through his hair in aggravation, pulling at the strands.

“Probably smirk and toy with my head a little, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Fuck, Noah, I could have been there for you and kept you from dropping damn near a grand to keep yourself numb for a fucking day! There is nothing he can do to me Noah that he hasn’t done before!” I gripped his shoulders forcing him to look at me and face how fucking stupid he was being.

He pushed my hands from his shoulders and looked at me as if I had grown two heads. “You think that because we’re adults that he couldn’t hurt you? Carrie, he could easily put a gun to my head and finish that final promise.” He lowered his voice and stepped close now gripping my shoulders. “He could overpower you so easily Carrie, and you’re a woman now and a drop dead beautiful one at that. I can’t fucking stomach what seeing you would do to him.” He dropped his head, shaking it slowly. “Fuck, let alone what I know he would do to you, Carrie. You know what he would do, so don’t make me say it.”

My stomach revolts at the thought and I start shaking. Knowing that a panic attack will solve nothing, I take my seat on the swing and burry my head in my hands. “Well, he has something up his sleeve, Noah. We need to get out of here.”

He took the seat beside me. “I ain’t fucking running, Carrie. I swallowed my pride and ran when you were a kid, but not now. I’ll kill him first.”

“And end up in prison. He’s a fucking cop, Noah, we can’t beat that and you know it.” My mind was racing with thoughts of him forcing us out of The Joint and Seth and Lilly suffering for it. “I’ll tell the truth, Noah. I’ll tell it all, every time he touched me, and I’ll send him away forever before I’ll let you do something stupid.”

“You won’t do shit, Carrie. He knows what I have on him, he won’t fuck with us. He knows that if he so much as bats a eyelash in our direction that I’ll drag this shit through every newspaper, TV station, and internet site until he blows his own head off.”

“He knows where we live, Noah. All he has to do is get in here and steal your proof and kill us in the process.” We knew this day would come, and this was the same fight we had every time we talked about it. We knew we would have to face him again when we signed for ownership of The Joint. I was a chicken shit when it came to Brad Becket. I wanted to go to his Lieutenant and tell the truth. I had always suspected he was raping other women. I swore I could smell them on him. Brad Becket was a bully, and I knew he would use his status within the department to use and abuse women. I also knew that if we pressed charges and showed the proof of his abuse, we could be free.

But Noah was scared that the state would step in and separate us; said he wasn’t sure how deep dad’s connections went. He said that our dad would have made sure we were separated just to hurt us. He questioned my ability to handle a trial where they would rehash every single touch, every hit, every threat, all the while judging me. Noah knew I couldn’t handle that back then. I could handle it now though, and that was why we were once again back at the same argument.

“Seth and Lilly know and I’ll let the guys know to stick close. They know he was violent and that we fled from him. That’s all they know, Carrie, feel me?”

I nodded. “Yeah, because that’s something I want my new kind of boyfriend to know.” I said sarcastically. No, I was taking my past to my grave.

He nodded again; he understood where I was coming from. “Well, I’ll make sure that they know to stick close until after the meeting. Make fucking sure you are never alone, Carrie. You go to Seth and Lilly’s, or Candy’s, or something, but safety in numbers.” He turned to me and drilled that determined stare into me. “I’ll be sticking to the same rules, Carrie. I don’t have a death wish and that sadistic fuck would definitely kill me if he got the chance.”

“Jesus, Noah, sometimes I think it’s never gonna end.”

“It will end baby girl, if I have to put him down myself. Don’t lose sleep over this. No one from back home knows we’re in Gig Harbor, and we aren’t listed. He could find us easily enough, but his ass knows I’ll fucking bury him. By the time we sign this shit, he’ll be running back home.”

“How do you know, Noah? How can you be sure he won’t try to kill us or mess with us?” Noah always knew more than he let on, but something told me he was hiding something.

“After I bashed his face in, I held a gun to his head and told him he better sign and run. Then I told him I had a guy waiting to mail that box I have to his boss if I don’t check in or should come up missing. That guy is Bobby. He knows I mean business, Sissy.”

I nodded, feeling a little bit more at ease, hopeful that our dad feared Noah enough to keep his distance. Funny how bullies went running scared once their victims were able to defend themselves.

I was finishing my coffee and standing to go inside to get ready for the show. “Did Chad tell you I called in?”

“Yeah.” I struggled getting the answer out because I knew what he was going to ask me next.

“So he knows about the binge last night?” He snarled and the look of betrayal on his beautiful face made me feel like shit. He stood from the swing and came to stand facing me in the doorway. “Where’s the trust, sis?” He asked snidely.

“I’m sorry, Noah.” I was nervous, worried that any little thing might send him back upstairs for the needle. “Look, Chad came by last night after I saw you leaving the bathroom. I was upset and had gone out to sleep in the boathouse.” I started combing my hair with my fingers and could feel the guilt coming on strong.

Noah’s eyes darkened at my words and I quickly realized I just made the situation ten times worse. “Are you telling me that Chad fucking Blake came to…what…console you?” He roared and I flinched and backed into the doorframe. He immediately softened his features. “Sorry, Sissy…” He tried to calm his voice, but I could hear the anger loud and clear.

“We didn’t do anything, Noah. We fell asleep after he let me cry it out. Like it would matter anyway! Damn, this is my house too, and I am an adult.” I whined. I might have even stomped my foot.

“So now Chad, and most likely the whole band, all know I fucked up last night, and then to top it off, he creeps in and slides in bed with you so you could
cry it out
?” I swear to God, he actually made air quotes with his fingers when he said ‘cry it out’.

Seriously, he could drop the attitude any day.

“Yeah, Noah, that’s exactly what happened.” I said, my tone every bit as sarcastic as his.

Noah rubbed his face in his hands and moaned as if in pain. “God, Carrie how can you be this naive?” And then he laughed.

Oh. Hell. No!

“Are you seriously implying that it was anything else? Jesus, Noah, we haven’t even kissed yet!” I clamped my hand over my mouth. When I said it, I didn’t know it would embarrass me so much.

He saw the look of humiliation before I could hide my embarrassment. And then he laughed again. “Holy shit, you actually want him to take advantage of you!” It was an accusation and he knew laughing at me would piss me off even more.

I love my brother, I do, and I know he would rather bite his own tongue than say something out of anger that would hurt me. However… we were brother and sister and if we knew we could get a rise out of the other, we rarely passed on the opportunity.

“Shut up! I do not want to be taken advantage of.” The blush in my cheeks could have rivaled the damn sunset I was so red.

He was laughing and every time he looked at me he laughed harder. “Do you have any idea Carrie, any at all, how many mouths Chad Blake’s tongue has been in?” He spoke through his laughter, but at the sight of my horrified face, he started up all over again. “Don’t even think about what his dick has been in. Hell, his tongue has been in those spots too!”

“God, you’re so gross, Noah. Yes, I am aware of the Chad Blake make-out-a-thon, but sadly I am not in the lineup.”

“Well, thank God baby girl, because I couldn’t stand knowing that my best friend was defiling my sister.” Though he was still laughing, there was a hint of threat in his voice.

“Noah, I am not looking for a quickie, or to be one in the million or more that he has been with. I do however, like him, Noah. A lot. And I think he likes me too.” Jesus, last night and this morning I felt like he was respecting me, not building me up or playing some game.

“I don’t question if he likes you, Sissy. I know he does. Chad Blake doesn’t need an invitation, the women he sleeps with beg for it. The fact he’s taking the time to get to know you, makes me happy. All day at the shop he’s on that damn phone and it’s you he is talkin’ about. I just don’t want you to read more into it than there is. There is no way that you could process the sexual shit that Chad has gotten into.” He had become serious and pulled me into his arms. “You have never been with someone intimately who would take it easy, and love on you and never hurt you. I don’t want you to confuse what normal sexual attraction is for love and wind up hurt.”

He just spoke my deepest fears out loud. It was a testament to how profoundly we knew each other and how strong our bond was. At the risk of him tearing into me, I confided in him like I always do. “Noah, just because my sexual history is tainted and fucked up, doesn’t mean that I don’t desire a physical bond.” When I saw him cringe I hurried along, forcing him to listen. “You have to accept that I am an adult and not an imbecile. I want to experience this without a constant reminder of what Dad did and what he took from me. You have to accept that I may experience it all with Chad, and I may not. Either way, it’s my decision.”

“Just promise me that when you let someone love you that way, that they deserve you and that gift.”

I laughed uncomfortably. “Noah, I’m not a virgin. I don’t have a gift to give a guy, but I promise to be careful and protective of my heart and my body.”

“No, Carrie.” He said and pulled back to grip my shoulders and look me in the eye. “You may not be a virgin sexually, but you never gave yourself to someone willingly, you never let them have
you
as the gift. That gift is worth way more than some small piece of skin that rips in a split second.”