Trust (32 page)

He didn’t waste time when she lifted her head for another kiss, dropping his to meet her mouth with a searing kiss, pouring into her all his confusion about how she made him feel.

Feel? I don’t want to feel anymore
. His hand removed her hair from the path his mouth traced from her ear to the base of her neck.

Moaning low in her throat, she gave him room.

His fingers tightened on her waist, pulling her against his frame and she gasped as she felt his growing erection print itself on her belly. He was definitely turned on. His hand tensed up on her butt, kneading it.

Sophia pulled away, panting and, stepping back, put a hand on his chest.
This madness has to stop. Now
.

He towed her to sit near Gabriela, leaning his back on a tree and nestling her between his firm thighs, an arm snaked around her, his erection pressed on her hip.

“I apologize.” His breathing was labored and his smile taut and crooked, “again.”
Fuck. What are you apologizing for, Alistair Connor?
“I find it difficult to deny myself the pleasure of having you in my arms, and when I have you where I want, all my thoughts and reasoning fly out the window.” He looked so serious. “I have to have you, Sophia,” his raspy velvet voice entreated, “or else I’ll become crazed.” He stroked his thumb over her silken lips. “This is torture.”

“Alistair, we’ve been going out for a week.” She fingered her hair, combing it. “You cannot expect me to go to bed with you after such a short time.”

“Why not?” he whispered roughly. “I’ve been aching for you since the day I met you. And I know you feel the same. We’re grown-ups and we both have been married. You know me.” His fingers caressed her neck and wandered down, pausing at the swell of her breast. “Let me know you,” he purred on her ear.

She took his hand and put it below her left breast, pressing it on her ribs. “Feel me, Alistair. Can you feel my heart?”
How can I explain to him?
“I do want you, but… we need to talk about what is happening between us.”

This doesn’t sound good
. “What do you want to talk about, sweetheart?”

He didn’t want her rationalizing what was happening between them. Their attraction - magical, intense, and aggressive even - had nothing to do with reason.

“Things are going too fast between us. We have to slow down before they get out of hand. I need more time.”

“Slow down as in slow down?”
Slow down? Is the woman a nun? Christ! This is a bad idea
. He felt rejected. He felt denied. Never had a woman asked him to slow down.
Does she want to destroy my ego?

“Is there another connotation to slow down?” She bit her lower lip.

“Slow. Down.” He released a breath and tugged her lip from her teeth. “You don’t
know
what you do to me, Sophia.
I don’t know
if I have enough control.”

“I understand this is difficult… I mean… I want you too, but I don’t want to rush things this time.” She stared at his taut, serious face.

A long silence ensued between them. Sophia watched as he schooled his features into his usual poker-faced look and hooded his eyes so she wouldn’t see the irritation in them.

Too late, Handsome. They have given you away. This intense inferno of yours
. She licked her lips. “You okay?”

“Aye,” he expelled a long breath, “yes, I am.”

Sophia shook her head and shifted in his embrace to better look at his eyes. “The thing is… I don’t know if we should insist on this relationship. I’m not the kind of woman you’re used to. I don’t do one-night stands. I don’t have sex just for sex. I need something more than a hello-let’s-go-to-bed handshake to…”
Make love?
Sophia’s laugh echoed bitterly inside her.
He simply wants to fuck you, Sophia. He doesn’t do relationships
. She bit her lip and tapped her fingers on her thigh.
I’m an idiot. Yes, you are, Sophia. An idiot
.

He noticed her ticks. He remembered them well from that day at the pool.
She’s nervous
.

“I wonder if I-”

He lifted his hand and softly put his fingers on her mouth, interrupting her words. “Listen to me.” He shifted her to straddle his lap and his fingers curled under her chin to raise her face to him. “Slow down,” he repeated lowly and breathed deep, exhaling, deep in his thoughts.

Sophia waited, studying his handsome face. A quietness surrounded them and the only sounds she could hear were the chirps of the birds perched high on the tree he reclined on. His fingers absentmindedly caressed her lips while he looked into the distance, trying to decide what to say.

An almost pained breath escaped his lips and he softly conceded, “All right, Beauty, I’ll try to maintain a hold on my desire.” He kissed her, hugging her tightly, pressing her down onto his erection, “I desire you as I never did another woman.” His green gaze locked onto hers. “This is not normal behavior for me. I don’t usually do… I don’t do relationships, period.”

So, Edward is right
. Sophia felt her heart tightening in her chest. She opened her lips and closed them again, insecure. “Well, I don’t do one-night stands,” she finally said. “So, this is the end-”

“Let me rephrase, then.” Alistair didn’t even flinch. “I didn’t do relationships.” His eyes flamed. “If this is what it takes for me to have you, I’ll abide by your rules. I want you.” A dark twist quickly curled his mouth and disappeared in a second but Sophia didn’t miss it. “And what I want, I get.”

Oh, please! Another Giulius Caesar
. “We shall see, won’t we?”

“I didn’t expect you to be such a prude, Sophia. After all, you’re no longer a virgin.” He immediately regretted his words when she flinched.

“It’s not a question of prudishness. It’s simply that I…”
It’s simply that I’m falling for you. It’s simply that fate has taken everything from me once. It’s simply that I’m too afraid to give in. Can you understand what I’ve been through? What I still fear? I doubt it
. “Call me old-fashioned if you will, but this is how I am.” She bit her lip.

He put a finger on her lip, liberating it from her teeth, and his hand moved to her throat. “I’ll wait for you. I’ll try my hardest, Sophia. Believe me. Just don’t torment me for long.”

I’ll convince her. Perseverance, Alistair Connor. For now, I’ll let her have her way. For now
.

In that moment, he decided to woo her slowly, drive her completely crazy with lust until she would come willingly, begging him to take her.

I will have total surrender
. The hand on her throat flexed and narrowed his grip as a sudden rage took control of him.
Fuck, how has she become so important to me?

Essex, Saffron Walden. Galewick Hall.

Sunday, February 28
^th
, 2010.

11.48 a.m.

“Lord Ells?” With his perfect stiff posture, Chambers stood at the edge of the pool.

Alistair looked up from his place next to Sophia. “Yes, Chambers?”

“The Duke of Craigdale is on the line, my lord. His Grace says it’s important.”

Alistair lifted himself on his arms and vaulted out of the pool. “I’ll take it. Please, transfer the call,” he said, picking up a towel from a pile carefully placed by the pool and drying himself quickly before picking up the wireless receiver.

Sophia eyed Alistair with the phone in his hand, his brow creased.

“Father? Is something wrong?” Worry crept into his voice as he stepped toward the glass doors.

Alice glanced at Leonard, concerned.

“Don’t worry. It’s probably just one of the horses,” he hauled her into his arms.

“It could be something with Tavish Uilleam.”

“It’s okay, Alice,” Alistair’s deep voice soothed his sister. “Leo is right. Problems with the foals.” He sighed. “I’ll have to go up there again. Probably tomorrow or Tuesday.” He dived gracefully and his big, lean body glided underwater to Sophia’s side.

The perfect opportunity to broach the subject, Sophia. Go for it
. “So… Lord Ells? Why?”

Leonard grinned his angelic smile at his brother-in-law then at Sophia. “This might be, Sophia, because your boyfriend is the Marquis of Ells, heir to the dukedom of Craigdale.”

“You never told me you were a peer,” Sophia looked to Alistair. Alistair’s face suddenly turned hard as granite.

“I’m not. My father is. Mine is a mere courtesy title,” he spoke dryly, “nothing of importance. ‘It’s not titles that honor men-’”

“‘But men that honor title,’” Sophia finished the quote for him. “Why do powerful men love to quote Machiavelli?”

“Because he wrote to help powerful men govern?” A ghost of a smile appeared on Alistair’s face. “The House of Medici and the city of Florence were great powers in Machiavelli’s time.”

“Would you prefer to be feared or loved, Lord Ells?”

He smiled crookedly at her, “You like quotes, don’t you? So, it’s as Machiavelli said, ‘It is best to be both feared and loved; however, if one cannot be both it is better to be feared than loved.’”

“I’d rather be loved. Only loved,” she whispered to him.

On the way back to London.

6.39 p.m.

“It’s impressive how Ariadne and Gabriela developed such a steady friendship,” Alistair commented as he sped past Leonard’s Range Rover, where Sophia’s daughter sat, waving and giggling with her new best friend.

“She is starting to adapt,” Sophia smiled, appreciative of Leonard’s and Alice’s efforts to make her and Gabriela feel at home. “Your sister is an angel.”

“Aye, right. More of a she-devil,” he snorted, teasing. “I was glad that she married young. Now, it’s Leo’s problem to tame her.”

Sophia laughed and let herself relax on the Z4’s plush leather seat, sighing contently, watching the pouring rain on the windshield. She toed off her shoes and froze as a sharp pain sliced through her head.

An icy chill ran through her spine and left her cold.
Exactly as-
The pain lessened, leaving an aching throb in her head.
As what?

Her body stiffened and she fisted her hands so violently that her nails dug into her palms.
What is it I’m supposed to remember?
She looked at the man beside her, his powerful hands lightly steering the wheel.

Alistair’s left hand covered hers, “Relax, Beauty. You’re too tense.”

“I’m fine,” she whispered, studying his sharp profile, illuminated by the lights from the road.

He squeezed her hand and didn’t utter a word. His warm, large hand soothed her fears as his thumb caressed her inner wrist.

“You’re biting your lip and still staring,” he murmured, his gaze leaving the road to glance at her.

She laughed. “How do you know I’m biting my lips while you drive?”

He shrugged, still looking at her.

“Eyes on the road,” she ordered.

“You like to give orders, don’t you?” He smiled slowly, his rugged features transforming him into something otherworldly. His forest-green eyes blazed with power and heat. “I know because it’s you, Beauty. From the moment you entered that meeting room, I’ve breathed and felt nothing but you. You have me absurdly tuned to you. You,” he spoke the last word under his breath, almost to himself.

She chewed her bottom lip, nervously, as she pondered what she should say and decided he didn’t need an answer.

“So, what are we going to do tonight?”

“Nothing. Not tonight. I can’t,” her voice trembled.

“Why not?”

Sophia sank her teeth into her lip harder to control the sudden need to weep and sob. The pain in her head got worse and she put a hand on her temple.

His hand squeezed hers again and he peered at her pale face, “What is it, Sophia?” he asked tenderly. “Do you feel sick?”

“No.” She lowered her eyelids, hiding the pain inside her eyes. “I have a headache,” she whispered.

He yanked his hand from hers and stopped the car brusquely on the hard shoulder. He turned his body to look at her, narrowing his eyes, “Why are you lying?”

Alistair’s sensitivity startled Sophia.

“What are you going to do tonight, Sophia?” he pressed on.

“Nothing,” she bit her lip again and looked at her hands.

“So, why can’t we go out?”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“You don’t. Feel like. Going out,” he bit out. “With me?” As she didn’t answer, he cupped her face in his hand. He breathed deep, his distrust vanishing at the sight of her forming tears, his thumbs drying them as he examined her features, searching for a clue, “Hush, don’t cry. What are you feeling, Sophia?”

Before she lost her courage, she blurted, “Tonight is the second anniversary of Gabriel’s kidnapping.”

Christ. What does one say to that?
“I see,” he grazed his knuckles on her cheek, “I’m sorry, Sophia.” He pulled her into his arms, caressing her back, soothingly.

After a few minutes, he started the car again, pulling onto the road, looking straight ahead, his lips thinned in a harsh line.
How I wish Heather had been like her
.

Atwood House.

7.08 p.m.

Sophia rose from Gabriela’s bed and tenderly tucked the covers around her. She watched her daughter’s steady breathing.
Oh, my angel, you look so much like your father
.

She looked at Gabriel’s photo on the shelf and an immense sorrow took hold of her soul.
Why did they take you away from me, my love?
Her eyes filled with tears and she let them fall at last.
I’ll always remember you, Gabriel. I promise I’ll keep you in my heart. Always
.

She picked up her iPhone and called Felipe. Only her brother could understand her.

Leibowitz Oil Building.

Thursday, March 4
^th
, 2010.

4.39 p.m.

Sophia’s cell phone vibrated. She looked at her lap and saw Alistair’s number again. She sighed at his third call of the day and her WhatsApp held nine unanswered messages. Her previous meeting had run into this one, she skipped lunch, and still she had no time to return his calls.

This meeting was lasting longer than expected. The whole board of this new client’s company was present and the CEO, Herr Müller, wanted to explain everything in detail.

She scrolled quickly through Alistair’s messages.