Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set (46 page)

Her father chuckled but sobered fast. “I know better than to think that. Your whole life was affected by what
I
did. And I wish it was ego talking, but it isn’t.”

Leave it to her father, the straight-talking attorney, to force the issue and conversation to the real reason she’d come. “Well, knowing Peter, he probably believes I lost endless nights of sleep mourning him.”

Roger smiled back at her. “In his favor, I think he was trying to make amends between us by feeding me information I could use to approach you.”

“Always look for an ulterior motive,” she cautioned, still smiling. To her surprise, she and Roger were sharing an honest father-daughter moment. A rarity in her life. “I’ll bet he even thinks I turned to Mike on the rebound.”

“You didn’t.” More statement than question, Roger looked Carly in the eye.

“No,” she whispered. But she’d turned him away, and her father’s indiscretion had been the catalyst. She’d been afraid to commit to Mike. Not because she feared repeating Roger’s affair, but because, as Mike had once said, she was afraid of repeating Roger’s mistakes in his marriage.

So she’d come to face her father’s past in order to move forward with her own. “Why didn’t you? Approach me, I mean? When Peter gave you all that information, why didn’t you come talk to me?”

He had the grace to look ashamed. “Because I knew you would turn me away. At least I feared you would.”

Her hand rested on the armrest of the brown leather chair, and her father covered her hand with his own. The comforting touch soothed her, making her wonder why she’d waited so long to come to the one man she’d needed so badly in her life.

That was one mistake she didn’t want to repeat again with Mike... if he ever returned to the States.

“He was much more than rebound, wasn’t he?” Roger asked quietly.

“He was. I mean, he is.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

Carly bit back a sigh. It was one thing to talk about their family, another to discuss her relationship with Mike. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, but she should have known her father would be persistent. He was a trial lawyer, after all.

“You know, this all strikes me as hypocritical. You weren’t willing to talk when I needed you. Why should I open up to you now?”

“Because after all these years, you came to me. And because after all these years, you deserve an explanation. Whether your mother approves or not.”

“I’m not sure if I do or not, but it needs to be said,” Anne said as she walked into the room. The three of them faced each other—three individuals who hadn’t been a family for too long.

Anne’s early return caught Carly by surprise, and she glanced at her father’s guilty face. He’d called her mother home for this meeting. Well, better all at once than one at a time, she supposed. Still, her stomach churned in nervous anticipation.

Anne sat on the couch and Roger joined her, clasping her hand in his. Carly narrowed her eyes, seeing reality as if for the first time. Had her parents done more than made peace with their lives? Had they truly come together after all this time? Carly shook her head. They’d obviously done more than made peace, but it hadn’t happened overnight. She’d just closed them out of her life and shut her eyes to the progress they’d made in the years following the scandal and her lonely childhood.

Carly sat alone. She faced her parents, who now sat together on the sofa, united in a way she hadn’t understood until now.

“We didn’t talk about things because
I
insisted. I thought if we just put it behind us, it would go away.” Anne fiddled with a ring on her hand, twisting it in a nervous gesture.

“If you don’t acknowledge things, they can’t hurt you,” Carly murmured in repetition of the phrase her mother had ingrained in her over the years. Only now did Carly realize that that philosophy had taught her to avoid personal confrontation and dealing with reality.

“And I went along,” her father continued. “I’d promised. The only way your mother would take me back was to pretend it never happened. After all I’d put her though, that one request wasn’t too much to ask.” He met Carly’s gaze. “I see now I was wrong.
We
were wrong. In saving our marriage, we made you the victim.”

His words were so on target that a lump rose to Carly’s throat and remained there.

“But not on purpose.” Anne came up beside Carly and knelt down beside her. “I thought I was protecting you. Honest to goodness, I believed I was doing the right thing for us all.”

Carly blinked back tears. “I know you did.” Although nothing could change the past, at least they were talking now. “But I have to know something.”

Anne swallowed hard. “Anything,” she said, and Carly understood for the first time how difficult that word was for her mother to say.

“Did you love each other once?” she asked in a small voice that sounded so childlike, it was pitiful. But she knew for certain she’d walk out of this room a much stronger person than she had been coming in.

“I always loved your father,” Anne said slowly. “And he loved me.”

Carly cleared her throat and turned to her father. “Then... why?” Why have an affair? Why go looking outside his marriage for something they’d started out with from the beginning?

Her father nodded, seeming to understand without hearing the rest of the words. “I can answer that.”

“No. I will. Because I didn’t know how to show that love and I drove him away with silence and lack of communication.”

“But I shouldn’t have strayed. I should have tried harder to make things work. Spent more time at home and less time focusing on my career. It shouldn’t have taken an affair and a tragedy to set us on the right course.”

They each accepted blame. They’d each come to terms with their lives. It seemed only Carly continued to live in past shadows. “And you are? On the right course, I mean?” Carly asked.

Her mother had reseated herself on the couch and her father grabbed for Anne’s hand. “We’ve been in counseling for years. Each time we tried to make an overture, you turned us away. We didn’t blame you, but we couldn’t figure out a way to make things right for you either.”

Carly smiled. “Because it wasn’t your job. I’m a grown-up, and I chose to be ruled by the past.” But not anymore.

“We’re so sorry.
I’m
so sorry.”

She shook her head, then wiped the tears that dripped down her face. “You know, we’re all to blame in a way. But...”

“I want to start over,” Anne said. “I know it’s too late to be the mother you should have had, but I want more than we’ve had lately. It’s selfish, but...”

Carly didn’t wait for her to finish. Without thinking, she joined her parents on the couch... and became part of her family once more.

“H
i. I’d like to cancel my subscription to your paper.” Carly spoke to the faceless telephone operator.

“You can’t shut your eyes, Carly.” Juliette kicked her feet out onto the cocktail table across from the couch. “It’s on television and radio too. Do you have the name of his boss? Or maybe Peter has news...”

Ignoring her friend, Carly repeated the newspaper operator’s question aloud. “Why cancel?” Because she hadn’t been able to face her morning coffee and the news of the day without reading about the war torn country where Mike had gone. The news was never good and the result was too many nightmares and not enough sleep.

She sighed. “My schedule just doesn’t work and I haven’t been reading. I’m sorry.” She juggled the phone. “No, I don’t even want tomorrow’s paper. Thanks.” She hung up and stared at the months’ worth of papers on the table.

“The recycling dump is going to love you,” Juliette said.

Since Carly had forgotten to cancel her subscription before leaving for the summer, her considerate neighbor had taken in her back copies of the
Times
while she was away, keeping them for her return. Stacks of papers would have blatantly advertised an apartment ripe for theft, and Carly was grateful that a friend had been aware. She hadn’t thought beyond getting away.

And she hadn’t known what awaited her once she got back.

She lifted the top paper and the headlines jumped out at her, taking on a life of their own. Another small, war-torn country. More injured... She tossed the paper aside. She closed her eyes but couldn’t escape the harrowing visions that plagued her.

Juliette draped a soft arm around her shoulders and gave Carly a friendly squeeze. “These aren’t helping.” She scooped up the remainder of the newspapers and headed for the disposal in the hall.

“You’re a good friend,” Carly said when the older woman returned.

“So are you. Now, what do you say we go for a walk? Clear your head and maybe you can figure out a way to contact that man and...”

“No!”

“Why not? You love him; you’ve admitted as much.”

“Because how
I
feel isn’t what matters. He left, Jules. I didn’t ask him to stay, but it doesn’t matter. If he wanted to be in the States, he’d be here regardless of me. I have no right to interfere in a life he loves. He isn’t one for commitment. I always knew that.”

This wasn’t a case of accepting and avoiding, it was one of understanding the man she loved and moving on. A loud rapping sound caused her to jump. She rubbed her damp hands on her jeans and headed for the door. She peered through the peephole and her stomach did an involuntary flip.

She hadn’t seen Peter since the Hamptons. His appearance now couldn’t be good news. Carly flung the door open wide. “What’s wrong?” she asked before she said hello. “Is he...”

“He’s alive,” he said in a reassuring voice. He placed a hand on her arm. “But...”

She glanced at his drawn face. He didn’t look as if he’d had much sleep the night before. “He’s alive
but
? What is it? You’re scaring me.”

She grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the apartment. She felt Juliette’s hand on her shoulder for support and her heart swelled inside her chest. “Out with it Peter.”

He let out a deep breath. “Mike’s back, but he’s in the hospital.”

* * *

The next hour passed in a foggy haze. Carly barely recalled the taxi ride to the hospital. Only the fact that Juliette had begged her to call with news and Peter had shoved her into the backseat registered in her memory.

She ran down a long corridor and stopped short before the door indicated by the hall nurse. “You go on. You’re his brother.”

“Now’s not the time to argue over who’s more important,” Peter said and gave her a nudge in the ribs.

“Ouch.” She shot him a dirty look. “Watch it before you do some permanent damage.”

“Quit stalling.” He drew his arm back as if to give her a second push.

“Okay,” she muttered, mentally acknowledging that fear held her back. She let out a deep breath and opened the door.

The room was small and antiseptic in appearance as well as smell. Beige walls and white bedsheets did little to add cheer to an otherwise bland atmosphere. Her heart thudded against her ribs and she glanced toward the bed where Mike lay, apparently asleep.

Quietly, so as not to disturb him, she tiptoed into the room and pulled out the chair next to the bed. She sat, then lifted his warm hand and clutched it between her own. Love rose deep within her and filled the emptiness that his departure had created. The need to throw herself into his arms and stay there forever grew with each passing second.

The panic that used to automatically follow her intense feelings for Mike didn’t surface this time because thanks to her parents, she’d learned a lot. Like the fact that the father she’d accused of not honoring his commitments had done just that. By returning to his marriage and making it work, he wasn’t the man of disgrace she’d believed, but a man of conscience.

Like Mike. Another man she’d accused of not knowing the first thing about keeping promises. His return abroad was proof... She’d been wrong again.

She let her gaze rake over him, and she took in the fact that he was home and safe. Carly gave a silent prayer of thanks that he would be okay. It wasn’t nearly enough. Peter had reassured her many times on the ride over that Mike wasn’t injured, merely out of commission. Never before had her ex-fiancé’s words given her so much comfort.

Mike stirred in his sleep and her gaze focused again on his face. Though he had only been gone a month, his hair was noticeably longer. He hadn’t shaved at all during his stint abroad and his almost full beard did little to dim his sexy good looks. Despite the gray pallor beneath the tanned skin, he possessed that
give ’em hell
look she’d come to associate with Mike.

With care, she pushed a stray lock of hair off his forehead. When his golden eyes opened, relief washed through her and she smiled. “You’re the only man I know who can spend a month in a war-torn country and come home unharmed only to get blindsided by appendicitis.”

He grinned, but she could see the gesture took a great deal of effort. “You always knew I was unique.” He motioned toward the plastic water jug.

She poured for him and he gulped the entire cup. “Better?” she asked.

“Much.”

Silence filled the small room. Carly glanced over her shoulder and realized that Peter had sent her in alone. She turned back to Mike. “I was worried,” she said in a whisper.

“I wanted to come back sooner.”

“You did what you needed to. I understood that.” She fingered her bangs. The desire to admit her feelings was overwhelming, but his weakened state stopped her. So did the fact that she had no idea how he felt in return.

Yes, he was back, but for how long this time, she wondered. And even if he was to stay, what kind of future could they have? What was she capable of giving to him, and he to her?

“Can I get you anything else?” she asked instead.

He shook his head.

“Now that I know you’re okay, Peter’s waiting in the hall.” She rose, carefully releasing her grip on his hand. Before she could take a step, he caught her arm in a surprisingly strong grip for a man just out of surgery.

“Wait.”

Carly swallowed hard and tried to keep her inner panic from showing on her face. Deep, cleansing breaths, she silently ordered. When dizziness assaulted her, she knew she’d been unsuccessful.