True Loves (A Collection of Firsts) (34 page)

His defined muscles tense as I lean in and kiss a trail along his broad shoulders. He closes his eyes when I reach his neck and press my lips against his flesh. The salty taste of his skin coats my tongue as taste him.

I pull back and his eyes flash down to mine. “Change your mind?”

I shake my head. “I want you.”

That simple phrase triggers something because I’m instantly on my back beneath him as he kisses his way down my chest, pausing to swirl his tongue around my taut nipple. He grazes his teeth against it, teasing me even more.

“Oh God,” is all I can manage to breath out.

He pushes himself up off the bed and makes quick work of unzipping his jeans and kicking off his boots. I watch openly as he shoves his boxers and pants down around his hips before allowing them to drop to the floor. His cock springs free, and my mouth drops open. It’s quite impressive.

Staring at his sizeable length, I have the desire to do something I’ve never done before. I crawl toward him and run my hands up his muscular thighs. His breath catches the moment I tease the tip of his length with my mouth.

“Christ,” he mumbles before tangling his fingers into my hair as I continue my assault on him. I gag a bit when his head touches the back of my throat and I pull back a bit but keep going.

Xavier moans. “Fuck. You keep that up, and I’ll come in that pretty mouth of yours.”

I don’t want that to happen—not today anyway. I want to feel him inside me, moving, pushing me to my limits. He emits a low growl, and I pull away.

His hooded eyes stare into mine. “Now it’s my turn to taste you.”

He bends down and flicks his tongue across my bottom lip as he grabs the waistband of my panties and tugs them off my body. Xavier kneels down at the edge of the bed and grabs my hips, flipping me onto my back and dragging my ass to the edge of the bed. A thrill of the unknown shoots through me as I lie here, stripped bare before him.

“Spread your legs,” he orders, and I comply without hesitation.

A rush of cold air hits my most sensitive flesh before it’s immediately replaced with warmth. Xavier’s dips his tongue and drags it between my folds. He licks rapid circles over my clit, and I cry out with the tingling build of pleasure I’ve never known before.

My entire body shakes as an orgasm rips through me, and I scream out his name.

Once I’ve calmed down, Xavier kisses the mound above my pussy and begins kissing a path up my stomach, chest, and neck. “That was so fucking hot. I nearly came just watching you get off.”

The weight of his body on top of mine feels heavenly as I stare into his eyes. “I’m going to fuck you now. I want to feel that tight little pussy around me, milking me.”

One of his hands grips my thigh and hooks it around his waist. “Is this pussy ready for me?”

I suck in a quick breath as he slides his cock against my wet folds. I don’t know how much more teasing I can take. “Yesssss.”

“Then I want to hear you say it.” He kisses my lips, and I taste myself on him. “Tell me, baby. I want to know you’re mine, and that you know you belong to me.”

I arch my back against him and run my hands down his back.

Every inch of me craves him, and usually I’d be too embarrassed to talk like this, but if I don’t voice what he wants to hear he’s not going to give me what I need. “I’m yours.”

“Don’t you fucking forget it, either,” he growls and pushes inside me.

I dig my nails into his back and whimper. I should’ve warned him that I’d only had sex one other time.

He furrows his brow. “Jesus. Are you all right?”

I relax around him, and the burn begins to fade away as I get used to his length. “I’m fine. It’s just been a while.”

He brushes my hair back from my face. “How long is a while?”

I swallow hard. “Over a year, but I’ve only done it one other time.”

He squeezes his eyes tight. “Fuck. You’re probably not on the pill either. I should’ve asked.”

I shake my head, and he begins to pull himself out of me. “Please. Don’t stop. I need this. I need you.”

I can see the conflict in his eyes and for a moment I’m afraid he’s going to tell me no, but then he begins moving inside me.

He buries his face into my hair and whispers, “I’m not going to come in you. I’ll have to pull out before then.”

I nod, understanding. “Okay.”

I close my eyes and bite my lip, as he pumps into me at a deliciously slow pace. When I open them, he’s hovering over me, watching my face as he takes me.

A small bead of sweat forms his upper lip and I lean up and lick it. The salty taste washes over my tongue as he begins to pant.

“Damn it. I can’t believe I’m this close already. It’s you, knowing I’m inside you has me so fucking turned on. It’s too fucking hard to hold back.”

I shudder as his mouth covers my shoulder. “Your pussy is like fucking paradise.”

He growls and lightly bites my shoulder, sliding his cock into me again and again.

I cry out his name followed by a “Yes.” I can’t believe this is finally happening. I feel the same tingle return, and I can tell I’m getting close myself. “You feel so good.”

“Our bodies were made for each other.”

The distinct slaps echo around the hotel room as his thrusts pick up pace.

My core clenches around him greedily, trying to hold him deep inside. “Xavier…”

“Hold on, baby. I want to come with you.” Xavier pulls out of me and begins sliding his cock against my clit. “Fuck.”

The repetitive attention to my clit sends me over the edge just as Xavier groans in my ear and comes on the outside of my folds, slicking my sensitive skin.

Xavier presses his lips to mine. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.”

And I smile at him.

Because I feel the exact same way.

I
stare
up at the clock and panic washes through me. It’s almost time for her to return. If she comes back and finds this, it won’t be good.

I shake Mama’s shoulders, desperate for her to wake from the deep sleep she’s put herself into once again. “Please, Mama. Wake up. Grandmother will be home any minute. Please.”

Even I can hear the pleading in my voice as I attempt to choke back tears. “She can’t find you like this.”

I yank until I’m finally able to pull her fragile body up a bit. The bones in her shoulders press against my small arms as I cradle her against me. Mama’s head lolls from side to side as I continue to shake her.

Footsteps on the porch cause my heart to leap up into my throat.

It’s too late now.

Keys jingle as the lock turns and the door is pressed open. I glance around my grandmother’s living room, hoping to find an escape route, but I know that even if I find one, it won’t do me any good.

I’ve got no place to go.

Grandmother’s eyes lock onto me the moment she shuts the door behind her. The flowered dress she always wears to church on Sundays still appears perfectly pressed. I can’t look her in the eye. It scares me too much. There’s nothing but hatred for me in them, so I do my best to look everywhere—anywhere—but directly into her eyes.

I concentrate on a wisp of dark hair poking out from her low-set bun under her hat as I attempt to explain myself. “I’m sorry. She just—I couldn’t stop her.”

Grandmother sets her purse down on the coffee table and approaches the spot in the middle of the floor where I’m still clinging to my unresponsive mother. The moment she begins smacking the bible she carried in against her hand, a chill runs down my spine.

“I told you to watch her. Is that so hard?” she asks while she begins circling around me. “You had one job, and you couldn’t even do that right.”

My entire body jolts when she lands the first unexpected blow to the back of my head with the book. Instinctively, I throw up my hands up to protect myself. “I’m…mmm…ssss…sorry.”

“Listen to that stutter. Every time I touch you with the holy word you do that. You know why, boy?” she taunts before she hits me with it again on the side of the face.

I close my eyes and silently beg for Mama to wake up. She’s the only one who can stop this now.

“Answer me!” Grandmother shouts.

“Because I’m evil,” I whisper, knowing that’s what she wants to hear.

She shoves the hard spine of the book into the back of my head, pushing it forward. “That’s right, you little demon spawn. Look at how you poisoned my baby. She wasn’t like this until she ran off and got pregnant with you, by that
monster
.”

The mention of the father I’ve never known hurts worse than the physical abuse she’s inflicting on me. I’ve asked Mama about him, but all she’s ever said was that he wasn’t from around here, and she only spent one day with him, before he left town, and was never heard from again.

It would be amazing to just have a name.

“Pick her up,” Grandmother orders.

I stare down at my mother, who is much bigger than I am. To lift her would be an impossible task. She’s not going to like my answer.

“I can’t.”

Whack!

A gasp leaves my mouth as she smacks me hard across my face. The metallic taste of blood coats my tongue, alerting me to the fact that she’s just getting warmed up.

“I’m only eight, Grandmother. I’m not strong enough.”

Her mouth twists as she levels her icy blue stare on me. With one hand, she grabs my shirt collar and yanks me to my feet, causing me to drop my mother on the floor with a loud thud in the process.

Her fingers thread into my shaggy hair, and she yanks my head back so she can gaze upon my face. “You better call on the devil to help you lift her, because if you don’t, I will kill you.”

She lets go and pushes me away from her. “Now, lift!”

I let out a shaky breath and squat down next to my mother. I hook my arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders. My shoulders tense as I yank with all my might. Relief floods me the second I’m able to pull Mama up off the floor. My fingers dig into her chilled flesh as I hold on with all my might.

“Put her on the couch. She needs to sleep it off.”

I take a staggering step forward, followed by another, amazed at my own strength and my ability to carry her. Even though my arms burn under her weight, I refuse to let go. The pain is a welcome distraction from the beating I know I’m about to endure.

I lay her down gently and readjust the pillow under her head, pushing a lock of her dark hair away from her face. She looks so peaceful, it’s easy to forget everything she’s done to me when she’s like this. The worry that she won’t wake up far outranks any anger I feel toward her.

I’m jerked away from her by a firm grasp and shoved to the floor. “Keep your filthy hands off her!”

I hook my arms under my knees and remind myself to stay strong as Grandmother draws the bible in her hand back, ready to hit me yet again.

I close my eyes and hold my breath the moment she begins to swing.

A gasp so loud comes out of me it wakes me from my own sleep as throw my hands up to shield myself from the blow that isn’t real. My hands shake as I push my hair back from my face and attempt to calm my breathing. Sweat pours off me as I grip my head in my hands.

Why won’t these fucking dreams go away?

Anna sits up next to me, and even in the darkness I can see the concern in her eyes. She slowly reaches out her hand and touches my back and I flinch.

I can’t have her touching me—not now—not after having a nightmare like that.

I shove off the bed and instantly drop down on the floor. Push-ups come easy to me, but the burn I crave doesn’t come to me until I’ve counted at least fifty.

Anna scoots to the edge of the bed and gazes down at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Seventy-two. No. Seventy-three…” I continue on the only way I know how to get rid of the demons that lie in wait in my mind. Punishing my own body to near breaking point, just so I won’t feel anything else, usually provides relief.

I hate what remembering the past does to me.

It makes me a crazy fucking freak.

Anna throws her legs over the bed and lowers herself onto the floor next to me. She watches me intently for a moment before reaching over to lay her hand on mine as I continue doing push-ups.

The little gesture causes me to lose count, and I turn to stare at her as I continue. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to in order for me to understand that she cares about me. The small act of sticking by my side while I work my own shit out is enough.

This girl is special. I can see that now with certain clarity. But the problem still remains—I don’t deserve her. She’s too good for me. It’s only a matter of time before she realizes that, too, and leaves me. When that happens…it will kill me. I know it will.

I’m so fucking addicted. This will not end well for either of us, because I won’t know how to let her go.