True Love (46 page)

October 10

I found a few hairs growing on my body today! My eyebrows look as if they’re coming back and maybe I can chuck the false eyelashes in another few weeks. Knowing how to put on stage makeup and fake hair and lashes has been a real plus. At least I don’t look like a plucked chicken when I go to the trouble to paste it all on
.

TO:
Jesse

Subject:
This and That

I hope you don’t mind resuming our e-mail talks. I thought you’d like to hear about Melinda from an observer like me, one who cares about her as much as you do. (OK, maybe not in exactly the same way, but just as much in a best friend way.) She’s really doing pretty good. The other day I went with her for a chemo treatment. She sat in this chair that looks like a big recliner and a nurse hung a bag of liquid, hooked it into the shunt in Melinda’s chest and said she’d check on her in a bit.

I tell you, my eyes were riveted to that gizmo, and for a minute, I felt all queasy in my stomach. But Melinda never noticed. She said, “Let’s play Scrabble,” like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. So we played (she tromped me), then we watched some TV (each little private chemo room has an overhead TV). Finally, the nurse came back. The bag was empty, so she unhooked Melinda, took some vital signs and said, “See you in a couple of days.”

Melinda looked pale, but she got up. We rode down in the elevator, met her mother in the lobby and drove home. M. just rested against the seat and listened to a CD while we maneuvered through traffic. Jesse, it was as if this was the most ordinary way to spend an afternoon instead of the most ghoulish. She’s so brave!

B

TO:
Bailey

Subject:
Melinda

Thanks for writing to me. You’re right—I only hear good stuff from M. Nothing bad. I know chemo is hard, because a woman in my mom’s
office is being treated for breast cancer and Mom’s dropped some info about what a hard time the woman’s having. So I figured M. can’t be breezing through it like she sometimes pretends. It’s really hard for me to be so far away while she’s going through all this. I guess it’s no secret that I care about her. Really care.

My school is having some dumb fall festival dance and a girl asked me to take her. Beth’s nice, but I don’t feel about her the way I feel about M. I decided to go to the dance, but I’ll be thinking about M. the whole time. She’s all I think about most of the time anyway.

Jesse

M
ELINDA’S
D
IARY

October 18

The nurse talked to me (again!) about joining the teen cancer support group. They meet on the second Friday of every month at seven o’clock in the hospital auditorium. I tried to be polite, but I have no intention of EVER going to those meetings. I
don’t want to hang around with a bunch of kids with cancer. I want to hang around with regular kids—kids who aren’t sick, who’ve never been sick. Maybe that’s selfish of me, but it’s the way I feel. I WON’T GO!!!!!

TO:
Ballerina Girl

Subject:
Control

I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to cancer support meetings. Mom suggested I go to a kids of divorced parents group that meets on her college campus, but I nixed that idea as soon as it was out of her mouth. Who wants to sit around with a bunch of strangers and dis their parents’ divorce? Not me.

Dad’s putting pressure on me to fly to NY for Christmas. That’s not going to happen. What would Mom do? Spend the holiday alone! No way. She said it was all right with her if I went, but I could see by the look on her face she didn’t mean it. I’m not bailing on her the way he did.

I won a blue ribbon in a skateboard competition last Saturday (Mom got me a new one for my
B-day—state-of-the-art, a fine piece of workmanship). I’ve lined up a job in a sporting equipment store for the Christmas break. Just a few hours a day, unloading stock and stocking shelves, but it’s a paycheck.

Wish I could see you for Christmas.

Jesse

M
ELINDA’S
D
IARY

October 22

I’m sad tonight. Bailey let it drop that Jesse is going to a dance with some girl named Beth from his school. B. acted all embarrassed once she’d spilled the news. She said she was sorry, that she’d never meant for me to know. I’m not sure if I’m mad at her or not. It hurt because my feelings for Jesse are mixed up. But it’s not fair for me to expect him never to look at another girl. Unrealistic too. He’s more than a thousand miles from here. I guess I’m lucky he still thinks of me at all
.

It would have been better if he’d never kissed me. I wish B. had kept her big mouth shut
.

M
ELINDA’S
D
IARY

November 15

Jesse’s never said a word about the dance or the girl he took. I’ve pumped Bailey, but she swears he’s never mentioned it to her in his e-mails either. She said she even asked, but he didn’t answer. I asked her why they’re e-mailing each other in the first place, and she said it’s because she feels like they have a lot in common—me, of course, but also divorced parents. She says I can never understand what it’s like to feel rejected and unwanted by a parent—which is different from Jesse’s situation because both his parents want him. Still, Bailey thinks they’re “kindred spirits.”